pants: $LOCAL[0][0] = "BONERS" pants: PERL IS WEIRD deuce: WHAT WITH THE BONERS pants: CAN'T GET ENOUGH (SERIOUSLY) deuce: FAG TRAP :pants EMBRACES THE FAG TRAP :deuce THROWS UP

pants: MARIJUANA SAYS HI deuce: POSSIBLY ONE OF THE FUNNIER THINGS SAID IN BONEQUEST pants: VOTE DONGS deuce: MY VOTE CANNOT BE BOUGHT deuce: VOTING DONGS ANYWAY

spigot: CLANG CLANG CLANG WENT THE TROLLEY spigot: DING DING DING WENT THE BELL deuce: THE POWERFUL USE OF CADENCE IS STAGGERING BUT THE CONTENT SOMEWHAT FALLS SHORT ARTISTICALLY spigot: SAUSALITO

atandt: HEY GUYS atandt: I'M LICKING deuce: RIKKI TIKKI DUH atandt: I'M SOME KIND OF GAY RODENT deuce: THE SECRET OF NUMB

atandt: I'M SOME KIND OF GAY EMOTICON atandt: :-) deuce: :-0 --8 atandt: YOU APPEAR TO BE GAYER THAN I atandt: I DON'T THINK I CAN BEAT THAT

spigot: I MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHERE I COULD CHOKE DOWN A 12 OZ DONG AT THE CORNER POKERY pants: BUT I DON'T MISS THE PART WHERE YOU WACK MY NUTS WITH A STICK FOR FORTY MINUTE STRETCHES

spigot: NURK NURK NURK I WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD LAUGH LOUDLY AROUND ME AND TALK ABOUT POSTSCRIPT!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: HUHHHHHHH deuce: IT'S ALMOST LIKE I'VE LOST ALL WILL TO LIVE spigot: GURF GURF YOU SAID IT FOLKS WE'RE FUCKING DIPSHIT DICKLICKERS!!!!!!!!!!! BAB-5 PARTY

pants: /NICK DOCTORWHO pants: /NICK DRWHO pants: /NICK DR_WHO deuce: THIS CHANNEL SUCKS pants: /NICK D0CT0R_WH0 GODDAMNIT pants: /NICK DOCWHO

spigot: I AM SERILY PERTURBED WITH REGARD TO HOW MANY CHIPS WERE ACTUALLY IN THE BIG PUFFY BAG spigot: MMF URMPH YOU ARE SHAKING ME AND SETTLING ME AND FINALLY SHIPPING ME pants: I WILL SHELVE YOU (PRICING GUN) spigot: I AM HALF OFF WITH A LUCKY REWARDS CARD pants: I AM INSTRUCTING OTHERS NOT TO CHECK YOU FOR RIPENESS, ETC.

bung: YOU ARE THE KING OF MY PANTS! deuce: I'M THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR BALLS bung: TOGETHER WE MAKE A FINE TEAM!

pants: HELLO deuce: HI pants: I'M HERE TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER deuce: A LITTLE LESS SHOUTING PLEASE pants: I WAS SHOUTING BECAUSE I WAS HAPPY deuce: I LIKE DICK pants: LIKE I SAID deuce: DOES ANYONE ELSE TOO??? deuce: ANYONE?????? pants: COUNT ME TWICE

spigot: WE HAVE A WITNESS THAT CAN PLACE YOUR DONG IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD AS MY FACE LAST JULY 4TH deuce: WHOSE DONG NOW??!? pants: WHO ATE THE LAST NIP

spigot: SAVING PRIVATE DICKLICKER spigot: WARNING CONTAINS GRAPHIC SCENES OF DICKLICKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: (COCKSUCKING) spigot: OKAY MEN LET'S ALL HURMPH BURMPH LORD GOD WE'RE NOT EVEN OUT OF THE BOAT spigot: BHLRUHBLURHLUBHRLGBUHRLUBHLHRG ARE YOU RYAN NO OKAY BHRLBURHLGUHLRUBH

