bung: PLEASE DON'T TELL ME HOW BAD YOU NEED TO EJACULATE atandt: PLZ FIX

pants: PLEASE PISS ON ME deuce: WHAT WILL I GET IN RETURN FOR THE AFOREMENTIONED PISS deuce: I MEAN I GET A LOT OF OFFERS; WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR ME deuce: PLEASE EXECUTE ME pants: UP AGAINST THE WALL

pants: PLEASE FILL THE SILO WITH CORN AND THEN PLEASE PUT ME IN THE SILO

deuce: HUHHUHUHUHUHUH CHUCK WOLLERY PLEASE FIND ME A DATE deuce: GGHLGGHGLGHLGLGH OKAY HAVING SEX WITH CHUCK WOLLERY deuce: I THINK I MADE A LOVE CONNECTION

spigot: PLEASE FOLLOW ME DOWN THE HALLWAY ASKING ME QUESTIONS

pants: T DEUCE WOULD YOU PLEASE GRADE MY PAPER deuce: E- pants: T DEUCE WHAT ABOUT MY CITIZENSHIP AND ABILITY TO STUFF MORE PRICKS IN MY MOUTH THAN THE KING OF SIAM deuce: T PANTS I WILL HAVE TO CHECK UP ON THAT ONE pants: T DEUCE PLEASE GET BACK TO ME ABOUT THIS

pants: I'M HARD deuce: WHO ISN'T pants: YOU APPARENTLY pants: GET HARD PLEASE pants: THANK YOU

: RADICAL : RAVE

spigot: DOES ANYBODY HERE KNOW HOW TO HOOK MY QUICKCAM UP TO MY ROOMMATE

pants: SERIOUSLY PLEASE HELP ME POO pants: MAYBE TAKE ME TO HOT DOG ON A STICK OR SOMETHING pants: POSTING “WILL SUCK DICK FOR OXY” TO CRAIGSLIST FOR SFBAY, MODESTO, FRESNO

spigot: ? PLEASE HOLD FOR MY PENIS pants: YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US

pants: PLEASE KEEP THE DOOR CLOSED!!!! SUCKING THINGS OFF INSIDE, DON'T WANT TO LET THE JIZZ BUGS OUT

spigot: PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE ON MY FACE deuce: T SPIGOT'S FACE GET OVER HERE

spigot: I WISH WE COULD ALL TAKE TURNS POKING AND CHOKING ME pants: KNOCK KNOCK SERIOUSLY HERE ARE SOME CLEAN TOWELS AND BATH OILS AND PRECIOUS LOTIONS AND ADVANCED SKIN CONDITIONERS AND FOR GOD'S SAKE LET ME COME IN THE BATHROOM WITH YOU deuce: PLEASE COULD WE NOT GET INTO A BIG KNOCK-DOWN DRAG-OUT HAIR-PULLING FIGHT FOR ONCE ?????/

pants: MORE AND FASTER pants: YOU HEARD ME RIGHT deuce: I AM RUN DOWN PLEASE LET ME REST pants: BUT

deuce: PLEASE RATE OUR APP pants: THIS IS ALL VERY EXCITING BUT I’M A FAG

pants: PLEASE FART ON ME deuce: FARTING ON YOU, AYE pants: BEING FARTED ON

spigot: DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS spigot: PLEASE PASS ALL TRAFFIC THROUGH NET CONTROL spigot: DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS

deuce: T SPIGOT BUT THAT IS A NORMAL CIGARETTE NOT A JOINT spigot: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!!?!? spigot: AND PLEASE PASS NINE PIZZAS!!!!!!! spigot: IN A FLOORWISE FASHION

spigot: PLEASE PASS THE DICK deuce: NO spigot: PLEASE PASS THE DICK deuce: NO!!!!!!!! spigot: PASS THE DICK??????? pants: MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THE MOTHERFUCKING PLANE

spigot: BONEQUEST PANNED AS E-WASTE

deuce: PLEASE REMEMBER THIS: deuce: MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS deuce: PLEASE ACCEPT THIS APOLOGY ON BEHALF OF MY BALLS, THEY HAVE BEEN OVERWORKED AND OVERWROUGHT AND DO NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS NOT APPROPRI MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS MY BALLS

spigot: I'LL BE HOLDING AN INFORMAL NETWORK SECURITY SEMINAR IN THE PARKING LOT DURING LUNCH spigot: IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO BRING POTATO SALAD spigot: ALSO WOULD THE PERSON WHO MASTURBATED ON MY DESK PLEASE RETURN MY COAT

