pants: AM I GAY pants: IS IT 2001 IN HAWAII YET ??? SINGAPORE ??? MONSTER ISLAND ??? pants: FYI: ALL OF THE MOTHRA GIRLS ARE PRESENTLY ENJOYING AN EXTENDED TOUR UP MY ASS

: Lost footage from the early days of Jerkcity presented for entertainment-purposes only. uncredited actor: I'M AUDITIONING FOR THE PART OF PANTS uncredited actor: TAKE ONE: uncredited actor: WHAT DO THESE NINE DICKS HAVE TO DO WITH THE PRICE OF TEA IN CHINA ??? I'LL SAY !!! HUG-A-LUG-AH

deuce: YOU ALL DESERVE A NEW MEDAL deuce: THE BROWN MEDAL deuce: (IT'S BROWN)

dick: IS MUMIA FREE YET ???? I'VE HAD THIS BUMPER STICKER ON MY CAR FOR THREE WEEKS NOW

pants: THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN pants: AND ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND pants: WAIT I FORGOT TO FAG UP THAT PHRASE CAN THE EDITING BOYS PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER AND FIX THIS UP BEFORE SHOWTIME ??? GREAT !!! AHULGAHLAHG

pants: RRAAPPEE IINN PPRROOGGRREESSSS CCAALLLL 991111 deuce: 10-4

pants: SHOULD WE TELL THEM ??? atandt: NOT BEFORE TEA pants: FOLKS THIS A DUMB CARTOON atandt: FILLED WITH VIOLENCE AND IMMATURE JOKES pants: BREAKING DOWN THE THIRD WALL atandt: WE ARE WELL AWARE WE'RE CARTOON CHARACTERS pants: HUHHH pants: POSTMODERN HOMOPHOBIA pants: THE SINE QUA NON OF POSTMODERNITY atandt: DOPE, POO atandt: WE CALL THIS OBVIOUS CONSCIOUSNESS atandt: SELF-REFERENTIAL IRONY AND ALL THAT atandt: META-POP HYPERAWARENESS pants: SACKS FULL OF WET SOCKS atandt: SO: POO THEN pants: POO

atandt: T DEUCE LOVE

pants: THE REMARKABLE WORLDS OF PANTS pants: STARRING THE TOILET AREA AND THE BURRITO STAND pants: WE LAST LEFT OUR HERO UNDER THE UNDERPASS pants: FOR WHATEVER REASON pants: NOW WE'RE GOING LIVE TO THE SCENE pants: IT WAS LIKE I TOLD YOU: pants: DICKS TO THE LEFT, DICKS TO THE RIGHT pants: THEN I SAY "HEY ARE YOU GEORGE MICHAEL" pants: AND OF COURSE HE RUNS OUT pants: UNLICKED DICKS BY THE BASKET IS ALL I'M ASKING pants: STANDARD LAUNDRY HAMPER SIZED BASKETS, YES

spigot: BUG REPORT !!! IT ACTUALLY SAYS PRINTF ("SPIGOT SUCKS COCK") I CAN SEE IT RIGHT THERE IN THE PROGRAM CODE

pants: WHY ARE YOU IGNORING MY LETTERS AND FAXES pants: I HAVE SHOWN YOU PHOTOGRAPHS OF MY BREASTS atandt: CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH HE LOVES DICK

atandt: I FOUND A LIZARD SQUISHED BETWEEN TWO PIECES OF PLYWOOD TODAY

pants: WHERE HAVE ALL THE FAGGOTS GONE pants: T DEUCE I ASKED YOU A DIRECT QUESTION !!! WHERE HAVE ALL THE FPFHFHFHTTH FOUND 'EM

spigot: I JUST TAPE THE CONTROL KEY DOWN AND EVERY MENU IS CONTEXTUAL !!! I'M A WOMAN pants: WHAT ABOUT THE OPEN-APPLE KEY

spigot: WHAT IF WE ROLLED THEM ALL UP IN THE AIDS QUILT AND FIRED IT OFF INTO SPACE????

net: BEEP net: I'M AN AMI BIOS deuce: I'M FUCKING YOU BROADSIDE net: KEYBOARD ERROR

net: I'M A PLANARIAN deuce: I AM MAKING A FINE PASTE OUT OF YOU TO FEED TO THE NEXT GENERATION OF FLOWERS

deuce: I'M GOING TO HAVE A PRIVATE RED DWARF SHOWING AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT AND YOU'RE ALL INVITED net: I'LL BRING THE DALEKS

deuce: T DISCOVERY CHANNEL I'M SORRY BUT IT'S A LITTLE HARD FOR ME TO SWITCH GEARS FROM VIETNAM POWS TO KEIKO'S VOYAGE HOME ???

spigot: MOODS ARE LIKE RAINBOWS, IN THAT I'M A COCKSUCKER

pants: THERE'S BLOOD ON THE WALL pants: SO WHAT pants: THERE'S BLOOD ON THE WALL pants: BLOOD ON THE WALL pants: SHUT UP pants: GET UP pants: SHUT UP pants: THERE'S BLOOD ON THE WALL pants: THERE'S BLOOD ON THE WALL pants: THERE'S BLOOD ON THE WALL pants: THERE'S BLOOD ON THE WALL

pants: REPEATING MYSELF: DO I **HAVE** TO TAKE A CRAP IN THIS BOX spigot: WHAT IF THERE WERE A BIGGER BOX AND WITHOUT ME BEING BLINDFOLDED deuce: YOU WILL STAY THERE WHILE I RAIN PISS ON YOU pants: I TELL YOU SOON YOU WILL HAVE A BOX WITH SOME POO IN IT spigot: LGHBLHGLHBLHGLHB I'VE SEEN THIS ONE BLLBLBLBLBPTH deuce: MY PLAN IS WORKING PERFECTLY pants: WE ARE CLOWNING AROUND

pants: MUST WE LICK THE DICK LIKE SO

spigot: SOME DAYS I CANNOT GET UP OFF THE FLOOR pants: OTHER DAYS I AM NOT ALLOWED TO

pants: CAN I PLEASE HAVE A FAG HUG deuce: WHAT'S THAT pants: I CANNOT SAY deuce: I SEE

deuce: JESUS CHRIST LOVES A GOOD PUNCH TO THE HEAD (FROM TIME TO TIME) pants: HE'S LOOPY LIKE THAT (OUR LORD AND SAVIOR)

spigot: MY FIRST ERECTION EVER

spigot: I WISH WE COULD ALL TAKE TURNS POKING AND CHOKING ME pants: KNOCK KNOCK SERIOUSLY HERE ARE SOME CLEAN TOWELS AND BATH OILS AND PRECIOUS LOTIONS AND ADVANCED SKIN CONDITIONERS AND FOR GOD'S SAKE LET ME COME IN THE BATHROOM WITH YOU deuce: PLEASE COULD WE NOT GET INTO A BIG KNOCK-DOWN DRAG-OUT HAIR-PULLING FIGHT FOR ONCE ?????/

pants: I HAVE A SEA URCHIN UP ME deuce: IF YOU TRY TO REMOVE IT YOU WILL DIE

spigot: I HAVE DISCOVERED IF I LISTEN TO THE SAME BANANARAMA SONG TWO HUNDRED TIMES IN A ROW, I GET SICK OF IT spigot: THEN I PUT THE CD AWAY FOR TWO WEEKS AND COME BACK TO IT AND IT'S BRAND NEW AGAIN spigot: SORRY FOR THE WIDE DISTRIBUTION

pants: COCKS pants: THEY COME AND GO AS THEY PLEASE pants: WHAT CAN BE DONE pants: WHAT INDEED pants: MAN ALIVE I SURE COULD GO FOR A BIG SANDWICH RIGHT NOW pants: ARE YOU THERE GOD IT'S ME FATPANTS pants: WHAT DO I PAY YOU A RETAINER FOR pants: YOU KEEP THOSE COCKS OUT OF MY GARDEN OR I'LL KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF

pants: KILL 'EM ALL AND LET ME SORT IT OUT (I'M REALLY GOOD AT SORTING OUT STUFF)

deuce: FULL OF VIM AND VIGOR (AND A LITTLE VINEGAR)

deuce: MOTHERFUCKER spigot: THAT IS NOT THE SORT OF LANGUAGE I EXPECT FROM A WEB DEVELOPER

spigot: NOW STEPHEN HAWKING IS SAYING BLACK HOLES ARE NATURE’S GLORYHOLES AND YOU CAN GET A BJ FROM SOMEONE WAY FAR AWAY spigot: I CAN’T REALLY UNDERSTAND HIS SPEECH THING

spigot: IS THAT A BIG FAT DONG IN YOUR PANTS OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?!?!?!?!?!?! spigot: DON'T CARE JUST FLOP IT OUT REGARDLESS

deuce: AGAGAGGAGAG pants: ARE YOU AGAGAGGAGAGING deuce: AGAGAGAAAGG NO pants: BECAUSE IF YOU ARE I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT IT deuce: AGAGAGAGAGAGAG SERIOUSLY I'M NOT pants: I NEED TO CHECK WITH MY SUPERVISOR pants: T DEUCE WE GOT A GUY DOING THE AGAGAGAGAGAAG THING HERE pants: IT'LL BE JUST A SECOND deuce: AGAGAGAGGGAGAGAG

pants: SLOW DOWN, TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND SOAK ME WITH THE HOSE

atandt: LOW INTEREST RATES IN MY TROUSERS

deuce: T PANTS LET'S GET MSN PREMIER FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: WHAT deuce: T PANTS NEVER MIND pants: T DEUCE I LICK THINGS

pants: I SEE YOU MASTURBATING LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT AND I SAY "SLOW IT DOWN TAKE YOUR TIME" ALSO I MET ELVIS IN A PAYTOILET IN GOLDEN GATE PARK atandt: MORE LIKE A BI-CURIOUS CIRCLE JERK atandt: OK WHO'S IN pants: PANTS SLOWLY RAISES BOTH HANDS deuce: DUH

pants: I CAN'T SEE pants: TURN THE LIGHTS ON pants: I'M NOT SAYING TO NOT BE GAY JUST TURN THE LIGHTS UP pants: OK TURN THEM OFF

pants: SORRY I BEAT OFF ALL OVER YOUR JPEGS

pants: SERIOUSLY IF YOU WANT TO MARRY ME THAT WOULD BE JUST FINE I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY PARENTS (THIS BONG AND THAT DONG) pants: ALSO IF YOU COULD PLEASE BLOCK ME FROM YOUR SITE I CANNOT STOP JERKING OFF AND I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY DIZZY (AND THAT CAN'T BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS) pants: I HAVE APPEARANCES TO KEEP UP YOU KNOW

atandt: ARE YOU EXPERIENCED atandt: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN EXPERIENCED atandt: WELL I HAVE atandt: I KNOW I KNOW YOU'LL PROBABLY SCREAM AND CRY atandt: THAT YOUR LITTLE WORLD WON'T LET YOU GO atandt: BUT WHO IN YOUR MEASLY LITTLE WORLD atandt: ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE TO THAT YOU'RE NOT MADE OUT OF GOLD atandt: AND CAN'T BE SOLD atandt: SO atandt: UH atandt: ARE YOU EXPERIENCED

