spigot: CONCERNED ABOUT MY ASS FATNESS

pants: T DEUCE MY SCI-FI TV SERIES IS CALLED "PISSJACKERS"

deuce: MRS. HUXTABLE IS HOT deuce: T SPIGOT UP FOR SOME LUKEWARM J/O spigot: T DEUCE LOOBIN' IT UP

pants: BUY ME A PONY pants: PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY pants: PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY

spigot: DO YOU LIKE CHEX PARTY MIX W/PRETZELS deuce: I TOOK ANOTHER RUNNY SHIT (2/2 TODAY)

bung: AWFUL QUIET IN HERE bung: WHAT ARE YOU KIDS UP TO deuce: GALHAGLHALGH

spigot: JUST IMAGINING ACCOUNT MANAGERS NEEDED TO BE BROUGHT IN TO EXPAND THE SCOPE OF THE DISCUSSION WITH THE CLIENT BEFORE THE FOURTH SPURTING COCK WAS FINALIZED deuce: LET'S BRING MARKETING INTO THIS

spigot: T PANTS YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE CHICKS HERE pants: T SPIGOT OBVIOUSLY I LIED TO YOU pants: T SPIGOT DO CHICKS HAVE DICKS spigot: I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE pants: T SPIGOT HERE'S TO HOPING spigot: T PANTS AND GROPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: ALL YOU NEED IS POO pants: POO IS ALL YOU NEED deuce: TURN ME ON GAY MAN

spigot: JUST HAPPY TO BE HERE atandt: GOOD

spigot: GOOD LORD spigot: TWELVE ANGRY MEN WITH AN AGENDA OF CHOKING ME AND GURGLING MY HEAD IN THE CRAPPER

spigot: ATDT spigot: OKAY I'M CONNECTED HERE deuce: COCKS

spigot: HOMP deuce: YOUR WORDS HURT spigot: ONWARD WITH JURISPRUDENCE

spigot: SOAKED WITH PISS IN BONEQUEST

pants: REALLY HOPING TO GO TO THE PISS FARM THIS WEEKEND deuce: THIS IS HOW THE WORLD ENDS: NOT WITH A BANG BUT WITH A PISS FARM pants: WELL IT'S ABOUT TIME MAN deuce: FUCK YOU CREDIT CARD COMPANIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: GOOD THING I DIDN'T PAY THE ELECTRIC BILL deuce: FRUMP SWALLOWED UP BY BLACK HOLE

pants: DO YOU WANT TO JACK ME OFF INTO THE FOREVER deuce: FOR EVER AND EVER

pants: I WILL NOT SPEAK OF MY BONER'S SINS deuce: FOR THEY ARE JOINT AND SEVERAL

(pants): MINECRAFT (pants): DOT (pants): JERKCITY (pants): DOT (pants): COM

pants: T DEUCE IS BOFFIN-ROCK THE SAME THING AS POST-DUBSTEP deuce: CAN'T BEAT OFF WHEN YOU SAY MY NAME (IT TRIGGERS A GUI NOTIFICATION)

spigot: POP POP POP!!! I THOUGHT IT WAS FIREWORKS OR A CAR BACKFIRING!!! THEN I REALIZED IT WAS ME!!!! DIPSHIT WITH HUGE BULLET HOLES IN MY FACE AND HEAD!!!!! WELL MY FIRST REACTION WAS SANDY HOOK ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!! THEN I FAINTED AND BASHED MY CHIN ON THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN AND DIED AND WENT STRAIGHT TO HELL FOREVER AND GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE

pants: T SPIGOT I SAW A GHOST spigot: THAT WAS ME YOU IDIOT

spigot: T PANTS MAYBE DEUCE WILL LEARN THE JAVA FOR US deuce: T SPIGOT IMPOSSIBLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A CAR spigot: T DEUCE JUST LEARN THE JAVA AND MAIL IT TO ME deuce: T SPIGOT I JUST TOLD YOU I'M A COMPLETE MORON I'M NO HELP WHATSOEVER spigot: THEN EMAIL deuce: OKAY

spigot: I WATCHED DJANGO UNCHAINED TWO TIMES AND NOT ONCE DID I HEAR THE N-WORD pants: WHAT ABOUT IN LES MISRABLES

pants: SAND, ROCKS, SOME PLANT THAT TASTES TERRIBLE, MORE SAND

spigot: T DEUCE SO TRUE OR FALSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE GAY TOGETHER deuce: T SPIGOT UH deuce: T SPIGOT LET ME GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT

pants: WHAT DOES LOWERCASE "HHHHHH" SOUND LIKE?!?!?!? deuce: THE BREATH BEHIND FORCED OUT OF A BODY BY A BOOT OR OTHER LARGE INSTRUMENT pants: SO WHAT DOES UPPERCASE "HHHHHHHH" SOUND LIKE deuce: BREATH BEING FORCED OUT MUCH QUICKER: LARGE FAT MAN STANDING ON YOUR CHEST, BEING CRUSHED BY A CAR pants: DEMONSTRATE FOR ME deuce: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

deuce: HHHHHHHH [ANGRY] pants: T DEUCE I COMPLETELY AND WHOLEHEARTEDLY SUPPORT YOUR DEFINITION OF UPERCASE HHHHHHHHHHH AND HHHHHHHHHHHHHH (LOWERCASE NOT SHOWN) deuce: LET'S WRITE AN RFC

spigot: BEAT BEAT BEAT spigot: I'M CHRIS AND/OR COSEY spigot: BEAT BEAT BEAT deuce: T SPIGOT I DON'T GET IT

deuce: T PANTS WHAT DOES "ESTRANGED" MEAN deuce: T PANTS DOES IT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH GETTING MORE KILBASA IN MY MOUTH pants: T DEUCE I AM WRITING THE CAST OF NASH BRIDGES TO SEE IF THEY WILL INVESTIGATE

pants: OKAY NOW *YOU* TYPE AT THE KEYBOARD AND *I'LL* WATCH YOU TRY TO FOOL PEDOPHILES INTO MEETING AT THE LONG BEACH STING HOUSE pants: I SEE YOU BROUGHT WINE COOLERS AND AN OFF-BRAND IPOD

spigot: FOLKS THE WAR ON RAPE HASN'T WORKED AND WE NEED TO LEGALIZE RAPE pants: THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE (WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THEM)

deuce: SOMEONE CORK THAT SAILOR UP pants: MAKE HIM WALK THE JOHN LINE

atandt: IMITATING INSECTS: I'M A BEETLE atandt: OKAY NOW I'M A LADY BUG pants: I AM SOME MANNER OF VERY GAY INSECT

pants: I BEAT OFF NIGHTLY deuce: AWESOME

pants: SO ANYHOO I CANNOT GET THIS WRENCH TO RELEASE MY LUGNUTS pants: PLZ HALP

deuce: I SEE YOU SUCKING pants: OH YOU DO NOT deuce: SORT OF, IT'S FUZZY DOWN THERE pants: (NOTICES GLORYHOLE) pants: OKAY YOU DO

spigot: BUT I NEED COCK *TODAY*

deuce: OKAY I GOT JIZZ ON MY HAND

pants: I LIKE POO SO VERY MUCH deuce: SETTLE DOWN OR I'LL CALL THE FEDS

deuce: T PANTS IF I FEED YOU PUPPY CHOW WILL YOU GROW UP TO BE A STRONG BOY pants: T DEUCE I WILL BE A FAT BLOB deuce: T PANTS THAT WILL ALSO SUFFICE

net: T DEUCE DOES IT MAKE THE BIONIC MAN NOISE WHILE YOU SHIT deuce: T NET NO BUT I TURN INTO A HOT CHICK LIKE THE BIONIC WOMAN net: T DEUCE THE BIONIC WOMAN WAS HOT EVEN WHILE OFF-DUTY

