pants: AND IT TURNS OUT THE DICKS WERE HIDING IN THE SECRET ANN FRANK HOLE THE ENTIRE TIME pants: ANY QUESTIONS spigot: JOIN #DISNEYDADS pants: #0!!!!!!!!DAD&DAUGHTERSEX spigot: HURRICANE GERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: HUHHH pants: HI deuce: I AM AN FTL TRANSMITTER AND CAN SEND MY MESSAGES INTO THE FOURTH DIMENSION AND THAT IS HOW THEY ECHO BACK pants: HOW DID YOU GET INTO LOWERCASE deuce: GHLAHGULAHGULAHUGLAHG pants: HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE

deuce: MY QUESTION IS WHO OWNS THE DICKS pants: UH pants: NOBODY pants: THEY'RE FREE TO ROAM AS THEY PLEASE

deuce: I'D LIKE TO SHARE MY DEEP PHILOSOPHY OF FREE SOFTWARE WITH YOU: FFHHHTH THTHTHH FHFH HUGE COILED SHIT FOR YOUR GAZE

ozone: I SAW SOME FREE-RANGE COCKS UP AROUND THE CORNER ozone: SHOULD I GO UP THERE AND SEE IF I CAN CATCH ONE ozone: NOBODY LIVES THERE, IT'S NOT LIKE THESE COCKS JUST WANDERED OFF ozone: MAYBE THEY'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO WALK INTO A CAT CARRIER ozone: I HAVEN'T DONE THIS BEFORE

spigot: I HAVE A BAG OF FREEZE-DRIED APRICOTS spigot: HUALGHLUAGHLUAG spigot: YOU ARE REALLY CHOKING ME NOW WITH THAT SKI POLE

spigot: FREEZE FRAME BEATING OFF: IT WAS OUTTA RESPECT

deuce: IF STOUFFER'S DIDN'T MAKE FRENCH BREADED PIZZAS I'D HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO HUNT OR SOMETHING

spigot: FRENZIED PROTESTERS IN PESHAWAR SET FIRE TO THE AMERICAN FLAG, THEN RIPPED IT APART AND ATE THE SMOULDERING REMNANTS spigot: WHILE AMERICA WATCHED FRASIER spigot: FOLLOWED BY A BONUS FRASIER

pants: MMMMMMM WARM BALLS FRESH FROM THE OVEN

spigot: FUCK YOUR FACE pants: FRESH HOT BACON IS ALL I SEE

pants: DICKS!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WHERE pants: DUNNO pants: WAS HOPING YOU HAD SOME deuce: FRESH OUT

spigot: CARROTS AND CELERY ARE THE REAL CANCER STICKS spigot: WEIRDLY I HAVE NO PROBLEM WHITTLING ZUCCHINIS INTO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL spigot: I WHITTLE THEM UNTIL THEY'RE GONE AND WE CAN'T HAVE ZUCCHINI

pants: BACON BACON BACON BACON spigot: FRESH HOT BURF [SILENCE]

deuce: HI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WE SEEM TO BE HAVE DISCONNECTED spigot: DOOTDOOTDOOT DOOTDOOTDOOT IF YOU'D LIKE TO LICK A DICK PLEASE HANG UP AND TRY YOUR CALL AGAIN DGONDGONDGOND GONDGONDGON DGONDGONDG *BEEP!*

spigot: FRESHLY BAKED DONGS!!!!!!! deuce: WHAT deuce: WHERE spigot: POINTING!!!!!!!!

spigot: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW A "FAGGOT" CAN ALSO MEAN A TIGHTLY-WRAPPED BUNDLE OF DICKS!!!! spigot: I MEAN STICKS spigot: GUESS I HAD A FREUDIAN SPLURT!!! I MEAN SPLUTTERY FACE!!!! I MEAN FAGGOTY SLOBBERGBLKGPTH deuce: A DICK STAT

pants: COSPLAY pants: LARPING pants: FILKING pants: RELOADING

spigot: DO WE HAVE A GO-TO-MARKET STRATEGY FOR MY PENIS deuce: CONVERSATION COMPLETE. NO MORE COMMUNICATION WITH ME NEEDED deuce: EVER spigot: FRIENDLY BUMP deuce: PERFECT 440 HZ SINE WAVE spigot: FRIENDLY SQUIRT deuce: COSMIC BACKGROUND HUM

