spigot: LAST CHANCE TO TELL ME I'M A FUCKHEAD spigot: GOING ONCE spigot: GOING TWICE

spigot: MAYBE INSTEAD OF SOCKS WE JERKCITY UP SOME CUSTOM SPANX AND MAKE THIS COUNTRY PRESENTABLE pants: WHATEVER MAKES IT OBVIOUS I'M CIRCUMCISED spigot: YES IT'S PANTS ON AN ENORMOUS PADDED BRA, JUST WEAR IT pants: WAS RE: SPOCK IN SEASON 1 EPISODE 4 pants: ^ DEUCEBAIT spigot: JERKCITY PAJAMAS!!!!!!!!! HOW ABOUT JERKCITY WORK BOOTS AND A SILVER MONEY CLIP pants: HARDHATS AND MANBELTS deuce: T PANTS SIGH!!!!!! SPOCK'S BRAIN WAS IN SEASON 3 pants: YOU'VE BEEN DEUCEBAITED

deuce: LAST NAME FOX /FIRST NAME SLY spigot: STICK MY DICK /IN A PUMPKIN PIE

deuce: WHAT WILL OUR DESCENDANTS SAY pants: THEY WILL SEX deuce: GROSS pants: IF YOU THINK THAT'S GROSS YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!! (PANTS LOGS OUT, DELETES HIS ACCOUNT, MOVES TO RURAL OREGON) deuce: (DEUCE AS A GRANDFATHER ON HIS DEATHBED, SURROUNDED BY A HUGE LOVING EXTENDED FAMILY, LAST WORDS:) AND I'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

pants: SO LET'S GO pants: THIS DUMBWAITER ISN'T GETTING ANY MORE CRAMPED pants: LET'S GO GO GO

deuce: SO MANY YAWNS pants: PUNCH THEM DOWN deuce: UF deuce: MY FISF IS STUCF pants: I'LL GET HELP (SUCKS OWN DICK, FALLS ASLEEP)

pants: 15 MINUTES LATE WITH STARBUCKS pants: 30 MINUTES LATE WITH A SPOT OF JIZZ ON MY CHIN pants: 45 MINUTES LATE, MISSING A SHOE pants: 60 MINUTES LATE TRAILED BY A MARCHING BAND

pants: IN QUEERUS DELERIUM (DIZZY) pants: PROVO NOVA DONGS IN THE PARKING LOT pants: EL CUPLA DE SANTOS BI-FRIENDLY WANGS deuce: HOLY GOD HE'S DELIRIOUS FROM THE LACK OF BONERS pants: CLINGING TO LIFE (AND THESE HOSTESS PRODUCTS)

pants: I MANHANDLE BANANAS pants: LATINO ART ONLY pants: AIN'T YOU HERE TO PROSPECT GOLD deuce: I RECKON

pants: MY LATINO PRIDE IS OFFENDED BY YOUR BONER deuce: ZZBZZZBZBBZZBZBBZZBBZ (BONER ATTEMPTING TO CONVINCE YOU OTHERWISE) pants: ACACACACACACACCACCA (BEING CONVINCED)

spigot: OKAY SO HBO MAX DOCUMENTARIES ARE JUST CLIP ART CONTENT FARMS, GOT IT deuce: FLYOVER FOOTAGE OF FLYOVER STATES spigot: DO YOU DARE ME TO BUST A MOVE ON CBS ALL-ACCESS TELEVISION WEARING NOTHING BUT A TWIX deuce: :NOTES: PUTTING LATKES IN MY MOUTH :NOTES: DOO DAH / DOO DAH spigot: NETFLIX PRESENTS THE SHUTTERSTOCK MURDER deuce: HALLMARK PRESENTS THE YOU MURDER

spigot: THIS BACKGROUND COLOR FEELS SO GOOD spigot: IT'S LIKE A LATTE WITH STRAWBERRY QUIK spigot: AND THE LIGHTER THE THEME, THE MORE MILLENNIALS FUCK THE FUCK OFF pants: HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING

pants: TODAY I AM EITHER THE HERO OR THE GOAT!!!!!!! ALL LUCY HAS TO DO IS HOLD THAT FUCKING FOOTBALL STILL deuce: T PANTS I THINK SHE'LL DO IT THIS TIME deuce: I MEAN THINK ABOUT IT deuce: LAW OF LARGE NUMBERS deuce: ONE OF THESE DAYS SHE'S GOING TO NOT PULL IT AWAY ... MAYBE TODAY?!?!?