spigot: CLEAR spigot: HGUAHGLUAHGLAUGHALGUG

spigot: APPLYING THE PADDLES spigot: CLEAR spigot: ABHABLHALBHALBHLAHBLAHHBLA

spigot: CLEAR spigot: ABHABLHALBHALBHLAHBLAHHBLA spigot: JESUS CHRIST OUR PRECIOUS ART AND FURNITURE AND CLOTHES AND TAPESTRIES ALL STUFFED INTO A BOX AND SOLD TO THE NAZIS FOR WINE AND PORNOGRAPHY

spigot: AS A LONGTIME LURKER I WOULD LIKE TO RECOMMEND YOU DOWNLOAD THE LATEST INSTALLER spigot: OR I CAN BURN YOU A CD BECAUSE I AM JUST EXACTLY THAT FUCKING FRIENDLESS deuce: I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED AND/OR BEATEN UP (BUT NOT TOO BADLY JUST ENOUGH TO GET SYMPATHY)

dick: JUST LIKE A FUCKIN' SODA POP I'M SPOUTIN' ALL OVER THE PLACE dick: GOD DAMN dick: AND BY "ALL OVER THE PLACE" I PRETTY MUCH MEAN YOUR PIMPLY FACE

spigot: NEXT STOP PLEASE spigot: DING DING DING DING spigot: PULLING THE CORD spigot: RIGHT HERE'S FINE spigot: IF YOU COULD JU

spigot: CAN YOU PUT ON AURORA SNOW GARKING IN THE BACKGROUND (QUIETLY) deuce: RIGHT I DON'T WANT TO BE DISRUPTIVE I JUST WANT TO ADD ATMOSPHERE

deuce: A HOLLOW VOICE SAYS "COCKS"

spigot: LET'S GET LOST spigot: LOST IN EACH OTHER'S NUTS

net: IF I BURN THE HOUSE DOWN SHE'LL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH OF THE PUB CHEESE I JUST ATE

spigot: LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME AND MY NEW BELT

pants: THIS MOUTH KILLS FASCISTS pants: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK pants: HOMPTH ATE A TOAD

spigot: LET'S GO BACK IN TIME AND DROWN KEVIN SMITH AND THEN FAST FORWARD IN TIME TO LIVE IN A BETTER PLACE

pants: T SPIGOT WHEN DOES OPERATION "DROWN ALL REDDITORS" GO INTO EFFECT (FULL EFFECT) spigot: I CAN START ABSOLUTELY WHENEVER FOR FREE RIGHT NOW

deuce: MY DONG deuce: A NETFLIX ORIGINAL

spigot: LEVER > TRAP DOOR > ORANGE PORTAL > BLUE PORTAL > OUTER SPACE spigot: THE TRAP DOOR IS IMPORTANT SO SHE ACCUMULATES VELOCITY FOR HER TRIP INTO DEEP SPACE

deuce: STAGE 1: WAKE UP deuce: STAGE 2: WALK TOWARD COMPUTER TO SEE HOW MY SUICIDE GIRLS APPLICATION PROCESS IS GOING deuce: STAGE 3: STEP ON TRAP DOOR AND FALL INTO PORTAL CHAIN THAT EJECTS ME INTO SPACE deuce: STAGE 4: LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS 10-15 SECONDS LATER DUE TO ZERO ATMOSPHERIC PRESSURE deuce: STAGE 5: EXPERIENCE BRAIN DEATH IN 3-5 MINUTES DUE TO ANOXIA deuce: STAGE 6: COOL TO AMBIENT TEMPERATURE BASED ON INSOLATION deuce: STAGE 7: INCONSPICUOUSLY ORBIT THE SUN FOREVERMORE deuce: STAGE 8: JUSTICE

pants: *SOB* ALL THOSE SMOOTH DEAD BOYS spigot: AND BURNING MAN REFUGEES

spigot: SERIOUS ABOUT ALL THE CANDY

atandt: [B atandt: [A atandt: [A spigot: GET YOUR FACE OFF THE KEYBOARD

deuce: WELL I DIDN'T USE ANY PUNCTUATION SO IT'S NOT ENTIRELY A SENTENCE BUT HOPEFULLY YOU GET THE POINT pants: MORE OR LESS YES pants: YES I DO pants: MOSTLY IT POKES MY FACE

spigot: SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO JERK OFF TO CHUBBY MEN AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT spigot: I DON'T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION

spigot: I SPLASHED EAU DE PARFUME ON MY NUTS AND YOU SAID NOTHING spigot: WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER spigot: STILL IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HEAR A THANK YOU

pants: PUNCH THE COCK, WIN $10 pants: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW OH GOD HERE'S YOUR MONEY

pants: T DEUCE J-DATE ME deuce: T PANTS WHAT DOES THAT MEAN pants: T DEUCE I DON'T KNOW WORDS JUST COME OUT SOMETIMES deuce: I WILL ONLY CHRISTIAN MINGLE WITH YOU AND THAT'S FINAL hanford: FREEZE-FRAME: PANTS AND DEUCE ARE NOT VERY BRIGHT

pants: LET'S PLAY MINECRAFT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD THIS IS WORSE THAN RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO BACK TO THE RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: NO TURN UP THE RAPE TO DROWN OUT THE MINECRAFT MEMORIES!!!!

net: I MUST EAT MORE OTHERWISE I WON'T GET FAT ENOUGH deuce: T NET THE WAY I SEE IT DURING THE TIMES WHEN YOU'RE NOT EATING YOU'RE ACTUALLY *LOSING* WEIGHT deuce: SO IT MAKES SENSE TO PORK UP net: YAY NOT JUST FROZEN PIZZA BUT LEFTOVER FROZEN PIZZA

spigot: TEN YEARS AGO I WAS IN WIREDD spigot: F-FIFTY YEARS AGO BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP NURSE

pants: I MISS CRAMMING MY MOUTH FULL OF GLYPHS AND QUEERS pants: MY HATRED FOR SUBURBIA STEMS FROM THE LACK OF PUBLIC TOILETS

pants: TECHNOLOGICALLY SPEAKING, I LOVE DICK atandt: I LIKE OZZY

spigot: IF I WANTED TO LEARN ABOUT SCIENCE AND MEDICINE I'D ORDER A PROSTITUTE

deuce: THAT LOOKS LIKE A PENIS SIR

spigot: UH spigot: I DON'T spigot: THAT IS TO SAY

spigot: NRKXKKXK SNURK ZZZZ WHAT [BONK] I'M AWAKE

spigot: SPLURK SPLORK PLOP ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND DRESS YOU STUPID BITCH spigot: HURF HRBRGRBLHRGLPFTH deuce: SLOW DOWN YOU'LL WASTE IT ALL

spigot: HUFFING AND PUFFING DON'T DRIVE AWAY spigot: COME BACK BOOKMOBILE spigot: I THINK WE'VE ALL LEARNED SOMETHING ABOUT BOOKS TODAY

deuce: GUESS WHAT TODAY IS FOLKS deuce: IT'S "THE DEUCE ISN'T FUCKING DOING SHIT TODAY" DAY

pants: I'M HALL AND OATES deuce: I'M JUST OATES deuce: YOU WIN THIS BATTLE deuce: BUT DON'T THINK THE WAR IS OVER

deuce: AM I STILL HERE deuce: AM I STILL ALIVE deuce: AND WHY pants: YOU ARE A GHOST deuce: PHEW pants: A GAY GHOST deuce: EXCUSE ME GHOSTS HAVE NO SEXUAL PREFERENCE pants: SOME GHOSTS ARE GAY pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRRK CHEST PAINS

spigot: WHEN I POKE THE LOOSE FLAP IN HIS CUBE WALL AND PUSH MY FACE THROUGH AND SHOUT "BONER MANIA" SOMETIMES HE DROPS HIS FRESCA

hanford: OKAY IF WE DID A KICKSTARTER/INDIEGOGO FOR A REPRINT OF "THE BIG BOOK OF JERKCITY" WOU-- pants: HEY pants: HEY MISTER hanford: WHAT pants: 1-800-URINE ISN'T EVEN A REAL PHONE NUMBER IT DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH DIGITS hanford: .