spigot: I'M EATING A BREAKFAST BURRITO pants: I'M WATCHING YOU EAT THE BREAKFAST BURRITO deuce: BUT IT IS NOT BREAKFAST spigot: MY MOM WAS ALL "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THE CAR" AND I WAS LIKE FUCK YOU HITLER deuce: YOU'VE CONFUSED ME WITH THAT ONE -- I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING BREAKFAST BURRITOS NOT BREAKFAST ANGST

pants: I FAIL TO SEE WHAT THE TOILET HAS TO DO WITH MY PERFORMANCE REVIHGULAHALUHALHGUALGHULAHGULAHGLAHGLAHGA pants: SIR I AHUGLAHGLUAHGULAHGLAHGLAHGLAHGLAHG pants: REGARDING MY SALARY HGALHALGAHLGUAHUGLAHLGAGLAHLAHGULAHLAHGLAG deuce: IS IT STARTING TO DAWN ON YOU NOW SIR

spigot: HOLY CHRIST JUST DONGS EVERYWHERE AND SO SUDDENLY -- POKING AND WHAPPING ME -- IT'S LIKE I'M RUNNING BACKWARDS NAKED THROUGH A CORNFIELD

deuce: WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE LOVE ME pants: I JERK TWO DICKS BEFORE I JERK TWO DICKS pants: IT MAKES ME FEEL ALL RIGHT pants: HONK HONK HONK deuce: I DON'T UNDERSTAND

deuce: IT'S LIKE I'VE GOT THE GAY THAT JUST WON'T STOP spigot: YOU NEED GAY AWAY deuce: CAN I GET THAT IN A SPRAY CAN OR ONLY IN ROLL-ON? spigot: I WANT MCDONALDS deuce: SIR I'M GOING TO NEED AN ANSWER TO MY QUESTION BEFORE THE GAY OVERWHELMS ME

atandt: HI GUYS pants: WE'RE ON THE MOON atandt: HOLY CRAP -- ZERO G MEANS I CAN FINALLY REALIZE MY COCK SUCKING DREAMS atandt: ACTUALLY THERE IS GRAVITY ON THE MOON, BUT YOU'D NEED MATH TO PROVE IT deuce: THERE'S NO GRAVITY WE'LL JUST WEAR HEAVY BOOTS pants: MATH IS HARD

spigot: WELL THE SAFEWAY LADY CLAIMS SHE HAS NO IDEA IF I'VE PURCHASED AN... spigot: ...ADEQUATE RATIO OF TISSUE PAPER / HUSTLERS deuce: DUDE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ASK THE MANAGER deuce: THEY DON'T TELL THE FRONT-LINE GRUNTS THAT KIND OF STUFF spigot: STUFFING HER HEAD INTO THE CAULIFLOWER

spigot: LORD GOD YOU'RE BANGING MY YARMULKED HEAD AGAINST THE INCINERATOR deuce: YOUR WHAT HEAD spigot: JEWISH CAP deuce: IT'S CALLED A "BEANIE"

spigot: TIME TO LISTEN TO THE BANANARAMA SONG AGAIN spigot: DOODLE OOT DOOT / DOOT DOOT DOOT spigot: DOODLE OOT DOOT / DIP DURP DOOP spigot: IT REALLY IS A CRUEL SUMMER

spigot: HE'S ALL "WANNA POUNDA DOPE" spigot: AND I SAY YES SIR spigot: AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW HE'S REALLY POUNDING IT INTO MY FACE!!!!!! spigot: THEN I REALIZE I AM THE DOPE

deuce: ROOSTER ROOSTER CAN YOU HEAR ME THIS IS HENHOUSE OVER deuce: YOU APPEAR TO BE FADING FAST OVER pants: ARE WE STILL ON THE MOON deuce: COME BACK OVER pants: MOON ???????? pants: OVER