spigot: FOLKS WHAT DID ONE LAWYER SAY TO THE OTHER LAYWER spigot: WE'RE BOTH LAWYERS

spigot: folks covid-19 can lay dormant in your rear end for up to ten inches

deuce: HITTING YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOU LAY THAT GOLDEN EGG pants: I HAVE LAID SOMETHING THAT COULD BE CALLED EGGLIKE

pants: DIG MY HOLE FOR ME

spigot: SORRY ABOUT MY LDE (LONG DONG ENERGY)

pants: MEAN TIME BETWEEN SQUIRPS spigot: LE PLEBS, LE PLOPS deuce: SHITTWEETS ARE NOT IN REALTIME spigot: LE SQUIRTS pants: BUT THEY ARE EVENTUALLY CONSISTENT spigot: LE BLURK LE BJORK

deuce: IF WE TOUCH DICKS WE CAN TRANSFER DATA DIRECTLY BETWEEN OUR BODIES pants: LORDY

deuce: MY JOB TITLE IS LEAD AGILE COACH WHICH MEANS I DON'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING BUT TALK ABOUT DOING THINGS TO PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO DO THINGS

spigot: WEIRD HOW IN PERSON MY CRIPPLING SOCIAL PHOBIA KEEPS MY FROM TALKING!!!!!! BUT IN THE STALL I AM LITERALLY 100% PROACTIVE SUCKING/CHOKING ACTION!!!! spigot: LEADING THE TEAM spigot: I AM FEELING VULNERABLE AND I NEED LOVE *BEEP!*

deuce: I'M A LEAFCUTTER ANT net: I'M A MEAT BEE pants: I'M MORE OF A COCKSUCKER

pants: COCKS pants: THEY'RE LEAN AND THEY'RE MEAN pants: ALSO THEY'RE UGLY AND STEAL BOOKS FROM THE LIBRARY

pants: drill a hole in my head deuce: I'm a hangover pants: god is in there (you can talk to him, ask him anything) pants: ***anything*** pants: no seriously pants: just lean into the hole in my head and whisper

pants: OH COME ON pants: IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE pants: AND AS YOU LEAN IN TO INSPECT THE DOCUMENT, I GRATIFY MYSELF ALL OVER YOU

deuce: I HAVE NO IDEA WHO VIEWED THAT MIDGET TRANNY PORN, SENATOR [LEANING FORWARD TO SPEAK INTO MICROPHONE]

pants: SERIOUSLY JUST POUND HIS HEAD WITH THE CLUB pants: WAIT A MINUTE pants: WHERE DID WE BURY HIM (WEARING A WIRE, LEANING INTO YOU SO THE POLICE CAN HEAR YOU)

spigot: MAKIN' THE SCENE HOO DEE BOO DANCING spigot: DAMP spigot: IF YOU COULD JUST PLEA *SLAM* KNOCK KNOCK

spigot: IS IT TWO CODEINE OR TWO HUNDRED CODEINE spigot: WITH MY NESTLE QUIK

: Ladies and Gentlemen, for your consideration, Spigot the Bear. (spigot): LEARNING TO SUCK spigot: HONK BONK spigot: NO spigot: HURF BURF spigot: NO spigot: HOMPH HOMPH spigot: NO