deuce: NO MORE THAIS ON MYFREECAMS :-( :-( :-( spigot: THEY ARE REMOVING REDUNDANCIES

pants: I SPURTED ALL OVER MY OWN DUMB FACE spigot: {{{{{{ HUGS TO PANTS }}}}}}}

deuce: I OPENED THE WINDOW AND WALKED OUT dick: T DEUCE EASY FOR YOU TO SAUGHLGLHULGUHLGULH

pants: AND I'M ALL NO WAY ASSHOLE pants: AND HE'S ALL I'M GOING TO SUCK THAT DICK OF YOURS deuce: T PANTS NEITHER OF US ARE SMART ENOUGH TO MAKE IT INTO COLLEGE pants: AND I'M LIKE NOT EVEN

deuce: LOOK AT MY COCK deuce: LOOK AT IT deuce: WOULD THIS COCK DECEIVE YOU

spigot: LOOK I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DID THINGS AT WALDENBOOKS BUT AROUND HERE WE'RE COURTEOUS AND CARING TOWARD BOTS spigot: EVERY TIME YOU SAY THAT WORD I'M GOING TO EAT A WHOLE PIE spigot: BOYSENBERRY

deuce: DING deuce: ONE POINT TO THE FAT GUY WITH THE BONG pants: WHICH ONE OF US IS pants: OH

deuce: OKAY PEOPLE I'D APPRECIATE LESS RAPE spigot: I'LL TAKE HIS RAPE

deuce: GET YOUR FINGERS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND SPEAK UP

spigot: RUNNING OUT OF COMEDY spigot: THE COMEDY TRAIN IS RUNNING OUT OF STEAM spigot: BUHHUHHUHUH OKAY PEOPLE I'M GAY AND BUHBUH PUPPET SHOW

pants: LET US PRETEND WE ARE GAY AND FURTHER LET US DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY

pants: YES I THINK SO pants: YOU'RE CHOKING ME SOMEHOW pants: I LIKE THE CHOKE

spigot: HAMBURGER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!! DING DING DING DING WAKE UP spigot: HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS spigot: OH AMBER ALERT spigot: FOLKS THE HAMBURGER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED spigot: DING DING ETC

pants: SOMEWHERE THERE IS A COLD AND LONELY SOCK (PROBABLY IN LANDFILL AT THIS MOMENT)

deuce: GHALGUHALG deuce: I AM COUNTING IN PRIME NUMBERS deuce: .. deuce: ... deuce: ..... deuce: ....... deuce: ...... COCKS

spigot: I SUCK ROYAL DICKS spigot: WHAT HURTS THE MOST spigot: ARE THE DICKS spigot: I'M ART LINKLETTER

deuce: WE SHOULD START A SORORITY (MAKING IT CLEAR I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS)

spigot: WE HAVE TO HELP THE ****WIZARD**** RAPE THE ****PRINCESS****

deuce: OKAY I MEANT JIZZY spigot: FUCK THIS spigot: I NEED TO PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A MIRROR

pants: I THINK GOD SENT A BONER HERE TO MY FACE FOR A GOOD REASON deuce: SMEAR IT

spigot: YOU ARE POKING ME SQUARE IN THE MOUTH!!!!! spigot: AND YOU SIR ARE POKING ME SQUARE UP THE REAR END!!!! spigot: I'M LIKE A CHICKEN ON A ROTISSERIE spigot: BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: AM I DONE spigot: WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

pants: BLAST ME WITH PISS deuce: WHY YOU'LL JUST FUCKING WASTE IT LIKE USUAL pants: BLESS ME WITH PISS deuce: VERY WELL pants: LET'S GO TO OLD NAVY AND WALK AROUND AND HOLD HANDS SO THE WORLD CAN SEE OUR LOVE BUT FIRST MAKE WITH THE PISS deuce: YOU'RE THE GIRL WALK BEHIND

spigot: CONTINUE READING THIS SALON PREMIUM ARTICLE FOR A THOUSAND DOLLARS >>

pants: OH GOD THE WORMHOLE GOT HIM deuce: HELP I'M IN THE WORMHOLE

spigot: EVEN MY DONG BEHAVES DIFFERENTLY IF IT'S BEING OBSERVED deuce: ITS POSITION BECOMES WELL-DEFINED BUT ITS MOMENTUM BECOMES FUZZY (IT SHAKES UNCONTROLLABLY)

pants: I'M INTO A LOT OF WEIRD STUFF

deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU pants: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

pants: I SMELL A GRUE deuce: IF YOU PROCEED YOU ARE LIKELY TO FALL INTO A PIT pants: TURN ON LAMP deuce: SUCK A COCK

spigot: I THINK I'LL SUCK WHATEVER THIS IS spigot: BLUH PUH GROSS spigot: NEXT TIME FUCKING TELL ME

pants: I THINK I KNOW A HAN SOLO BLASTER WHEN I SEE IT pants: THAT IS CLEARLY A STORMTROOPER'S LASER GUN pants: ALSO THAT REPLACEMENT CAPE YOU MADE FOR LORD VADER LOOKS LIKE SHIT

pants: MUST BUY ALL THE LOOSE STORMTROOPERS AND JAWAS SO I CAN FINALLY FILM MY STOP-MOTION GANGBANG

deuce: T SPIGOT THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN TELL ME THAT MY NUTS AREN'T BIGGER THAN YOURS BY AT LEAST A YARD CIRCUMFERENCE

spigot: T ATANDT :-) spigot: LOOK AT IT SIDEWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! atandt: I AM A SAD PATHETIC SHELL OF A MAN

pants: HOW CAN RAPE BE AGGRAVATED ANYWAY pants: OH pants: PLEASE PRODUCE MY REGGAE ALBUM

pants: THIS STALL LOOKS FULL BUT WE CAN FIT ONE MORE WILLING PARTY IN pants: UP YOU GO, YOU BE ON TOP pants: SINCE YOU'RE NEW, YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT YOUR TURN TO DANGLE YOUR LEGS pants: TRY TO REST THEM ON THE BAR FOR HANDICAPPED PEOPLE pants: WE CAN'T HAVE MORE THAN TWO AT A TIME SHOWING

pants: SO I JIZZED AND IT BURNED THROUGH THE FLOOR AND THEN WE ALL RAN DOWN TO THE DECK BELOW AND IT BURNED THROUGH THAT AND THEN WE RAN DOWN ONE MORE LEVEL AND IT FINALLY STOPPED AND WE'RE LUCKY IT DIDN'T BURN THROUGH THE OUTER HULL pants: NO PART OF ME IS HAPPY ABOUT THIS

pants: JERKCITY HD IS AWESOMES pants: BUT THEN AGAIN SO IS PISS pants: CONST ANALYTICS_CACHE_KEY_PREFIX = "ANAL_"; : http://jerkcityhd.tumblr.com/

pants: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN COMPUTER

pants: F deuce: AGREED pants: F deuce: OKAY NOW YOU'RE GETTING SQUIRMY SIR pants: F deuce: THAT'S BETTER

pants: AND THEN THERE WERE FOUR DICKS IN MY FACE AND THAT'S WHEN I SURRENDERED

pants: DINKY DONGS deuce: FROM THIS END THERE'S NOTHING DINKY ABOUT THEM pants: WELL FROM 10,000 FEET THEY'RE PRETTY FUCKING SMALL: I DID THE THING WITH THE LOUNGE CHAIR AND THE BALLOONS AGAIN, THE NAVY IS NOT HAPPY deuce: GODDAMNIT

deuce: WANT TO LICK DICK ???? spigot: [SILENCE] deuce: YOU WILL SUBMIT *BEEP!*

spigot: IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT LICK A DICK spigot: GURK / GURK spigot: IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT LICK A PRICK spigot: HURF / HONK spigot: IF YOU'RE SOMETHING SOMETHING GAY spigot: AND MY DONG IS IN THE WAY spigot: HERE'S THE TRICK: LICK A DICK / OR A PRICK spigot: ZZZZZZZZZ