pants: T DEUCE PLEASE SEND NAKED PHOTOS deuce: ASAP deuce: THAT MEANS WITH EXTRA JERKSAUCE

spigot: PLEASE SIGN MY PETITION TO BRING SPIGOT THE BEAR BACK TO FOX pants: WHAT HAPPENED WITH SHOWTIME spigot: BUCKLES AND / BUCKLES AND spigot: BUCKLES AND BOWS

deuce: OKAY SIR YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH NOW PLEASE STEP BACK pants: I'M ON A MISSION FROM BONG pants: CALL US ANY TIME pants: OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY

spigot: PLEASE STICK TO THE PROTOCOL: HTTP://__________ WHERE _____ IS SOMETHING FUNNY THAT BRIEFLY TAKES MY MIND OFF SUICIDE spigot: A STEADY STREAM OF FUNNY CAN KEEP ME ALIVE UNTIL THE BONG AND I ARE REUNITED spigot: ROLLS OF DAMP TOILET PAPER AND MARKERS

spigot: NO THAT WAS NOT A TYPO, YOUR NEW NAME IS MOUTH spigot: AS LONG AS I'M LIMP YOU COULD PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON AND GO BACK TO YOUR CAR AND DRIVE HOME AND STOP CALLING ME spigot: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU LOOK LIKE ANYONE FAMOUS BECAUSE I'M WATCHING TV

effigy: t whoever please stop cooking all the wheat effigy: I need it to breed llamas pants: more than my boner can bear spigot: part of a balanced bonghit

spigot: WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT I'M SPROINGING A SERIOUS ROD OVER YONDER

spigot: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME IF MY NUTS ARE GETTING INSTALLED IN YOUR FACE DIRECTORY deuce: T SPIGOT LET ME CHECK

deuce: I AM A MATRIX PRODUCT PLEASE TRANSPOSE ME

pants: I CAN'T SEE pants: TURN THE LIGHTS ON pants: I'M NOT SAYING TO NOT BE GAY JUST TURN THE LIGHTS UP pants: OK TURN THEM OFF

pants: do u want to beat me off y/n pants: you have typed "yes" pants: please type y or n deuce: ddddddddddddd

:Parallels Tools Installation Agent :Please Wait :Installing Parallels Tools: 19% :||||||| :You will need to Restart Windows to finish the Parallels Tools installation

spigot: FARTMANAGER TIMED OUT spigot: THE SALTS, SUGARS AND FATS MY 50+ YEAR OLD BODY NEEDS spigot: TRY THAT IN A HITLER HAD JUST ONE BALL TOWN

spigot: BUHHHHH HUHHHH spigot: PLEDGE BREAK spigot: DOCTOR WHO MARATHON

pants: THE PLIGHT OF MY PEOPLE deuce: T PANTS YOU MEAN WHEN EACH SEASON YOU EAT ALL THE GRAIN AND THERE IS FAMINE ???

spigot: MY LORD THY PANTS ARE TRULY POO WORTHY spigot: I WILL JOIN THEE IN FACT: PLLLPPPP spigot: EVERYONE: PLLPLPPLP

pants: WAS RE: DIPPING MY PENCIL THIN DONG INTO THE OLD MURKY WATERS pants: RE: RE: RE: PLOPPING IT INTO THE WATER AND LET IT DRINK pants: ORIGINAL SUBJECT: GENTLY PLACING MY GENITALS INTO THE SHRIMP TANK FOR IMMORAL PURPOSES

spigot: PASSIONFRUIT LACROIX IS DELICIOUS spigot: I LITERALLY DO NOT BELIEVE IT'S NOT FRUIT PUNCH spigot: ARE YOU GUYS IN CHAT PLOTTING TO GET RID OF SPIGOT NEXT

spigot: CLOUD COMPUTING IN THE CLOUD spigot: I NEED SOMEONE TO BE MY TOILET UNTIL PLUGBUSTERS GETS HERE pants: T SPIGOT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PLUGBUSTERS IS THERE

pants: I PROMISE THAT IF YOU COOK ME I WILL PLUMP

spigot: CAN I BORROW ANYONE'S PLUMPER PASS deuce: MINE'S FRESH OUT spigot: NEED YOU TO READ AND SIGN THIS GLORYHOLE CONFESSION effigy: [X] ACCEPT

deuce: T SPIGOT I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT PLUMPERS LIKE IT BIG spigot: SAY WHAT (LEANING FORWARD) spigot: SAY AGAIN (CUPPING MY GOOD EAR) spigot: IT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE SAYING PLUMPERS spigot: AND THEY WHAT