deuce: DO THE WHOLE FUCKING VILLAGE pants: HOW ABOUT INSTEAD WE DO SOME OF THE VILLAGE AND LEAVE SOME FOR LATER

pants: LEAVES OF THREE / SUCK A DICK pants: LEAVES OF FOUR / SUCK A DIFFERENT DICK

spigot: LEAVING AT 2PM TODAY!!! spigot: AVAILABLE ALL THE USUAL WAYS spigot: STALL 1, STALL 2, STALL 3 spigot: PING IF NEEDED spigot: (OR JUST TAP)

pants: MY LED ZEPPELIN T-SHIRT IS FINALLY STARTING TO FADE pants: MAYBE NOW I CAN HANG OUT IN THE SMOKING SECTION pants: IT'S GOT THE GUY WITH THE STICKS ON THE FRONT AND ON THE BACK IT'S ALL ZOSO

spigot: ALL MY PORNING IS WORTH IT IF I CAN I.D. PORN STARS JUST BY THE SPLATTERS THEY LEAVE BEHIND spigot: THIS spigot: IS spigot: MY spigot: LIFE

pants: I, EFFICIENT COCKSUCKING MACHINE deuce: COULD WE GET A MEASURE OF THAT EFFICIENCY deuce: I MEAN HOW MANY DICKS GET LEFT BY THE WAYSIDE pants: T DEUCE WHAT DO YOU MEAN "LEFT BY THE WAYSIDE" ???? deuce: YOU KNOW deuce: THE DICKS THAT FALL DOWN THE SEWER deuce: THE ONES THAT CRAWL AWAY AND YIPE OUT THE DOOR AND GET THE ATTENTION OF THE POLICE deuce: ETC.

pants: WHO WANTS TO HOLD MY HAND WHILE I BEAT OFF deuce: THE NON-BEATOFF HAND pants: I DIDN'T SPECIFY deuce: THAT'S WHY I DID

pants: GLUG ME DOWN LEFTWISE AND RIGHTWAYS deuce: I DON'T NEED TO FOLLOW YOUR SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS pants: BUT deuce: WHAT IF I WANT TO GO RIGHT AND THEN LEFT AND THEN UP pants: BUT I deuce: WHAT ARE YOU A NAZI ??? pants: MY POINT IS THAT RIGHT AND THEN LEFT AND THEN UP VIOLATES THE PRIME DIRECTIVE deuce: OH deuce: I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN deuce: WELL WE'RE AT AN IMPASS HERE deuce: SO I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE YOU FROM BEHIND pants: THAT IS A LEGAL MOVE AND LUAHGOLAL

net: WHAT???!?!? net: THE LEGO COMPANY DOES NOT ENDORSE THE LEGO HOLOCAUST ARTWORK net: SENDING BACK MY LEGOTOWN GAS CHAMBER / SKELETONS KIT

spigot: LET'S HAVE A LITTLE LESS COLLABORATION AND COMMUNICATION AND A LITTLE MORE EJACULATION AND MAYBE ALSO LEMON POPPYSEED MUFFINS

spigot: TRYING TO FIT IN spigot: FOLKS MY BADGE IS YELLOW LIKE A CONTRACTOR BUT I'M LEARNING C++ spigot: I BROUGHT LEMON SQUARES

spigot: WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS spigot: BUH HO HEY spigot: NEED SOME CHAPSTICK OVER HERE GANG

spigot: I'M LEO THE LION spigot: PUT TRASH IN ME spigot: I'M LEO THE LION spigot: CANDY WRAPPERS GUM MMM YES GOOD FEED ME YOUR GARBAGE spigot: MMMM HOMPH GOOD I'LL EAT YOUR PAPER CUPS spigot: HEY LADY NICE BOOBS TOO BAD ABOUT YOUR FACE spigot: HOMPH HOMPH CHOMP spigot: I'M LEO THE LION

spigot: KNOB HILL

atandt: EVERYONE THINKS I'M STRAIGHT BUT YOU KNOW OTHERWISE spigot: LET GO OF THE WHEEL atandt: NOT UNTIL YOU'RE GAY WITH KISSES spigot: SFX: TIRES