spigot: I AM SO GAY RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER COME DOWN spigot: WELL OFF TO THE TOILET spigot: I SAID *OFF TO THE TOILET*

atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP pants: YOU CANNOT COME IN atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP pants: THIS IS A PRIVATE STALL pants: THIS STALL WAS NOT MADE FOR THIS KIND OF STRESS atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP pants: SHE'S BREAKING UP SHE'S BREAKING UP

atandt: I AM A "TEAM PLAYER" deuce: I AM "GETTING A BLOWJOB"

spigot: HOW ABOUT ANNE FRANK MEETS THE DALEKS

spigot: T PANTS I'M HAVING A BAD TRIP pants: T SPIGOT I STEPPED ON ANOTHER BUNNY HELP ME BURY IT

atandt: T DEUCE I OFFER THESE CHEESE FRIES TO YOU AS A PEACE OFFERING atandt: T DEUCE PLEASE ACCEPT THEM IN GOOD FAITH deuce: T ATANDT REJECTED OUT-OF-HAND atandt: T PANTS I OFFER THESE CHEESE FRIES TO YOU AS A PEACE OFFERING pants: T ATANDT YAY YUM CHOMP SLOBBER DUH

deuce: WHY DO I KEEP GETTING CRANK CALLS

: 1996 spigot: ALL THESE DOLE POSTERS????? PAMPHLETS???? WHAT IS YOUR POSITION ON RECYCLING?????? : 2000 spigot: ALL THESE GORE POSTERS????? PAMPHLETS???? WHAT IS YOUR POSITION ON RECYCLING?????? : 2004 spigot: ALL THESE BUSH POSTERS????? PAMPHLETS???? WHAT IS YOUR POSITION ON RECYCLING??????

spigot: DREAM DREAM DREAM spigot: DREAMING OF DICK spigot: ALL DAY LONG I'M spigot: DREAMING OF DICK spigot: DREAM DREAM DREAM spigot: WHEN I SUCK DICK spigot: (CHORUS: DREAM DREAM) spigot: I CHOKE IT WAY DOWN spigot: CHOKIN' DOWN DICK spigot: (CHORUS: DICK DICK) spigot: FADE OUT

pants: ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY GAVE ME HALF-A-STAR

spigot: FUCKING CLOSE THE DOOR spigot: STUPID ASS JERKOFF I'M BEATING OFF IN HERE DIPSHIT GET OUT spigot: GET THE FUCK OUT spigot: PUT THE COFFEE ON THE FUCKING DESK

deuce: I'M PRETTY FUNKDAFIED PEOPLE spigot: IS THAT STREET LINGO FOR DRUNK deuce: NO, RICH spigot: RICH ON BEING DRUNK spigot: SOMETIMES I LIKE TO GET ALL MY PORN MAGAZINES AND VIDEOS AND STACK THEM ALL UP IN A BIG PILE JUST TO SEE HOW MUCH I HAVE

pants: NO MATCH FOR "GAYNESS.ORG" deuce: HARD TO BELIEVE (THERE IS A LOT OF GAYNESS)

pants: WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE pants: WHOSE BABY IS THAT pants: I'LL BUY THAT

spigot: HAHAHAH REMEMBER WHEN BILL GATES GOT CREAMED WITH A PIE?!?!?!? spigot: OH GOD YOUR BLACK DONG IS PUSHING ME INSIDE OUT PRACTICALLY

atandt: ANYONE FOR HALF-CHEWED STARBURSTS

spigot: LET'S HEAR IT FOR APPLESCRIPT spigot: I'M TRYING REAL HARD TO IGNORE THOSE DICKS pants: THEY WERE AMUSING AT FIRST, NOW THEY'RE EMBARASSING spigot: THEY POKE ME IN THE FACE BUT THEY ALSO MAKE ME THINK pants: THEY BUILD CHARACTER

deuce: YOU GOTTA LET A HO BE A HO spigot: HE'S TALKING TO THE KETCHUP NOW spigot: EXCITED ABOUT PUSH TECHNOLOGY spigot: SIR YOU ARE PUSHING MY FACE INTO A PILE OF DOGSHIT spigot: SIR IN THE BLUE PANTS pants: J E L L O

pants: HELP pants: HELP HELP pants: FOR GOD'S SAKE SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME atandt: WHAT NOW pants: I HAVE DONE A TERRIBLE THING atandt: RESTRAINING ORDER? pants: NO atandt: LICKED TOO MANY DICKS AT ONCE? pants: I DON'T UNDERSTAND atandt: ARE YOU HURT OR SICK pants: I REQUIRE SOME ASSISTANCE atandt: SPLAIN pants: REMEMBER THE GOTH GIRL I MARRIED ??? atandt: KIND OF pants: WELL WE NEED TO DIG A GOTH GIRL SIZED HOLE atandt: IS SHE DEAD pants: KIND OF atandt: ELABORATE pants: SHE'S CANADIAN atandt: I'LL GET THE SHOVEL

spigot: FRESHLY BAKED DONGS!!!!!!! pants: FORP spigot: THAT'S RIGHT spigot: HEY WHAT DO YOU CALL THREE EX-MICROSOFT EMPLOYEES?!?!? spigot: A FAT DICKLICKING DONGATHON!!!!!!!! pants: I'M STICKING TO MY STORY AND THAT'S THAT

spigot: N ARE FOR NUTS

spigot: CAN WE PLAY PHANTOM STALLBOOTH spigot: HOO BOY I'M BORED WHAT'S THIS A CARDBOARD STALL spigot: HONK BONK SUDDENLY IN TOILET LAND spigot: URF DUH LEARNING ABOUT NUMBERS AND LETTERS AND JIZZ spigot: MATHEMAJIZZMOP ??? deuce: THIS IS LIKE SESAME STREET BUT WITHOUT THE SESAME AND QUITE FRANKLY THERE'S NOT MUCH STREET EITHER deuce: SO I GUESS IT'S KIND OF A SESAME RAPE deuce: (WITHOUT THE SESAME BUT WITH EXTRA RAPE)

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER AS A WEB DEVELOPER AND ALSO A CHILD MOLESTER spigot: CAN I DO BOTH IN THE SAME LINE OR NO

spigot: SEVERE DONGS POUND MOUTH, ASS OF CENTRAL VALLEY pants: DOES NETIQUETTE NOT APPLY pants: BEING BEATEN, RAPED IN PUBLIC TOILET pants: PLEASE PEOPLE PLEASE deuce: WRITE A FAQ pants: HOW CAN I WITH ALL THE POKING AND JOSTLING

spigot: AS A SPECIAL TREAT YOU ALL GET TO BE FIRST IN LINE TO PREVIEW AN ALL-NEW FORM OF JERKCITY COMEDY I'VE BEEN DEVELOPING SECRETLY ON A VARIETY OF MACHINES FOR NEARLY TEN SECONDS spigot: KEEP IN MIND THIS IS PURELY EXPERIEMNTAL pants: SHOW ME THE FUNNY spigot: HERE WE GO pants: MACSBUG

deuce: SUBJECT: SYSTEMATIC EXTERMINATION OF ALL WOMEN, CHILDREN, PEOPLE SUBSTANTIALLY DIFFERENT FROM US (PROPOSITION D) pants: SUBJECT: PLEASE WAS RE: I REALLY DO NEED TO USE THE TOILET

pants: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WITH A STRAIGHT FACE THAT YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN HEAD TO ANONYMOUS MARINES IN THE BACK OF A CAMARO WITH QUIET RIOT PLAYING CAN YOU ??? I THOUGHT NOT

atandt: TELL DEUCE WHEN YOU TYPE WITH YOUR BALLS, PLEASE FOCUS ON CLARITY deuce: I'M SORRY I FORGOT I WAS TALKING TO THE NATIONAL SPELLING BEE CHAMPION

pants: CLONKING pants: BONKING pants: CLONKING AND BONKING deuce: SO CLONKING, BONKING: GOT IT

spigot: ALL YOUR DICKS ARE BELONG IN MY MOUTH

spigot: T PANTS WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN FINGERS AND HANDS AND ARMS AND SOMETIMES WHOLE PEOPLE FIND THEIR WAY INTO YOUR STALL AND YOU SUCK THEM ALL OFF pants: HMM pants: I'M CERTAINLY NO EXPERT WHEN IT COMES TO MATTERS OF THE HEART

spigot: FOLKS I'M HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTACK spigot: HURF HUHHHHHHHH HURF HUHHHHHHHH HURF HUHHHHHHHHH spigot: I CAN'T BLOW OUT THIS SIMPLE MATCH deuce: JUMP HIM spigot: SON OF A

spigot: THE BALLS PAGE spigot: HERE'S A LINK TO MY BALLS spigot: HERE'S OTHER BALLS I THINK ARE COOL spigot: YOU CAN MAIL MY BALLS spigot: HERE ARE MY BALLS AGAIN IN FRAME FORMAT spigot: THESE BALLS ARE A TRANSPARENT GIF89A spigot: THESE BALLS ARE UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!!!!! spigot: PLEASE EXCUSE THE NUTS!!!!!!

deuce: DROP ME OFF AT THE GAY HOLE

spigot: WAITER!!!!! REALITY CHECK OVER HERE!!!!!!! FROM HELL!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THANKS FOR SHARING!!! A LITTLE MORE INFORMATION THAN I NEEDED TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!! spigot: CUT OFF MY MOTHERFUCKING DICK AND STUFF IT INTO MY MOUTH AND KICK ME DOWN THE WATERSLIDE

deuce: DICKS spigot: IS THIS THE CAREER CENTER

spigot: WHEN WILL I MAKE THE FACIAL HALL OF FAME????? atandt: WITH A FINE ASS LIKE YOURS IT IS HARD TO SAY spigot: PRACTICE, PRACTICE

spigot: I DON'T LIKE THE WAY GAY POLICEMEN HAVE ACCESS TO SEARCH WARRANTS

pants: SHOW US YOUR TITS

pants: I, EFFICIENT COCKSUCKING MACHINE deuce: COULD WE GET A MEASURE OF THAT EFFICIENCY deuce: I MEAN HOW MANY DICKS GET LEFT BY THE WAYSIDE pants: T DEUCE WHAT DO YOU MEAN "LEFT BY THE WAYSIDE" ???? deuce: YOU KNOW deuce: THE DICKS THAT FALL DOWN THE SEWER deuce: THE ONES THAT CRAWL AWAY AND YIPE OUT THE DOOR AND GET THE ATTENTION OF THE POLICE deuce: ETC.