spigot: TYPE 2 DIARRHEA spigot: TWENTIETH CENTURY FAGS spigot: TELLING JOKES IN JERKCITY IS LIKE THROWING A BOTTLE INTO THE OCEAN spigot: IT MAKES A SPLASH AND SOMETIMES YOU HIT A SEAL

spigot: YOU HAVE 19 OUTSTANDING TASKS THAT HAVE ALL BEEN OPEN FOR 3 DAYS AND THEY'RE ALL ABOUT HEAD

spigot: NEED FRIES spigot: DID YOU GET MY NOTE ABOUT FRIES spigot: IT WAS TO YOU ABOUT FRIES AND HOW I NEED THEM

spigot: HEY IT'S JUST ME LEAVING A MESSAGE WITH IMPLIED URGENCY BUT NO CONTEXT!!!! PLEASE CALL BACK WHEN YOU GET A SEC spigot: I CAN BE REACHED AT TWENTY OTHER NUMBERS WHICH FORCE YOU TO REWIND AND PLAY THIS CONTEXT-FREE MESSAGE AGAIN

spigot: I THINK I'VE BEEN FUNNY ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY spigot: OOF URF WHAT THE spigot: *SLAM*

spigot: PUSH THE PRICKS INTO YOUR FACE AND THEN INTO MINE pants: THIS DOES NOT REPRODUCE THE BUG YOU DESCRIBED (MUFFLED) spigot: TRYING TO SHARE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

deuce: HURRP DURRRP ONE TO THE FOURTH DONGS spigot: ALL OF YOU ARE WHOLLY INAPPROPRIATE

bung: T DEUCE HONESTLY DO WOMEN GIVE THE BEST BLOWJOBS deuce: T BUNG I DON'T KNOW I'VE NEVER TALKED TO A WOMAN

spigot: SAY WHAT NOW spigot: SAY AGAIN spigot: NOBODY GIVES A SHIT spigot: ***THINK*** SHEEPLE spigot: BOOM MICS LOWERING INTO FRAME

spigot: T DEUCE I SEE A MORNING CONFERENCE TABLE WHERE BRIGHTLY-BEAKED 20SOMETHINGS ARE EXCITEDLY PITCHING THEIR IDEAS FOR CONTENT BUT THEN THE DOOR LOCKS AND THE ROOM FILLS UP WITH WET CEMENT

deuce: I WISH I HAD AN INTRIGUING NAME LIKE SEYMOUR BUTTS

deuce: TOUCH MY DICK spigot: WILL IT CHARGE MY SUIT UP TO 100

deuce: I BROUGHT CATFOOD BACK JUST IN TIME pants: I LIKE CATFOOD TOO pants: DON'T HOG IT ALL

spigot: FOLKS I HOPE YOUR BUSINESS-CRITICAL APPS ARE AVAILABLE IN THE CLOUD

spigot: BIG / FUCKIN / DICKS spigot: IN MY STUPID / FUCKIN / FACE / NOW spigot: (HAIL TO THE CHIEF)

spigot: JEAN CHARLES YOU FOOL, YOU HAVE EATEN THE ENTIRE CAKE pants: THE DRILL INSTRUCTOR, SHE WILL BE VERY UPSET spigot: WHO WILL FLY THE PLANE pants: I HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL MY TRAINING spigot: YOU STUPID FOOL, ONE SHOE IS TOO BIG AND ONE IS TOO SMALL pants: HOW WILL I ENGAGE IN TRENCH WARFARE WITH THIS KETTLE ON MY HEAD

spigot: T PANTS I WAS IN THE OSILLOSCOPE ROOM LISTENING TO YOU SING SONGS ABOUT YOUR CATS THE WHOLE TIME spigot: I THOUGHT ABOUT SAYING SOMETHING BUT INSTEAD RECORDED IT AND PUSHED IT UP TO YOUTUBE spigot: T PANTS ALSO I SOLD YOUR BEATOFF TOWEL ON EBAY (AXL ROSE'S BEATOFF TOWEL L@@K)

pants: LOOK AT MY MOUTH pants: THE PERFECT ROUND "O" INVITES DICKS, LIKE IT OR NOT pants: SO YOU SEE I'M THE PERFECT FAT GAY WHORE pants: (TALKING TO OLD PONTIAC) pants: MOUTH-ABLES deuce: T PANTS THAT'S ONE WORD SIR

pants: TRY TO BE GOOD TO ONE ANOTHER pants: MAKE LOVE NOT WAR pants: LICK NINE DICKS IN NINE MINUTES pants: HERE'S THE TRICK: SKIP THE DICKS YOU DON'T CARE FOR AND SPEND TIME WITH THE ONES THAT MATTER pants: ALL I LEARNED FROM LIFE I LEARNED FROM PANTS AT JERKCITY

pants: HELLO MY NAME IS DOODLES pants: WATCH ME FLAP MY ARMS AND FLY AWAY pants: I WORK AT THE YARN BARN pants: WHERE PEOPLE WILL NOT JUDGE ME FOR BEING A COMPLETE FAGGOT deuce: T PANTS PEOPLE CAN'T FLY pants: T DEUCE PEOPLE DO

spigot: ALL I SEE IS HIS UNBUTTONED PURMPH pants: I TRIED TO WARN HIM HUHHHHHHHHH

pants: COCKS pants: BIG ONES PLEASE pants: I AM ASKING FOR BIG COCKS HERE pants: USUALLY BY THIS TIME I AM OVERWHELMED pants: REMEMBER KING KONG SWATTING AT THE AIRPLANES AROUND HIS HEAD AND FACE pants: WELL THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THAT pants: KING KONG WAS UPSET BY THE BUZZING AND THE SHOOTING pants: WHILE I IS JUST HAPPY TO HAVE COMPANY FOR TEA

spigot: NOT ONLY CAN I SMOKE DOPE AFTER WORK BUT ALSO BEFORE WORK AND IN THE BATHROOM AT WORK spigot: THEN THE DOPE WEARS OFF AND I WONDER WHY I'M ALIVE deuce: WHIRRR spigot: THEN I SMOKE DOPE AGAIN AND DRAW FLOWERS, DONGS

spigot: HOW ABOUT I SINGLE OUT YOUR DICK!!! FOR LICKING!!!!! BY ME!!!!! pants: HURF BLURF DISNEYLAND TOILETS

deuce: "ZESTY SAUSAGE IN MEAT SAUCE" IS NOT A PARTICULARLY SAFE CODENAME

pants: THEY HURT deuce: BLOCK THEM WITH TIN FOIL deuce: DOESN'T REALLY HELP BUT IT MAKES YOU FEEL MORE SECURE pants: OKAY OW OW OW

deuce: APPLE BAPPLE I NEED A DICK TRANSPLANT net: I'M A DONOR deuce: LET'S MAKE A DEAL

spigot: HOW COME WHEN I WEDGE AND STUFF PAPER INTO THE PRINTER IT DOESN'T GO OVER THE NETWORK AND RENDER DICKS ON MY SCREEN REMOTELY spigot: MORE TONER MAYBE spigot: FIRED IN MUCH THE SAME WAY I WAS FIRED LAST TIME

deuce: WELP SOMEONE'S BEEN DIPPING INTO THE ANGELS OF DEBAUCHERY SERIES spigot: F-FOR A BOOK REPORT

spigot: I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING HOW YOU'RE UNDER MY DESK SLOBBERING ALL OVER MY NUTS WHILE I TRY TO FIX MY PRECOMPILED HEADER PROBLEM

spigot: THE MUHHHHHHH HUHHHHHHHH spigot: MUHHHHHHHHHUHHHHHHHHHHH spigot: HUHHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMMMMMMM

pants: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MASTURBATE ME OR DIE TRYING pants: TO MASTURBATE ME deuce: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE ROUND UP YOU PEOPLE AND PUT THEM INTO RODEOS

spigot: CAN I PLEASE JOIN YOU GUYS IN STALL 2 spigot: I BROUGHT CONDIMENTS spigot: SOME A-1 AND MUSTARD AND SO FORTH spigot: PLUS SOUR SAUCE