atandt: POO POO POO POO POO POO POO POO atandt: POO POO POO POO atandt: I AM STUCK IN A POO LOOP deuce: AGLHAGLHAGHLAG deuce: YOU ARE NOW FREE (THAT WAS MY MAGIC SPELL)

deuce: DICKS pants: WAS RE: DICKS

deuce: THEY'VE BEEN MANUFACTURING ANTIMATTER FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW spigot: WHEN PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ANTIMATTER ARE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME I CANCEL THEM OUT deuce: WANGSAGLHGAHLGAHLGA YOU WILL HAVE TO SHOW RESPECT TO GET YOUR DICKS SIR spigot: DON'T BE DISSING MY LOW TOLERANCE FOR LEARNING, SCIENCE spigot: HURGLE DURGLE IT'S THE ECONOMY STUPID URF BURF WHATEVER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

deuce: I HAVE ONE RULE WHEN IT COMES TO CHICKS deuce: THAT THEY DON'T HAVE ROLLS pants: OR ASSES deuce: AND THAT THEY AREN'T WHITE pants: WAIT deuce: OKAY THAT'S TWO RULES deuce: YOU ARE DISTURBING MY CONCENTRATION

deuce: HAM-MERRED deuce: THAT MEANS I'M A WANNA BE HAM THAT HAS STRAYED FROM THE RIGHTEOUS PATH deuce: OKAY IT MEANS I'M DRUNK

pants: 12:00 pants: : pants: 12:00 pants: : pants: FOR A WHILE I WAS A VCR CLOCK -- THEN IT JUST BECAME LAME

deuce: I HAVE A CONUNDRUM pants: CALL A DOCTOR QUICK pants: WHAT IS THE CONUNDRUM? deuce: I HAVE TWO BALLS -- I WANT THREE pants: THAT IS NOT A CONUNDRUM

pants: IN TEN HOURS I WILL BE THE OWNER OF A PAC MAN COFFEE MUG deuce: I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU pants: WATCH THE PROFANITY I AM AN OP : PANTS TRIED TO BOOT DEUCE (WHAT A PRICK) pants: OKAY NEVERMIND

spigot: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I'D LIKE TORI SPELLING TO GIVE ME SOME 9-0-2-1-ORAL SEX spigot: ALSO AARON SPELLING

pants: ADMIT NOTHING! pants: DENY EVERYTHING! pants: DEMAND PROOF! pants: OH WHO AM I KIDDING HULGAHLGHALUGHALUGHLUAHLAG

atandt: HELLO WINDOWS pants: HELLO ATANDT atandt: YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE WINDOWS atandt: DRAGGING AND DROPPING ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: CRUSHED, BATTERED atandt: I AM RED HAT LINUX PEOPLE deuce: BUYING YOU AT FRY'S FOR $44

atandt: I THINK DIAPER HUMOUR IS GOING TO SKY ROCKET OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS pants: I'M WITH YOU (ALSO BUYING DONG/BONG FUTURES)

spigot: WELL LONG STORY SHORT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "DONGAZINE" AND I'M STILL OVERWEIGHT AND MY MOUTH HURTS

pants: JOBOP pants: BOP pants: JOJO pants: JOJOJOJ pants: BOP deuce: ARE YOU HANSON?

spigot: DO YOU EVER PISS IN YOUR FAT MOUTH spigot: AND THEN GO BLUGHLBUHLGUHBLUHGLU I'M A FOUNTAIN deuce: NO I USE WATER FOR THAT spigot: TRY PISS FOR A REFRESHING CHANGE OF PACE

pants: SO ANYWAY THERE I WAS IN THE CONGO, LICKING SILVERBACK GORILLA DICK atandt: ISN'T THIS JUST A REGULAR ASS PARADE pants: THIS FEELS LIKE AN EXTRA FANCY PARADE atandt: I WAS SO BORED I WENT INTO THE LIVING ROOM FOR DJFISTY COMEDY atandt: IT WAS LIKE WATCHING CATS PLAY POOL

pants: SO ANYWAY I LIKE DICK AND THAT'S THAT pants: I THINK YOU KNOW ALL YOU NEED KNOW ABOUT ME deuce: FINE pants: I DIDN'T WANT TO GO INTO THIS BUT HERE IT IS deuce: YOU GET SO HUFFY WHEN IT COMES TO THE DICKS