spigot: LET'S ALL TALK POLITICS spigot: HALBHLABHLAHBLAHBL spigot: SHOOTINGS spigot: LHBLAHBLAHBLA spigot: BROWSER WARS spigot: ALHBLAHBLAHBLAHBL spigot: AHBLABHLABHALBHALHBA spigot: SALAMI

spigot: NOBODY LIKES A QUITTER (IN CURSIVE: 2UITTER)

spigot: NO MORE FAG MCMUFFINS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED

deuce: I AM EXPERIENCING THE PARADOX OF TIME DILATION DUE TO SPECIAL RELATIVITY pants: I'M OLD deuce: YOU HAVE BEEN HERE PATIENTLY WAITING FOR ME ALL THIS TIME

spigot: 1-800-URINE ISN'T EVEN SEVEN DDDDD OH JESUS YOU'RE SOAKING ME pants: I CAN'T WEAR THESE CLOTHES TO WORK TOMORROW DUE TO YOUR WETTING spigot: THIS CLASS IS HARD

pants: PISS FIGHT (HANDING OUT DIXIE CUPS AND SPLASH GUARDS) atandt: THIS IS A FAMILY MOO SIR atandt: SOON TO BE A DUKES OF HAZZARD THEME PARK pants: WITH ANY LUCK

deuce: FOLKS GOD IS TELLING ME TO JERK OFF AGAIN (IN ORDER TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE) pants: DON'T JUST STAND THERE THEN pants: TO THE BATCAVE

pants: HUALGHLAHG pants: MATCHING A DICK FOR A PRICK AND BACK AGAIN pants: IT IS THE WILL OF GOD pants: THE WAY OF THE WORLD pants: PANIC IN THE STALLS pants: OH HULAHGLAHLUGAUHLGHLA THE HUMANITY HULAHGALHGLAG pants: SAVE, SAVE AS pants: I AM LIVID THAT YOU CHOSE TO HOLD BACK PRICKS pants: I QUESTION YOUR JUDGEMENT IN THIS MATTER pants: CANNED PANCAKES, COCKS FOR LET, CRAMPY POO, WELCOME TO SAIGON pants: GALAGA LHAGLHALUGHALHULGAG FROGGER

spigot: I'M SORRY I PUNCHED YOU IN THE THROAT spigot: GET UP

spigot: YOU WILL SUCK DICK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN spigot: HURMPH BLOGHRPBLRH*(U spigot: HAVING ANOTHER MANIC MONDAY

pants: DO YOU YAHOO ?????????? pants: I YAHOOED ALL OVER YOUR FUCKING STUPID FACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: UP WITH DICK

pants: I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT pants: I DREAMED I BEAT YOU WITH A ROLL OF QUARTERS IN MY FIST pants: THEN ME AND SOME FRIENDS ROLLED YOUR BODY IN AN OLD RUG pants: AND PRETTY MUCH HID YOU OUT BY THE BAYLANDS pants: DO YOU THINK THERE IS DEEPER MEANING IN MY DREAM?? WRITE BACK pants: LOVE, PANTS atandt: RESTRAINING ORDER CAME THIS MORNING

: Don't get too close. He's seriously considering you as a fucktoy. deuce: MY PENIS DOESN'T WORK !!! deuce: WHEN I HIT IT WITH A HAMMER IT DOESN'T SQUEAK ANYMORE

net: T DEUCE YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I HEARD ABOUT ROXANNE SHANTE deuce: ONLY GOOD FOR STEADY FUCKIN' ?!!?!?!?! net: SO YOU'VE HEARD TOO

spigot: CHIRP PIRP CHIRP PIRP CHIRP PIRP HYPNOTIZING ME spigot: CHIRP YOUR'RE GAY CHIRP YOU'RE GAY CHIRP GAY pants: A GAY CRICKET IN THE BIG BIG CITY spigot: FROG AND TOAD ARE FAGS

atandt: I AM GOING TO SEE THE 5:05 SHOWING OF HOLLOW MAN BECAUSE I THINK IT WOULD BE COOL TO RAPE A GIRL WHILST INVISIBLE

spigot: T PANTS I'M FLYING INTO THE DANGER ZONE pants: HEAVEN FORBID spigot: T PANTS BOMP BOMP DA DOMP BOMP pants: T SPIGOT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY TOP GUN spigot: EIGHT SNICKERS LATER I HAVE DIHARREA

pants: YUMPIN YIMINEY pants: I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE BALLS pants: WON'T YOU PLEASE HELP pants: A TREASURE TROVE OF DICK pants: A GAY GAY DAY IN AUGUST (DA DUM) pants: FUH SEZ I pants: PRICKS OF MASS DISTRACTION THAT'S FOR SURE pants: YAN CAN CRAM pants: OASIS pants: A GAY PARADE DOWN MAIN STREET pants: BLINDFOLD AND CHOKE ME PLZ

spigot: REMEMBER THAT TIME WE WERE GAY WITH EACH OTHER IN THE UPS TRUCK AND THEN IT TOOK OFF AND THE DOOR SLID SHUT AND WE WENT TO VERMONT atandt: WHATEVER

atandt: NAZI DOS ATTACKS

pants: BEATING OFF IN THE MUSEUM OF DEATH pants: COULD I HAVE PICKED A STICKIER, MORE SWEET-SMELLING DRINK TO SPILL ALL OVER CREATION HERE pants: NO, I THINK NOT

pants: JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I SUCK DICK atandt: T PANTS PLZ NOTE THAT 'A.B.DICK' COMPANY INVENTED 'MIMEOGRAPH' pants: JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I SUCK DICK atandt: T PANTS THEREBY PAVING THE WAY TO MASS MARKET PORNOGRAPHY

pants: MY LATINO PRIDE IS OFFENDED BY YOUR BONER deuce: ZZBZZZBZBBZZBZBBZZBBZ (BONER ATTEMPTING TO CONVINCE YOU OTHERWISE) pants: ACACACACACACACCACCA (BEING CONVINCED)

pants: MACANUDOS

spigot: SPLUB SPUH BLHBLHBL PUH THTPEHT BITTER deuce: FAG

spigot: THIS URINE STAIN REALLY TIES THE ROOM TOGETHER

pants: MY BEST FRIEND, THE BONG POKER THINGY

spigot: INVESTIGATIVE REPUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PANTS DOWN spigot: SPREADING MY CHEEKS spigot: LBHLAHBLAHBLABH LIKE A PAC MAN

deuce: WHY IS THERE A PROGRAM ON SPICE CALLED "ETHNICITY" ???? I WONDER WHAT IT'S ABOUT pants: MEXICANS I WOULD GUESS spigot: ETHNIC ALBANIANS???? MORE LIKE ETHNIC COMPLANIANS

spigot: THE LINUX SUICIDE EXPO????? spigot: THE LINUX POISON-DRINKING SUMMIT?????????

spigot: ITEMS REMAINING TO BE DELETED: 87,303 spigot: I'M A MACINTOSH spigot: HURBLE DURBLE deuce: REBOOTING YOU OFTEN

spigot: MISS THURMAN MISS THURMAN!!!!! spigot: IS IT TRUE "UMA" IS SHORT FOR "USELESS"

pants: WHAT IF WE’RE IN A DREAM BUT NOT INSIDE A DREAM JUST A REGULAR DREAM (1 LEVEL DEEP)

pants: OKQY THIS IS TOO PQINFUL 8REM STUPID FRENCH KEYBOQRDS9

pants: HGLAHGLUAHLGHAULGHUG pants: BGHAHLGAUHGULAHGULAH pants: LAGHUAGLAHUGLAHLUHUG

atandt: I'M JOHN TRAVOLTA deuce: I KNEW IT atandt: HOLY deuce: GET 'IM deuce: MY BOWELS ARE GOING TO BURST atandt: HOLY (AGAIN FOR EFFECT)

deuce: OK THE TIVO IS TRYING TO RECORD KOJAK

spigot: I SAVE EVERY SCRAP OF PORN BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHAT I'LL BE INTO THREE MONTHS DOWN THE ROAD

deuce: WHAT DO YOU MEAN LEONARD NIMOY IS JEWISH?

pants: I HAVE SMOKED MYSELF RETARDED

pants: MOP IT UP OFF YOUR STOMACH WITH MY HAIR

atandt: YOU THERE. NO PUKING ON YOUR SHOES

spigot: HE'S ALL "WANNA POUNDA DOPE" AND I SAY YES SIR AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW HE'S REALLY POUNDING IT INTO MY FACE!!!!!! THEN I REALIZE I AM THE DOPE

pants: WELL HERE WE ARE AGAIN, WELCOME TO THE BIG SHOW pants: WILL THERE BE COOKIES OR SHOULD I JUST KEEP ON DOING IT

pants: I AM PRIMED AND READY FOR GAYNESS deuce: EVERY STATION PLEASE GIVE ME A GO/NO GO FOR GAYNESS pants: GAYNESS LIGHT ON CHECK

deuce: I EAT SHIT deuce: (REGULARLY, IT IS A PROBLEM)

net: I WISH I WERE A MOMMY bung: WE CAN FIX THAT net: YOU TRIED FOR SIX HOURS YESTERDAY AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS SORE MOUTH bung: WE'LL TRY THE OTHER END TODAY bung: I HAD THE INSTRUCTIONS UPSIDE DOWN

.(spigot): SHIT!!! THIS GIRL IN FRONT OF ME JUST ASKED A QUESTION AND SHE NEEDS A RESPONSE AND I WASN'T LISTENING spigot: YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE I SUCK DICK!!!! spigot: I'VE BEEN A CLOSET FAG AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER!!! I TAKE VIAGRA JUST TO GET IT UP WITH YOU!!! I'M ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY AND I THINK MY WHOLE LIFE IS FALLING APART!!! spigot: I'M JUGGLING SO MANY HUGE COCKS AND DUMB GIRLS LIKE YOURSELF I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT ALL YOUR NAMES ARE HALF THE TIME spigot: EACH DAY IS LIKE A 1960'S SEX COMEDY, A FRENCH FARCE IN WHICH I KEEP ALL OF YOU AWAY FROM EACH OTHER AND IN THE DARK ABOUT WHO I REALLY AM spigot: I HAVE SERIOUS PROBLEMS. I'M AN OUT OF CONTROL SEX ADDICT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN DEBT AND I THINK I HAVE AIDS .(spigot): AND NOW, BACK TO MY THOUGHTS

pants: SOMEDAY I'LL BE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY AND YOU'LL BE SORRY

deuce: JERKING OFF TO KOREAN PORN deuce: IS JADE EAST KOREAN, DUMB, OR JUST BORED spigot: STILL TRYING TO COMPARE AND CONTRAST JADE EAST WITH WAGONS EAST deuce: I UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S A DIFFICULT PROPOSITION ISN'T IT

deuce: SISTA #10 GETS AS MANY THUMBS UP AS I CAN MUSTER IN THIS STATE OF DEHYDRATION (FROM THE JERKING YOU SEE)

spigot: OKAY MADONNA!!!!!!!! WE ALL GET THE IDEA!!!!!! YOUR LOVE JUST KEEPS GETTING PUSHED OVER THE GOD DAMN BORDERLINE

spigot: I THINK DEUCE IS PLAYING BOGGLE spigot: I PLACE MY EAR TO THE DOOR OF HIS OFFICE AND I HEAR "BOGGLE GOGGLE HOGGLE" FOR LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES AND IT'S LOCKED spigot: FREE TO BE FILLED WITH DICK deuce: I CAN'T SPELL THAT WITH THESE LETTERS

spigot: AGE/SEX/COP OR NOT

atandt: T DEUCE YOU WILL BE MY SMOOTH BUDDY deuce: T ATANDT I'M IGNORING THAT deuce: I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT A SMOOTH BUDDY IS deuce: BUT IT'S PRETTY CLEAR IT CAN'T BE GOOD atandt: WEAR THIS

