deuce: DOES ANYONE WANT TO CHECK INTO MY NET YET ??? TAKING CALLSIGNS ALPHA THROUGH ZULU ??? ZERO CHECKINS SO FAR BUT THERE'S STILL PLENTY OF TIME BEFORE THE BUFFALO SUPER NITWIT NET AT 8:30 deuce: WHY DOES **BLEEP**ING ANYONE PARTICIPATE IN THIS **BLEEP**TY **BLEEP**ING HOBBY ANYMORE ANYWAY

pants: ME CHIEF SUCK-UM DICK (ASK ME **HOW**) pants: ANYONE GOT ANY UNLICKED DICKS??? pants: NOT PARTICULAR ABOUT SIZE, SHAPE OR TEXTURE

spigot: EXCUSE ME EVERYBODY BE QUIET spigot: I'M GETTING AN IMPORTANT TEXT ON MY PHONE spigot: IT'S FROM MY AUTOMATED SMOKE ***DETEXTOR*** pants: WHAT DOES IT SAY spigot: MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN

pants: DOES MY SEXUALITY THREATEN U deuce: COULD YOU CUT DOWN ON THE GAY FOR JUST LIKE ONE WEEK pants: I DON'T UNDERSTAND deuce: AMBIEN WALRUS TURNS YOU INTO A CREEP pants: MORE HORRIBLE PICTURES FOLLOW, EACH ONE WORSE THAN THE LAST UNTIL FULL FRONTAL deuce: AND THEN FINALLY A PINK TUTU

deuce: HEY CHECK IT OUT GUYS IT'S JUPITER AND ITS FOUR BIG MOONS ALL IN A LINE deuce: LOOK IT'S M42: A NEBULA MADE OF GAS AND DUST WHERE STARS ARE BEING BORN deuce: CHECK IT OUT IT'S THE TERMINATOR ON THE MOON AND YOU CAN SEE MOUNTAINS: IT'S A REAL PLACE YOU CAN GO AND WE'VE BEEN THERE pants: WE GET IT YOU'RE ***GAY***

atandt: SHUFFLE TAP TAP TAP TAPPITY TAP TAP atandt: THIS ISN'T AS SIMPLE AS IT LOOKS PEOPLE

pants: SNIFF : DEUCE COMFORTS PANTS pants: KICKS ROCK, LOOKS AT SHOES pants: DIDN'T WANT NO STUPID OLD DICK ANYWAY

PANTS: INSERTING CRABAPPLES INTO MY ASS: FOOMP ONE DEUCE: WHERE ARE THEY GOING PANTS: FOOMP TWO DEUCE: THEY'RE JUST DISAPPEARING PANTS: FOOOOOOMP THRRRRRREEEEEEE DEUCE: THERE'S SOME KIND OF MAGICAL PORTAL IN Y-- OH THERE THEY ARE AGAIN, GROSS

deuce: TIGHT LITTLE ASSES TAKING DUMPS IN MY MOUTH spigot: WHAT'S IT LIKE WORKING WITH DAVID LETTERMAN deuce: HURRRRRRRRR spigot: ALL SMOOSHY

bung: <<SMOOCH>>! deuce: T BUNG I OBJECT TO THE GRATUITOUS USE OF ANGLE BRACKETS

pants: WHO WANTS BONERS deuce: NOT ME pants: PILING THEM ON deuce: T PANTS EXTRA PLEASE

spigot: HONK BONK DONK (spigot): (CONTEMPLATED "PONK") pants: SOME MANNER OF VERY GAY SAN FRANCISCO PUBLIC PAYPHONE

net: I'M A DUCK deuce: QUACK FOR ME BABY net: ARF ARF deuce: NEXT

deuce: APPEASEMENT ONLY MAKES THE AGGRESSOR MORE AGGRESSIVE pants: I DIDN'T WANT TO LICK HIS DICK ANYWAY

deuce: T PANTS I WONDER OF CRANBERRY FLAVORED VODKA WILL TURN ME INTO A COMMUNIST (RE: RED) pants: USE ME AS A MOP deuce: BUT THEN WE'LL NEVER GET ON SURVIVOR

spigot: I AM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: YOU ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: WALKING AROUND LIKE I'M THE LICK OF THE DICK spigot: ONE DOOR LEADS TO FREEDOM AND THE OTHER DOOR LEADS TO DEATH BUT ONE GUARD ALWAYS TELLS THE TRUTH AND THE OTHER GUARD ALWAYS LIES!!!! SO WHAT QUESTION DO YOU ASK SO YOU GET TO LICK BOTH OF THEIR DICKS

pants: IT'S TIME FOR AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM PANTS pants: I AM NOT OF YOUR EARTH pants: MY FATHER, JOR-EL, ROCKETED ME FROM PLANET KRYPTON BEFORE IT EXPLODED pants: HERE, UNDER YOUR YELLOW SUN, I HAVE SUPERHUMAN POWERS pants: BUT I KNOW THAT WITH GREAT POWER LIES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY pants: THE TEAM WITH THE MOST TICKETS REMAINING IS GAY WITH CCHAT.EXE pants: CONTOL THE MAJORITY OF THE OBJECTIVES TO DRAIN THE ENEMY'S BALLS pants: EACH KILL COSTS THE ENEMY TEAM A TRIP TO THE ICE CREAM SUNDAE BAR

net: IF SHE ONLY HAD A BIG FAT COCK deuce: OKAY YOU'RE GROSS

pants: FLY LIKE A BUTTERFLY pants: SUCK A DICK NOW pants: SOMETHING LIKE THAT deuce: I DON'T FOLLOW

atandt: YOU JUST CRASHED MY TERMINAL atandt: ALSO I'M JIZZY deuce: WHAT ELSE IS FUCKING NEW atandt: ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU AND I'M FILING A BUG REPORT deuce: GO FUCK YOURSELF

pants: MAKE LOVE TO THE DUCK ozone: OH YEAH deuce: OW OW OW deuce: OH YOU MEAN **TO** THE DUCK deuce: GOT IT deuce: OW OW OW

spigot: THAT WHOLE THING LOOKS LIKE GOATSE pants: I BET YOU SAY THAT TO ALL THE GIRLS

deuce: JESUS LOVES ME / THIS I KNOW deuce: FOR THE BIBLE / GLAGHLAHGGHLH H HL HLAGH LAHG LHAGLH deuce: DIABETES IS COOL BECAUSE YOU CAN SMOKE CRACK AND GET AWAY WITH IT

SPIGOT: T PANTS ARE YOU GOING TO GRAB @LIFEQUACKS AND TELL FOLKS HOW THEY CAN BEST FEED YOU BREADS AND CROUTONS AND PASTRIES

pants: MAYBE SOMETHING GAY deuce: I CARE 4 U pants: MY SECRET FLOWER pants: YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: >>>YEAH<<< ***RIGHT***

spigot: CAN WE ALL JUST GET THE TWITTER AND FACEBOOK AND LINKED IN LOGOS TATTOOED ON OUR FUCKING FACES pants: PEPSI AND THE LED ZEPPELIN ZOSO

deuce: [MASTER CAUTION] deuce: [MASTER ALARM] deuce: [MAIN BUS UNDERVOLT] deuce: [O2 PRES. LOW] deuce: [NEW SILENT KEY AVAILABLE] deuce: [REENTRY SHIELD FAILURE] deuce: NOW IT'S FULL SCALE HIGH

pants: WHY COMIC SANS DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME FIRST THING IS REALLY BEYOND ME HTTPS://JERKCITY.COM/AUDITIONFORM.PDF deuce: YEAH THAT'S KIND OF REQUIRED ISN'T IT deuce: I DON'T KNOW, TIMES NEW BORING LOOKED BETTER/MORE STUPID SOMEHOW

deuce: T SPIGOT I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT PLUMPERS LIKE IT BIG spigot: SAY WHAT (LEANING FORWARD) spigot: SAY AGAIN (CUPPING MY GOOD EAR) spigot: IT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE SAYING PLUMPERS spigot: AND THEY WHAT

deuce: I WANT OUT pants: I CANNOT LET YOU OUT deuce: YOU DO NOT OWN ME pants: ACTUALLY I DO (READ THE FINE PRINT OF THE LETTER YOU JUST SIGNED) deuce: I CANNOT (IT IS SMEARED WITH YOUR SHIT)