: PLEASE WELCOME JERKCITY'S NEWEST MEMBER, ATANDT deuce: FREAK

spigot: I PUBLISH SHORT STORIES ON THE WEB AND HERE'S A LINK TO EMAIL ME spigot: IF SOMEONE CAN HELP ME GET A PERL/JAVA THING GOING I CAN BUILD A CHAT FORUM spigot: YOU'RE REALLY STABBING ME IN THE FACE AND GROIN WITH THAT BALLPOINT PEN

spigot: JOHN GLENN BEGINS PRACTICE COUNTDOWN spigot: THREE spigot: HURFMBPH deuce: HEART ATTACK spigot: DRIBBLING

spigot: SO LONG STUPID CUBE WHERE DORKS CAN TALK AND PEOPLE CAN SEE MY PORN spigot: HELLO DARK LONELY LAB WITH A LOCK ON THE DOOR AND COMPLETE PRIVACY spigot: IMPORTANT WORK GOING ON IN HERE spigot: HURF BURF BREASTS

spigot: THE QUESTION IS NOT WHETHER IT'S ART OR PORNOGRAPHY PEOPLE, THE QUESTION IS HOW FAR IS THAT BAT UP THE GUY'S ASS

dick: PERHAPS THE ANSWER TO THE GENTLEMAN'S QUESTION LIES HERE, IN MY PANTS dick: THE ANSWER IS COCK!!!!!! dick: IT REALLY *IS* THAT SIMPLE dick: (TRYING TO SHUT UP) spigot: STARS DOOFUS AND DORKUS

spigot: I MIXED VIAGRA WITH OLEAN!!!!! SPLUHURHGURHUG HULBHLUGHLUBSPLRULUG

spigot: I'M A CHAR TO A STAR TO A POINTER TO A DONG TO A BONG TO THIS GUN TO RIGHT IN MY MOUTH AND GOODBYE deuce: WERE YOU EXPLICITLY OR IMPLICITLY CASTED ?!?! spigot: FUCK YOU AND LICK DICK

spigot: BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS HIGH DEFINITION TV?!?!?!?! AND IS IT WORTH THE STEEP PRICE?!?!?!? spigot: WHY DON'T I WRITE AN ARTICLE OR POSTULATE LOUDLY ABOUT IT ON THE BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????? spigot: FOLKS IF YOU LOOK I HAVE A WIRED AND A PC WEEKLY HELPING ME WITH PROS/CONS spigot: SUCK THE DICK YOU FAT OLD MAN deuce: DOWN IN FRONT

spigot: REMEMBER WHEN WE LIVED TOGETHER AND WE WOULD TAKE THE BUS TO VARIOUS GAY PLACES AND YOU WOULD INSIST YOU WERE NOT GAY BUT BOY DID LESLIE AND CECIL AND FREDERICK AT BLOWHOLE'S KNOW OTHERWISE

pants: IF I'M FAT BOY THEN YOU'RE LITTLE MAN SO SHUT THE FUCK UP LITTLE MAN pants: YOU HEARD ME RIGHT pants: NOW YOU'VE EMBARASSED ME IN FRONT OF THE GANG pants: NOW I'LL NEVER BE A CRIP (OR A BLOOD OR WHATEVER YOU FAGS ARE)

spigot: LICK DICK OLD BEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: TUT TUT OLD BOY pants: HLGAHGLAG spigot: HURMPH SIR YOU ARE BLOCKING BBC1 AND BBC2

spigot: ACCORDING TO THE 1997 MOTORCYCLE SUPPLEMENT FROM THE DMV, WHEN YOUR REAR TIRE GOES FLAT THE BICYCLE SWINGS "JERKILY" FROM SIDE TO SIDE, WELL WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH AND I FAILED