bung: NO CLEAR RESULTS FROM GOOGLE ON "SMOOTH BUDDY"

atandt: T DEUCE BE MY SMOOTH BUDDY spigot: T DEUCE BE MY CO-SYSOP deuce: T ATANDT AND SPIGOT DO NOT PRESSURE ME

deuce: /USR/LIB/CRT0.O(.TEXT+0X35): UNDEFINED REFERENCE TO 'MAIN' deuce: IT KEEPS DOING THAT pants: WOULD YOU, COULD YOU BE MY SMOOTH BUDDY

pants: DID I MISS SMOOTH BUDDY WEEK AGAIN

deuce: ANOTHER BIG FAT RAPPER WEARING REALLY BRIGHT CLOTHES TO EMPHASIZE HOW FUCKING FAT HE REALLY IS spigot: ALL I HAVE IN THIS WORLD IS MY BALLS AND MY WORD deuce: I'LL THROW MY BALLS INTO THE MIX ALSO spigot: AND THIS GUN AND THEREFORE YOUR ATM CARD SIR (POINTING)

pants: HORMPTH HOMPTH MORE TYLENOL WITH CODEINE #3 PLEASE

pants: STOP CRYING !!! I TOLD YOU I WAS A COCKSUCKER FROM THE BEGINNING !!! YOU SAW THAT ISSUE OF MAXIM UNDER MY COUCH pants: YOU CAN WATCH ME LICK DICK BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY OUTSIDE THE STALL FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY !!! YOU COULD LOSE A LIMB BECAUSE I'M LIKE A MACHINE WHEN I GET GOING pants: I SAID STOP CRYING !!! JUST HOLD STILL AND LET ME GET DOWN TO BUSINESS !!! THIS TIME I'M ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN AND YOU'RE THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER

atandt: AND THAT'S WHY WE NEED TO MOVE "BIG FAGGOTY DICK PART III" TO A FALL RELEASE pants: I AM BOTH OUTRAGED AND SADDENED pants: YET I AM ALSO AROUSED AND ERECT atandt: HERE IT COMES pants: I AM ENGORGED WITH BLOOD pants: RELEASE THE DOGS OF WAR OR WHATEVER IT IS WE DO AROUND HERE

pants: IF YOU TRY HARD YOU REALLY CAN MASTURBATE TO ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY'S THEATER SECTION !!! BUT JESUS CHRIST BY THE SECOND PARAGRAPH I'M ALREADY STARTING TO WISH I WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE pants: I AM ATTEMPTING TO TRAIN MYSELF TO JERK OFF OVER HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS, MAGAZINES IN THE IMPULSE-BUY SECTION OF THE SUPERMARKET, THE LITTLE TIVO GUY pants: THUS FAR THE EXPERIMENT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A COMPLETE FAILURE !!! I AM CHUGGING AND TUGGING YET THIS MICROWAVE CART IS NOT GETTING ANY SEXIER

spigot: DO I HAVE TO DRAW A MAP TO MY LAP

pants: LET'S TOUCH DICKS spigot: CAN I BORROW A STEPHEN KING NOVEL OR POSSIBLY A NOVELLA spigot: SERIOUSLY IT'S A LONG TRAIN RIDE BACK TO WHEREVER IT IS I'M GOING AND I'D REALLY LIKE SOME COMPANY pants: FOR GOD'S SAKE LET US TOUCH DICKS BEFORE THE SUN COMES UP AND WE TURN INTO DUST OR PUMPKINS OR MICE OR WHATEVER spigot: CARRIE'S SHINING TOMMYKNOCKERS

deuce: T PANTS I'M KILLING YOU, MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT YOU, THEN KILLING MYSELF pants: T DEUCE MAKE EPISODES 4, 5 AND 6 FIRST AND THEN GO BACK TO DO 1, 2, 3

pants: NOW YOU GOT THE JUICE

deuce: I HATE IT WHEN HE DOES THIS

deuce: STABBED TO DEATH IN THE HALLWAY

pants: AFTER ALL WE’VE BEEN THROUGH WAS RE: HANDS OFF MY KNEE MISTER

deuce: I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS HUMPING

spigot: GAY I'M A PERSON WITH FEELINGS spigot: I MEAN I'M A PERSON WITH FEELINGS

pants: FILE CR* pants: LS pants: LS -LA pants: FAT *.* : PANTS DUMPS CORE

atandt: I'M A WHITE RAPPER deuce: AWESOME atandt: A PFTFTFT PFFTFTF WONDER BREAD BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY deuce: THE ***PREMIUM*** CRACKER deuce: T ATANDT GET IT

spigot: YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN YOUR SQUIRTSHITS FILL UP THE BOWL ABOVE THE WATERLINE

pants: THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS: BE MY BLOG atandt: I WILL BE YOUR BLOG pants: HERE WE GO: WOKE UP AT 5PM, HIGH BY 9PM pants: ARE YOU GETTING ALL THIS atandt: SCRIBBLES FURIOUSLY pants: YOU CAN COPY AND PASTE FOR YESTERDAY TOO (IF YOU WANT)

pants: T DEUCE FROM THE BOOK OF WANG PSALM 41 pants: O THE WANGS / THEY MAKE MY DIZZY / O SO DIZZY / I'LL SIGN ANYTHING WHEN I'M IN THIS STATE / O THE WANGS / THEY MAKE US DIZZY/ YES RATHER DIZZY / QUITE DIZZY IN FACT pants: O THE WANGS / AND ON AND ON / I SHOULD SLEEP SOON / YES THE WANGS THE WANGS WANGS WANGS WANGS / DIZZY AND SO FORTH deuce: THIS CHURCH FUCKING SUCKS

spigot: YAY AND MY MACHINE CRASHES AND CHOKES AND CRAWLS TO A STOP!!!!! spigot: THANKS NOTE PAD

spigot: I KEEP DETAILED NOTES ABOUT EVERY DICK THAT'S EVER ASSAULTED ME HERE IN MY TRAPPER-KEEPER

spigot: NOT ON OR BESIDE OR AROUND OR NEXT TO OR UNDERNEATH OR IN THE SAME "ROOM" AS MY MOUTH spigot: I MEAN ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY IN MY MOUTH AND FACE !!!! IS THAT DOABLE deuce: SOUND OF CRICKETS CHIRPING spigot: PEOPLE

spigot: MY DONG IS TRULY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER

pants: T DEUCE I GOT VERY GAY LAST NIGHT pants: T DEUCE I AM RECOVERING NICELY (IN-N-OUT, BONGHITS) deuce: T PANTS ARE YOU INTO HEAVY PETTING pants: T DEUCE I WILL LET YOU GO TO FIFTH BASE AND NO FURTHER

spigot: A BLACK A WOMAN TWO JEWS AND A CRIPPLE spigot: THAT IS THE JOKE AND THE PUNCHLINE I GUESS

deuce: I WRITE 'NET WITH AN APOSTROPHE spigot: I CALL THEM CYBERTOONZ pants: I HAVE THE RUNS

spigot: OF DONGS AND BONGS HOW CAN ONE MAN LICK DICK?!?! spigot: HELLO????? spigot: I AM THE SNOW NINJA deuce: GHGHGH pants: YOUR HONOR THE CONTRACT BETWEEN THIS 'UN AND ME THAT IS I THAT IS ME deuce: OBJECTION spigot: FOX PRESENTS WHEN COMMERCIALS ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WAIT A MINUTE spigot: THESE ARE JUST spigot: STOPPING VCR deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH SIMPLY CUDDLING INSTEAD OF HORRIBLE ANAL RAPE deuce: MY CONTRACTIONS ARE NOW ONE MINUTE APART pants: OUT OF SPACE

pants: SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR JERKCITY 1000

deuce: IF WE TOUCH DICKS WE CAN TRANSFER DATA DIRECTLY BETWEEN OUR BODIES pants: LORDY

deuce: WHEN I JERK OFF I FEEL GOOD FOR ABOUT TWENTY SECONDS AND THEN WHAM IT'S RIGHT BACK INTO SUICIDAL DEPRESSION

spigot: LET'S BE RENAISSANCE FAGS spigot: MY LORD THY FACE IS TRULY JIZZWORTHY deuce: THIS TIME I GET TO BE THE TIMELORD deuce: YOU CAN BE ONE OF THE WOMEN SIDEKICKS spigot: LEELA

pants: MY PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD IS TO TRACK URINE AROUND

spigot: I'M A CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE spigot: SQUIRT ME WITH FLUID AND LIGHT ME spigot: FOOMP URF GAY

deuce: LET'S YOU AND ME JERK DONGS NOW spigot: THAT'S THE NICEST THING ANYONE'S EVER SAID TO ME

spigot: LOOKING FORWARD TO PLAYBOY'S GIRLS I GAVE A BLACK EYE TO AND THEN TOOK MONEY FROM

pants: SO MY DAD'S STILL MOLESTING ME pants: HE LIKES IT ALTHOUGH I FIND MYSELF INDIFFERENT ABOUT THE PROCESS pants: OKAY THAT'S A WRAP pants: I'LL BE SMOKING IN THE PARKING LOT IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME pants: ONE MORE PAGE TO GO ??? CAN WE EDIT THIS PART OUT pants: ALL RIGHT: UH, DEAR CANADIAN GOTH GIRL pants: WAIT WRONG PAGE pants: THIS PLACE IS WORSE THAN THE MUPPET SHOW

spigot: I CAN ONLY BE SO GAY BEFORE I RUN OUT OF SPURT

pants: MAKING FTP CONNECTION TO PREP.AI.MIT.EDU pants: FUCK YOU ANSWER pants: FUCKING WAKE UP MIT pants: FUCKING DO SOMETHING USEFUL pants: FUCKING JUST LIE THERE THEN pants: PISSY DICKS FOR $200 PLEASE pants: WHAT pants: IT IS SO A CATEGORY

spigot: HELLO DEUCE WELCOME TO FAT CHAT I'M SPIGOT (240LBS/SF) deuce: 100 KG/OAKLAND deuce: I'M A METRIC QUEER spigot: DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE IN KINDERGARTEN BECAUSE I DON'T APPROVE

deuce: COULD LISA SIMPSON NOT SING PLEASE

pants: I WANT TO DELIVER MAIL TO THE STALLS pants: PACKAGE FOR YOU SIR pants: KNOCK KNOCK I'VE GOT A POSTCARD FROM STALL 4 TO STALL 2 spigot: COME ON IN SORRY AS YOU CAN SEE THIS PLACE IS A MESS spigot: CLOSE THE DOOR spigot: HONK pants: OOF pants: LORDY LORD spigot: URG pants: SIGN HERE AND HERE AND HERE AND HULAGHLUAGHUAG HERE spigot: THANK YOU COME AGAIN

deuce: I AM A SERIES OF ON AND OFF PULSES deuce: SIGNIFYING DICK

spigot: MY ASS HURTS!!!!!! pants: OKAY BYE spigot: NO SERIOUSLY MY ASS REALLY HURTS pants: AND??? spigot: CAN YOU STICK YOUR HAND UP THERE AND HELP pants: OH MY GOD spigot: PLEASE???? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS pants: **SIGH** ALL RIGHT spigot: OW spigot: OW OW OW OW OW OKAY OW ENOUGH pants: HOLD STILL pants: DUDE I JUST PULLED OUT A SOLID GOLD WATCH spigot: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!