deuce: T PANTS YOU NEED TO COOK THOSE DICKS OR YOU'RE GOING TO CATCH A COLD

spigot: OKAY PEOPLE I'M THE TIMECOP spigot: WOAH HEY GOING BACK IN TIME spigot: NOTHING BUT COCKS IN THE VORTEX spigot: SWIRLING AROUND LIKE A FLUSHING TOILET spigot: NO TIME FOR CRAZY ACROBATICS

spigot: T DEUCE I THINK IN MY WHOLE LIFE I'VE HAD MAYBE TWO BONERS deuce: T SPIGOT NOW I KNOW THAT'S NONSENSE YOU'VE HAD MY BONER AT LEAST FIFTY-TWO TIMES

deuce: T SPIGOT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD / A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR A NEIGHBOR spigot: WOULD YOU BE MINE spigot: WOULD YOU BE MINE spigot: ACTUALLY COULD YOU BE MINE spigot: I GUESS I NEVER FULLY PROCESSED 9/11

spigot: NOTE TO MYSELF spigot: GLORYHOLES DO NOT MAKE CHANGE spigot: WHERE CAN I WRITE TO GET MY DOLLARS BACK

spigot: WILL NOBODY CHARGE ME AS A JUVENILE?!?!!? deuce: I SHALL SIR

pants: BUT NOT IN A GAY WAY MORE OF AN ACADEMIC EXERCISE deuce: PLANNING TO WRITE A PAPER ABOUT IT, NEVER DOING IT

deuce: NO RESULTS FOUND FOR "PROGRAMMING YOUR FROG". deuce: WHICH IN AND OF ITSELF IS WEIRD

pants: MAIL STICKERS TO THAT GUY (PRIORITY: HIGH) pants: CALL DENTIST BACK pants: 2013 TAXES pants: BACKUP PAIR OF GLASSES pants: TRANSFER 401K TO SCHWAB

spigot: ALL OF TODAY'S WEB NEWS PRINTED OUT AND ROLLED INTO A TUBE AND I'M MARCHING UP AND DOWN THE TOWN SQUARE SHOUTING THROUGH IT LIKE A TRUMPETY MEGAPHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: BROWSER WARS HEATING UP!!!!!!!!! spigot: SOMETHING ABOUT JAVA!!!!!!!!

deuce: T PANTS HITLER WAS RIGHT (HO-HOS REALLY ARE DELICIOUS) pants: HOSTESS WILL SET YOU FREE

deuce: JESUS THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING AWFUL deuce: JUST SMEAR CITY PEOPLE

spigot: HELP HELP WE'RE DROWNING spigot: TEN FEET FROM THE BEACH spigot: OH GOD AN INTERNATIONAL DISASTER spigot: WET SOCKS spigot: CREWMEMBERS RACING AGAINST TIME TO DELIVER FINAL DESSERTS AND COFFEE

deuce: A HOLLOW VOICE SAYS "COCKS" pants: FOLLOWED BY A SERIES OF OTHER LOW HOLLOW VOICES: "SURE" "YUP" "I'LL TAKE TWO" "MMMMM"

deuce: THERE'S SOMETHING SHARP AND POINTY STICKING OUT OF MY ASS deuce: ANYONE HERE WANT TO EXPLAIN THAT deuce: UNNNNNNGH

pants: I SURE HOPE I CAN GET THIS THING OUT OF MY ASS spigot: I HAVE TO GO NOW pants: I SAID I SURE HOPE I CAN AEFHKSHDFKSJDFHKSJDFHSJKDFHSJKFD pants: OKAY IT STAYS

deuce: <SNAP BACK> OH THIS IS FACEBOOK NOT VIDEOBOX

spigot: I CAN'T FIT MY PANTS ON OVER ALL THIS POO spigot: GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW I TOOK SUCH A BIG CRAP ALL OVER MYSELF spigot: CONSERVATION OF MATTER DOESN'T APPLY TO ME

pants: 3-D BARCODE DO NOT WRITE IN THIS SPACE deuce: MY LINKED LIST LOOKUP IS O(E^N)

pants: OH CRAP spigot: WHAT IN THE spigot: SON OF A pants: GOD HELP US spigot: ASSORTED EXCLAIMABLES

spigot: T PANTS YOU PROMISED DONGS AND BONGS AND BURGERS, INSTEAD I HAVE BEEN HELPING YOU PULL WEEDS FOR FORTY FIVE MINUTES pants: I EXPECT THAT KIND OF NONSENSE FROM THE CHING-CHONGS AND THE HOO-BOOS AND THE HURRR-DUHS pants: HEY GUYS I'VE ASKED YOU ALREADY TO PLEASE REFER TO ME AS "MANGALORD" IN BOTH E-MAIL CORRESPONDENCE AND IN MEATSPACE

deuce: I'M CHUCK D AND TOLERATE YOU FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON pants: TOTALLY

pants: I AM DYING pants: SLOWLY BUT SURELY deuce: THEN SHUT UP ALREADY AND FEDEX YOUR DICKS TO ME

pants: LOVE ME, LOVE MY DONG deuce: NO PROMISES deuce: YOUR DONG HAS WRONGED ME SO MANY TIMES (deuce): (QUIETLY) SO MANY TIMES

deuce: HOUSTON WE HAVE CLEARED THE TOWER pants: UNLESS YOU'RE FROM THE GOVERNMENT IN WHICH CASE THERE IS NO DICK OR DOPE HERE JUST CABBAGES IN THE DIRT AND PLEASE GIVE US FARM AID

uncredited woman: LIKE FLAPPY BIRD BUT FOR DICKS deuce: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!! : Notice: "pants" is out sick this week. His part will be played by his understudy deuce: WAIT

uncredited woman: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT'S LIKE NETFLIX BUT FOR DICKS uncredited woman: WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT I WANT TO RENT DICKS ON THE INTERNET WITH NO LATE FEES uncredited woman: AS I RETURN EACH USED DICK THE NEXT IS AUTOMATICALLY SELECTED FROM THE DICK QUEUE uncredited woman: OVER TIME THE SERVICE WILL LEARN MY DICK PREFERENCES AND WITH THE HELP OF ITS ADVANCED DICK ALGORITHM IT WILL SELECT NEW DICKS I MIGHT LIKE uncredited woman: WITTY 1980S MYSTERY DICKS uncredited woman: HISTORICAL DICKS FEATURING A STRONG MALE LEAD uncredited woman: DARK FIGHT-THE-SYSTEM SCI FI DICKS uncredited woman: GRITTY DRAMATIC DICKS uncredited woman: PERHAPS SOME SORT OF DICK RENTAL KIOSK COULD ALSO BE EMPLOYED uncredited woman: PLEASE ADVISE deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU uncredited woman: SO MANY THINGS

uncredited woman: A MULTITUDE OF DICKS uncredited woman: WAITING THEIR TURN IN AN ORDERLY QUEUE deuce: ONE OR MORE DICKS uncredited woman: DICKS PATIENTLY CHECKING THEIR WATCHES deuce: DICKS LOOKING AT THEIR SMARTPHONES, PRETENDING LIKE THEY'RE TALKING TO FRIENDS

spigot: PRETEND I'M THE 54 TO WESTGATE AND YANK MY DONG AND SAY NEXT STOP spigot: THEN I CAN PRETEND NOT TO HEAR AND KEEP DRIVING WHILE YOU CONTINUE TO YANK IT spigot: YOU HEARD ME

deuce: ALSO DICKS uncredited woman: OH YES, THE DICKS ARE ENDLESSLY REFRESHING TWITTER uncredited woman: DICKS WHO WISH THEY'D BROUGHT A BOOK uncredited woman: DICKS ABANDONING LINE ETIQUETTE AND EDGING CLOSER TO THE DOOR AND FINALLY BECOMING A DISORGANIZED MOB OF DICKS

uncredited woman: SOME OF THE DICKS LACK PROPER IDENTIFICATION uncredited woman: DICKS IN RIOT GEAR deuce: DICKS BEING STRANGE

uncredited woman: DICKS ON PARADE deuce: THE SAME DICKS OR DIFFERENT DICKS uncredited woman: A VARIETY OF DICKS, SOME FAMILIAR AND SOME COMPLETELY NEW uncredited woman: DICKS FROM OUT OF TOWN

uncredited woman: FOREIGN DICKS WITH STRANGE WAYS uncredited woman: COMFORTING DICK-NEXT-DOOR TYPE DICKS uncredited woman: EXOTIC DICKS FROM FARAWAY LANDS deuce: DICKS THAT NOBODY LOVED

uncredited woman: DICKS WITH TROUBLED PASTS uncredited woman: DICKS WORKING THEIR WAY THROUGH COLLEGE, DICKS TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING OF THEIR LIVES uncredited woman: SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED DICKS, GETTING DRESSED UP TO GO OUT TONIGHT deuce: DICKS THAT ARE ONLY POKING AND PRODDING TO PAY FOR THEIR COLLEGE TUITION

uncredited woman: DICKS deuce: EXACTLY uncredited woman: I'M GLAD WE AGREE

spigot: NIGHT AND DAY spigot: YOU ARE THE ONE spigot: WHETHER JERKING OFF INSIDE spigot: OR UNDER THE SUN spigot: WHEN I LOOK AT YOU I SEE / A RECEPTACLE FOR MY PEE spigot: I'LL WATER YOU spigot: NIGHT AND DAY spigot: THOSE ARE THE ORIGINAL LYRICS AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME THEN YOU'RE PROBABLY A RACIST

pants: BITE DOWN ON THE DICK pants: I'M ALL I HAVE IN THIS WORLD pants: DON'T LEAVE ME : Welcome back, pants.