pants: TRUE STORY: THE BONG DIDN'T FIT INTO THE CABINET UNTIL I ROUNDED UP THE SAWZ-ALL (THE STORY SEEMS LESS PATHETIC WHEN YOU REALIZE I HATE THIS FUCKING RETARDED PIER ONE PIECE OF SHIT PROBABLY BUILT WITH SLAVE LABOR IN GUAM CABINET)

spigot: GOD BLESS THESE FIFTY (CONTIGUOUS) UNITED STATES deuce: B-B-BUT dick: PLUS CANADA = 49

spigot: I THINK THAT I SHALL NEVER SEE spigot: BALLS ETC. PUSHING INTO MY NOSE AND FACE (AND ASS AND LEGS)

atandt: T DEUCE PLZ LOVE ME deuce: I CANNOT atandt: T DEUCE PLZ TRY

pants: T DEUCE DICKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PUT THEM IN MY POCKET deuce: POCKET DICKS

deuce: I HAVE A DICK pants: OH YOU DO NOT pants: STOP DICKTENDING deuce: DICKDREAMING pants: DAYDICKING deuce: DICKLYING pants: THE BUSINESS OF DICK deuce: DICKAGGERATING pants: T DEUCE I HAVE A 20-MINUTE ANNOUNCEMENT THAT I’D LIKE TO PLAY AT THE START OF OUR NEXT PODCAST EPISODE (IT COVERS WHY WE HAVEN’T BEEN PODCASTING LATELY)

deuce: YET ANOTHER IDIOT WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] spigot: HERE'S A POEM FOR THE DEUCE: spigot: WHY DO YOU TALK spigot: IF IT'S NOT ABOUT COCK spigot: THANK YOU

spigot: IS THE POET LAUREATE AND THE FAGGOT LAUREATE THE SAME LAUREATE pants: SOMETHING TO DO WITH LEAVES deuce: DEPENDS ON THE COUNTRY I THINK

spigot: I EXPRESS MY ANGER THROUGH MY POTTERY spigot: AND POETRY spigot: AND COCKSUCKING spigot: HRLUB HLRUHBGLURHL BUHRLUB HLURHBLUR PRICKS ON THE WHEEL spigot: SPINNING AND WHAPPING MY MODEST LITTLE FACE spigot: HOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOO spigot: OKAY STINGING A LITTLE

atandt: AN ODE TO THE HOMELESS OF SAN FRANCISCO atandt: OH, HOMELESS atandt: OH, HOMELESS atandt: STRONG OF HEART atandt: STRONG OF WILL atandt: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I BEAT YOU SENSELESS WITH MY FUCKING NUTS atandt: THANK U atandt: WORRIED ABOUT 2PAC

pants: DRAT THIS TOWEL IS DAMP spigot: T PANTS I SPILLED MY EAR MEDICINE ALL OVER YOUR Q-TIPS IN A MOMENT OF POIGNANT IRONY AND ALSO WHILE STONED

pants: A POIGNANT SYNECDOCHE FOR THE SUBORDINATION OF WOMEN ??? pants: I JUST WANT MY JUNK HUSTLED pants: ROCK AND STONE deuce: SAGGING MY BAGS spigot: NOW YOU ARE STEERS AND QUEERS AND A PETER PUFFER

spigot: CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO USE POINTERS WITH CODEWARRIOR?!?!?!?! deuce: LET'S TALK GREASY COCK spigot: WHY DO I NEED TO USE A BRACKET AT THE END IF I ALREADY USED A BRACKET IN FRONT?!?!?!? spigot: WHY CAN'T I JUST TYPE O INSTEAD OF ZERO IN CODEWARRIOR 8 ??? FOLLOW ME TO THE GAY BATHHOUSE

pants: IS THAT YOUR IPHONE (POINTING TO MY WANG) deuce: YES deuce: NOT EVEN TRYING TO FIGHT pants: WELL YOU'D BETTER ANSWER IT

pants: ALL PRAISE TO ALLAH (POINTS AT SKY) (STARTS FUCKING)

deuce: ABANDON ALL HOPE ALL DICKS WHICH ENTER HERE : DEUCE POINTS TO HIS MOUTH

deuce: I ONLY WANT TO GO TO POKER NIGHT IF THERE IS NO DRINKING OR DOING DRUGS OR HAVING FUN OR TALKING deuce: ONLY SINGING TO 80S HITS pants: WHERE HAVE YOU BEENALL MY LIFE (TALKING TOTHE BANJO) deuce: I'M PARTICULARLY FOND OF DURAN DURAN, OR DURAN^2 AS I CALL THEM