: Below: Pants from Jerkcity, a cornfed American beauty pants: IT IS HAPPENING AGAIN pants: HUHHHHHHHHHHHH pants: NO IT'S REALLY NOT (pants): SO DIZZY .(pants): SO TIRED pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGH pants: FIGHT FAIR YOU BIG FAT DIRTY BONG YOU (KISSING NOISES)

spigot: WITH FRIENDS LIKE THAT!!!!!!!! CUT MY DICK OFF

spigot: REID FLEMING IS BACK IN MY LIFE AND I FUCKING HATE IT deuce: WHO'S THAT spigot: JUST SOME IDIOT spigot: OH GOD I JUST WANT TO DIE

deuce: GET ME SOUP AND THEN GIVE ME A HANDJOB (THAT'S WHAT FRIENDSHIP MEANS)

spigot: I WOULD PLACE AN ENTERTAINING MOVIE ABOVE FRIENDSHIP

pants: I AM NOT EMBARASSED BY MY ERECTION deuce: YOUR ERECTION IS FRIGHTENING CHILDREN EVERYWHERE SO IT IS NOT SO MUCH SOMETHING TO BE EMBARASSED ABOUT BUT RATHER SOMETHING TO BE CONTROLLED AND REGULATED deuce: T SPIGOT AND AS FOR YOU YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING RIGHT NOW (YOU GIVE ME A LAP DANCE) spigot: BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEGBLBLGP pants: I AM A MONSTER

pants: :NOTES: ALL DRESSED UP spigot: WITH BUTTONSAND BOWS :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: YOU'RE SUCKINGOUR DICKS pants: THAT'S JUSTHOW IT GOES :NOTES:

pants: SPIGOT LICKS DICK spigot: I BEG YOUR PUHHLGLHGLHGLHG

deuce: WHY ARE YOU STILL UP pants: COUNTING FROG EGGS

deuce: I DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH FROGS YOU SEE(TOADS, WHATEVER, SHUT UP) net: I'M AFRAID TO JACK OFF deuce: T NET WHAT A PREDICAMENT net: T DEUCE MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME

spigot: FRISBEE GOLF OR AS I CALL IT ............ FROLF deuce: WHILE FILKING (FROLFILKING)

atandt: T DEUCE I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I'LL BE WANG CHUNGING FROM 6PM TO 8PM TONIGHT deuce: T ATANDT YOU ANNOUNCE THAT EVERY SINGLE DAY SIR atandt: T DEUCE CAN'T STOP THE CHUNGING deuce: T ATANDT WANG CHUNG MEANS "PERFECT BLOWJOB"

pants: can i transition from a man to a butterfly (is that the law) deuce: what are your pronouns pants: SUCK AND FUCK ROOM

spigot: I CAN SEE HOW GAY YOU ARE FROM ALL THE WAY OVER HERE deuce: IS THAT MY CUE

deuce: OH MY JESUS FROM BOTH SIDES deuce: OH THOSE AREN'T DICKS deuce: OH MY GOD THEY ARE

dick: FLITTING ABOUT FROM DICK TO DICK LIKE A HUMMINGBIRD IN SEARCH OF NECTAR deuce: BANG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

pants: ah of course (stroking lenin beard) deuce: the dictatorship of the proletariat is at hand deuce: from each according to their gifts, to each according to their capacity to accept huge quantities of dick pants: the good of the state is the good of the urk choking and being choked at the same time

pants: LAST NIGHT WE AGREED NOT TO BE GAY FROM NOW ON AND YOU BLEW IT MISTER pants: WE AGREED pants: AND NOW I HAVE TO DESTROY YOU (SLOWLY PUTTING LID ONTO JAR, CRYING, SINGING NATIONAL ANTHEM TO DISTRACT MYSELF)

spigot: FROM NOW ON PLEASE ADDRESS ME AS EITHER "DOCTOR WHO" OR "THE DOCTOR" spigot: OR JUST "DOCTOR" OR "ZAPHOD" spigot: TELL DEUCE Q*BERT WOULD ALSO BE ACCEPTABLE deuce: T MINUS TWO MINUTES

spigot: SOMETIMES I VISIT THE HUMANE SOCIETY AND LET ALL THE DOGS PISS ON MY FACE AT ONCE spigot: I'LL SEE YOU ON ALT.TV.3RD-ROCK !!!!!!!! spigot: FROM THE SUN

pants: COULD YOU TWO PLEASE GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER pants: OKAY FROM THE TOP pants: HOOO BOY I'M GLAD THAT'S LASJGHKSDHKSFHBSIDFHU &SDF BKSDF *YHSF

pants: OKAY, FROM THE TOP, THIS TIME I’LL LISTEN AND TAKE NOTES: HOW DOES ONE GO ABOUT POOING spigot: DICK LICKER / DICK LICKER / LICK ME A DICK spigot: SUCK ME A PRICK / TODAY spigot: COCK SUCKER / COCK SUCKER / SUCK ME A COCK spigot: AND THEN / I WILL JUST GO AWAY spigot: (C) TOM LEHRER

pants: FALLING FROM THE TRADE CENTER deuce: SHOOTING YOU AS YOU FALL SO THAT WE CAN MAKE A SOCRATIC FIRST-SEMESTER LEGAL QUESTION BECOME FACT