atandt: IS THIS THING ON atandt: WELCOME TO BONEQUEST atandt: BONEQUEST IS ENJOYED BY THOUSANDS OF READERS DAILY atandt: THE FIRST STRIP WAS PUBLISHED ON AUGUST 17, 1998 atandt: THE STRIP FEATURES MYSELF AND OTHER CHARACTERS HAVING ADVENTURES atandt: FOR MORE INFORMATION, WRITE TO ROOT@ BONEQUEST.COM atandt: THIS CONCLUDES OUR BROADCAST atandt: I'LL JUST FONDLE MYSELF IN THIS LEFTOVER PANEL

spigot: SILENTY I DUNK MY NUTS INTO THE COLD TOILET WATER HMMM URRRRR

deuce: I GOT A PLANT !!!!!!!! TO MAKE MY WORK ENVIRONMENT MORE COMFORTABLE AND LESS SPARTAN !!!!!!!!!! ALSO I'M MENSTRUATING

pants: PANEL 1 pants: PANEL 2 atandt: THIS IS WORKING OUT NICELY pants: PANEL 3 atandt: GOOD pants: PANEL FOUR ??? atandt: THAT'S RIGHT GO ON pants: THAT WOULD MAKE THIS PANEL FIVE atandt: PLEASE CONTINUE pants: COCKSUCKING ??? atandt: UH pants: SERIOUSLY, LET'S WEIGH THE OPTIONS: CONTINUE CHECKING PANELS OR ... COCKSUCKING pants: BAULGAGHLUAHG atandt: HALUGHULAHLAG

spigot: I HAVE CHECKERBOARD MARKS ON MY ASS AND LEGS AND FACE AND BALLS AND WHATEVER OTHER PARTS OF ME WERE INVOLVED IN HALLOWEEN QUEERNESS LAST NIGHT spigot: BY THE WAY THE "GREAT PUMPKIN" TURNS OUT TO BE FALSE ADVERTISING

pants: CHMOD BONERS pants: CHOWN BONERS pants: CHGRP BONERS deuce: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BONERS

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY THIS IS AN EXTRA DUMPING WEEKEND

spigot: I'M GOING TO TIE MY DICK IN A KNOT spigot: THEN GET A BONER AND CHOKE MYSELF

spigot: CONVERSION FROM 'LONG' TO 'UNSIGNED DONG' : POSSIBLE ERROR spigot: I THINK NOT spigot: FOLKS I'M GOING TO CHECK MY DONG INTO YOUR MOUTH(S) deuce: THERE IS NO WAY THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG (ANSI C 5.1.2.2.1)

spigot: I'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME PEOPLE spigot: FUCK & SUCK CAMP spigot: LAKE HUGHRLHGLUHRLBGRLBTHGK

deuce: T PANTS HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING POT pants: NO I HA pants: YES

spigot: CAN I MAKE BALLOON ANIMALS pants: TRY NOT TO SQUEAK pants: WE'RE WATCHING HIGHLANDER THE SERIES spigot: PUTTING THE LAN AND THE WAN IN USER WIN BIN OR WHATEVER

spigot: OK CHIEF HERE'S THE SCENE: WE GOT TWO DEAD FAGGOTS IN THE BACKYARD spigot: BOTH ARE WEARING PINK PANSY DRESSES AND LIPSTICK spigot: FOUR DEAD FAGGOTS IN THE GARAGE spigot: LOOKS LIKE THEY CHOKED TO DEATH ON THEIR OWN QUEERNESS spigot: AND A BUNCH OF DEAD FAGS IN THE LIVING ROOM spigot: WE'RE NOT SURE HOW THEY DIED spigot: WE KNOW IT INVOLVES SUCKING DICK spigot: GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME LIEUTENANT

atandt: CAN I OFFER ANYONE A DIET COKE

pants: TONIGHT'S LAW & ORDER: "MANHOOD". A GAY COP DIES BECAUSE HE GETS NO BACKUP IN A DRUG BUST. pants: TOMORROW'S LAW & ORDER: "SILENCE". A HOMOSEXUAL COUNCILMAN WHO WAS BEING BLACKMAILED IS MURDERED. spigot: THIS FRIDAY'S LAW & ORDER: "FATTY MCFUCKFACE". HUGE PURPLE DICKS SLAP YOUR ASS AND LEGS.

blue nozzle: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU POUR BOILING WATER DOWN A RABBIT HOLE fetus soap: HOT CROSS BUNNIES

pants: I WAS LOCKED IN THE SPARE TOILET THE WHOLE TIME pants: WE'RE TALKING BRASS TALKS OR ELBOW GREASE pants: DESERVE VICTORY

spigot: EC{E{CE{{EC{E{{CE{{CE{ FRASH PRUGIN {E[C{E[CE[CE[CE[

spigot: ENOUGH OF THIS DEADLY GAME OF CAT & MOUSE....... LET'S LICK DICK

spigot: GRACE MY FACE WITH JIZZY LACE spigot: I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME

deuce: FOLKS LET'S NOT LOSE SIGHT OF MY TINY LITTLE PRICK

pants: REALLY DIFFICULT TO MASTURBATE TO/DURING BATTLEFIELD EARTH deuce: YOU NEED TO PLUG YOUR EARS AND EYES AND BASICALLY BE A LARVA

deuce: HURRAY FOR CODEWARRIOR'S PEEPHOLE OPTIMIZATION spigot: I HEARD PEEPHOLE AND THEN SPURTED SO WE ALL HAVE TO REBOOT spigot: ALSO PLEASE TURN THE LIGHTS OFF SO WE CAN BE ANONYMOUS

net: HEY EVERYONE net: LET'S GET FRUITY deuce: WHAT IF I SAY NO net: I'LL DO IT ANYWAY

deuce: LOUIS GOSSETT JR WAS POSITIVELY GLOWING IN ANY AND ALL OF THE IRON EAGLE SERIES

pants: TODAY'S ENTERTAINMENT SECTION HAS THIS HEADLINE: pants: SADE STILL PROVES SHE'S A SMOOTH OPERATOR pants: I DON'T GET THAT deuce: SMOOOOOOOOOOOTH OPERATOR pants: OH !!!!!!! IT'S ONE OF HER SONGS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I **GET** **IT** **NOW** deuce: AREN'T JOURNALISTS CLEVER pants: AND HOW pants: THAT COLUMNIST SHOULD GET A RAISE AND A PAT ON THE BACK pants: ALSO A GROPE TO THE CHEST (BOOBS OR NOT)

spigot: TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET !!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: #10: YOU CAN'T BREATHE BECAUSE OF MY BALLS AND LEGS spigot: #9: GO FUCK YOURSELF spigot: ETC

atandt: TOOT TOOT pants: MAKE WAY FOR TUGBOAT

deuce: I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS deuce: AND SOME WORSE NEWS deuce: THE BAD NEWS IS YOU ONLY HAVE SIX WEEKS TO LIVE pants: OH NO pants: WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN THAT ??? deuce: I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU SINCE LAST MONDAY deuce: HOLY GOD SQUIRTY DIARRHEA

deuce: UHURA SURE IS HOT IN THAT MIRROR, MIRROR OUTFIT

pants: SOMETHING ABOUT A CALL GIRL AND ONE COP AND THEN A LOT OF COPS AND HOW I'M HIDING IN YOUR CLOSET spigot: MAKE SURE WHEN MOM OPENS THE CLOSET DOOR YOU REMAIN STILL LIKE E.T.

deuce: COCKSUCKING deuce: *** NOT AVAILABLE IN IA, DE, MN, FL, LT

pants: I WILL BE THE MAILQ AND YOU WILL BE THE UUQ deuce: WHO WILL BE UUCICO ?!?!? pants: I DO NOT KNOW deuce: AWAY WITH YE THEN ozone: GUYS I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE

spigot: I AM TRULY UNDER THE SEA spigot: SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK spigot: WELL HERE COMES THE UNDERWATER DESSERT CART RIGHT NOW spigot: THESE PASTRIES AND PIES ARE SOAKING WET BUT WHO CARES spigot: HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH LEMON HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH APRICOT spigot: NEXT TIME I'LL BE AN ASTRONAUT SO I CAN SAMPLE THE DELICIOUS SPACE CAKES spigot: GLUB spigot: GLUB

pants: MAKE A COW SOUND deuce: ZZZ deuce: COCKS pants: YAY pants: MAKE A FROG SOUND deuce: PRICKS pants: NOW MAKE A HALGHULAG HLHA HLHALGHALAHLUGHAHLUGHLAUG NEVERMIND deuce: MOO pants: HAULGHULAHGLUAHULGAG I'M IN A MEETING pants: I'LL GLAHGULA LAHGLUAHUL GET BACK TO YOU deuce: QUACK pants: BLUH HUGALUGA SPLUTTER HUGALUGA

spigot: SOMEONE TAKE THE SONG-WRITING QUILL OUT OF MADONNA'S HAND AND GIVE HER AN INSIDE-OUT BRASSIERE AND SHOVE HER BACK IN THE DICKLICKING ROOM ALREADY!!!!!!!!! I MEAN WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE

pants: I'M EATING CRICKETS AND ANTS deuce: GOOD THING BECAUSE OTHERWISE THOSE BUGS WOULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD deuce: PANTS IS OUR LAST AND ONLY LINE OF DEFENSE pants: YOU MIGHT SAY I'M A NATIONAL HERO pants: CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH

pants: KILL -HUP DEUCE pants: OW OW OW OW OH GOD OW OW OW deuce: I WOULD ALSO HAVE ACCEPTED KILL -1 DEUCE pants: NO -1 MEANS GO BACKWARDS IN TIME

pants: WHAT IS DOCTOR WHO'S FIRST NAME (SERIOUSLY) spigot: I WILL TELL YOU FOR A 54 DOLLAR PLEDGE

spigot: JOIN THE COMICS RETAILERS ARTISTS / PUBLISHERS WEBRING !!!!!!!!!! spigot: SIR THAT SPELLS "CRAP" AND HANGING UP NOW spigot: SQUEEZING, STARING

deuce: SUBJECT: $1000/WK DONATING SPERM deuce: I HAVE FOUND MY DREAM CAREER pants: DUDE THEY WANT MALE SPERM deuce: FUCK

deuce: WHY ARE MY BALLS ROTATING SO SLOWLY

pants: GOD LOVES A COCKSUCKER SUCH AS MYSELF deuce: T PANTS ACTUALLY I DON'T THINK HE REALLY DOES pants: T DEUCE WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING deuce: T PANTS I DON'T WANT THE RUG MONSTERS TO FIND ME IN HERE (TOILET)

spigot: ME AND THE MISSUS HAD A GOOD CRY AND IT TURNS OUT IT'S OKAY THAT I'M GAY spigot: CAN I PLEASE STAY IN YOUR HOUSE UNTIL MARCH deuce: WHEEEE