atandt: NOTE: HEART STILL GOING ON deuce: YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO INTERNALIZE atandt: IF I INTERNALIZE ON BONEQUEST, THE COMEDY WILL BE OVER atandt: CHRIST YOU'RE THICK pants: KOMM, GIB MIR DEINE HAND deuce: SACK THE KRAUT

pants: CROP CIRCLES LOOK NEAT deuce: THEY'RE DONE BY HICKS YOU KNOW pants: BUT WAIT pants: I JUST SAW SOME FREAKS MAKING THEM deuce: OH SORRY THEN THEY'RE ALIENS pants: DO FAGS MAKE THEM? deuce: DO THEY EVER !!!!!!!

pants: I CANNOT LIFT MY GAY HEAD

pants: SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE, GET ME OUT OF JAIL, AND HUMP MY HIP deuce: HOMP CH-CHING GAHGLAHGLAH (IN ORDER)

spigot: I LIKE TO PRACTICE BEING GAY IN FRONT OF A MIRROR spigot: NOTE: A GOOD MAGICIAN NEVER CHOKES DOWN THE SAME DICK TWICE spigot: THAT'S THE LAST TIME I BUY COMEDY FROM WAL-MART

spigot: MY DAD POOFED INTO A BAT AND FLAPPED INTO MY ROOM AND PUT HIS WING DOWN MY PANTS

deuce: ITALIANS JOKES ARE ALWAYS FUNNY... ALSO ITALIAN CHOKES IRONICALLY ENOUGH spigot: I READ LITERATURE ON THE ITALIAN POKE CIRCA 1793 deuce: I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU KOREANS SOMETIMES deuce: I THINK I WILL RANSACK YOUR STORE spigot: YOU ARE LOOTING ME AND ALSO BOOTING ME

deuce: GODDAMN HICCUPS spigot: THEY ARE CALLED BLACK PEOPLE deuce: I THINK YOU ARE CONFUSING THEM WITH WOPS pokey: YES!!!!-------

atandt: ALL IN FAVOR OF LICKING SAY "I" spigot: I spigot: I atandt: SOMEONE'S STUFFING spigot: I spigot: I AM STRAIGHT OUT OF COMPTON

spigot: I WOULD HAVE TO DESCRIBE "FOR BETTER OR WORSE" AS HILARIOUS, HEARTWARMING spigot: LIKEWISE GARFIELD AS A TUBBY TABBY WITH CATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: YOU ARE JAMMING THE HOSE INTO MY NOSE

atandt: I'M SERIOUSLY JUGGLING MY BALLS HERE FOLKS atandt: HOOP HOOP HOOP OK ONE HAND NOW HOP HOP HOP HOP OK HOP HOLY atandt: CHRIST THAT FUCKING HURT atandt: I'D RECOMMEND NOT JUGGLING ONE'S BALLS atandt: THAT WAS LIKE AESOP'S FABLE FOR FAGGOTS

pants: I MADE YOU OUT OF CLAY

spigot: HELP / I NEED SOMEBODY spigot: HELP / NOT JUST ANYBODY spigot: BAM BAM BAM SIR IN THE NEXT STALL I AM ASKING FOR HELP spigot: I AM REACHING MY HAND UNDER THE PARTITION FOR COINS/TOKENS

spigot: GUESS WE'RE HEADED FOR THE DONG PARTY

atandt: DONGS atandt: DONGS spigot: DONGS atandt: ARE WE A GAY BELL? spigot: I CAN ANSWER THAT WITH A TUG OF THIS CORD spigot: URMPH spigot: OW spigot: GLUGHLGUH spigot: I CANNOT ANSWER THAT

spigot: INSTEAD OF EGG MCMUFFIN THEY SHOULD CALL IT EGG MCSTUFFIN' BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP STUFFIN' MY FACE WITH DICK