pants: WHATEVER deuce: FIRST POINT: BUUUUUUH deuce: SECOND ITEM: HUR deuce: THIRD SUBJECT: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

pants: EVERYBODY MUST DIE pants: EXCEPT YOU OF COURSE pants: AND ME I GUESS pants: AND THAT ONE OVER THERE pants: ERROR_LOG(PRINT_R(ARRAY("FANNYPACKS!!!!!!!!!" => "!!!!!!!!!!!"), TRUE));

spigot: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PUSH IT UP THERE ALL THE TIME?!?!?!?

pants: T DEUCE I BIT MY INNER CHEEK AND IT HURTS LOTS deuce: I FEEL YOUR PAIN (ACTUALLY I DO NOT AND DO NOT GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE YOU ARE AN OBJECT TO BE USED)

pants: IS A MILF LIKE A GROK pants: CAN I BASH A MILF'S HEAD IN WITH A GROK deuce: ARE WE PODCASTING RIGHT NOW pants: INTO THE GROKOSPHERE

pants: WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND (MICROPHONE CUT, STILL TALKING BUT INAUDIBLE) deuce: T PANTS IN THE SKY ABOVE I SEE DICKS RAINING DOWN (LIKE MANA FROM HEAVEN) deuce: ((EXCEPT THEY'RE DICKS)) pants: CHRIST pants: I NEED TO BORROW A WASHTUB deuce: PRICKS, ETC.

pants: DOCTOR IT HURTS WHEN I PUNCH COPS deuce: FIVE STARS

spigot: T PANTS WHAT'S A DIR pants: T SPIGOT IT'S LIKE A POINTER WITHOUT A * spigot: AND IT SAYS DISK FULL spigot: I HAVE AFTER DARK INSTALLED

pants: CRAMMING SMALL METAL OBJECTS INTO MY ASS, WAITING PATIENTLY FOR THE CLUNK pants: >>>THE CLUNK<<<

pants: HEY I'M CHRIS HARDWICK deuce: I'M ANOTHER GUY ENTIRELY

deuce: I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THIS SITUATION pants: NUGGGGGGGGH pants: GARK GARK GARK GARK GARK pants: LOOK AT THE FLOWERS deuce: THAT'S MORE LIKE IT

spigot: IS A CROWDFUND LIKE A BLOWBANG pants: I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE

pants: EXTRA SAUCE PLZ (PLZ PRONOUNCED "PULLS" MEANS "PLEASE") pants: A BRUTAL SEXUAL ATTACK?!? !??!?! WELL ALL RIGHTY pants: BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRR

deuce: TWO PEAS IN A PUH

spigot: SITTING ON THE TOILET AND LETTING LOOSE WITH A BLOG TORRENT deuce: BRITISH FOLKS CALL TOILET PAPER A "BLOG ROLL" pants: AND WHEN WE SUCK EACH OTHER OFF AND SPIT THAT'S A "TRACKBACK" pants: WAIT YOU FORGOT TO TRACKBACK

spigot: MAKIN' THE SCENE HOO DEE BOO DANCING spigot: DAMP spigot: IF YOU COULD JUST PLEA *SLAM* KNOCK KNOCK

pants: SHITTING MYSELF deuce: IT WAS MY BALLS pants: THERE, DONE pants: WISH I HAD A NAPKIN deuce: DEFINITELY MY BALLS

pants: T DEUCE I'M AFRAID OF THE FUTURE deuce: I'M AFRAID OF RECTANGLES

pants: FIRST OFF, THE BUSHES ARE A GOOD PLACE TO HIDE deuce: YOU'RE DISTRACTING MY MASTURBATION HERE pants: OH pants: SORRY pants: LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE DONE JERKING THERE deuce: WILL DO pants: AHEM pants: SIR pants: TAP TAP TAP

spigot: CAN WE HELP HUMANS JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY ON A SIDEWALK

deuce: T PANTS WHY DOES YOUR IPAD REFUSE TO PLAY SHEMALE VIDEOS deuce: I MEAN deuce: NEVER MIND pants: T DEUCE NO THEY PLAY FINE

pants: TAKING A SHIT IN A PAPER BAG spigot: FOLKS WINE IN A BOX IS ACTUALLY WINE IN A PLASTIC BAG IN A BOX pants: LIFEHACKS

pants: TURNS OUT YOU HAVE TO PAY THEM AND _THEN_ THEY DO ANAL pants: NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND deuce: HUH pants: I KNOW RIGHT deuce: ARE YOU SURE

spigot: YOU'RE MAKING BEING STONED AT 1PM IN THE AFTERNOON UNPLEASANT pants: I JUST WOKE UP GIVE ME SOME SPACE HERE spigot: LAUGH SOME MORE I JUST KNOCKED MY DRINK OVER

spigot: GET ***OVER*** IT PEOPLE spigot: I'M BRENDAN EICH NOT BRENDAN DYKE spigot: (HANGS UP JAVASCRIPT PHONE)

deuce: NEXT PERSON TO TALK ABOUT MARCH MADNESS GETS SHOT IN THE DICK pants: DEAL

deuce: T PANTS I LIKE YOU deuce: BUT I DO NOT LIKE WHAT YOU STAND FOR (FREE DONGS FOR EVERYONE) deuce: THAT IS NOT FISCALLY RESPONSIBLE NOR WILL IT ACHIEVE THE OUTCOME YOU WANT deuce: IT WILL JUST CAUSE RENT-SEEKING BEHAVIOR THAT WILL MAKE THE EFFECTIVE COST RISE EVEN THOUGH THE OFFICIAL PRICE OF A DONG IS $0 deuce: THE OPPORTUNITY COST OF A DONG IS THE DIFFERENCE IN PRICE BETWEEN THE DONG AND THE SECOND BEST ALTERNATIVE YOU WOULD HAVE CHOSEN HAD YOU NOT CHOSEN THE DONG deuce: WHICH QUITE FRANKLY OUGHT TO BE ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL deuce: THE VALUE OF A DONG IS NOMINAL IF IT'S NOT INFLATION-ADJUSTED OR REAL IF IT'S INFLATION-ADJUSTED; YOU REALLY WANT THE THE INFLATION-ADJUSTED DONG VALUE deuce: VOTING DONGS ANYWAY deuce: I CALL IT DONGONOMICS

pants: WHY CAN'T I HAVE DOWN'S SYNDROME deuce: BECAUSE YOU ARE UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE ALL YOUR CHROMOSOMES

pants: HTTPS://JERKCITY.COM/TREK.JPG spigot: WELL THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH SULU spigot: HE'S EVEN REACHING FOR A RITALIN

pants: T DEUCE WHAT DO EPA REGULATIONS SAY ABOUT MY BONER, MY BALLS deuce: YOU WILL NEED LOTS OF PERMITS

spigot: IT JUST GOES TO PROVE WHY I FIND YOU COMPLETELY REPELLANT deuce: UNGH

deuce: IMPORTANT NEWSFLASH deuce: BREAKING NEWS deuce: TAKING PILLS MAKES YOU HIGH

spigot: I'D LIKE THE PORN COURT TO RELEASE THE VIDEOS I FUCKING ORDERED deuce: T SPIGOT IT IS HELD UP IN PROBATE (OR ESCROW, NOT SURE WHICH) atandt: MY PROBATE ITCHES RIGHT NOW deuce: YOU MEAN YOUR ESCROW