spigot: :HELICOPTER: spigot: :BOOM: spigot: :MILITARY_HELMET: spigot: WHEN I DIE, BURY ME UPSIDE DOWN SO THE WORLD CAN FUCK ME MORE IN THE ASS

spigot: LET HE WHO LICKS DICK LICK THE FIRST DICK effigy: WAAAAY AHEAD OF YOU THERE deuce: FAGS

dick: COOL LET ME TRY NOW dick: FUCK dick: LET ME TRY AGAIN

pants: LET LOOSE THE DICKS dick: SCUTTLE SCUTTLE (DICKS-BEING- LET-LOOSE- NOISES)

pants: T SPIGOT DO YOU HAVE U2'S NEW ALBUM spigot: LET ME CHECK IN THE BACK spigot: I'LL JUST spigot: OH MY SWEET LORD spigot: BONK BONK BONK WHY IS THIS HAPPENING spigot: THAT'S GONNA STAIN spigot: HURP OOOOOOP HOLY spigot: HURRRRRRRR spigot: T PANTS NO pants: OH

deuce: EXCUSE ME BUT DOES TWO GUYS REALLY QUALIFY AS A "GANG" WAS: RE: GANG BANG pants: WILL THIS BE ON THE FINAL deuce: JALAPENO POPPERS pants: HOLD ME LIKE YOU'LL NEVER LET ME GO pants: SERIOUSLY LET ME GO NOW deuce: NOPE YOU'RE MINE NOW

deuce: do you think humans will ever cross the Atlantic

pants: AAAAAAAND BACK TO THE BATHROOM BACKGROUND FOR ANOTHER FOUR MONTHS pants: LET YOUR BALLS COLLIDE pants: LDAP

pants: haulghalhgluahlg i am pants deuce: greetings pants deuce: I am [name redacted] pants: let us dance

pants: UNDERFULL \HBOX ???????? \RAGGEDBOTTOM ?????????? pants: LET US DANCE pants: WAIT WHAT pants: THIS MEANS WAR pants: STOMP MY GRAPES pants: GAY FATNESS PERSONIFIED : PANTS HAS BEEN SENDING MESSAGES TO YOU TOO RAPIDLY, AND IS NOW BEING IGNORED. deuce: WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE SO JACKOFFABLE

pants: LET US PRETEND WE ARE GAY AND FURTHER LET US DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY

spigot: FOLKS CAN WE GET SOME EXPERT ANALYSIS OF THE ONGOING KOSOVO CRISIS?!?!?!?! spigot: LET'S ALL SOUND OFF WITH OUR TWO CENTS!!!!!!!!!!! pants: I TAKE IT UP THE ASS spigot: IS THIS RING STILL ACTIVE

atandt: LET'S ALL SWITCH ROLES FOR THE NEXT 30 SECONDS deuce: GAHGLAHGLAGHALGHALGHLA I'M ATANDT GAHLGHLGHLGHLGH LOOK AT BONEQUEST GLAGHLAGHLAGHLAGH WILL YOU LIKE ME MORE NOW THAT I PUT IT UP atandt: THAT WAS LESS FUN THAN PLANNED

pants: LET’S BOTH MASTURBATE TO JIMMY GARAPPOLO’S FACE spigot: DID YOU MEAN JANEANE GAROFALO pants: N spigot: ?

pants: piss on me please deuce: I counter with an offer of a fistfuck deuce: wait how about this: deuce: I punch you in the balls and you let me effigy: ya, fuck that boomer shit, let's fistfuck

deuce: HI FRIENDS !!!! pants: GOOD MORNING / GOOD MORNING / TO YOU pants: AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU deuce: WHO LIKES MY BALLS

spigot: LET'S GET HIGH AND REMEMBER OLD TIMES !!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: OHHHHHHHH MARES LICK DICKS AND DOES LICK PRICKS AND LITTLE LAMBS ARE FAGGOTS