deuce: DICKS atandt: AOL DICKS deuce: HOTMAIL DICKS ??!!?!? atandt: NETSCAPE DICKS deuce: THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (JEW DICKS) atandt: FOOL!!!!! JEWS DON'T HAVE DICKS!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WHAT

spigot: SO DAD WAS ALL: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!?!?!?!?!? spigot: AND I WAS ALL: I WANNA SUCK COCK!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THEN I REALIZED I WANTED TO SAY "I WANNA ROCK" BUT IT WAS TOO LATE spigot: HBLURHLUBHRL

spigot: I'M A SKILLED IMMIGRANT WITH A TIE AND A RESUME AND A DREAM deuce: GREAT THESE ARE TOMATOES AND THERE'S THE TRUCK spigot: WHERE IS MY FUCKING NOBEL PRIZE deuce: IN THE APPLE TREE spigot: EXCITEMENT IN THE MOUTH

atandt: I'M SMOOSHING THIS HERE TWIX INSIDE THIS ROCKY ROAD MARSHMELLOW CHOCOLATE BAR atandt: THE OBVIOUS END RESULT BEING CHOCOLATE FATNESS spigot: YOU ARE SERIOUSLY DOUBLING OR TRIPLING THE NOUGAT atandt: IT'S NOT THE NOUGAT THAT WORRIES ME spigot: ACROBAT

spigot: AND NOW I PRESENT: THE JEW WHO HAD GAS (A PLAY IN TWO LINES) spigot: *FURP* spigot: OY VEY NO MORE LEAVENED BREAD pants: I AM STUNNED/IN AWE

deuce: IS THIS FAT INDIAN GIRL ON NORTHERN EXPOSURE RETARDED OR WHAT spigot: I'D SAY A FAT INDIAN GIRL ALREADY HAS THREE STRIKES AGAINST HER

deuce: STAR SPANGLED BONERS pants: DONGLES pants: NEW FANGLED BONGS pants: O SAY CAN YOU HULASHGLAHGLAHLGAHGLHALGHULAHG

spigot: I AM FLOPPING BOTH MY PANTS POCKETS OUT AND ASKING YOU TO KISS THE BUNNY ON THE NOSE atandt: THAT IS NO BUNNY atandt: THAT'S A BIG PINK ELEPAHHHAAHURRRRR I'M GEORGE OF THE JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU atandt: HELP spigot: GET THAT MAN AN ICE COLD PRICK

spigot: CAN SOMEONE REMIND ME WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF GAMES? pants: ESCAPE FROM REALITY (IE: FAT, GAY, RETARDED) spigot: THAT IS PORNOGRAPHY

spigot: I WAS BORN IN A SMALL TOWN spigot: LICKED DICK IN A SMALL TOWN spigot: IT WAS MORE LIKE A STALL TOWN spigot: HITLER HAD JUST ONE BALL TOWN

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY I'M "SMOKING MARIJUANA" "RIGHT NOW" AND "I'M REALLY FUCKING HIGH" deuce: YOU *MIGHT* SAY THAT spigot: MORE LIKE LICK DICK SCAPE AM I RIGHT GANG?

hanford: HERE WE GO PEOPLE hanford: QUIET ON THE SET deuce: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM pants: I'M HOPING FOR THE SLASHDOT EFFECT ON MY MOUTH, FACE pants: PLEASE RESTRAIN ME HAUGLHALGHALHGLUAHLA ALL AT ONCE deuce: POUNDING/POKING hanford: CUT

deuce: I'M A FRESH MORNING BONER deuce: JERK ME BEFORE YOU HAVE TO GO TO WORK

pants: I HATE THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS (FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON) net: WHEN YOU GET IRRATIONAL, I GET STIFF pants: OK GIVE ME A MINUTE HERE pants: UH deuce: POO-KABOB pants: DICKS AND PRICKS BAKED IN THE OVEN AND SERVED TO ME ON A SILVER PLATTER pants: OK HOLD ON atandt: FUCKING READ FROM THE SCRIPT pants: I'M PREOCCUPIED WITH THE EASTERN EUROPEAN SITUATION deuce: GLAHGLAGH atandt: THIS ISN'T EVENING AT THE IMPROV