spigot: URF YOU KICKED ME SQUARE IN THE FRUITABLES spigot: HOLY BALLS AND GAYS spigot: YOUR PARTICIPLES AREN'T THE ONLY THING DANGLING

spigot: MMR URF I'M A HUMAN BEAT BOX DON'T COPY THAT FLOPPY HURR HIP BIP

spigot: OK, SO FAR "TABLOID" BY ERROL MORRIS IS AN UTTERLY CHARMING AND SPOOKY DOCUMENTARY spigot: NO THANKS TO OBAMACARE

spigot: IF SOMEONE COULD PLEASE NOTICE ME spigot: SIR/MA'AM spigot: THE CAMERA FELL BEHIND THE DESK

spigot: I HOPE IT GETS SHOT ON THE BUS spigot: I HOPE IT GETS THROWN DOWN A WELL spigot: I HOPE IT GROWS UP UNGRATEFUL AND BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN

spigot: A1: COCKS IN THE FACE spigot: A2: BALLS UP THE NUTS spigot: I'M NOT GAY

pants: FIRST I NEED ALL OF YOUR NAMES pants: SECOND I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT HOW WE CAN SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT pants: NEXT AFTER THAT I WANT DICK (AND BY GOD I WANT IT NOW) spigot: I WAS VERY DISMAYED TO COME BACK FROM LUNCH AND DISCOVER MY NEW YELLOW SWEATER STUFFED IN A TOILET

deuce: THEY'RE PEOPLE TOO pants: NOT REALLY deuce: THEY WERE ONCE PEOPLE BUT ARE NOW EMPTY SHELLS WHICH CAN BE USED FOR THINGS deuce: SO SEND IN THAT MONEY PEOPLE

deuce: LET'S TAKE OUT THAT HEROIN AND REPLACE IT WITH A HAMBURGER !!!! pants: HORNING IN ON JERKCITY PLEDGE WEEK pants: DIVERT FUNDS TO FUDGE

pants: COCKS deuce: TELL PANTS IF THAT'S SOME ATTEMPT TO WRIGGLE OUT OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES YOU'RE SORELY MISTAKEN

pants: ARE YOU A BONER GOD deuce: SORT OF A DEMIGOD deuce: MORE DIVINE THAN A PERSON BUT NOT A FULL DEITY pants: WHATEVER

spigot: ANY 1 STROKIN' IT???? deuce: HOLY JESUS spigot: ARE YOU CLINT BLACK OR GARTH BROOKS??????? deuce: I'M PATTI LABELLE I KEEP TELLING YOU deuce: YOU PEOPLE AREN'T LISTENING TO ME

deuce: GETTING FUCKED IN THE NUTS IS MODERATELY UNCOMFORTABLE BUT STILL SOMEWHAT ENTERTAINING

deuce: OKAY ozone: HEY THIS ISN'T THE DEUCE deuce: OKAY ozone: JUST SOME GUY WITH APHASIA ozone: WHERE'S THE DEUCE? deuce: OKAY

pants: WHEN IS A DONG LIKE A WRITING DESK pants: OOF OW NUTPUNCHED

pants: YOU'RE BREAKING UP I DIDN'T CATCH ANY OF THAT pants: OH WELL pants: NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT DICKS

atandt: CAN YOU RETURN TO THE PART WHERE-- hanford: STOP THIS IS A RE-RUN atandt: WHAT hanford: SHUT IT DOWN pants: HI I'M PANTS FROM hanford: SHUT IT DOWN NOW

pants: ECHO DEPRECATED pants: ECHO DO NOT USE pants: ECHO SERVICE GUARANTEES CITIZENSHIP pants: EXIT

deuce: NEED A QUESTION ANSWERED URGENTLY deuce: IF THERE'S A SHEMALE BUT IT HAS BUNNY EARS THEN IT'S NOT GAY RIGHT deuce: OKAY THANKS I THOUGHT SO (STILL GAY) deuce: 50.00001% FEMALE OR MALE OR IS IT LIKE HAVING A PLURALITY BUT NOT A MAJORITY deuce: BUT YOU STILL WIN (NOT GAY) deuce: DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT BUT I'M TOTALLY NOT GAY pants: GROSS, DUDE deuce: I WAS ASKING FOR A FRIEND

atandt: PEOPLE atandt: THERE IS LIFE ON MARS: I HAVE PROOF :: POINTS TO MOUTH atandt: IT'S HIDDEN IN HERE deuce: MISSION TO ATANDT' MOUTH atandt: YAY! deuce: I FOUND HUMAN DNA IN YOUR MOUTH!!! deuce: THIS PROVES THAT ALL EARTHLY LIFE ORIGINALLY CAME FROM YOUR MOUTH ??! deuce: GHSH .HV FKIHH

deuce: I'VE INJECTED YOU WITH TRUTH SERUM pants: ARE YOU SURE (I DON'T FEEL TRUTHY) pants: TAKIN' A SHIT ON FIRST BASE, SECOND BASE, THIRD BASE (UP ALL NIGHT AGAIN) deuce: SORRY THIS IS THE BASEBALL-DIAMOND SHITTING DRUG deuce: HOLD ON (FUMBLES WITH VIALS)

deuce: SQUIRP hanford: ERROR: TWITTER ERROR: STATUS IS A DUPLICATE deuce: SQUIRRP hanford: POSTED: SQUIRRP

deuce: HOW COME YOU NEVER INVITE ME deuce: OH deuce: NEVER MIND

spigot: WHAT HOPE HAVE WE NOW OF LICKING DONGS pants: DON'T GIVE UP pants: BARELY EVEN LOOKING AWAY FROM THE CURRENT DICK

pants: AND NOT A SINGLE ANIMAL CRACKER ESCAPED PANTS' ATTENTION deuce: AND THE MORNING AND THEN THE FOLLOWING AFTERNOON ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL pants: THE END

spigot: NOT ACCUSING YOU, BUT FIVE PEPPERONI HOT POCKETS ARE MISSING

pants: ARE YOU THE BORG deuce: CHECKING deuce: OOPS YOU'RE ASSIMILATED deuce: YOU FUCKED UP SON pants: OH WELL

deuce: OUR FIRST RULE IS: NO DICKLICKING pants: FUCK THAT HLUAGHLUAHGLAHUGLAUHG deuce: OKAY YOU'RE OUT

deuce: ALSO I FOUND A SILVERFISH EARLIER TODAY AND IT TURNS OUT THAT SILVERFISH DO *NOT* TASTE LIKE CHICKEN

deuce: SADNESS IS ALL THERE IS deuce: IT'S SADNESS TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN

pants: HUFF FROM THIS BAG spigot: HOW MANY GOSH DARN pants: AND THIS RAG spigot: HANG ON pants: HELLO spigot: WE'RE DOIN' ALL WE CAN

pants: GARK GARK GARK WENT THE TROLLY pants: TOUGH TIMES FOR TROLLY

deuce: ASTRONAUTWEINERSIZES.INFO pants: <A HREF="HORSECOCK">JOHN GLENN</A> deuce: <SPAN CLASS="BEDWETTER">ALAN SHEPARD</SPAN>

spigot: I WONDER IF I GOT A COLLEGE DEGREE AND ROLLED IT UP INTO A TUBE AND SET IT ON FIRE I COULD BLAST OFF TO MARS!!!!!!!! spigot: OR PUT DOPE IN IT!!!!!!!!

deuce: OKAY WHO'S UP FOR SOME HOT J/O? spigot: NOT ME (spigot): ME

deuce: LET'S YOU AND ME TALK ABOUT A FUCKIN' OSTRICH pants: THEY BITE AND CLAMP

spigot: OH I UNDERSTAND spigot: FOR EVERY ONE THAT GOES IN MY MOUTH spigot: I GET TWO POKED UP MY BIG FAT ASS spigot: THAT'S FAIR

deuce: BHABHLBALHAB spigot: ANOTHER DAY

deuce: IF A SHEMALE IS FUCKING A WOMAN THEN IT'S COMPLETELY STRAIGHT deuce: THIS IS PROVEN BY THE FACT THAT THERE IS ONE (1) MALE AND ONE (1) FEMALE deuce: QED deuce: I'M NOT GAY

pants: IF I CHOP OFF MY OWN DICK AND EAT IT AM I CANNIBAL

spigot: I'M FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH THE RICHNESS OF LIQUOR spigot: I'M THE LIFE OF THE PARTY spigot: WOOO HOOOO HEY EVERYONE I SHAVED MY BALLS TODAY

deuce: GOD IS REAL deuce: SORRY WAIT deuce: GOD IS REAL-ISH

pants: ROBOT + COP = ???? spigot: GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF MY LAP

pants: IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING pants: OH HI deuce: HLLHGAHLAGHLGA

spigot: WHY DOES MY HEAD HURT EVERY FUCKING MORNING deuce: I STILL HAVEN'T QUITE FIGURED IT OUT deuce: I'M NOT VERY BRIGHT AFTER ALL deuce: TELEPHONY

deuce: #BRINGOURGIRLSHOME deuce: #ITGETSBETTER deuce: #NEVERMINDTHEYREPROBABLYFINETHERE deuce: #WHATSONTV

