pants: MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM PANTS AT JERKCITY pants: AND THE REST OF THE STUPID COCKSUCKERS HERE pants: RELEASE THE KRAKEN

spigot: WHAT I HATE IS THAT WEIRD FEELING WHERE YOU SUDDENLY BECOME OVERLY CONSCIOUS THAT THERE'S A HUGE DICK IN YOUR MOUTH

spigot: :SANTA: ⛄ :SNOWFLAKE: :CHRISTMAS_TREE: THE HOLIDAY SQUIRTS ARE HERE :CHRISTMAS_TREE: :SNOWFLAKE: ⛄ :SANTA:

deuce: BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN STOLEN VALOR BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN BLOCKCHAIN

atandt: HAVE A LITTLE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT :: FUCKS ATANDT'S MOUTH HOLE

deuce: JESUS THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING AWFUL deuce: JUST SMEAR CITY PEOPLE

deuce: MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN AND RED AND WANT TO BE HUGGED AND KISSED deuce: ONLY SERIOUS APPLICANTS NEED APPLY deuce: TRANSMISSION ENDS

spigot: HELLO DEUCE WELCOME TO FAT CHAT I'M SPIGOT (240LBS/SF) deuce: 100 KG/OAKLAND deuce: I'M A METRIC QUEER spigot: DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE IN KINDERGARTEN BECAUSE I DON'T APPROVE

spigot: LOOKING FOR MEXICAN QUEERS IN WALNUT CREEK ASAP (atandt): I STEPPED ON ONE spigot: QUE? atandt: SORRY atandt: WAIT WAIT COME BACK I THOUGHT YOU SAID LEPRECHAUNS

deuce: NO MORE THAIS ON MYFREECAMS :-( :-( :-( spigot: THEY ARE REMOVING REDUNDANCIES

deuce: CHOKE ME OUT pants: I'M TRYING BUT pants: EXHAUSTED FROM ALL THE POKING (BUT I COULD CHOKE A LITTLE MORE, I DUNNO) deuce: ARE YOU DEAD YET pants: I'M A MOUSE TUMBLING AROUND THE FIELD

spigot: PERSONALLY I THINK THE NBA NEEDS MICHAEL LANDON NOW MORE THAN EVER spigot: ALL RIGHT I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SPORTS

pants: I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MICHAEL MEDVED'S MOUSTACHE pants: I'D FUCK THAT THING INTO CHRISTMAS 2008

spigot: FRESHLY BAKED DONGS!!!!!!! spigot: M I C spigot: SEE THAT I'M BORED!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: K E Y spigot: WHY AM I FUCKING HERE spigot: DUH deuce: M O U S E

deuce: IF I GOT A MICROSCOPE I COULD MEET MY OWN SPURT

spigot: FRESHLY BAKED DONGS!!!!!!! pants: FORP spigot: THAT'S RIGHT spigot: HEY WHAT DO YOU CALL THREE EX-MICROSOFT EMPLOYEES?!?!? spigot: A FAT DICKLICKING DONGATHON!!!!!!!! pants: I'M STICKING TO MY STORY AND THAT'S THAT

spigot: STOMPING YOUR THROAT MID SENTENCE!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

spigot: ANNAN ADDRESSES MIDEAST VIOLENCE spigot: DEAR MIDEAST VIOLENCE. spigot: HOW ARE YOU? I AM FINE.

atandt: MILF! pants: WHERE net: RUN deuce: HIDE ME

deuce: MILFS, COUGARS, AND GRANDMAS NO. 2 deuce: I DON'T LIKE THE USE OF THAT CONJUNCTION spigot: HOW ABOUT WE THROW A 'NEITHER' IN FRONT AND A 'NOR' INSTEAD OF 'AND', THEN SHIP IT

pants: MOOOOOOOOOOOO deuce: MILKING YOU pants: B-BUT I'M A GOAT pants: A GOAT ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! deuce: MILKING YOU pants: A GOAT

spigot: TONIGHT WE GO INSIDE THE MIND OF A PENIS deuce: IS IT ANYTHING LIKE THE MIND OF MINOLTA deuce: HUGALBLGHLA deuce: HUGLUHBALHBGLHGLUB deuce: GLHLHAGLHSDHFL3GYH I3L KYSL V8KHFHKDF D98FHEFJNKL4W0943ND deuce: NO IT IS NOT

pants: SUCKING DICK IN A HOLLOW LOG pants: SERVICING MOSTLY SQUIRRELS AND TOADS pants: AND YES SOMETIMES THE OCCASIONAL KEEBLER ELF