atandt: WHERE'S PANTS atandt: I SURE HOPE HE'S NOT STUCK IN SOME JOHN GRISHAM NOVEL atandt: WHERE THE POLICE ARE CHASING HIM FOR THE WRONGFUL RAPE OF A BEATIFUL YOUNG atandt: HOLY SHIT THAT'S HUGE spigot: T ATANDT OR MAYBE HE'S LOST IN THE WONDERS OF AMY TAN'S HEARTWARMING spigot: DEPICTION OF THREE GENERATIONS OF A KOREAN FAMILY spigot: STRUGGLING TO OVERCOME THE OFTEN COMICAL LANGUAGE OF LOVE spigot: WIPE OFF THAT LIPSTICK, SLIDE ON OVER HERE AND LET'S GET STARTED

pants: YOU CAN'T SUCK DICK AT OFFICE DEPOT pants: LORD KNOWS I HAVE TRIED pants: THEIR STAFF IS NOT TOLERANT AS THEIR ADS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE pants: THEY'RE ALL "CAN I HELP YOU" AND I'M ALL "HUFF HUFF HUFF" pants: USUALLY I AM ASKED TO LEAVE AND ESCORTED OUT pants: I ALWAYS FIND A WAY BACK IN pants: HUFF HUFF HUFF BINDERS HUFF HUFF PALM PILOT ACCESSORIES pants: HUFF HUFF OH GOOD THEY MAKE BUSINESS CARDS HUFF HUFF HUFF

deuce: I'M AN INTERVAL OF A MINOR THIRD deuce: COMBINED WITH A PERFECT FIFTH deuce: FOLLOWED CLOSELY AND SWIFTLY BY A MINOR SEVENTH

deuce: AGE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A NMBMBBHBH GLURFFK FIRE SMOKE DEAD deuce: AALIYAH IS ARABIC MEANING "ASCENSION INTO HEAVEN AFTER DYING IN FIERY PLANE CRASH" deuce: I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS FOLKS

pants: EVER SUCK A COCK AND GET CONFUSED AND SPIT IT RIGHT BACK OUT ??? WE ALL HAVE AND SOMETIMES IT CAN BE PAINFUL TO RELIVE THIS PARTICULAR MEMORY BUT LORD KNOWS WE TRY AND WE TRY AND WE TRY

effigy: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NANOMETER AND A KILOMETER deuce: ONE GETS YOU HARD AND ONE GETS YOU HIGH effigy: TOO BAD THEY'RE NOT ONE IN THE SAME

spigot: A GAY MAN IN MY UNDERPANTS!?!?!?!? ME?!?!?!?!!!

pants: WE SHOULD GANG UP ON EACH OTHER (GANG-UP STYLE) deuce: MAYBE pants: I WILL HAVE TO READ THE FINE PRINT deuce: WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE, CHECK THE VALUES pants: ROOTING AROUND

deuce: SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU ARE WHEELED INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM

net: THIS ISN'T BOSNIA PEOPLE pants: BOOM net: ALSO SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT pants: BOOM pants: BOOM (THE SHELLING CONTINUES)

spigot: COME ON PEOPLE WHY CAN'T YOU ALL JUST LINE UP FOR YOUR FREE BLOWJOB WITHOUT COMPLAINING spigot: IT'S FROM *ME* FOR THE LOVE OF GOD spigot: LOOK AT MY BIG OPEN MOUTH AND POSITIVE ATTITUDE

deuce: WHO WANTS TO WATCH THE POSTMAN WITH ME !!!! deuce: (NOTE THE EXCLAMATION MARKS INDICATE AN IMPERATIVE NOT AN INTERROGATIVE BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOUR ANSWER WOULD BE) deuce: I USED THE SUBJUNCTIVE IN THAT SENTENCE

atandt: THAT'S RIGHT atandt: SON OF GOD, LORD AND SAVIOR atandt: THROWING THE MONEYLENDERS OUT OF THE BATHROOM STALLS atandt: THEN SNEAKING THEM BACK IN LATER FOR SOME WELL-DESERVED R&R atandt: (I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT THAT STANDS FOR) atandt: ANYHOO IF YOU NEED ME I'LL BE A CAVE UNTIL EASTER atandt: ACTUALLY A LOVELY LITTLE CAFE ON THE WEST SIDE atandt: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

deuce: CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE WANG INCIDENT (I MEAN IT'S TIME WE FINALLY FACED IT) pants: I AM NOT READY YET deuce: LIVE IN THE NOW

deuce: MY NAME IS CODE RED pants: I AM LIKING FOR YOU TO HAVE THIS INFOS !!! ME CHINESE spigot: SQUIRP SPLORP PLOP SO MUCH FOR VIOLIN LESSONS

spigot: VIRUS ALERT!!! spigot: SOMEBODY IS SENDING OUT A SCREENSAVER spigot: IF YOU DOWNLOAD IT YOUR HARD DRIVE WILL CRASH spigot: IT JUST WENT INTO CIRULATION YESTERDAY spigot: AS FAR AS WE KNOW spigot: BE CAREFUL !!! spigot: PLEASE DISTRIBUTE THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN spigot: LINE UP FOR FACEFUCKING

deuce: WHO PUT THE HOSE UP ME deuce: AND FURTHERMORE deuce: WHY IS IT FILLING ME WITH WARM SALTWATER

spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK spigot: 23 spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK spigot: 24 spigot: NO I'M FINE spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK spigot: 25 spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK

pants: DEAR CANADIAN GOTH GIRL pants: I THINK SPIGOT HAS BEEN USING MY TOWEL, WHAT SHOULD I DO pants: SIGNED PANTS FROM JERKCITY

spigot: I HEAR BEAUTIFUL MUSIC COMING FROM STALL 2 spigot: HOPE IT'S NOT A TRAP

pants: DB<3> X $DATAGRAM pants: 0 'GAYNESS PERSONIFIED' pants: WELP THE DEBUGGER IS GOOD AND GAY NOW (AND HOW)

spigot: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO WEDGE YOUR BALLS AGAINST EITHER SIDE OF MY FACE LIKE A STARBUCKS AND A NOAH'S BAGELS deuce: I DON'T THINK I LIKE THIS GAME ANYMORE (CLEARLY NOT SPACE INVADERS) spigot: THE NEIGHBORHOOD SURROUNDING MY MOUTH AND LEGS HAS REALLY GENTRIFIED deuce: GENTRIFIED: A WORD THAT HAS NEVER BEEN USED ON JERKCITY BEFORE spigot: THAT JUST PROVES I'VE GOT A PIONEERING SPIRIT

atandt: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BONG pants: THE WHAT ??? THE WHO ??? I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS PARTICULAR DEVICE BEFORE IN MY LIFE (SO HELP ME GOD, SO SAYETH THE FLOCK) atandt: WE SHOULD HAVE A FRANK DISCUSSION ABOUT DRUG ABUSE pants: (BONG NOISES) atandt: HOW DOES 3PM SOUND pants: I HAVE (BONG NOISES) AN APPOINTMENT FOR MY NAILS, HOW ABOUT 4:40 (MORE BONG NOISES)

spigot: LEAKING deuce: I'M A PDA deuce: I'M A HOMING HOMO spigot: CHOKEY CHOKEY CHOKE spigot: FOLKS THERE'S NO "I" IN COCKSUCKER deuce: KILL YOURSELF AND FUCK THE BODY

deuce: WHO'S GETTING ME WHAT FOR VALENTINE'S DAY PEOPLE pants: I'M GIVING YOU MY JUG OF JANUARY URINE pants: HEARTS AND FLOWERS ??? KITTENS AND HUGS ??? A DOZEN RED ROSES ??? deuce: FAGGOT pants: COCKS AND SOME MANNER OF MEAT BY-PRODUCT THAT HURTS WHEN IT ENTERS YOU ??? deuce: FUCKING : Memo to all: In the future, please do not eat cat food on the set. The smell of the empty cans is disturbing the night crew.

spigot: OKAY I'M GOING IN HERE FOR JUST TWO SECONDS spigot: I'LL BE RIGHT BACK spigot: NO FUNNY BUSINESS spigot: HMM HURR CRUMBLY COFFEE CAKE SMOOSHED ALL OVER ME spigot: OKAY BACK PEOPLE

pants: COME TO MY SECRET URINE PARTY pants: I'VE GOT A KIDDIE POOL IN THE LIVING ROOM AND PLENTY OF ADULT UNDERGARMENTS pants: PLUS A BUCKET deuce: COCKS

spigot: I GET NERVOUS SOMETIMES THAT I'M GOING TO CHOKE AND THROW UP IN THE CAB deuce: I UNDERSTAND THAT deuce: IT'S A NATURAL REACTION TO SUCKING DICK spigot: THIS ISN'T THE WAY TO MY HOUSE

deuce: I AM DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT TO DRINK ANOTHER BEER deuce: ANNNNNNNNOTHER deuce: YES FOLKS I WAS JUST TESTING THE KEY REPEAT RATE

spigot: I READ THE CHRONICLE BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FORCE ME TO BE GAY IT JUST SUGGESTS IT pants: LITTLE MAN CLAPPING

spigot: YOU'RE JIZZING UP MY FACE WITH REVOLUTIONARY SPACE-AGE POLYMERS

spigot: KURT RUSSELL'S A DREAMBOAT deuce: I LIKE DICK DID I MENTION THAT YET TODAY spigot: BY "DICK" DO YOU MEAN JUST THE DONG OR THE WHOLE COCK-AND-BALLS EXTRAVAGANZA deuce: WE'RE TALKING SHAFT NUTS AND ALL spigot: SHAFT

spigot: T PANTS NBC SHOULD CALL THE SHOW "WANGS" AND IT SHOULD HAVE MORE DICKS IN IT pants: WE'LL START A LETTER-WRITING CAMPAIGN

pants: THE MATRIX SCREENSAVER IS TELLING ME IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT I AM A QUEER COCKSUCKER !!! REALLY HOPING I CAN GET AALIYAH'S ROLE

deuce: BREAST CANCER AWARENESZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ deuce: KILLS INSOMNIA DEAD

spigot: PANTS SAID I SHOULD CONSIDER BEING A FAG - AND THESE ARE HIS WORDS BY THE WAY - SOMETIMES, NOT ALL OF THE TIME, AND MAYBE SLOWLY PHASING IT OUT COMPLETELY deuce: IT SEEMED HURTFUL SINCE YOU CAN'T CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE spigot: SO NOW YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M IN THE SITUATION ROOM AND NOT SNOOZING OR SLEEPING

spigot: DEAR MOM!!! YOU MIGHT WANT TO MOVE TO MEXICO ON SEP 10 spigot: LOVE OSAMA spigot: P.S. STILL DID NOT GET CHECK

pants: HELP I'M FLOATING THROUGH SPACE LIKE CEREBUS USED TO DO ONLY WITHOUT A NARRATOR pants: THIS IS ALL QUITE DISCONCERNING pants: AM I AS HIGH AS A KITE OR AS GAY AS A BIRTHDAY CAKE