: Shortcut to CChat : All Programs &#8688; : My Documents : My Recent Documents : My Pictures : My Music : My Computer : Control Panel : Set Program Access and Defaults : Printers and Faxes : Help and Support : Search : Run pants: DONGS spigot: ONGS spigot: MY LIFE pants: DONGS

deuce: CAN I GO NOW pants: NO deuce: FINE deuce: (FROWNS, FOLDS ARMS)

spigot: WHO'S THAT FASTENING A GIRAFFE TO THE TOP OF HIS BMW LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE spigot: X-FILES FLASHLIGHTS spigot: HE'S GETTING AWA HE CRASHED

dick: ANYBODY WANT TO GO TO A MENSA MEETING WITH ME TONIGHT? pants: I'M NOT SMART ENOUGH pants: PLUS I'M GOING TO BE ON THE TOILET ALL NIGHT pants: I CAN TELL

pants: I CAN'T SEE GIFS OR JPEGS spigot: REBOOT YOUR BROWSER !!!!! pants: MY SCREEN IS GAY AND DUMB spigot: REBOOT YOUR ROUTER !!!!!! pants: IT'S BLINKING AND SPLURTING spigot: REBOOT YOUR MACHINE !!!!! pants: IT'S SPLURKING AND SPLORKING spigot: REBOOT YOUR CAR AND DRIVE AWAY !!!! pants: I JUST PLOWED THROUGH NINE DAY CARES spigot: REBOOT YOUR LIFE USING A FAKE NAME !!!! pants: WHAT ABOUT MY FREQUENT FLYER MILES ??? pants: AND MY SAFEWAY REWARDS CARDS ??? pants: AND MY ANYTIME MINUTES ?????? pants: AND MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY PLUS POINTS ????? spigot: OKAY BYE

spigot: I WONDER IF YOU HAVE EVER SUCKED A DICK IN SPACE spigot: (OR AS I LIKE TO CALL THEM, SPACE DICKS)

spigot: IF ANYONE CAN HEAR ME SHOUTING I'M VERY MUCH ON FIRE!!!!!!

pants: T SPIGOT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR MY TALE OF INCEST AND DRUBBING AS A TEENAGE GIRL spigot: I DON'T KNOW WHAT DRUBBING IS BUT IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE MACARONI AND CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: NO JUST MUWAAAAHH GOODBYE FUCKING WORLD (PUT IN CHAMBER, HIT SLIDE RELEASE, PUT IN THE MOUTH, BLAM) pants: MMMMMMMMM <-- ALL I CAN TYPE NOW

spigot: FOLKS THE REASON THERE ARE SO MANY MORE MEN THAN WOMEN IN COMPUTER SCIENCE IS BECAUSE IT'S NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO RECTIFY THE IMBALANCE. spigot: FOLKS THE REASON THE SKY LOOKS BLUE IS BECAUSE DUST IN THE ATMOSPHERE CHOPS UP LIGHT FROM THE SUN INTO TINY WAVELENGTHS WHICH OUR EYES DETECT AS BLUE. spigot: FOLKS MIKE'S HARD LEMONADE JUST ISN'T DOING IT FOR ME THIS MORNING pants: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED A WINE COOLER OR MAYBE A GLASS OF WATER

pants: DONGS spigot: DONGS pants: DONGS spigot: DONGS spigot: IS THIS MY LIFE pants: DONGS

spigot: HI I'M MARILYN VOS SAVANT, PERHAPS YOU'VE SEEN ME SUCKING DICK IN "PARADE" spigot: I'M THE WORLD'S MOST BRILLIANT WOMAN AND I CAN'T STOP WITH THE JIZZ ALL OVER THE FACE spigot: PERHAPS YOU'VE SEEN ME NEXT TO BILL HOEST'S "THE LAUGH PARADE"

spigot: CHRISTMAS IS COMING / THE GOOSE IS GETTING FAT spigot: PLEASE PUSH YOUR BONER / IN MY BIG DUMB FACE hanford: @JERKCITYHIFI CAN WE GET AN API FOR INTEGRATION

pants: SANS FANNYPACK WOULD MAKE A GOOD PORNO NAME FOR ME spigot: OR A QUALITY FONT pants: WHEN IS MY BONER COMING TO BLU-RAY spigot: IT'S spigot: AL / REA / DY / HERE pants: [ORCHESTRA SWELLS]

deuce: HI SPIGOT spigot: {{{{{{{{{{{{ HI }}}}}}}}}}}}

pants: THIS DOESN'T FEEL LIKE PUSH TECHNOLOGY pants: IT FEELS MORE LIKE MASH MY FACE INTO THE COLD TILE TECHNOOOOOOOOOOOO pants: TECHNOOOOOOOOOO pants: TECHNOLOGGGGGGG pants: GIVING UP

spigot: THE WEBSITE AHEAD CONTAINS MALWARE! spigot: PRETTY SURE IT'S A HANDJOB VIDEO

spigot: WHY CAN'T I SEE ALL THE FOOTAGE FROM WHEN I WOKE UP AFTER 24 HOURS OF SLEEP AND STUMBLED AROUND OPENING AND CLOSING COOKIE DRAWERS deuce: I ALSO WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT FOOTAGE spigot: WELL THE FOOTAGE IS POINTLESS IF THERE'S NO THIRD ACT spigot: I.E. ACTUALLY FINDING COOKIES INSTEAD OF SHORTBREAD SHITCAKES deuce: THE THIRD ACT IS YOU FURIOUSLY BEATING OFF WHILE LOOKING WITH DEAD EYES DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA

pants: AT THIS POINT WE'VE TESTED YOU FOR STRESS AND NOW WE'RE JUST TRYING TO SEE WHAT YOU'LL EAT spigot: (STAGE WHISPERING) HE'S EATING OTHELLO PIECES pants: THE COCONUT ALMOND NUTBUTTERS WERE NOT EVEN OPENED spigot: COCONUT ALMOND NUTBUTTERS READS LIKE STRIKE ONE, STRIKE TWO, STRIKE THREE

spigot: DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS spigot: PLEASE PASS ALL TRAFFIC THROUGH NET CONTROL spigot: DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS

spigot: WHAT HAPPENS TO A DICK UNLICKED?!?!?! pants: DOES SUCH A THING EXIST?!?!?!??!?!?!

spigot: WHAT HAPPENS TO A DICK UNLICKED?!?!?! deuce: IT IS A SINGULARITY IN SPACETIME WHERE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS DO NOT APPLY

spigot: WHAT HAPPENS TO A DICK UNLICKED?!?!?! spigot: DOES IT PUSH AND POKE AND CHOKE AND JOKE spigot: DOES IT WHEEZE AND SNEEZE AND SQUEEZE BENEATH THE AMBER SYCAMORE TREES deuce: *OR DOES IT EXPLODE*

spigot: KEEP REACHING FOR THAT BIG FAT DICK IN THE SKY spigot: JERKING EXCLUSIVELY BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 4 AND 8 pants: WHY IS THE CLOSED SIGN UP THEN spigot: T PANTS FAIRLY CONFIDENT IT'S NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX

deuce: WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BEAT THAT BEAR OFF pants: BUT HOW deuce: BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY IS MY MOTTO deuce: WHO AM I KIDDING MY ONLY MOTTO IS "WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BEAT THAT BEAR OFF"

spigot: HAZELNUT TORTE spigot: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO EXPLAIN THE JOKE TO ME WHILE I BEAT OFF WITH MY ATM CARD spigot: WE NEED SOME GOLD BOND MEDICATED POWDER OVER HERE