(pants): MINECRAFT (pants): DOT (pants): JERKCITY (pants): DOT (pants): COM

pants: HI RANDS spigot: HI RANDS : Microsoft Chat [X] : The user spigot is not connected. : [ OK ]

pants: IMPORTANT: MINIMUM ORDER IS 20 GUINEA FOWL. pants: OW OW OW PECKING ORDER

spigot: WHOA HOLY GOD SHIT FALLING spigot: BONK spigot: I'M OKAY PEOPLE JUST A MINOR ACCIDENT spigot: WOAH HOLY GOD AGAIN ALREADY HANG ON HOLY JESUS spigot: BONK BONK BONK spigot: OKAY JUST SOME STAIRS

spigot: PLUS HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS HAD THE WORD "BALLS" IN IT SO OBVIOUSLY HE'S NOT EVEN A LEVEL 3 GELFLING deuce: YOU'RE DIZZY FROM SMOKING COCK SO YOUR SAVING THROW IS AT A -2 spigot: THAT'S TWO HIT POINTS BUT YOU HAVE TO MINUS THE BAT STRENGTH deuce: HAHAHA YOU ROLLED A SIX THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO ROLL AGAIN spigot: NOT IF I AGD*^SDGGGGGGGGGGGS:KYLHSDFGHPFDYPHUHHHHHHHHH deuce: GAHGALUHAG

pants: NOTHING GAY / ABOUT / THE NAZIS pants: CERTAINLY NOT / THEIR TIGHT / UNIFORMS pants: OH THERE'S NOTHING GAY / ABOUT / THE NAZIS pants: (CHORUS)

pants: T DEUCE YOUR NEW NAME IS MISS MINIVAN pants: T DEUCE OR MS. IF YOU PREFER

deuce: GUYS WE MISSED ADA LOVELACE DAY

atandt: T DEUCE WHERE IS MY KOREAN deuce: T ATANDT HIDDEN UNDER THE FLOORBOARD

deuce: HEY LOOK AT ME I'M A FAT FEMALE ENGINEER deuce: BABHALBHALBHALHBLAHBLAHBALHB deuce: EATING DONUTS AND MISSING THE POINT OF STRUCTURED CODE spigot: HEY LADY IT'S CALLED A TAB KEY

spigot: LOOKS LIKE PROPOSITION POT PASSED pants: MEET ME IN THE LOCKER ROOM pants: WHAT spigot: WAIT spigot: SORRY, THAT WAS ACTUALLY A SNICKERS COMMERCIAL pants: MEET ME IN THE LOCKER ROOM ANYWAY

pants: MISTER ASHCROFT MISTER ASHCROFT I'LL SUCK YOUR DICK IF YOU PAY IN EUROS

deuce: I'M A HEDGE FUND MANAGER deuce: (SQUEEZING OUT A PERFECTLY COILED SOFT SERVE POO)

atandt: I HAVE A LETTER FROM PANTS WHO IS ON VACATION atandt: "HELP, STUCK IN JAIL, NEED $500" atandt: THAT'S NOT IT atandt: HERE IT IS atandt: "HELLO FROM PANTS" atandt: "I'M ACTUALLY IN THE NEXT ROOM UNDER THE SINK" atandt: "JUST LIKE THE NEWSRADIO WHERE MATTHEW DIDN'T REALLY GO TO JAPAN" atandt: "GET IN HERE QUICK LOVE PANTS"