spigot: PLEASE PLACE ME ON MASTURBATIVE LEAVE deuce: I BROKE MY WANG SO I'LL NEED DISABILITY TOO

deuce: LET'S HOPE REALNETWORKS MAINTAINS ITS STRONG COMMITMENT TO FUCKING UGLY CLUNKY SOFTWARE

pants: WHEN I SUCK THEM OFF THEY GRUNT AND GO MUHHHHH BUHHH DUHHHH INSTEAD OF "OH YEAH BABY COME ON" OR "YOU'RE THE BEST" OR "HURRY UP THE BUS IS COMING" deuce: I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF THIS CONVERSATION ANYMORE pants: ALSO THEY DON'T SPURT LIKE YOU AND ME IT'S MORE OF A (HEAD CHOPPED OFF)

pants: I CAN'T ACCEPT A THIRD-PARTY CHECK SIR spigot: BUT IT HAS THE HAMBURGLAR ON IT

pants: OKAY IT TURNS OUT DRINKING OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOOD IS FRAUGHT WITH HEALTH RISKS AND ISSUES SO I'M GOING TO BE THE VAMPYRE THAT DRINKS DOUBLE ICED MOCHAS

pants: IT IS LATE deuce: YES deuce: YES IT IS pants: SOON I WILL BE A GREAT BIG FAGGY PUMPKIN (MIDNIGHT) deuce: HOLY GOD PLEASE SAY IT ISN'T SO (CARVING YOU, PUTTING A CANDLE INSIDE YOU) pants: URP pants: I AM BEING CANDLED deuce: (BUSY CANDLING YOU) pants: WICK END UP PLZ deuce: THAT'S MY FUCKING DECISION (CANDLING)

pants: DEAR PEPPERIDGE FARM pants: I AM WRITING TO YOU REGARDING YOUR DESSERT BLISS TREAT pants: NAMELY THE COOKIES & CREME FLAVOR pants: I AM NOT ABLE TO DIGEST YOUR FOODSTUFFS pants: AT FACE VALUE THIS WOULD BE WORRYSOME

spigot: RUNNING OUT OF PORN HERE spigot: DIPPING INTO ADMIRAL KRAG deuce: THAT BAD HUH spigot: WELL THERE'S THE FRIZZY-HAIRED MEXICAN LADY SUCKING DICK CIRCA 1986

spigot: (STATIC) pants: (POP, HISS) pants: (MORE STATIC) spigot: (CLICKS, FAINT HUMMING SOUND) spigot: T PANTS WHAT ?!!? DID NOT HEAR YOU !??! GETTING STONED OVER ?!!? pants: T SPIGOT IF THE LESSON IS THAT I SHOULD PACK THE BONG TIGHTER I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU

spigot: HANDS UP WHO'S JIZZWORTHY spigot: T PANTS GET THAT HAND UP *BEEP* pants: T SPIGOT I CAN'T SEE

deuce: WHO'S UP FOR GREEN DICKS deuce: THEY'RE THE MOST EXPENSIVE

pants: MICHAEL J FOX RETURNING TO SPIN CITY ?!?!? BRITNEY AND JUSTIN STILL GOING STRONG ?!?!?!? MICHAEL JORDAN MAKING A COMEBACK ?!?!!? pants: FOLKS THIS IS THE CHURCH OF JERKCITY pants: THE DSM-IV SAYS SO RIGHT HERE AND HERE AND HERE

atandt: HEY THEO atandt: WHY THE FUCK IS SYSLOG LISTENING ON PORT 514 atandt: YES I READ THE MAN PAGE atandt: WHEN I RUN NMAP AGAINST MY OPENBSD BOXES I WANT TO SEE SSH AND NOTHING ELSE atandt: FOR GOD'S SAKE I CAN'T GENERATE CODE I'M A COMIC STRIP CHARACTER SOMEBODY FIX THIS

deuce: T ATANDT DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY BALLS atandt: T DEUCE I JUST ATE deuce: T ATANDT WELL TAKE A PEPTO BISMOL AND LET ME PULL DOWN MY PANTS

atandt: WHO WOULD JESUS ANTHRAX

deuce: IF U CN RD THS, SCK M FCKNG CCK NTL T SPRTS LL VR R FC pants: (SQUINTING) pants: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, SUCK MY FUCKING COCK UNTIL IT SPURTS ALL OH GOD

atandt: I GET NERVOUS WHEN GERMAN LEADERS QUIETLY GATHER ON THE CHANCELLORY deuce: I LIKED THE NEVERENDING STORY TOO spigot: HAVING NEVER STUDIED HISTORY OR POLITICS I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT OR WHAT A CHANCELLORY IS atandt: I LIKE PIE spigot: NOW WE'RE STARTING TO COMMUNICATE

deuce: I AM THE THING pants: JOHN CARPENTER'S OR MARVEL COMICS' deuce: A LITTLE FROM COLUMN A AND A LITTLE FROM I{I{XDXD NO CARRIER pants: DON'T WORRY FOLKS HE'LL REDIAL

pants: CANNIBALISTIC HUMANOID UNDERGROUND DWELLER SYNDROME

pants: SOMEBODY TURN THE RECORD OVER IT'S JUST GOING HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS SKIP HISS CLICK THANK YOU

spigot: PINK HEARTS spigot: YELLOW MOONS spigot: ORANGE STARS spigot: GREEN CLOVERS spigot: BLUE DIAMONDS spigot: PURPLE BRUISES spigot: FAT BONERS spigot: I DON'T LIKE THIS CEREAL ANYMORE

spigot: OKAY I BROUGHT MY SKILLET AND CONFECTION OVEN AND I'M MAKING QUESADILLAS FOR EVERYONE!!!! spigot: CHOPPING UP FRESH VEGETABLES AND GRILLING GROUND BEEF spigot: FIRE

spigot: THAT SASSY BART SIMPSON spigot: I LIKE WHEN BART DOES SOMETHING AND HOMER GOES DOH

pants: CONTENTS OF BUCKET: IN-N-OUT BURGERS, KRISPY KREME DONUTS, SHAMROCK SHAKES pants: CONTENTS OF STOMACH: SEMEN, GUM WRAPPERS, RUBBER BANDS, BITS OF STRING, DICE pants: CONTENTS OF LAST PANEL: TERRIBLE COCKSUCKING NOISES OF THE HAULGHULAHG AND BUABGLUHLAHG AND LAHULGLAGHLAG VARIETY

pants: AUUUGH FLASHBACKS

atandt: "THANKS" FOR THE HAND-ME-DOWN FLASHBACK YOU TALENTLESS FAT FUCK

spigot: ALSO RE: GOODFELLAS, IF YOU WATCH WITH HEADPHONES YOU CAN HEAR WHAT THE COUPLA-GUYS IN THE KILL-LORRAINE-BRACCO ROOM ARE SAYING spigot: PUT IT IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW spigot: SHHH SHH (WHEN THEY SEE HER) JUST BE QUIET

spigot: A SOMBER MOMENT OF SILENCE spigot: HEY EVERYONE!! HEIL HITLER!! DICKS!!! spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE spigot: PSYCHE!!! DICKS DICKS DICKS!!!!! spigot: MULLETS!!!!

pants: HI THERE atandt: HEY BABY atandt: WHAT COLOR PANTIES ARE YOU WEARING pants: FOUR atandt: CMYK PANTIES? pants: D9D9D9 atandt: HOT deuce: DUDE THAT'S GREY atandt: GREY LOOKS GOOD ON HIM atandt: THO THEXY deuce: I'M GOING TO TOOL YOU BUT GOOD

dick: I'M AN AFRICANIZED HONEY BEE !!!! ALL STARVING AND AIDSY dick: I'M A MEXICANIZED HONEY BEE !!!! TACOS Y TOSTADAS dick: I'M A GERMANIZED HONEY BEE !!!! ARBEIT MACHT FREI dick: I'M AN IRANIZED HONEY BEE !!!! MULLAH BIN KAFF GAG SAND dick: HALP

spigot: YOU DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE YOUR PICTURE IN SUCKING SWINGLES

deuce: I'M IN THE HEARTLAND pants: I SMOKE THE DIE FASTER BRAND deuce: WE SHALL MEET JESUS TOGETHER

net: EMPIRE STATE BUILDING TO THROW "WHO'S ON TOP NOW" PARTY

spigot: CHOO CHOO HERE COMES THE COCK spigot: OH NO THE BRIDGE IS OUT spigot: WHERE WILL THE COCK GO spigot: OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH spigot: WAKE UP AND CHOKE IT DOWN

deuce: I'M GOING TO DRILL HOLES IN YOUR SKULL AND POOR ACID IN THEM AND THEN YOU'LL BE MY SLAVE FOREVER pants: T DEUCE IF YOU WERE A DAEMON YOU WOULD BE DEUCED deuce: T PANTS YOU'D BE IN.PANTSD pants: T DEUCE (CRYING NOISES)

spigot: I BELIEVE THE NIPPONESE ARE NOT ADDICTIVE

deuce: POUND POUND POUND net: FOUR DONGS deuce: POUND net: MAKE THAT THREE pants: DWINDLING DONGS ?!??! net: AS LONG AS SLAPHAPPY OVER THERE KEEPS UP WITH THE POUNDING deuce: WELL I'LL WRITE A LETTER TO THE PONTIFF

spigot: I'M A DELCIOUS BANANA SPLIT WITH CHOCOLATE AND WHIPPED CREAM AND NUTS !!!!!!!!! spigot: PLEASE SAMPLE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: BLUH HUH I'M A MILKSHAKE HURRR DUH

pants: I'M THE WUMPUS deuce: I'M HUNTING YOU BY SYSTEMATIC SEARCH BASED ON A 3X3 GRID AND THE NOISES YOU MAKE WHICH ARE DETECTABLE IN ADJACENT ROOMS

spigot: HURR BURR DUH THESE WEB ATTACKS ARE CHILD'S PLAY!!!!!! THEY ARE CERTAINLY NOT DESERVING OF ANYONE'S ATTENTION!!!!!! NOW I WILL PUFF MY LONG CIGAR AND READ MY NEW YORKER AND LAUGH AT WHATEVER NILES SAYS ON FRASIER!!!!!! AND THEN AN EVENING WITH NOEL COWARD AND MY FLUFFY BUNNY SLIPPERS AND VAGUE REFERENCES TO ALGONQUIN ROUND TABLES

dick: #30 TURKEY BACON CLUB !!!!! deuce: #8 TURKEY ROAST BEEF AND CHEESE dick: NO #30 TURKEY BACON CLUB (I INSIST) deuce: #8 TURKEY ROAST BEEF AND CHEESE deuce: I SEE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A WAR ON THIS

atandt: DUBLIN atandt: BERKELEY atandt: SAN LORENZO atandt: CUPERTINO atandt: SAN JOSE

spigot: HOW CAN THEY BE SWEET *AND* TART spigot: OH HOLY GOD spigot: BITE 'EM

deuce: HOLD STILL atandt: THIS MIGHT ADVERSELY AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP

pants: MY LOCAL PAPER CARRIES GOD-AWFUL "MALLARD FILLMORE" pants: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE A HOWARD THE DUCK RIP-OFF pants: PACK IT IN AND CALL IT A DAY pants: PRINT DOONESBURY TWICE ON THE SAME PAGE pants: WHITE SPACE IS JUST FINE TOO pants: WHILE I'M HERE I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS pants: WHEN DID ROBOTMAN BECOM MONTY pants: ALSO WHEN DID FAMILY CIRCUS BECOME BOONDOCKS