deuce: ARE YOU SPIGOT OR SPIGOT THE BEAR spigot: WHY CAN'T I BE A LITTLE OF BOTH spigot: TEARS ON MY PILLOW: I'M FUCKING SINGING TO YOU *BEEP* deuce: SPEAK UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU WITH ALL THE DICK IN THE WAY spigot: BLAHBLHALBHALHALHLAH YOU AND YOUR POKEY WIENERS

pants: T SPIGOT POKING pants: T SPIGOT YES AND CHOKING spigot: OFER pants: T SPIGOT YES POKING AND CHOKING TOGETHER spigot: T PANTS AT THAT POINT YOU MIGHT AS WELL OPEN A BOUTIQUE

pants: 911 DO YOU NEED POLICE FIRE OR MEDICAL deuce: PISS

dick: IS MUMIA FREE YET ???? I'VE HAD THIS BUMPER STICKER ON MY CAR FOR THREE WEEKS NOW

deuce: HANDS UP WHO HERE HAS TASTED THEIR OWN JIZZ deuce: GUZZLING OTHER PEOPLES' JIZZ DOESN'T COUNT

pants: HEY DO YOU NEED ANY EXTRA POND SNAILS pants: FOR WHATEVER REASON, NONE OF MY BUSINESS WHAT YOU DO WITH THEM deuce: NO THANKS I'M GOOD ON THE POND SNAIL FRONT

spigot: OKAY TIME FOR JERKCITY PONG spigot: MISSED spigot: CAN SOMEONE REBOOT PONG

spigot: JUST SIT RIGHT DOWN AND I'LL SUCK A DICK spigot: GILLIGAN spigot: *PONK* spigot: HURBLE MMM MY OWN PRIVATE DIRECTORY MMM URF NOBODY KNOWS

spigot: POPPING THE COCK OUT OF MY MOUTH FOR TWO SECONDS TO ENJOY A PEPSI spigot: PONK spigot: GLURF BLURF GLUH NEW GENERATION spigot: PONK

spigot: GAY spigot: *PONK* spigot: GAY spigot: *PONK* spigot: GAY

spigot: IF I TAKE THE COCK OUT OF MY MOUTH I'M SCARED I'LL STILL BE GAY spigot: HERE GOES spigot: *PONK* spigot: I'M STILL GAY ALL RIGHT spigot: *PONK*

pants: MINECRAFT.JERKCITY.COM pants: WATCH ME RUB POO ON THE WALLS, ON MY CHEST pants: THESE GUYS TRULY HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST AS THEIR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY

deuce: I'M A POO PET pants: I WILL PET YOU deuce: YOU WILL GET POO ON YOU (I AM WARNING YOU) pants: I AM NOT PARTICULAR deuce: VERY WELL

atandt: POO pants: POO atandt: I'M GLAD WE SETTLED THAT pants: SO IT'S OFFICIAL THEN atandt: YES, POO pants: POO deuce: I DEMAND A RECOUNT pants: YOU LITTLE WEASEL deuce: I WOULD HAVE VOTED PISS MYSELF pants: HERE'S THE REAL DEAL: THE VOTING BOOTHS ARE CLOSED BUT THE STALLS ARE OPEN deuce: TOOT TOOT

spigot: I WAS TOUCHED INAPPROPRIATELY BY DAVID BLAINE deuce: NOT DAVID COPPERFIELD ???? spigot: THAT'S WHY I'M SAD

deuce: FUCKING SHUT UP WITH YOUR DUMB SHIT ALREADY deuce: I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU PEOPLE deuce: AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE ANYMORE

spigot: IS TODAY A POOL DAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! deuce: EVERY DAY IS POOL DAY

spigot: IS TODAY A POOL DAY?!?!?!!?!?!?! deuce: EVERY DAY IS POOL DAY (deuce): GETTING OUT MY SWIMMING TRUNKS pants: WHEN IS CUPCAKE DAY

spigot: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO spigot: I'M THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS SHITS spigot: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO spigot: RATTLING HANDLE

pants: I WANT TO BE LOVED BWAHHHH

spigot: POP A LOAD ON MY FACE AND TAKE ME TO THE ANTIQUE STORE pants: YOU HEARD THE MAN pants: T SPIGOT HELPING YOUR CAUSE spigot: T PANTS NO YOU ARE NOT

spigot: OKAY I WOULD LIKE PANTS AND DEUCE TO STOP DONG-SLAMMING ME WITH THE POP CULTURE REFERENCES pants: WHAP pants: BOP pants: BOP pants: BOP pants: BOP pants: BOP pants: BOP pants: BOP pants: BOP

spigot: can i do squirts in the squat rack deuce: POP POP POP don't worry it's a nailgun POP POP POP