pants: T HITLER BE GAY WITH ME uncredited hitler: T PANTS NIE

spigot: T DEUCE WILL YOU BE ATTENDING BUTTMAN'S JAVASCRIPT CLASS

spigot: WELPS I'M LOGGIN OUT AND NEVER COMING BACK BECAUSE I JUST GOT MAIL SAYING SOMEONE HAS AN E-CRUSH ON ME!!!!! spigot: LATER ***LOSERS***

spigot: BANNER ADS?!?!? PARTNERSHIP PROGRAMS?!?!? AMAZON BUTTONS/LINKS/BASKETS?!?!?! WHICHEVER BANDWAGON!!!!!! I'M HERE TO SUCK DICK LIKE A BATTERED WOMAN TOO AFRAID TO LEAVE!!!!!!! X2391 spigot: <$0.02>I'D REALLY BE CURIOUS IF THERE ARE ANY ***REAL*** GIRLS HERE 2NITE</$0.02> spigot: EVERYONE CHOKES IT

spigot: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE YOUR NAME, DNA, AND FINGERPRINTS spigot: INEXORABLY TIED TO THE WORLD'S SHITTIEST PRODUCT????????? spigot: IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN BY HAVING A LEGACY????? SIR?!?!?!?!

spigot: T PANTS NEED THAT JERKCITY BOOK MONEY **NOW** spigot: POUNDING ON DOOR, SCRATCHING METH ARMS

pants: OH GOD HE'S MASTURBATING AGAIN pants: OH GOD AGAIN AND AGAIN

deuce: PORN PORN PORN PORN deuce: STILL COMING deuce: PORN PORN PORN PORN

spigot: HIDING UNDER THE DESK IN THE CAFETERIA pants: CALL SECURITY spigot: COULD USE EXTENSION CORD

net: I THINK IT'S TIME TO RE-EVALUATE THE DRAKE EQUATION IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN deuce: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ADD EXTRA TERMS FOR JERKING, FAGGOTS ARE YOU net: YES BUT STILL WHAT deuce: LET ME START FROM THE BEGINNING ENGLISH IS AN INDOEUROPEAN LANGUAGE net: WAKE ME WHEN WE GET TO THE DIPHTHONGS

spigot: A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHARLESTON CHEWS MAYBE

deuce: T PANTS I AM SERIOUSLY TIRED OF YOUR CONSTANT CRIES FOR UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE deuce: T PANTS FOR THE LAST TIME COCKSUCKERS DO NOT GET TO VOTE pants: T DEUCE STRIKE !!!!!!!! I VOW NOT TO SUCK ANOTHER SINGLE DICK UNTIL HALGHUALGHLUHLAUHLHALHGLUAHLUAG WHATEVER SOMETHING LUAGULAHGLUAHG

pants: JUST KEEP STUFFING THEM IN MY MOUTH pants: T SPIGOT SHUT UP I'M HIDING FROM THE NAZIS spigot: SOMETIMES I'LL BE JERKING AND THEN THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE WILL DEVELOP SOMETHING OF AN ATTITUDE AND I'LL BE VERY FIRM AND SAY YOU'RE NOT HERE TO BE CLEVER JUST DO YOUR JOB AND JERK ME

pants: WITH OUR DICKS BEING PACKED UP AGAINST EACH OTHER TO FIT IN THE MOUTH deuce: I THINK WE ARE THE SAME PERSON (AGAIN) pants: OR ARE YOU AND I IN THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME AGAIN deuce: AS IF THIS WERE SOME ANNOYING, ONEROUS EVENT pants: WHICH HAPPENS REPEATEDLY AND IS A DISGUSTING EXPERIENCE FOR ONE OR THE OTHER

spigot: SAID NO ONE ******EVER****** spigot: NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WAIT WHAT DOES THAT ADD UP TO spigot: SURELY THE EXTRA EXCLAMATION POINTS LEND MORE NEGATIVE POTENTIAL ENERGY TO THE "NOT" spigot: I'M TRYING TO UNTANGLE MY HEADPHONES spigot: KNOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: PRESS DEBIT OR CREDIT

spigot: PLEASE STICK TO THE PROTOCOL: HTTP://__________ WHERE _____ IS SOMETHING FUNNY THAT BRIEFLY TAKES MY MIND OFF SUICIDE spigot: A STEADY STREAM OF FUNNY CAN KEEP ME ALIVE UNTIL THE BONG AND I ARE REUNITED spigot: ROLLS OF DAMP TOILET PAPER AND MARKERS

deuce: FAT (AND FAT) spigot: YOU MIGHT THINK ONE WOULD EXCLUDE THE OTHER BUT NO

deuce: FINALLY ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS GAHLGAHLGAHLGAHLGAHG OH GOD THEY'RE AWFUL THOUGHTS GALHGALHGAHLGAHWLGA

deuce: LOOK GUYS THESE BEAUTIFUL LADYBOYS ARE NOT GOING TO BEAT THEMSELVES OFF deuce: YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE deuce: OH deuce: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH deuce: I AM SO SORRY

deuce: WHAT KIND OF QUEER LETTER IS T

: SPIGOT LEFT THE ROOM. pants: T SPIGOT COME BACK I HAVE A REAL BONER NOW pants: THIS TIME pants: NOT LYING ABOUT MY BONER

spigot: THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT LIVING WITH MY CATS ON NOB HILL deuce: BUTTSLUTS ARE BORN, NOT MADE

pants: I'M A GOOSENECK LAMP pants: EVER HOLD THE SMOKE IN FOR SO LONG THAT YOU EXHALE NOTHING ?????? WRITE BACK deuce: ALSO HOW DO YOU EXPOSE YOURSELF WHILE DRIVING deuce: THAT SOUNDS HARD pants: YOU NEED A TALL WANG

spigot: BONERS AND BALLS IN THE CRISPER IF ANYONE MISSED DINNER

deuce: I COULD SERIOUSLY USE AN EXTRA PRICK (THAT WHY I COULD JERK OFF WITH TWO HANDS) spigot: THEN FINALLY A TWO GUY -> ONE GIRL SCENE WOULD FUCKING MAKE SENSE pants: COCKS deuce: BUT THAT WOULD BE FOUR PRICKS ?!?!??! YES ?!?!?!? spigot: YOU ARE WRAPPING A MOBIUS STRIP OF VIDEOTAPE AROUND AND AROUND THE MATH/PORN PART OF MY MIND

pants: MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES CAN HINDER A SMALL BUSINESS LIKE YOU WOUDLN'T BELIEVE deuce: I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN <I> AND </I> IS spigot: <I> ALLOCATES SOME ITALIC MEMORY AND THEN </I> RELEASES IT

spigot: MAYBE THE JURY CAN ASK WHY THERE WERE TROPICAL DRINKS ON THE CRUISE SHIP deuce: I'M INVOKING MY SEVENTH AMENDMENT RIGHT TO BE AN EVEN BIGGER JACKASS AND PUBLIC FAILURE THAN I ALREADY WAS

deuce: WHOLLY GAY AND SINGING A SONG pants: PRETTY MUCH YES pants: COCKS FOR THE SOUL PLEASE pants: I'LL TAKE ANY THAT AREN'T TOO DINGED UP pants: THOSE THAT ARE, WELL, I'M HAPPY FOR THEM BUT THEY DON'T MAKE THE FINAL CUT pants: OH OKAY WHAT THE HELL HURRRRRR MMPPPFTTHHTHH STUFFING MYSELF WITH COCKS

pants: WHAT THE spigot: GET OFF MY PHONE LINE pants: MY FACE spigot: SIGH spigot: BEING A FAG IS AN ALL-DAY AFFAIR

spigot: BY ANY CHANCE DID I LEAVE MY PENIS PUMP AT THE COVENSTEAD

spigot: FOLKS IS THERE ANYTHING MORE BORING THAN A CHEERLEADER spigot: I AM CHOKING YOU WITH YOUR PLAID SKIRT spigot: T PANTS YOU DID OR DID NOT TAPE FELICITY