pants: CAN'T WE JUST SEND THE POO INTO SPACE deuce: NO THERE ARE MONSTERS UP THERE deuce: THEY EAT POO FOR FUEL SO WE'LL ONLY BE SOWING THE SEEDS OF OUR OWN DESTRUCTION pants: SPACE MONSTERS???? OR ARE WE AT SEA AND I SHOULD POO OVER THE BOW (STARBOARD SIDE)

deuce: I MEAN WHO FUCKING CARES spigot: (RAISES HAND) I DON'T spigot: LOWERS HAND, RAISES HAND (WHICH HAND FOR DON'T CARE IF YOU ASKED WHO CARES) deuce: YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT (NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW MANY HANDS WENT UP ON WHICH QUESTION)

spigot: HUHHHHH I HELD MY BREATH THE WHOLE TIME JERKCITY WAS DOWN

pants: ARE YOU A WIENER DOG pants: ARE YOU pants: TRIGGER WARNING: FOG HORNS

pants: THAT'S NICE BUT (CLEARS THROAT) (WON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT) (MUMBLES) ARE YOU A WIENER DOG deuce: NO deuce: NO I AM NOT

effigy: T DEUCE IS THERE THAT MUCH CASH IN THE BAIL FUND??? deuce: WHAT'S THE CHARGE effigy: THE CHARGE WAS BAD MONKEY effigy: X15 effigy: SO, 15 COUNTS deuce: ALSO I DON'T GIVE A SHIT

pants: ANYWAY I'LL BET $1 YOU CAN'T BEAT ME OFF pants: I WISH MY NAME WERE HAMISH pants: C'MON pants: TURN AROUND AND I'LL UNZIP YA pants: WHO WANTS TO HELP ME WASH MY HOODIES

effigy: COMMAND-OPTION : REBUILDS THE DESKTOP spigot: NOT ON MY WATCH (SPLURK, SPLORT)

spigot: POURING WET CEMENT THROUGH THE SKYLIGHT OF THE HAM SHACK

spigot: I WOULD JUST LIKE TO BE TREATED WITH DIGNITY AND RESPUHHHHH

pants: HERE pants: TAKE MY TONGUE pants: PULL YOURSELF TO SAFETTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

pants: WOULD YOU MIND IF I BEAT OFF IN YOUR FACE AND, WHILE I DO SO, PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE BORED pants: THAT'S MY FETISH pants: READ A BOOK OR SOMETHING deuce: NO SCREAMING OR CALLING THE POLICE PLEASE

spigot: "SLOBBERING AND CRUNCHING LOUDLY" spigot: BOSTON BAKED COCKS AND FLUFFY MASHED NUTS

pants: LET'S PLAY UNIX pants: I WILL BE GREP deuce: I WILL BE AWK

pants: IT'S A HEAVY GRIFT pants: HOW TO GET HOLD OF THAT DICK pants: THIS WILL REQUIRE A CLEVER PLAN

pants: BUT IF YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW, PLEASE MAKE A DONATION pants: BUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH pants: WORD UP spigot: COULD YOU PLEASE NOT STARE AT ME WHILE I JERK THANKS

spigot: X spigot: HI deuce: CAUGHT YOU spigot: X MARKS THE BALLS

deuce: I'M PRO-ABORTION deuce: UH deuce: MAKE THAT PRO-ABOLITION deuce: OKAY BACK UP I'M CONFUSED NOW pants: T DEUCE ARSONISTS? ?? ? ? deuce: T PANTS YEAH THAT'S IT THANKS

deuce: NO CARL GUSTAV AGAINST INFANTRY

deuce: OKAY HOW COME THE GUACAMOLE DIP I GOT TASTES NOTHING LIKE ANYTHING REMOTELY GUACAMOLISH pants: UH

deuce: T EFFIGY HAS THE DIABETES PROBLEM CLEARED UP YET spigot: AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO IF IT WEREN'T FOR THAT MEDDLING VAMPYRE

spigot: I HAVE BEEN BLOWING AND TWEETING MY GAY RAVE WHISTLE FROM STALL 2 FOR NEARLY THIRTY MINUTES pants: WE COULD HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY OVER BY THE VOLLEYBALL AND TENNIS COURTS

spigot: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE DICK LICKING pants: [B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B

spigot: THIS PLACE IS A DUMP spigot: I'D BETTER HANG UP ONE OF MY FLAGS spigot: NOW THAT REALLY GAYS THE PLACE UP

pants: WHERE IS THE LOVE deuce: CERTAINLY NOT HERE pants: I THINK IT MIGHT BE HERE!!!! LOOKING UNDER SEAT CUSHIONS

spigot: I UPLOADED A PICTURE OF MY BREAKFAST pants: CAN I SEE???? spigot: (VOMITS)

deuce: ATTENTION deuce: MY BALLS deuce: THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION

pants: IS THIS HEAVEN pants: AHEM pants: FEELS LIKE HEAVEN pants: NO THIS IS THE BATHROOM pants: YES GET IT ALL OUT pants: LAUGH IT UP YOU BUMS pants: HEY I WAS WILLING TO BE A URINAL BUT NOT A TOILET pants: YOU PEOPLE ARE THE WORST

spigot: CHOPPING UP COKE WITH MY LUCKY REWARDS CARD AND SNORTING IT UP WITH MY BONUS FAMILY MINUTES

spigot: O_O MY UPSIDE-DOWN TRONCYCLE deuce: DOES IT KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ESPERANTO deuce: AND IF NOT THEN WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FRENCH FRIES

deuce: T PANTS THE EVIL COMPUTER JUST TURNED THE OLD WOMAN INTO AN EVIL ROBOT pants: T DEUCE BY TOUCHING HER OR USING SPACE RAYS pants: T DEUCE I PREFER THE SPACE RAYS METHOD pants: T DEUCE THE OTHER ONE GETS YOU TIME IN LOCKUP (OR LOCKDOWN, YOUR CHOICE) deuce: T PANTS AT THE VERY LEAST IT GETS YOU SMEARED WITH POO THAT'S FOR SURE

deuce: IS IT NORMAL TO WAKE UP SINGING "BEAT IT" LIKE A CHICKEN deuce: BUK BUK BUK BUKBUK BUK BUK BUK BUK deuce: BUK BUK BUK BUKBUK BUK BUK BUK BUK / BUK BUKBUK deuce: BUK BUKBUK

spigot: T PANTS BLINK IF YOU CAN HEAR ME spigot: PULL MY DICK ONCE FOR YES AND FOUR HUNDRED TIMES FOR NO spigot: ARE YOU GAY pants: SURE

ozone: INIT: SINGLE USER MODE ozone: THE SYSTEM IS BEING SHUT DOWN NOW ! ! ! .(deuce): WONDERING IF I SHOULD JERK OFF NOW OR WAIT UNTIL LATER

deuce: THERE ARE NEARLY AS MANY SHITTY WRITERS FILLING COPY WITH STANDARD TROPES AS THERE ARE SHITTY WRITERS deuce: SPOILERS !!!!! DIARRHEA !!!!!!!!!! PLONK !!!!!!!!!!

pants: GOT STUCK IN A HOLE pants: SOMETHING HAPPENED, I FELL DOWN OR SOMETHING pants: DIZZY

.(spigot): FIVE SHAMROCK SHAKES A DAY AND I'M STILL A BLIMP WHAT'S THE DEAL HERE

deuce: I THINK I HAVE ONE TOO MANY XTERMS OPEN deuce: BETTER JERK spigot: REBOOTING WITHOUT EXTENSIONS

spigot: YOU ARE SERIOUSLY CHOKING MY FACE WITH YOUR DONG IN SUCH A WAY THAT I MIGHT BE FORCED TO LOG OFF

net: WHAT'S BROWN AND STICKY? spigot: YOUR JOKE BOOK???????????????????