: Pornography? On my computer? : It's more likely than you think. : FREE PC CHECK : NEW AND REVISED EDITION pants: MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN UP LIKE BALLOONS bung: WE NEED BIGGER RAM DISKS : Is there PORNOGRAPHY on your computer? : Are you sure? deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO BE TRANSPORTED BACK IN TIME TO JUST BEFORE THIS RETARDED DISCUSSION STARTED : College let's cool : We Proudly Serve : STARBUCKS COFFEE deuce: A MIRACLE HAPPENS : IS BLUE FOR YOU? : INSTANT DECISION : BLUE deuce: OKAY WELL I GOT MY WISH AND I'M SORRY TO SAY IT'S NOT ANY BETTER !!!!!!! THANKS pants: MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN UP LIKE BALLOONS bung: WE NEED BIGGER RAM DISKS : Debunking the Myths and Encouraging the Hearts of Gay Dads and Their Families

pants: ANYWAY: WATCH ME BEAT OFF ON CAM deuce: WHY DO YOU THINK I GOT THE POPCORN deuce: NOW THEN deuce: SHOW FEET BB deuce: SPIT ON TIT 20 TOK pants: TURN CAMERA OFF AND GO BACK TO COLLEGE 40 TOK

spigot: SHUT UP OR I WILL SERIOUSLY THROW A POPSICLE AT YOU deuce: NOT FUNNY

atandt: WELCOME TO BONEQUEST pants: POPULATION: YOU GIVING HEAD TO ALL OF US HAW HAW HAW atandt: UH pants: HELP ME DIG UP THE CEMENT IN THE BASEMENT AND HURRY (THE REALTOR WILL ARRIVE ANY MINUTE) atandt: WHAT pants: TEXT MESSAGE JEAN-CHARLES AND TELL HIM TO COME OVER WITH A RUG

spigot: GAY AND TRANS PORGS

spigot: EMERGENCY PORN IN THE BOX spigot: CRITICAL LIFE-SAVING JERKABLES

spigot: HUH?????? BETTER GOOGLE SHAY FOX NOODLE DICKS deuce: EVERYTHING CONVERGES TO PORN

spigot: I'D LIKE THE PORN COURT TO RELEASE THE VIDEOS I FUCKING ORDERED deuce: T SPIGOT IT IS HELD UP IN PROBATE (OR ESCROW, NOT SURE WHICH) atandt: MY PROBATE ITCHES RIGHT NOW deuce: YOU MEAN YOUR ESCROW

pants: T SPIGOT I JIZZED UP YOUR TOILET PORN STACK pants: AND pants: I'M SORRY

deuce: VICTORIA PARIS spigot: FAT FACE, LEGS, BOOBS, ETC AND BORING SUCKING SKILLS deuce: JEANNETTE LITTLEDOVE spigot: VANISHED deuce: SAVANNAH spigot: DECEASED deuce: ASHLEY GERE spigot: YAWN deuce: ADARA MICHAELS spigot: BORING AND PENTHOUSE deuce: SAMANTHA STRONG spigot: SCREAMY AND FAT deuce: TERI WEIGEL spigot: CONCERNED FOR MY SAFETY

deuce: PORN PORN PORN PORN deuce: STILL COMING deuce: PORN PORN PORN PORN

pants: OKAY FINE YES I STOP TO LOOK AT PORN SPRAYS ALL RIGHT pants: IT'S LIKE KRYPTONITE I GOTTA STOP pants: "WOW TWO GIRLS" BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP DEATH BY PORN TRAP

atandt: I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT ALL BONEQUEST PROFITS GO DIRECTLY TO PORNOGRAPHY (ALSO SHOCK TARTS) spigot: WOULD LIKE TO COMPARE AND CONTRAST SHOCK TARTS WITH PILLSBURY TOASTER STRUDELS spigot: THEN I WILL MAKE A FUNNY FAQ WITH ASCII ART

spigot: PORTAL 2 BETTER NOT BE HARD

spigot: TEACH ME TO SQUIRT deuce: OH DEAR