deuce: ARE WE ALL HERE FOR THE DURATION GENTLEMEN spigot: CLASS HURGLE : PUBLIC HURBLE

pants: FOOOOOMPH pants: FLOATING ABOVE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE pants: OUT TO SEA

deuce: SAY IT SOFT AND IT'S ALMOST LIKE PRAYING

pants: T DEUCE WE'RE GOING TO SEARS deuce: T PANTS DO WE HAVE TO pants: T DEUCE WELL I HAVE MY HELMET AND A BONER pants: T DEUCE WELL NEVER MIND NOW I LOST THE ERECTION deuce: T PANTS UNDERSTOOD

spigot: HUBBLE SPIRALS OUT INTO SPACE, KNOCKS MOON OUT OF ORBIT spigot: EARTH FALLS INTO SUN!!!!!! CLICK __HERE__ FOR A PEPSI SPACEBOAT

spigot: MY MAIN PROBLEMS INCLUDE THE LOGIC AND HOW TO DISPLAY PIECES AND HOW THE GAME SHOULD PRETEND TO BE A PERSON AND HOW I CAN MAKE CHESS ICONS AND HOW I CAN REGISTER A DOMAIN AND THE RULES OF CHESS (HARD) FINALLY RELEASED!!!! IT'S CALLED HORSE ALONE ON A BOARD AND YOU MOVE HIM AROUND spigot: OKAY LEMME REBOOT spigot: SAD MAC

deuce: TURNS OUT I BEAT OFF

deuce: GAHGALHALGHALGH LAGHLAHLGAHLGHALGHLA UH WUH deuce: GHAGLAHGLAHGAL LET'S GET GAY THEN pants: GALUHGLAH GLAHGLAHGLG LET ME IN pants: KNOCKING, TAPPING

pants: T SPIGOT YOU'RE TAKING GOOD CARE OF MY BONG AREN'T YOU (THE PURPLE ONE WITH THE CLEVER STICKERS ALL OVER) pants: T SPIGOT THE OH-SO-CLEVER STICKERS pants: T SPIGOT YES, THE EXTREMELY WITTY STICKERS THAT HUHHHHH MY DONG spigot: IF THIS WERE HEE-HAW THEY'D CUT TO A HOUNDDOG STARING AT A FENCE FOR NO REASON AND MAYBE A HORN SOUND

pants: IT FEELS MORE LIKE LAUGH-IN spigot: SOCK IT TO MY NUTS (HARD)

spigot: YOU MUST BE <------THIS------> RETARDED

pants: T DEUCE MOP TO STALL TWO pants: T DEUCE MOP TO STALL TWO pants: T DEUCE OVER

spigot: THE WHOLE WORLD CAN BE YOUR STAGE WHEN YOU'RE FAT LIKE ME

spigot: T DEUCE WILL YOU GO UNDER THE CHERRY MOON WITH ME deuce: T SPIGOT I DON'T FOLLOW

spigot: T PANTS WILL YOU GO ON GOLDEN POND WITH ME pants: T SPIGOT THAT SOUNDS TOO MUCH LIKE ME SQUATTING IN THE TUB WHILE YOU GUSH PISS DOWN ON ME pants: T SPIGOT WHAT TIME spigot: PUHHHHHHHHHHHH HUHHHHHHHHHHH PUHHHHHHH

deuce: MY DICK HAS A HUGE BEND IN IT AFTER THE DOOR SLAMMING INCIDENT

spigot: GREEN LIGHT THAT AND SMOKE DOPE WITH ME deuce: DONE AND DONE

spigot: GETTING UP EARLY FOR AN ANAL CASTING CALL

pants: ASIANA 214 HEAVY YOU ARE CLEAR TO LAND ON RUNWAY 36 deuce: [UNINTELLIGIBLE] pants: ASIANA 214 HEAVY, REPEAT YOUR LAST deuce: WE SUCKY FUCKY pants: ROGER THAT ASIANA 214 HEAVY

:: DO NOT PLUG IN 24V AC TO COM PORT OR YOU WILL RISK DAMAGING YOUR TRANSFORMER. PICTURED BELOW: "PANTS" pants: FTL BUT WITH COCKS AND BALLS WHERE WE EXPLORE AN ALIEN LANDSCAPE SEARCHING FOR DICK pants: THE JOURNEY IS IN THE ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!! A LONELY COCK IS POKING UP THROUGH A FRESHLY-DRILLED HOLE. (A) CAREFULLY REMOVE EXCESS SHAVINGS TO PROTECT THE COCK FROM CUTS (B) AVOID THE COCK (SPACE COCKS ARE NO JOKE)

deuce: THREATEN THEM WITH MURDER deuce: THREATEN THEM WITH LEGAL ACTION deuce: THREATEN THEM WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF FUTURE CRANK CALLS TO THEIR PARENTS, CHILDREN deuce: ASK NICELY deuce: START BLUBBERING AND CRYING, BEG PATHETICALLY

deuce: [BUG FLIES AWAY] pants: COME BACK BUG pants: I LOVE YOU deuce: BWAAAAAAAH I JUST WANTED YOUR PIIIIIIIICTUUUUUUUURE pants: YOU WERE MY LAST CHANCE AT GAYBALLS

.(spigot): GOD / BLESS / *BLAM* .(spigot): BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM AND SOME FOR YOU BITCHES BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM .(spigot): COME AND GET IT BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM CLICK CLICK CLICK (TOSS) BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

spigot: MY WHOLE LIFE IS UP THE NUTS AND SPLOSHING DOWN THE CRAPPER spigot: WAIT I'M GAY deuce: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE spigot: ALL RIGHTIE

spigot: IF SUCH OF A THING IS PERMITTED/POSSIBLE/PLAUSIBLE spigot: PERPENDICULAR spigot: IN THE WINTER / WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN

: Pictured below: "spigot" AKA "spigot the bear" (left), "deuce" (right) spigot: HOW LONG WERE YOU OUTSIDE MY WINDOW deuce: YIPES spigot: WHAT DID YOU SEE

atandt: FLUSH pants: PLOP SPLUT pants: SOMETHING WRONG HERE pants: SOME MANNER OF EMERGENCY atandt: SPLUT BAD

deuce: YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL AREN'T YOU pants: MAN I WISH I HAD A CORK

deuce: PLEASE RUB MY DICK COUNTERCLOCKWISE bung: AND IF I RUB YOU CLOCKWISE? deuce: THEN THE UNIVERSE COLLAPSES deuce: CHOOSE WISELY YOUNG ONE

deuce: T SPIGOT I DERIVED THE ACTUAL EXPRESSION OF THE RIEMANN TENSOR spigot: IS THAT HOW STEVE JOBS DIED

spigot: AS SOON AS I'VE QUIT JERKCITY I CAN GET STARTED ON THOSE BUTTERED MUFFINS spigot: WHERE'S THE CANDY BOWL spigot: I'M NOT ACCUSING ANYONE I'M JUST ASKING WHO DID IT

spigot: PLEASE DO NOT EAT FOOD FROM THE FRIDGE IF IT'S IN A BAG (TAPED) WITH MY NAME ON IT!!! IT IS PROBABLY NOT YOURS!!! ;-) spigot: WHY ARE YOU GRABBING MY HAIR AND BASHING MY HEAD AGAINST THE CORNER OF THE STAIRWELL BANNISTER??? COME ON NOW! spigot: OW OW OW

net: CUT TO SHOT FROM JUST UNDER TOILET RIM, A PAIR OF BIG DANGLY BALLS SWAYING GENTLY

spigot: WOULD YOU DESCRIBE JERKCITY AS: spigot: (A) PHAT spigot: (B) DOPE spigot: (C) FLY spigot: (D) TWITPIC spigot: (E) STRAIGHT UP spigot: (F) IDIOTIC

deuce: LET'S BE HONEST FOLKS deuce: DOES ANYBODY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS PRISM DEAL deuce: IS IT JUST AN EXCUSE FOR CHINESE FOOD OR WHAT