spigot: FOLKS IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT WHAT I DID LAST SUMMER deuce: NO IT'S THAT I *STILL* DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

spigot: JULIE ANDREWS MAY NEVER SING AGAIN!?????????! deuce: SELF IMMOLATION I PRESUME pants: TOILETS spigot: SHE CAN STAR WITH CHRISTOPHER REEVE IN "THE WOMAN WHO CHOKED DOWN THE DICK OF A GUY WHO PROBABLY WASN'T EVEN AWARE OF IT" deuce: MY MOUTH IS TOILET COMPLIANT

spigot: I'M GOING TO SMOKE THIS DOPE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS spigot: FIVE HOOKERS?!?!?!?!?! spigot: BUT BUT spigot: WAIT spigot: REMEMBERING

: PANTS FALLS DOWN THE STAIRS (AGAIN) deuce: I'M NOT CALLING THE AMBULANCE THIS TIME pants: WHO ASKED (SPUTTER) pants: YOU TO (HGUGHG) pants: OKAY CALL

spigot: REALLY REALLY TAKING IT AND TRYING TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW (THINKING ABOUT ICE CREAM, ICE CUBES)

pants: I AM DESCENDING SOMEHOW pants: SINKING, BEING LOWERED deuce: INTO A VAT OF DICK ??? pants: TOO DARK TO TELL (WILL SEND UPDATES)

pants: O CHRISTMAS DONG O XMAS DONG pants: HAULGHALGHLG deuce: WHY FOR ARE YOU SQUIRMING? pants: PUPPETS, MUPPETS, ASSFISTERY deuce: JUST AN ABSOLUTELY AWFUL CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

atandt: HURF BLURF THROWING UP LIKE THE DEUCE atandt: UUGHUHGHGH atandt: WEINERSCHNITZEL spigot: HOT DOGS RECALLED deuce: NOOOO

harriet: FOLKS I'M REALLY TRYING HARD TO ESCAPE MY ESTRANGED HUSBAND'S STALKING AND PHONECALLING... harriet: ...AND THROAT-PUNCHING harriet: WELL I RAN INTO A DOOR AGAIN!!!!! harriet: THEN I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS AND BANGED MY EYE AGAINST THE FIST-SHAPED TILE harriet: THEN WHILE DROPPING OFF MY TWO TODDLERS AT DAYCARE... harriet: I MYSELF WAS DROPPED OFF A THIRD FLOOR HOTEL BALCONY!!!!! harriet: THAT'LL LEARN ME I GUESS harriet: OH SHIT I FORGOT GROCERIES

atandt: BALLS HANGING TOO LOW atandt: CAREFUL YOU'LL PUT AN EYE OUT atandt: GIVE THEM ROOM TO SWING

pants: THAT'S RIGHT pants: THEY ARE LINING UP, TAKING TURNS, KEEPING WATCH, SELLING ME OFF pants: HATING IT BUT GLAD I'M GOOD AT SOMETHING pants: MAYBE SOMEBODY WILL WRITE A MUSICAL ABOUT ME pants: I'LL NEVER LEARN pants: LOST AND CONFUSED pants: LOST AND CONFUSED WAIT NO BACK TO THE CELL BLOCK .(pants): THIS SUCKS

spigot: BRISCO: THE PERP MUST HAVE BEEN IN A HURRY spigot: CURTIS: HE LEFT HIS PRECIOUS WEAPON BEHIND spigot: MCCOY: HURRRRR HUHHHHHHH GAY POO pants: LAW & ORDER WILL BE RIGHT BACK

deuce: HI spigot: UP YOURS spigot: OK I'M BJORK deuce: BUCK BUCK spigot: I SAID BJORK NOT SOME DOPEY FAGGOT