: We now return to Spigot the Bear already in progress spigot: FROSTED FACES spigot: THEY'RE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

spigot: SO ANYHOO THE VIDEO STORE GUY LIED ABOUT AN ALLEGED SEQUEL TO "FACESTUFFING FRENZY" spigot: THEY'RE LIKE NIGHT AND DAY TO BE QUITE FRRRRRR HUHHHHHHGLE OW FRANK deuce: IT'S HARD WHEN YOUR OWN FRIENDS TURN ON YOU LIKE THAT spigot: DOSES

spigot: WHAT'S THE POINT OF WHIPPING OUT MY HAND WITH LIGHTNING FAST CAT-LIKE REFLEXES TO GRAB AND SQUEEZE A FRUITFLY IF WHEN I OPEN MY HAND IT FLAPS OUT UNHARMED INTO MY FAT STUPID FACE

ozone: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ozone: OKAY THERE (ozone): THE SYSTEM IS BEING SHUT DOWN NOW!!! .(deuce): WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT GUY ANYWAY

: KNOW THIS, DEAR READER, THAT SPIGOT AND DEUCE HAD THEIR EYESIGHT COMPLETELY RESTORED AND THERE WAS NO NEED FOR ANYBODY TO DRAW ANY MORE RED X'S EVER AGAIN. deuce: FUCK A DUCK : HE'S ALL THINKING, "DUH, I LOVE DICK" spigot: YOU AND YOUR POTTY MOUTH ARE GOING TO BE THE END OF JERKCITY deuce: APPLE BAPPLE

spigot: I'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME PEOPLE spigot: FUCK & SUCK CAMP spigot: LAKE HUGHRLHGLUHRLBGRLBTHGK

deuce: APPARENTLY IN FRANCE THE LAW IS THAT YOU HAVE A POSITIVE OBLIGATION TO ASSIST PEOPLE IN TROUBLE deuce: FUCK FRANCE pants: I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARS (THEY DO NOT LET FRUITS INTO THE COUNTRY) deuce: I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED ABOUT YOU NOW deuce: MUST BE THE POT

pants: COCKS deuce: WELL THERE YOU ARE deuce: I WAS GETTING JIZZY (OKAY I'M ALWAYS JIZZY) deuce: I WAS JUST GETTING MORE JIZZY IS WHAT I'M SAYING deuce: NO THAT'S NOT TRUE EITHER deuce: FUCK IT DRINKING GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG

spigot: T DEUCE DO U STILL LIKE THE SPRITE IN ME :CUP_WITH_STRAW: deuce: FMMITA

deuce: NOW FUCK OFF FATTY pants: :Q deuce: NOT VI FAGGOT pants: :Q!

pants: FUCK THE AMISH pants: AN EYE FOR [obscured] pants: SHITBALLS (BALLS OF SHIT)

spigot: FUCK THIS STUPID COUNTRY spigot: HOW ABOUT LEGALIZING DOPE AND USING THE PROCEEDS TO BUILD A SOLID GOLD ATOMIC BOMB

deuce: MEETING THE URINE UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL AND REALIZING IT'S JUST LIKE ME AND MY PREJUDICES THIS WHOLE TIME WERE COMPLETELY FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF PTTTTHTHTHH GOD IT'S EVERYWHERE deuce: FUCK THIS TASTES LIKE PISS pants: WHERE IT SHOULD TASTE LIKE COTTON CANDY OR PICKLES deuce: OR AT LEAST LIKE URINE NOT PISS

pants: FUCK TOM NOOK deuce: I don't know who that is pants: you've seen his mugshot, google it deuce: oh, the famous terrorist pants: his most recent appeal to the supreme court failed, in guantanamo he will stay

pants: GET /THE/DICK HTTP/1.1 bung: 200 OK

pants: YES I WILL HAVE ANOTHER DONG spigot: TWO FOR ME deuce: FUCK YEAH

pants: fuck yeah deuce: the same

pants: MAKING FTP CONNECTION TO PREP.AI.MIT.EDU pants: FUCK YOU ANSWER pants: FUCKING WAKE UP MIT pants: FUCKING DO SOMETHING USEFUL pants: FUCKING JUST LIE THERE THEN pants: PISSY DICKS FOR $200 PLEASE pants: WHAT pants: IT IS SO A CATEGORY