spigot: EXCITED ABOUT THE BATTER-COATED BURGER KING FRIES pants: T SPIGOT ARE THEY COMPATIBLE WITH MY EXISTING BONGS AND LIGHTERS

pants: HAMBURGS

deuce: T SPIGOT KNOCK KNOCK spigot: WHO'S THERE deuce: BULLET deuce: BLAM spigot: AFTER YOU STEP OVER ME, PLEASE CLOSE MY TABS

spigot: FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF............... GAY spigot: TAX............... GAY

deuce: CONFIRMING YOUR REGISTRATION... pants: CONFIRMING YOUR REGISTRATION (REPEATING WHAT YOU SAID, SMOOSHED UP FACE, HIGH VOICE, CONSENSUS: YOU ARE BEING MOCKED) deuce: ALTERNATE POSSIBILITY: SPEAKER IS SEVERELY RETARDED deuce: GOING WITH PRIMARY HYPOTHESIS

deuce: TIPPECANOE AND TYLER TOO pants: I LIKE IKE AND DICK

deuce: HOLD ME deuce: I AM SO COLD deuce: INSIDE deuce: MY SOUL IS COLD deuce: SO COLD

spigot: PICARD CAN BEAT KIRK'S FAT LIMPY ASS AND LEGS INTO THE TOILET

pants: NEED JACKOFF PERMIT pants: I HAVE CASH

pants: I AM IN FACT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED pants: HOW DO I GET OUT OF THE SHED

deuce: FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S THE ELECTROMAGNETIC INTERACTION AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT ANY MORE DEEPLY WITHOUT YOU LEARNING SOME PHYSICS

spigot: LAST NIGHT FOUR BLACK GUYS PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE AND JERKED OFF ALL OVER MY HEAD spigot: I GUESS THERE'S SUCH A THING AS BEING TOO STONED

spigot: TIRED OF ALL THE SEXISM AND RAPE JOKES ON THE INTERNET [RANT, TRIGGER WARNING] pants: RAPE JOKES ARE NEVER FUNNY UNLESS WE'RE UNDER THE DOME

spigot: 9:00-9:30 THINK ABOUT YOUR DUMB CATS spigot: 9:30-10:00 WISH I COULD DRINK BEER WITH YOU IN A GAY PART OF TOWN deuce: T SPIGOT AT 9:45 YOU CAN USUALLY SEE ME SUCKING DICKS IN THE FOYER

deuce: I'M A QUASI-STELLAR OBJECT

spigot: NEXT TIME WE'RE IN THE CITY WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE BUTT WAGON spigot: AND I REALLY MEAN THAT spigot: ARE THEY EVEN OPEN THIS LATE

spigot: WILL YOU JUST FUCKING LOOK DOWN AND SEE THE FLAMING BAG OF DOG SHIT AND STEP ON IT

spigot: RING RING spigot: HELLO spigot: NO SHE'S DEAD spigot: CLONK BA-DONK pants: HOLDING HER HEAD UNDERWATER TO BE SURE

spigot: ALL RIGHT YOU CAUGHT ME spigot: I WAS STANDING IN THE TOILET LOOKING OVER THE WALL AT YOU spigot: GIVING YOU LOOKS, YES

pants: I'LL SUCK OFF EACH AND EVERY LAST ONE OF YAS pants: WHY THIS IS AN OUTRAGE pants: ALL I CAN DO IS STAND HERE WITH MY TEETH CLENCHED

spigot: FIRST I'LL JIZZ UP YOUR FACE SO YOU LOOK LIKE A RODEO CLOWN spigot: THEN I WRITE LITTLE COMEDY BITS TO PERFORM ON JERKCITY spigot: THE PLAINTIFF IN THIS CASE CLAIMS THE DEFENDANT POKED OUT HIS EYE THROUGH A GLORYHOLE spigot: THE DEFENDANT SUGGESTS HE WAS MERELY RELAXING AND DID NOT INVITE THE PLAINTIFF TO PERFORM spigot: LAUGHTER IS MY GIFT TO THE WORLD

spigot: THE VIRTUAL ENVIRONMENT IS ACTUALLY A TOILET WITH THE LIGHTS OFF

spigot: WELL YOU TELL THEM TO FIND A SHE-MALE WHOSE PENIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A WET TUBE SOCK spigot: THROWS PHONE ACROSS STARBUCKS

pants: I TOOK MY DONG OUT BUT THEN I THOUGHT BETTER AND TUCKED IT BACK IN THERE pants: YOU MAKE YOUR OWN LUCK IN LIFE pants: HEARTS AND MINDS GENTLEMEN pants: HEARTS AND MINDS

spigot: I'M JUST GOING TO SING UNTIL TV'S ON spigot: ASK THE MOUTHS spigot: DEAR MOUTH: WHAT'S FOR DINNER

pants: FILL MY FANNYHOLE WITH PISS deuce: THAT'S REALLY GROSS WHEN PHRASED THAT WAY

pants: RESULTS OF COOKIE BUZZSAW STRESS TESTING ARE AS FOLLOWS: pants: - LIMITS NOT REACHED pants: RESULTS END HERE

deuce: CHRIST ALMIGHTY deuce: YOU WILL BE STRICKEN DOWN FOR YOUR IMPUDENCE spigot: BIG WORDS

spigot: T DEUCE I ALSO THINK YOU ARE NEAT AND I HAVE LINKED YOUR BALLS PERMANENTLY TO MY MOUTH AND FACE (SO I CAN'T GET AWAY OR DO WORK) deuce: T SPIGOT WOULD YOU LIKE A BARTLES & JAYMES WINE COOLER ?????????????????????

spigot: I'M NOT GETTING ANY JIZZIER spigot: OR FATTER OR MORE UNPLEASANT spigot: SCRATCH THAT I JUST TOOK A DUMP DOWN MY PANT LEG INTO MY TUBE SOCKS pants: SOCCER PRACTICE

spigot: WELL THEN EITHER YOU'RE 18 OR ABUSED spigot: WHERE'S MY I SURVIVED A RODNEY BLAST T-SHIRT

spigot: TAKING MY LAST 1/2 ADDERALL AND BUYING ALL THE BREAD AT WHOLE FOODS pants: SPENDING 90 MINUTES PICKING OUT THE BEST LOAF (EVERYBODY IN THE STORE STANDING AROUND YOU IN A SEMI-CIRCLE, STARING) spigot: NOW JUST SITTING IN THE AISLE ORGANIZING WHEATS, WHITES, WHOLE GRAINS spigot: I DO SO WORK HERE

pants: > CHOKE RAPIST deuce: > GIVE COIN TO RAPIST deuce: > TIP RAPIST pants: > WEAR FEDORA

pants: T DEUCE GOD FUCKING DAMNIT DO THE LOCOMOTION WITH ME pants: GODDAMNIT I DON'T ASK FOR VERY MUCH I JUST WANTED YOU TO DO THE LOCOMOTION WITH ME pants: REMEMBER THAT TIME WE DID THE LOCOMOTION TOGETHER

deuce: DID SOMEONE WANT TO DO THE LOCOMOTION!?!?!? NO?!?!?!?!??!/ FINE

pants: OH GOD ANAL pants: PRECIOUS ANAL pants: I DON'T TRUST BANKS SO I KEEP THE ANAL UNDER MY MATTRESS

deuce: I WOULD JERK OFF TO ALLEVIATE MY SORROWS BUT ALAS IT IS TOO HOT deuce: SO INSTEAD I WILL COMMIT SUICIDE deuce: OH WHO AM I KIDDING IT IS EVEN TOO HOT FOR THAT

spigot: WHERE CAN I LEARN MORE ABOUT JERKCITY spigot: THE LIBRARY? deuce: T SPIGOT YOU SHUT UP spigot: ?????????????