net: HEY ASIA CARRERA WHY YO FOREHEAD SO BIG BABY deuce: ME SMARTY !!!!!! ME MENSA !!!!!! GHLGAHLGAHLGALHG SUCKING EVERY DICK IN SIGHT

spigot: FOLKS I NEED TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY WHERE WE NEVER RUN OUT OF MISSLES deuce: YOU LIVE IN SUCH A COUNTRY deuce: WHEAT, PORN, AND MISSILES, THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE spigot: NOT WITH YOU CLOGGING UP ALL MY BANDWIDTH

pants: I REALLY NEED TO SPEAK WITH THE REAL TUPAC THIS TIME pants: YES, I'LL HOLD

net: YOU'RE EITHER WITH ME OR YOU'RE AGAINST ME atandt: I AM ALL OVER YOU ON TOP OF YOU AND INSIDE YOU net: I'LL PUT YOU DOWN AS "WITH ME" atandt: THREE TIMES A LADY

spigot: T DEUCE I NEED YOU TO JERK MY DICK WITH STANDARD I/O deuce: T SPIGOT YOU'D NEED TO #INCLUDE <STDJO.H> deuce: GET IT

spigot: TEN WAYS WOMEN CAN MAKE STRIDES IN THE WORKPLACE !!!!!!!1111 deuce: 1. GO HOME deuce: 2. BLOW ME deuce: 3. THEN BLOW THAT ONE THERE spigot: NOTE: I WAS NOT ACTUALLY SUGGESTING WE MAKE A LIST spigot: HURMPTH BLUH STRAWBERRY PRESERVES

dick: DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE BIG MEXICAN WHO'S RAPING ME deuce: NO !!!! HOW'S IT GO ??? dick: NOT VERY FUNNY

atandt: GODDAMNIT HOW DID YOU GET BACK HERE pants: DUMBWAITER

deuce: I'M WITH CHEKOV HERE deuce: IF A COCK APPEARS IN THE PLAY IN ACT 1 THE IT HAD BETTER GET SUCKED BY ACT 3

pants: WHY O LORD pants: WHY DO YOU DANGLE THE DONGS IN FRONT OF ME pants: THEN YANK THEM AWAY AT THE LAST MINUTE pants: WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING pants: HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BEHAVE

deuce: THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS BALLS IS REALLY GIVING ME A WORKOUT

uncredited woman: IF I CATCH YOU BACK HERE SMOKING CRACK AGAIN I'M CALLING YOUR PAROLE OFFICER pants: BACK OFF LADY THIS IS MY ALLEY

pants: I SENSE A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE deuce: SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT pants: IS THIS REAL OR SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL DREAM deuce: I SHOULDN'T BE THIS DIZZY pants: WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME deuce: IS THIS THE END OF PANTS AND DEUCE

uncredited woman: PUT THOSE PANTIES BACK ON THE LINE AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY YARD pants: I'LL CUT YOU

pants: ARE WE OUT OF EXPENSIVE POLISH VODKA OR WHAT'S THE DEAL uncredited robot: IT'S IN THE FREEZER

uncredited woman: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY GARDEN pants: WELL I WAS MASTURBATING UNTIL YOU STARTED YELLING AND CARRYING ON

uncredited robot: DON'T DRAG ME INTO THIS pants: THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING

uncredited bunny: HEY MAN ARE YOU OKAY pants: THAT MOVIE WITH AL PACINO WHERE HE YELLS A LOT

deuce: I'D LIKE TO GIVE THE WORLD A COCK pants: WHAT THEN deuce: [EXPLETIVES DELETED] HARMONY

deuce: LET'S TALK USING THE FOLLOWING SECRET PROTOCOL : DEUCE MAKES NOTHING BUT SLURPING NOISES FOR HALF AN HOUR

spigot: NICE WINTER WONDERLAND MOTIF spigot: ARE THE DICKS SMALL BECAUSE IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE OR ???

deuce: WHO WANTS TO CHIP IN WITH ME FOR A REALDOLL

pants: DICKS atandt: DICKS atandt: ANYTHING ELSE ON THE DOCKET TODAY? pants: CHECKING pants: NO: JUST DICKS atandt: I LOVE SUNDAYS

deuce: THERE WAS A PRETTY GIRL AT THE GROCERY STORE !!!!! SO I SAID HELLO AND SHE SAID WHATEVER !!!! deuce: LONG STORY SHORT SHE'S TIED UP AND GAGGED IN THE CLOSET

pants: I WAS MAKING A TOY FOR THE BIRDS

deuce: CAN'T I JUST LICK DICK QUIETLY OVER HERE WITHOUT THE COPS SHINING THEIR BRIGHT FLASHLIGHTS IN MY FACE EVERY TEN MINUTES deuce: COME TO THINK OF IT IT'S A COP'S DICK I'M SUCKING deuce: OH WELL SUCH IS LIFE GHLGLHAGHULGAHLUGAHLUGA HUL OW OW OW OW BILLY CLUB

spigot: HONK spigot: HONK HONK HONK HONK spigot: THREE SUPERSIZE FRIES TO GO spigot: $17.95 AT THE SECOND WINDOW??? spigot: ***BLAM*** KILLING MYSELF spigot: I CALL IT SUISAD spigot: SUISOB spigot: SUISIGH

pants: "BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S" BY DEEP BLUE SOMETHING pants: "WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME" BY TRAVIS pants: "WHEN IT'S OVER" BY SUGAR RAY pants: "REDHILLS ROAD" BY CANDY FLIP pants: "MILLENNIUM" BY ROBBIE WILLIAMS pants: "FERMENT" BY CATHERINE WHEEL pants: "TASTE THE WINE" BY VANESSA DAOU pants: AND 1,000,000 OTHER REASONS TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME

pants: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ?!? I DON'T GET IT !!! PLEASE I BET OF YOU SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME IN TERMS I CAN UNDERSTAND FOR I AM SLOW AND WAS HELD BACK SEVERAL GRADES pants: IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY !!! THE LAST PANEL DOESN'T CONTAIN A JOKE OR AN ATTEMPT AT SARCASM !!! WHY IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE BANNER ADS !!! pants: WHY HAVE YOU RESTRICTED MY MOVEMENTS TO THE UNDER TABLE AREA atandt: WE'RE AT WAR

pants: PLASTIC BAGGIE OF PISS

deuce: I OPENED THIS NOTES FILE TO TAKE SOME NOTES BUT I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT THEY WERE NOW net: T DEUCE TAKE A MEMO net: COCKS net: DICKS net: AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN net: CC: PANTS net: . (THAT MEANS I'M DONE) deuce: DO I LOOK LIKE SMTP TO YOU MOTHERFUCKER

spigot: DEAR PHOTOGRAPHERS: PUTTING THE GIRL IN FRONT OF A FUCKING COMPUTER MAKES YOU BOTH TOTAL IDIOTS

spigot: ARE ALL MY ONLINE FRIENDS HERE???? deuce: I SUCK DICK (DICK) deuce: THERE SEEMS TO BE AN ECHO (ECHO) deuce: HMM (HMM) deuce: I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED (SHUT UP FAGGOT)

deuce: DONGS pants: REALLY NOW deuce: YES pants: HMM UM I DON'T KNOW

deuce: T PANTS I'M GOING TO POKE YOU WITH MY DICK deuce: T PANTS AND WHEN YOU DON'T RESPONSE I'M GOING TO POKE YOU AGAIN deuce: T PANTS EVENTUALLY I WILL DISCOVER THAT YOU'RE DEAD AND MOVE ON (AFTER A GOODBYE POKE) pants: T DEUCE THEN BRING YOUR FRIENDS INTO THE WOODS TO SEE MY BODY AND POKE ME WITH THEIR DICKS deuce: T PANTS HEY WHATEVER I DON'T PLAN THAT FAR AHEAD

deuce: JESUS KNOWS I'M A DICKLICKER atandt: JESUS KNOWS EVERYTHING atandt: ESPECIALLY THE DICKLICKING PART deuce: WELL IN THIS CASE HE KNOWS BECAUSE I TRIED TO LICK HIS DICK BUT YEAH

deuce: LET'S LICK DICK QUICK (LIK DIK QUIK) deuce: SO QUICK WE HAVE TO LEAVE OUT THE C'S

deuce: IF THEY CAN PUT A MAN ON THE MOON WHY CAN'T THEY PUT ONE IN MY MOUTH ?!?!?!?!???

deuce: DO NOT OPEN TILL XMAS pants: CAN'T HELP MYSELF pants: URF HUFF TUGGING ON THE BOW pants: ALMOST OPEN ... pants: HOLY GOD pants: A BIG FAT COCK LEAPED OUT OF THE BOX AND INTO MY MOUTH pants: THIS IS JUST WHAT I WANTED pants: NOW IF ONLY YOU'D STRANGLE ME WITH THE CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS deuce: 10-4

pants: GODAWFUL PISS DRINKING CONTESTS THAT GO ON FOR DAYS AND DAYS deuce: THEY'RE NOT PISS DRINKING CONTESTS AS MUCH AS JUST ATTEMPTS TO DRINK AS MUCH PISS AS POSSIBLE deuce: THERE ARE NO PRIZES INVOLVED THIS IS JUST A WAY OF LIFE FOR THE PARTICIPANTS pants: SPUTTER pants: CURSE YOU

net: PLEASE DESCRIBE YOURSELF net: [X] INDEPENDENT net: [X] RATIONAL net: [X] A GODDAMN LYING BITCH deuce: THAT'S THE PAIN TALKING

deuce: EXCUSE ME SIR BUT I'M PRETTY SURE WHAT YOU'RE POKING AT RIGHT THERE IS MY CUNT AND NOT MY ASS

pants: SUCK 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM BOYS

spigot: HUBAGLUBGABG pants: BHAGHUHUHAG spigot: WAIT WHAT pants: WHAT WHAT spigot: YOU ARE POKING BUT NOT CHOKING pants: THAT IS A BALD-FACED LIE spigot: THAT DOES IT !!! YOU'RE OFF MY SEX CHART pants: HOW DARE YOU SIR spigot: CROSSING YOUR USERNAME OUT FOREVER pants: OH YEAH ??? WELL YOU'RE OFF MY SEX CHART NOW spigot: SOB YOU MONSTER HOW COULD YOU pants: I AM BACKSPACING OVER YOUR HANDLE deuce: IF THE TWO OF YOU DON'T PIPE DOWN YOU'RE BOTH GOING ON MY SEX CHART spigot: (WHISPERING) YOU ARE SO OFF THE CHART pants: (WHISPERING) HUBAGHLAULHUG

deuce: ANYWAY GETTING BACK TO MY PORN spigot: THAT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ spigot: HURF DUH I'M AWAKE ZZZZZZ deuce: YOU ARE ALWAYS SO MEAN TO ME WHEN ALL I WANT TO DO IS LOVE YOU AND MAKE YOU HAPPY spigot: ZZZZZZ WASN'T SLEEPING