pants: PLEASE WRITE TO ME SLOWLY AS I AM IN THE SOVIET UNION pants: WE ONLY HAVE 2400 BAUD deuce: FUCK YOU RED pants: I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO VIEW YOUR 21MB AVI ATTACHMENT, I HAD TO ABORT THE DOWNLOAD pants: REPEAT: ABORT THE DOWNLOAD

deuce: HI pants: FUCK YOU spigot: WELCOME DEUCE spigot: WELCOME PANTS pants: FUCK YOU TOO

deuce: NEXT TIME YOU GET THE URGE TO SAY SOMETHING PROFOUND deuce: FUCK YOUR OWN FACE

deuce: FUCKCHUNKS spigot: I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU MIX UP WORDS LIKE THAT

spigot: NURK NURK NURK I WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD LAUGH LOUDLY AROUND ME AND TALK ABOUT POSTSCRIPT!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: HUHHHHHHH deuce: IT'S ALMOST LIKE I'VE LOST ALL WILL TO LIVE spigot: GURF GURF YOU SAID IT FOLKS WE'RE FUCKING DIPSHIT DICKLICKERS!!!!!!!!!!! BAB-5 PARTY

pants: MY COCK IS NOT TO BE TRIFLED WITH pants: SUBTEXT: TOTALLY TRIFLE WITH MY COCK, FUCKING GO, DO IT

pants: ABSENTMINDEDLY FONDLING MY GENITALS deuce: THREE FUCKING IDIOTS pants: Q*BERT

pants: WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T THE LIVING ROOM MACHINE WORK deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM pants: YOU FUCKING POWERMAC FAGGOT COMPUTER deuce: SHUT THE FUCK UP IN THERE pants: I KISS YOU deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM pants: HOLY GOD YOU ARE POUNDING ME TO POWDER deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM deuce: AND THERE IT GOES (PERFECT DAVID ATTENBOROUGH VOICE) pants: HOLY

atandt: NOTHING IS WORKING RIGHT TODAY deuce: YOU'RE A FUCKING RETARD THEN

pants: CARPE BONER

spigot: I'M GOING TO SHOOT OUT THE LIGHTS AND WE CAN WHISPER GAY THINGS TO EACH OTHER IN THE DARK spigot: STOP YOUR FUCKING CRYING spigot: WHY CAN'T YOU BE HAPPY BEING GAY spigot: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE A FUCKING SHIT HEAD spigot: LOOK AT MY DUMB GAY BALLS DANGLING IN THE SUMMER SUN spigot: SHOW'S OVER HERE LADY - PAY ATTENTION spigot: YOU'RE ALL FIRED

spigot: FUNNY THING HAPPENED IN THE BIG STALL JUST BEFORE I CAME OUT HERE spigot: SO I'M SUCKIN' AWAY AT THIS GUY'S DICK RIGHT spigot: HE REACHES OVER AND CLOCKS ME SQUARE IN THE CHOPS spigot: SO I CAN'T HELP IT AND I CLAMP DOWN MY QUEER MOUTH spigot: SO I FIGURE I'LL CALM HIM DOWN AND I PULL OUT SOME JUDY BLUME BOOKS pants: FUCKING SHUT UP spigot: JUST A LITTLE IMPROMPTU OPEN READING, FIRST BLUBBER THEN SUPERFUDGE spigot: OKAY LOOKS LIKE MY TIME'S UP pants: GET THE HOOK pants: SHOW US YOUR TITS spigot: I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

deuce: LET'S HOPE REALNETWORKS MAINTAINS ITS STRONG COMMITMENT TO FUCKING UGLY CLUNKY SOFTWARE

deuce: FUD!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: *F*EAR*U*NCERTAINY*D*ONGS spigot: FUD spigot: #SHEEPLE pants: FUDDS AND TACTICOOLS spigot: WHAT IF I WANT TO JERK OFF WITH SPECIFIC, WHITELISTED TEENS

pants: MILK MILK spigot: LEMONADE pants: AROUND THE CORNER YOU'LL GET :POINT-RIGHT: :POINT-RIGHT: :POINT-RIGHT: :POINT-RIGHT: LAID :POINT-LEFT::POINT-LEFT::POINT-LEFT: :POINT-LEFT: deuce: GET IN THE SEX TRAFFICKING VAN