deuce: THERE IS ONLY A TOILET AND YOUR FACE pants: WHAT HE SAID

net: I'D LIKE YOU TO GRAB ME ABOUT THE NUTSACK TO GET A GOOD FEEL FOR JUST HOW GAY I AM pants: HMM THIS WILL REQUIRE A LONG SERIES OF PROBING AND SUCKING net: OR JUST A GOOD FEEL pants: MUCH LIKE THE MOON LANDING (FAKED) net: PLEASE DO NOT FAKE THE SUCKING

pants: IT SEEMS LIKE A POINTLESS ACT WITHOUT THE ASPHYXIATION

spigot: BOYSENBERRY FLAPJACKS AND BUTTERY BUCKWHEAT MUFFINS

spigot: SMOOSH IT ALL INTO MY MOUTH PLEASE spigot: NO AIR

spigot: NEED A J/O BUDDY DURING MY NE[obscured] PORTLAND, OREGON spigot: HHH STEAM NOISES

pants: DEAR DOCTOR DONG pants: MY FACE IS DRENCHED WITH SEED pants: PLEASE HELP

deuce: DON'T KNOW WHY WEATHER.COM JUST ASSUMES I'M A FAGGOT deuce: OH RIGHT deuce: I CLICKED THE FAGGOT CHECKBOX IN PREFERENCES

pants: FAT AND STUPID AT YOUR SERVICE

deuce: I HAVE A HEADACHE FOR SOME REASON (PLZ FIX THX) pants: IS IT A "TOO MUCH BEATING OFF" HEADACHE OR A "NOT ENOUGH BEATING OFF" HEADACHE pants: THERE IS NO WIGGLE ROOM HERE deuce: I SURE HOPE IT'S THE LATTER deuce: SEX HEADACHES ARE AWFUL

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK deuce: WHO'S THERE spigot: TOM deuce: TOM WHO spigot: TOM ********WANKS******** spigot: WITH A W

deuce: ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS: DICKS pants: OFF TO A GOOD START

spigot: FRONT DESK PEOPLE AT THE SF HILTON MAKE $11.94 AN HOUR (STARTING) deuce: FFFFFF deuce: T SPIGOT HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THIS SIR spigot: DON'T KNOW (HANGING UP NOW) deuce: FFFFFFF spigot: T DEUCE F KEY'S BROKEN

spigot: MY BONER'S FLOATING UP TO HEAVEN deuce: T SPIGOT DID IT DIE spigot: IT JUST THINKS THERE ARE MORE FAGS AND STALLS IN HEAVEN THEN HERE LOCKED AND BOUND AMONG THE MORTAL COILS OF EARTH spigot: (I.E. THE SUCKING)

pants: DON'T PRAY FOR ME pants: WAIT pants: OKAY MAYBE A LITTLE

atandt: I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT atandt: FROM TODAY ON, MY BALLS ARE NO LONGER PUBLIC DOMAIN atandt: THERE WILL BE A SMALL LICENSING FEE pants: ZZZZ

spigot: PLEASE FOLLOW ME DOWN THE HALLWAY ASKING ME QUESTIONS

deuce: HELP THE INTERNET LEAKED OUT OF MY MACHINE AND ALL OVER THE FLOOR deuce: OH WAIT deuce: THAT'S PISS deuce: NEVER MIND deuce: BUT THIS BRINGS UP ANOTHER ISSUE

: SPIGOT APPEARS IN A POOFY CLOUD OF GAY FATNESS spigot: I DON'T UNDERSTAND spigot: YOU'VE ALL BEEN IDLE FOR HALF AN HOUR BUT ALL THE STALLS ARE EMPTY

deuce: OH CHRIST FUCK YOU'RE STUFFING ME IN THE GENIE LAMP

spigot: I THOUGHT DIX WAS DENVER INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT!!!!!!!! INSTEAD I AM IN A COMPARTMENT???????

deuce: HTTP://WWW.PYTHON.ORG/PICS/BATTERIES-INCLUDED.JPG deuce: THAT IS ONE MOTHERFUCKING GAY SNAKE PEOPLE deuce: NOTE THE SURPRISE LINES ABOVE THE EYES !!! CLEARLY A SIGN OF SINISTER GAYNESS

spigot: WHAT'S FUNNY IS HOW THREE BAKED POTATOES WITH BUTTER LATER I HVAE TO CLOSE THE DOOR BECAUSE OF ALL THE FARTS

spigot: T DEUCE IT'S 2014 WE DON'T BEAT OFF TO MAGAZINES LIKE HUSTLER AND SEARS ROEBUCK spigot: TODAY WE CAN GO RIGHT TO SEARS DOT COM

deuce: I HAVE TO PEE deuce: WHAT DO I DO deuce: OH GOD OH GOD

spigot: I AM CONCERNED THAT I AM NOT HIGH (STARING OUT THE WINDOW CONTEMPLATING MY JOB, MY HORRIBLE LIFE, MY PLACE IN THE JOHN) spigot: CUT TO: BLBLBLBLBLBLB

dick: HONESTLY, THESE DAYS CAN YOU REALLY AFFORD *NOT* TO SUCK DICK FOR CRACK? deuce: I WILL ANSWER THAT IN THREE PARTS: 1. GLHGAHLGHLGAHLGAHLAGHLAG deuce: 2. HUBHUBHUBHUBHUBHUBHU deuce: 3. OIGREIOGYRLIGHLDBHNDFHB

spigot: I GET A CHOCOLATE SHAKE EVERY CHRISTMAS deuce: I LIKE THE MINT SHAKES ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY FROM MCDONALD'S BUT THEY WON'T LET ME HAVE THEM BECAUSE I'M BLACK spigot: "I'M GOING TO SUCK YOUR FAT DICK AND MAKE YOU PLOW MY ASS" SAID THE QUEEREST VAMPYRE OF THE LOT, COUNT FUCKING FAGGOT deuce: 2HOLES.JPG

spigot: VERY EXCITED ABOUT SEEING "NUNSENSE" AT THE COW PALACE spigot: THEY'RE NUNS AND THEY SING AND DANCE AROUND spigot: AND THERE'S A LOT OF IMPROV spigot: ONLY IF IT WERE ME... spigot: I'D CALL IT "NUTSENSE" spigot: WHERE PEOPLE SING AND DANCE AROUND THEN WAIL ON MY NUTS WITH A BAT FOR HALF AN HOUR spigot: AND SOME IMPROV deuce: I THREW UP

pants: USING A SMALL FUNNEL TO GET ALL THE WINDEX UP INTO MY DICK

pants: MULTI-PASS

deuce: T PANTS DO YOU LIKE ME pants: T DEUCE TONS deuce: T PANTS THEN WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU MAKE ME CHEESE BREAD pants: T DEUCE IS CHEESE BREAD THE ONE WHERE UH pants: WHERE UH pants: YOU KNOW

deuce: SAN FRANCISCO WILL MAKE A GREAT LOOKING CRATER

spigot: TURNS OUT ALL THEY CAN DO IS BEAT THEMSELVES OFF deuce: ALWAYS BET ON BLACK deuce: WAIT WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT??? deuce: NOT WESLEY SNIPES IN PASSENGER 57??!?!? OKAY

pants: Q: DID THERE COME A TIME WHEN THE DEFENDANT ASKED YOU TO MASTURBATE HIM? pants: A: YES. spigot: LEAVING NOW

deuce: I'M HUMPING YOUR LEG (HAVE BEEN FOR ABOUT HALF AN HOUR) atandt: OW

deuce: HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR TEN SECONDS deuce: I ALMOST GOT TIRED AND GOT BORED AND WENT TO BED deuce: THAT IS YOUR FAULT

pants: WAKE UP WAKE UP THE FILMSTRIP IS ABOUT TO START deuce: T SPIGOT WHY DON'T YOU APPRECIATE SCIENCE ?!?!? AFTER ALL IT BROUGHT YOU THE BONG YOU USE DAILY spigot: I DON'T USE A BONG I JUST LIGHT IT RIGHT IN MY HAND

spigot: A COUPLA DOZEN COCKS AND PEOPLE WANNA LABEL YOU deuce: WILLINGLY TOUCH SOMEONE ELSE'S WIENER EVER: GAY FOREVER deuce: GAY BIT SET, CANNOT BE RESET pants: EVEN IN THE NEXT LIFE????????????????? YES