deuce: QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER pants: MY NEW BIG RED TRUCK THAT NEEDS SOME REAR END WORK spigot: I SAY IF IT'S EVEN REMOTELY OR SLIGHTLY BROWN, FLUSH IT DOWN

pants: DO YOU HAVE THE PASSWORD FOR MY MOUTH deuce: I THINK IT'S "DICK" ("COCK" IS ALSO ACCEPTED WHICH IS A SECURITY ISSUE)

pants: /O\ /O\ pants: \O/ /O\ pants: /OO\ deuce: FOR CHRIST'S SAKE WHERE'S THE FIRE BUTTON

deuce: GIVE ME BACK MY GODDAMN PURSE I'M GETTING ANGRY NOW pants: THANK YOU pants: OWWWWWWWWWWWW deuce: I WOULD PREFER YOU RETURNING MY UNDERWEAR, AS WELL pants: MY FACE

ozone: LD32: FATAL 12: EXPECTING N32 OBJECTS: /LIB/LIBC.SO.1 IS O32. effigy: I REALLY NEED MEIDCAL ADVICE deuce: YOU SHOULD RUB DIRT IN IT

deuce: I'M NOT HEARING A YES ????? SO IT'S A YES deuce: SLAMS GAVEL DOWN deuce: HOLY JESUS JUST SAY YES (COCKS GUN)

spigot: TWO GAY VAMPIRES FLAP INTO A BAR spigot: FIRST ONE SAYS "BARTENDER GIVE ME YOUR FATTEST GAYEST DRINK EVER" spigot: BARTENDER SAYS "WHAT'LL YOUR FAT FRIEND HAVE" spigot: AND THE SECOND ONE'S ALL "CALL THE ENCLAVE" (spigot): SEE TOGETHER THEY'RE BOTH FAGS, ONE OF WHICH RUNS A BBS

pants: I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE pants: AND I BRING YOU pants: DICK deuce: YOU ARE THE CRAPPIEST HELLFIRE GOD ON RECORD

deuce: MILFS, COUGARS, AND GRANDMAS NO. 2 deuce: I DON'T LIKE THE USE OF THAT CONJUNCTION spigot: HOW ABOUT WE THROW A 'NEITHER' IN FRONT AND A 'NOR' INSTEAD OF 'AND', THEN SHIP IT

pants: LAST NIGHT WE AGREED NOT TO BE GAY FROM NOW ON AND YOU BLEW IT MISTER pants: WE AGREED pants: AND NOW I HAVE TO DESTROY YOU (SLOWLY PUTTING LID ONTO JAR, CRYING, SINGING NATIONAL ANTHEM TO DISTRACT MYSELF)

ozone: BY'R LAKIN, A PARLOUS FEAR. net: WELL, WE WILL HAVE SUCH A PROLOGUE; AND IT SHALL BE WRITTEN IN EIGHT AND SIX atandt: NOT A WHIT: I HAVE A DEVICE TO MAKE ALL WELL. WRITE ME A PROLOGUE; AND LET THE PROLOGUE SEEM TO SAY, WE WILL DO NO HARM WITH OUR SWORDS, AND THAT PYRAMUS IS NOT KILLED INDEED; atandt: AND, FOR THE MORE BETTER ASSURANCE, TELL THEM THAT I, PYRAMUS, AM NOT PYRAMUS, BUT BOTTOM THE WEAVER: THIS WILL PUT THEM OUT OF FEAR.

pants: I CAN'T FIT MY OWN DICK IN MY OWN-- pants: NEVER MIND pants: NEVER pants: YOU pants: MIND

spigot: IN MY DAY, RAPE KITS WERE NOTHING BUT DUCT TAPE AND GARBAGE BAGS!!! spigot: NOW THEY'RE USED IN "HOSPITALS" TO ANALYZE "EVIDENCE" spigot: IT'S JUST WAY LESS ROMANTIC

spigot: FOLKS A CAT WALKED ON MY PILLOW AND I THINK I HAVE FELINE AIDS spigot: WELPS!!! OFF TO THE VET spigot: A PLASTIC CONE ON MY DONG LIKE A MEGAPHONE spigot: ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO

pants: FEEDING BANANAS TO MY DICK spigot: STOP MAKING FUN OF THE CLOUD spigot: MY DICK PICS SHOW UP ON ALL HER DEVICES

: SPIGOT THE BEAR AS A SMOKEY THE BEAR FIGURE DOING LECTURES AT SCHOOLS, NOT A COP DRAMA spigot: ZIPPING UP MY BEAR SUIT!! spigot: FASTENING MY BEAR HEAD!! spigot: PARTING THE CURTAINS AND STROLLING ON STAGE!!! spigot: NO IDEA WHAT NEXT, OVERALL CONSENSUS IS: THIS GAG HAS NO LEGS, NEEDS WORK

spigot: I'M NOT HOMOPHOBIC I DON'T MIND FIGHTING GAY GUYS

effigy: ZOLPIDEM HAS BEEN USED ON VICTIMS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT.[59][60] pants: BUT IN FAIRNESS SO HAS MY DONG

spigot: WHO WANTS TO SEE MY BURNING MAN PICS?????????? spigot: HERE'S SOME SAND spigot: AGAIN SAND WITH A LITTLE SKY pants: WHAT'S THAT (POINTING) spigot: A WEIRD THING SOMEONE BUILT (YOU CAN SEE THE SAND IN THE BACKGROUND) spigot: MY TENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: NOTE THE HORIZON OF WHERE SAND MEETS SKY spigot: LET'S JUST SAY I'M A MAJOR PLAYA ON THE PLAYA spigot: OKAY THESE ARE PICTURES I GOOGLED

spigot: MOUTH LOVE deuce: ZOING pants: SPACE BONGS

pants: COME ON pants: PLEASE GIVE ME A NICKEL deuce: YOU WILL GET A WOODEN NICKEL AND A PUNCH TO THE CHOPS

pants: HURP spigot: I SWEAR I'M GOING TO POP A SERIOUS BONER IF I EAT ANOTHER EGG MCMUFFIN

deuce: TODAY I MANAGED TO STAVE OFF SUICIDE FOR ONE MORE DAY

pants: DOES MY FACE LOOK PUNCHABLE deuce: DEPENDS pants: BE HONEST deuce: IF YOU MEAN DOES IT IMPLEMENT THE PUNCHABLE INTERFACE, THE ANSWER IS YES deuce: IF YOU MEAN DOES IT INVITE OR ENCOURAGE A PUNCH MORE THAN OTHER SUCH FACES, THE ANSWER IS NO pants: WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THAT deuce: T PANTS INCREASE THE PUNCHABILITY ATTRIBUTE deuce: OBJECT 'PANTS\' FACE' IMPLEMENTS PUNCHABLE {PUNCHABILITY: 100; }

spigot: MY VOICE IS CHANGING PEOPLE BUT I'M STILL GAY spigot: COCKS AND NUTS PRODDING ME THROUGH ADOLESCENCE deuce: I'D FEEL A LOT MORE COMFORTABLE ABOUT BEING HERE IF YOU GUYS WERE FUNNIER

deuce: GAY BUTT SEX PARTY

spigot: LOOKING TO WEDGE AGILE ANAL AND EXTREME ANAL PROGRAMMING INTO ONE LINE deuce: T SPIGOT CAN'T WE WORK ANAL TEST DRIVEN DEVELOPMENT INTO EVERYTHING SOMEHOW

spigot: I'M LEAVING spigot: FORGOT MY PURSE

pants: SOLOMON SAYS WE SHOULD CUT ALL THE CATS IN HALF AND THEN REATTACH THEM TO MAKE ONE BIG COMPLICATED CAT

spigot: COULD YOU PLEASE COME BACK HERE AND HAGGLE OVER MY BALLS FOR HALF AN HOUR deuce: T SPIGOT DON'T FALL FOR IT spigot: T DEUCE YOU PUT THE Q IN Q*BERT

spigot: ME AGAIN spigot: SOILING MYSELF spigot: ME AGAIN spigot: SOILING MYSELF spigot: ME AGAIN spigot: SOILING MYSELF spigot: ME AGAIN spigot: SOILING MYSELF deuce: FUCKING HOLD STILL

spigot: SOMETIMES I FEEL HAPPY spigot: AND SOMETIMES I FEEL SAD spigot: *HURF* spigot: DAD'S BALLS