spigot: LET'S GET LOST spigot: LOST IN EACH OTHER'S NUTS

pants: NUGGGH CHRIST pants: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK LET'S GO FUCK FUCK MMM pants: CHRIST pants: NUGGH spigot: WELL IF HE WASN'T DEAD TO ME BEFORE

atandt: HI GUYS pants: WE'RE ON THE MOON atandt: HOLY CRAP -- ZERO G MEANS I CAN FINALLY REALIZE MY COCK SUCKING DREAMS atandt: ACTUALLY THERE IS GRAVITY ON THE MOON, BUT YOU'D NEED MATH TO PROVE IT deuce: THERE'S NO GRAVITY WE'LL JUST WEAR HEAVY BOOTS pants: MATH IS HARD

deuce: LET'S HEAR IT FOR DICK atandt: DICK DICK DICK DICK DOCK DICK atandt: I PUT THAT "DOCK" IN THERE TO THROW YOU OFF deuce: STRANGE deuce: I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE SINCE I WAS TOO BUSY CONCENTRATING ON THE DICK

deuce: LET'S JUST REMEMBER MY DONG IS CARBON NEUTRAL FOLKS

deuce: LET'S LIGHT THIS CANDLE deuce: BEEP THIS HORN deuce: TOGGLE THIS FROG

pants: acknowledge my right to exist deuce: let's not get carried away here pants: pissing brings me joy (and piss)

deuce: FOLKS LET'S NOT LOSE SIGHT OF MY TINY LITTLE PRICK

deuce: ARRR deuce: LET'S PLAY THE DONG GAME deuce: NOTE: THE DONG GAME INVOLVES AN ACTUAL DONG

pants: LET'S PLAY UNIX pants: I WILL BE GREP deuce: I WILL BE AWK

pants: PUSH THE POO BACK INTO MY BOTTOM deuce: IT WON'T STAY pants: CHRIST IS LORD (LET'S PRAY TOGETHER) deuce: HGLWHGKAHGHSL

deuce: LET'S TAKE ECSTASY AND MAKE OUT pants: NOM NOM NOM pants: WHY WON'T OBJECTS JUST FLOAT TO THE MOON WHEN I DROP THEM pants: NOT FAIR

deuce: CAN WE TALK BALLS bung: MOM! deuce: THAT IS NOT AN ANSWER

deuce: LET'S TALK ABOUT COCKS BABY deuce: LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU AND *HUFF* spigot: HUFF AND HURBLE ARE THE BOOKENDS OF MY LIFE

spigot: LET'S ALL TALK POLITICS spigot: HALBHLABHLAHBLAHBL spigot: SHOOTINGS spigot: LHBLAHBLAHBLA spigot: BROWSER WARS spigot: ALHBLAHBLAHBLAHBL spigot: AHBLABHLABHALBHALHBA spigot: SALAMI

pants: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO REACH OVER AND TOUCH ME AT SOME POINT WHILE WE WATCH LETHAL WEAPON TOGETHER ON THE COUCH: PLANNING OUR GAYNESS FAR IN THE FUTURE spigot: I HAVE ISSUES WITH PESCI ozone: LETHAL WEAPON 2 OR LETHAL WEAPON 3 : /!\ The user ozone is not connected.

pants: WHY ARE YOU IGNORING MY LETTERS AND FAXES pants: I HAVE SHOWN YOU PHOTOGRAPHS OF MY BREASTS atandt: CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH HE LOVES DICK

pants: TURNOFFS: RUDE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: OH MY GOD deuce: LHGLHAG

atandt: EXCUSE ME SIR WE SEEM TO HAVE MISPLACED YOUR PORNOGRAPHY atandt: THE NAUGHTY BITS HAVE BEEN LOST, BOTH HANDS ARE NOW FREE atandt: I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MYSELF deuce: I'M PRETTY SURE HE'S GAY NEVERTHELESS

pants: :sailboat:

deuce: LET'S LICK DICK QUICK (LIK DIK QUIK) deuce: SO QUICK WE HAVE TO LEAVE OUT THE C'S

pants: WE SHOULD LICK DICK UNDERWATER SOMETIME deuce: NO WAY DUDE THAT'S GROSS pants: ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS COME UP FOR AIR BEFORE 140 MINUTES HAVE PASSED deuce: YOU'LL DROWN pants: I SEE deuce: NO I MEAN I WILL DROWN YOU

spigot: LICKING DICK . . . . . . . . . . . . . . spigot: HEAR ME OUT . . . . . . . . . . . . . spigot: . . . . . . . DOT COM

atandt: WE SHOULD START LICKING FOR THE NEW YEAR --> NOW <-- deuce: YOU START atandt: THAT'S A BIG --> CAN DO <-- atandt: HUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGGHGULHGUGHUGHU T DEUCE THAT WAS MORE OF A CHOKING

spigot: HANG IN THERE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: DEXATRIM deuce: LICKING (SOMETHING)

spigot: (A) LICKING spigot: (B) SUCKING

deuce: HS1MF108.JPG deuce: THERE'S SPURT ON THAT THERE FACE spigot: WHO DUH HUH WHERE DIR??????????? pants: DING DONG spigot: I'LL GET IT spigot: HONK BONK CLONK OFF OW SON OF A CRASH BANG BONK spigot: WHO IS IT : SPIGOT CREAKS THE DOOR OPEN SLOWLY spigot: LICKING THE DICK LOUDLY spigot: HEAR IT: LLLLLL LLLLL LLLLLLL LLLLLLL LLLLLLL LLLL

deuce: B-B-BUT deuce: I SUCCESSFULLY WALKED DOWN THE STREET WITHOUT HELP !!! deuce: SHOULDN'T I GET A PARADE OR SOMETHING pants: I LIED ABOUT BEING RAPED

spigot: YOU LIED ABOUT DOCTOR WHO BEING IN YOUR PANTS POCKET deuce: IT WAS AT MOST AN EXAGGERATION spigot: MY MOUTH IS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE THAN THE OUU OWW HOOF

pants: OKAY I GOTTA BE HONEST THIS IS MY SECOND TIME ANAL

spigot: DO YOU THINK IF DATA WAS GAY HE WOULD BE CALLED GAYTA spigot: AND IF HE POSSESSED INFORMATION ABOUT FRIES IT WOULD BE IN THE POPULAR GAYSON FORMAT spigot: WHAT I'M ASKING IS spigot: IF LIEUTENANT COMMANDER DATA WAS UPGRADED WITH A CHIP CAPABLE OF... spigot: ...SIMULATING EMOTIONS COMPARABLE WITH THOSE OF A HUMAN spigot: WOULD HE AGREE THAT SEASON 10 OF X-FILES IS 'DOGSHIT' OR 'COMPLETE DOGSHIT' spigot: I'LL TAKE MY ANSWER IN THE HOLODECK

spigot: JUST SO I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT: IS WORF A TRIPHTHONG deuce: NO, BUT DATA IS A HOMONYM spigot: SORRY: IS LIEUTENANT COMMANDER WORF A DIPTHONG

effigy: [LIFE OF CRIME] VS [CONTINUE LOOKING FOR JOB]

spigot: HOW-TOS!!!!!! spigot: LIFE HACKS!!!! spigot: INSTRUCTABLES!!!!!!! spigot: THE MAKER FAIRE!!!! spigot: DO IT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: AHEM spigot: BUT I'M PAYING YOU TO SUCK ***MY*** DICK deuce: MY LIFE HACK IS CUTTING PEOPLE WHO SAY "LIFE HACK" INTO SMALL BITS AND THEN SHITTING ON THEM

pants: THAT WHICH GETS DICKS INTO MY MOUTH IS MY FRIEND pants: THEREFORE AHABJASBF DIUASKDFBLKAF NAOILSFH BABLAB ALABLABALHAG deuce: PAY ATTENTION HERE PEOPLE pants: SERIOUSLY: LIFE IN THE BIG CITY (WITH PANTS)