pants: CAN'T WE JUST SEND THE POO INTO SPACE deuce: NO THERE ARE MONSTERS UP THERE deuce: THEY EAT POO FOR FUEL SO WE'LL ONLY BE SOWING THE SEEDS OF OUR OWN DESTRUCTION pants: SPACE MONSTERS???? OR ARE WE AT SEA AND I SHOULD POO OVER THE BOW (STARBOARD SIDE)

pants: YUMPIN YIMINEY pants: I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE BALLS pants: WON'T YOU PLEASE HELP pants: A TREASURE TROVE OF DICK pants: A GAY GAY DAY IN AUGUST (DA DUM) pants: FUH SEZ I pants: PRICKS OF MASS DISTRACTION THAT'S FOR SURE pants: YAN CAN CRAM pants: OASIS pants: A GAY PARADE DOWN MAIN STREET pants: BLINDFOLD AND CHOKE ME PLZ

spigot: fuggeddabobtbuubouggbtpptpbpitiit spigot: seriously just let it go

pants: T DEUCE I'M FULL OF LUNCH deuce: I AM BEREFT OF BALLS deuce: WITH A DISTINCT DEARTH OF DICK

deuce: FULL OF PIZZA, DICK pants: MEAN TO SAY FULL OF DICK, PIZZA pants: DID YOU NOT ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! deuce: NO pants: WHAT deuce: THERE IS CLEARLY MORE PIZZA THAN DICK

pants: MAKE SURE YOU COUNT HOW MANY COWS YOU SEE, I WANT A FULL REPORT deuce: ALL OUT OF COWS

deuce: SHOOTING SELF IN THE FACE pants: DO YOU SMELL BURNING HAIR deuce: WHAT pants: LEMME SHOW YOU SOMETHING (FUMBLING WITH TRENCHCOAT)

atandt: GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN deuce: AGREED

pants: IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEBODY SUCKS A COCK pants: THEN IT'S BUSINESS deuce: SERIOUS BUSINESS deuce: THEN THE GAMES REALLY BEGIN pants: THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE DOWNTOWN spigot: DOWN / TOWN

dick: SUCKING RANDOM DICK FOR FUN AND PROFIT deuce: HHUHUHUHUHHUHUHUHUHUHUHU JOINING YOU deuce: T DICK HOW SHALL WE STARTING SUCKING DEPTH FIRST OR BREADTH FIRST dick: ONE IN MY HAND IS WORTH TWO UP MY ASS deuce: WHILE YOU'RE SITTING THERE NOT ANSWERING ME THE DICKS ARE GETTING OUT OF HAND dick: NOT REALLY!!!!!!!

dick: BONE ME UP FOR FUN AND PROFIT dick: OR YOU dick: EITHER WAY dick: JUST DIG IN, SPORT deuce: COCKS

spigot: THE FIRST RULE FOR ROBOTS SHOULD BE THAT THEY NEVER HARM HUMANS (EXCEPT FOR ONES THAT CRANK CALL ME OR DUMPED ME A LONG TIME AGO) pants: I LICK DICKS FOR FUN AND PROFIT

deuce: ready for some fun facts deuce: blhablhblhblgab bhlgbuahtlbtulh ablhgblahutbtdlbhtlbuh alhdrlighw4eillk lkf sfl34f hrlshelf k 34ofih 34f 4flkef h34f3 948 klsdf f8 34f 384ofh 34lfkhs890fytwe 9fh43fihofhlsa

pants: FUCK FIREWORKS deuce: WELL THEY'RE FUN IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE pants: AND OTHER THINGS THAT SCARE ANIMALS LIKE LOW-FLYING PLANES AND MY PRETTY PINK PRICK deuce: I WOULDN'T CALL IT "PRETTY" deuce: "VAGUELY PASSABLE IN LOW LIGHT" IS ABOUT THE BEST I CAN GIVE YOU

spigot: SURELY HIS MAJESTY MEANS CHICKS WITHOUT DICKS ??? spigot: SLUTS MINUS NUTS, YOUR GRACE spigot: WHAT / IF OUR PRICKS spigot: HAD / FUN LITTLE HATS

deuce: I'M PRETTY FUNKDAFIED PEOPLE spigot: IS THAT STREET LINGO FOR DRUNK deuce: NO, RICH spigot: RICH ON BEING DRUNK spigot: SOMETIMES I LIKE TO GET ALL MY PORN MAGAZINES AND VIDEOS AND STACK THEM ALL UP IN A BIG PILE JUST TO SEE HOW MUCH I HAVE

spigot: IN SOVIET RUSSIA CRAIGSLIST SCAM **YOU** spigot: OKAY TAKING A BONGHIT TO BE FUNNIER

pants: CLICK HERE TO GET THE PLUG-IN