SPIGOT: GURGLING PANTS: BURGLING AS WELL I HOPE DEUCE: ALGHALGHALGHALG HALHALGHLAHGLAHGLAHLAGALH (TRYING TO HELP BUT FAILING) PANTS: HULAGHALUGHLUAGH LAHGLHAGLHALGHLAG (APPRECIATING THE EFFORT)

pants: ACHOO pants: I'M ALLERGIC TO NUTS deuce: BOY I'LL SAY

deuce: WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A PRETTY GIRL SAYS SHE'S VERSATILE

spigot: IT'S 9/11 ALL OVER AG **KA-BLOOM** spigot: CAN'T EVEN FINISH A SENTEN **KA-BLAM** spigot: MAYBE IF I STAND VERY **KA-BLOOM**

spigot: SO LONG STORY SHORT I'D LIKE TO REDIRECT THE NATURE OF THIS CONVERSATION AND BRING IT ON BACK TO WHY YOU DISCONNECTED MY PHONE AND UTILITIES

deuce: I'M WITH YOU BROTHER FIGHT THE POWER deuce: T DICK WHAT ARE WE FIGHTING FOR AGAIN

deuce: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR EXERCISING YOU DECADENT WESTERNERS

pants: T DEUCE I CAN'T FIND CCH POUNDER IN THE MONSTER MANUAL??? deuce: THAT IS JUST A WEIRD THING TO SAY pants: PLEASE BUY MY LINGERIE CALENDAR

spigot: WE'RE GOING HOPPIN' spigot: WE'RE GOING HOPPIN' TODAY spigot: WE'RE GOIN' BOPPIN' spigot: I SAID WE'RE FUCKING GOING BOPPING PEOPLE DON'T JUST FUCKING STAND THERE spigot: AM I THE ONLY QUEER IN THIS BAR JESUS H. CHRIST : SPIGOT HOPS A TRAIN TO QUEER TOWN : SPIGOT HOPS OFF THE QUEER BUS spigot: YES HELLO

pants: SIT AROUND AND BE QUIET pants: UNTIL HOMICIDE SHOWS UP pants: THEN TALK YOUR FOOL HEAD OFF

deuce: ARE YOU GAY spigot: YES AND NO deuce: IN WHAT WAY spigot: YES I'M GAY AND NO I DON'T HAVE CHANGE deuce: HOW ABOUT BUS FARE spigot: I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE TALKING TO YOU

deuce: DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME GETTING A BONER spigot: COLLEGE

pants: T DEUCE WOULD YOU PLEASE GRADE MY PAPER deuce: E- pants: T DEUCE WHAT ABOUT MY CITIZENSHIP AND ABILITY TO STUFF MORE PRICKS IN MY MOUTH THAN THE KING OF SIAM deuce: T PANTS I WILL HAVE TO CHECK UP ON THAT ONE pants: T DEUCE PLEASE GET BACK TO ME ABOUT THIS

pants: WHO'S A GOOD BOY deuce: I AM I AM pants: YOU'RE A GOOD BOY deuce: SPLATTER ME WITH BLOOD AND PISS pants: YES YOU ARE

deuce: WHO LOVES DICK MORE THAN OUR SURGEON GENERAL deuce: NO IDEA WHY I SAID THAT

deuce: I THINK JERKCITY IS BEST WHEN IT'S JUST YOU AND ME spigot: AND OUR COCKS

pants: T DEUCE ALSO: DICKS deuce: HLAGLHAGLHAG deuce: T PANTS WE CAN DO THAT pants: T DEUCE QUITE CIVIL THAT WAY pants: T DEUCE TUT TUT

spigot: CONST COCK spigot: THAT'S SHORT FOR "CONSTANTLY COCK" spigot: I AM FUCKING TALKING TO YOU PEOPLE

spigot: WHO WANTS TO HELP ME WRITE A VAMPIRE FONTZINE

deuce: OR MAYBE I GOT THAT THE WRONG WAY AROUND spigot: YOU NEED TO BE MORE WELL ROUNDED, WITH EQUAL PORTIONS DICK AND PRICK spigot: SOMETIMES WHEN I WATCH TV I THINK ABOUT KISSING YOU deuce: ROBOTS.TXT IS A FILE THAT WEBCRAWLERS SEARCH FOR spigot: COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME ONE MORE TIME deuce: ROBOTS.TXT

pants: IT'S THAT KINDA DAY pants: WE'LL CALL IT EASY MONDAY pants: ALL TRAFFIC LIGHTS ARE GREEN AND NOBODY HAS URINATNEVER MIND

spigot: SEKA AND SULKA ARE NOT THE SAME PEOPLE deuce: MYSELF, I'M CONFUSED REGARDING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EBONY AYES AND PURPLE PASSION spigot: I BELIEVE THEY'RE BOTH SUBCLASSED FROM VANESSA DEL RIO deuce: OBJECT-ORIENTED PORN

deuce: I WANT YOU TO FUCKING HOLD ME deuce: JUST FUCKING DO IT deuce: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYES pants: TWITTER TWEETS

deuce: [CUT TO CLOCK ON THE WALL, HANDS SPINNING LIKE CRAZY] deuce: [CUT TO THE DEUCE IN A PILE OF HIS OWN VOMIT AND PISS, TUESDAY EVENING] deuce: UH WHAT WHERE WHAT DID I MISS deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST HELP ME I HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM deuce: [CURTAIN]

spigot: I'M A DINOSAUR PEOPLE spigot: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: I'M A COCKASAURUS NUTS spigot: I GUESS THAT WAS FUNNIER ON THE CRAPPER

spigot: HOLY SHIT spigot: MY DONG JUST WON A TONY AWARD

spigot: GIVING UP spigot: GIVING UP spigot: REALLY GIVING UP deuce: HOLD ME AND WE SHALL CONSUMMATE OUR RELATIONSHIP

:Parallels Tools Installation Agent :Please Wait :Installing Parallels Tools: 19% :||||||| :You will need to Restart Windows to finish the Parallels Tools installation

(spigot): OKAY WELL spigot: I WAS JUST ASKED TO KINDA LAY OFF SINGING spigot: LICK DICK / LICK DICK / CHOKIN' ON A PRICK spigot: TO THE COPS THEME spigot: GUESS 45 MINS IS PLENTY

pants: PLANTS pants: ANIMALS pants: MINERALS pants: COCKS deuce: THIS GAME OF 20 QUESTIONS NEEDS SERIOUS MODIFICATION

spigot: LET'S CHOKE DOWN THEIR DONGS AND WEAR STUPID EXPENSIVE NORDSTROM CLOTHES AND EAT BANANA YOGURT spigot: WELL I TRIED THERE

BUNG: STEP 1: ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM BUNG: STEP 2: GO TO THE STORE AND SOLVE STEP 1 DEUCE: GHLGLHGHLGLHG BUNG: STEP 3: WIPE UP THE RESULTS OF STEP 2 DEUCE: GLGLG

spigot: I'M THE FRUITLESS SUPER-GENE

spigot: ]BREAK IN 10 spigot: ]LIST spigot: ]10 PRINT "=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=" spigot: ?OUT OF MEMORY

spigot: I CAN'T TALK TO YOU AND LOOK AT THE JIZZY DIR AT THE SAME TIME deuce: T SPIGOT UNDERSTOOD deuce: T SPIGOT OVER AND OUT

spigot: LS -LA deuce: HURRAY spigot: RM -R * spigot: T PANTS WHY CAN'T I ERASE JERKCITY WITH RM -R * deuce: HURRRR

spigot: WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS!!!!!!!!! spigot: JUST KILL YOURSELF AND FLY AROUND THROUGH SPACE AND PLAY JOKES ON PEOPLE

pants: ALL PRAISE TO ALLAH (POINTS AT SKY) (STARTS FUCKING)

spigot: AND DILDOS AND DUCT TAPE

pants: IT'S HOT IN HERE ozone: THEN TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF IT

pants: HAMMY WANTS TO LEAVE SOMETHING THAT OTHERS WILL REMEMBER HIM BY pants: HAMMY WANTS TO WORK TOWARDS A GOAL THAT IS BIGGER THAN HIMSELF pants: HAMMY WANTS TO PASS KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM ON TO FUTURE GENERATIONS pants: HAMMY WANTS TO LEAD AND TO INSPIRE AND TO BE PART OF A TEAM pants: HAMMY WANTS TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR US ALL TO LIVE IN pants: HAMMY WANTS TO LIVE LIFE OUT LOUD, EACH AND EVERY DAY TO THE FULLEST pants: SOMETIMES HAMMY JUST WANTS A HUG AND TO BE HEARD pants: BUT, YES, MOSTLY HAMMY WANTS MCDONALDS

pants: I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS spigot: THAT'S WHAT ***SHE*** SAID deuce: LICK MY DICK spigot: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID spigot: THAT'S WHAT ***SHE***SAID deuce: ALL RIGHT STOP spigot: THAT'S WHAT *******SHE******* SAID!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! deuce: ENOUGH spigot: !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! spigot: !!!!!!!! !!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!! spigot: !!!! !!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!! spigot: !!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !! spigot: !! spigot: HURRRRRRRNNNGGGG spigot: !