pants: "BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S" BY DEEP BLUE SOMETHING pants: "WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME" BY TRAVIS pants: "WHEN IT'S OVER" BY SUGAR RAY pants: "REDHILLS ROAD" BY CANDY FLIP pants: "MILLENNIUM" BY ROBBIE WILLIAMS pants: "FERMENT" BY CATHERINE WHEEL pants: "TASTE THE WINE" BY VANESSA DAOU pants: AND 1,000,000 OTHER REASONS TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME

spigot: ANOTHER WEB COMIC WITH A HEART OF GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 spigot: CHOKING DOWN TEN BLACK DICKS IN TEN BLACK MINUTES

spigot: T DEUCE IF YOU SEND ME A PIC OF YOU I CAN PRINT IT OUT AND EJACULATE ON IT AND RETURN A PIC OF THAT spigot: NOT SAYING MY PENIS WILL BE IN THE SHOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: OBV IF YOURS IS IN THE SHOT OF YOUR PIC IT WILL BE IN THE SHOT OF MY PIC BUT WE CAN HOP ON A QUICK CALL deuce: [X] OPT OUT spigot: DON'T WANNA GET MIXED UP IN A JACKPOT HERE

spigot: WELL I'M MARTIN LUTHER KING / AND I'M HERE TO SAY spigot: I LIKE SUCKIN DICK / EACH AND EV-ER-Y DAY spigot: TEST TEST spigot: WELL I'M MARTIN LUTH spigot: MOM CLOSE THE DOOR

spigot: NOTE TO MYSELF: SUCK DICK

pants: SPACE-AGE FAGGOTRONICS pants: BI-CURIOUS AND PLUMP pants: DEATH TO INFIDELS pants: IT REALLY DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS pants: PUTTING A DOLL'S HEAD ON THE END OF MY DICK AND CALLING IT A DAY pants: IF GOD MADE SANDWICHES I WOULDN'T BE INVITED pants: WE'LL CALL IT "CONCERNED MEN FOR AMERICA" AND REPEAL THE ERA pants: IF WE GOT MARRIED LIKE I SUGGESTED IN THE FIRST PLACE WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS

pants: ミーアンヅマイツードングズ アイクロンクゼムツゲザル

:[ed.: THIS PHRASE ALWAYS INDICATES A TERRIBLE IDEA FOLLOWS] deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO???

deuce: DUNE deuce: ARRAKIS deuce: DESSERT [SIC] PLANET

deuce: IS THAT ADICK IN YOUR MOUTH spigot: MO pants: GOOD OLD FASHIONEDPOLICE WORK

deuce: FACE VELVET CHURCH DAISY RED

deuce: do not mock my balls (even though they are very mockable)

atandt: T PANTS IT FELT LIKE RAPE EXCEPT I WAS DEAD pants: T ATANDT IT FELT LIKE RAPE BUGBAUGBUGBG (MOCKING YOU, TALKING IN A FUNNY GIRLY VOICE)

pants: ATDT deuce: BUH pants: I'M A MODEM pants: +++OK pants: NO CARRIER pants: COCKS pants: OK

spigot: I SAT ON MY HAYES MICROMODEM pants: YOU'LL NEVER GET FIRED FOR PUTTING A HAYES MODEM IN YOUR BOTTOM deuce: HOW ABOUT HAYES-COMPATIBLE pants: I'M NOT ACTUALLY A MODEM LAWYER

pants: THOSE WHO REMAIN AT THE SURFACE DO SO AT THEIR OWN PERIL pants: FOOLISH MORTALS MY ARMY OF MOLE MEN WILL CRUSH YOU pants: NOBODY CAN STOP ME NOW

pants: SO WARM I AM HIDING IN THE SERVER ROOM pants: MY SHIRTLESS BODY GLISTENING WITH SWEAT pants: SLOWLY WE MAKE LOVE pants: I AM INSIDE YOU WITH THE FIST OF A RANCH-HAND WHO KNOWS HIS WAY AROUND TIMES SQUARE pants: THEN I WAKE UP AND MOM BEATS ME FOR JACKING OFF IN THE LIVING ROOM

pants: mom says you have to beat me off deuce: that doesn't sound like mom

spigot: WELPS THAT'S THE LAST TIME I DOWNLOAD ANYTHING CALLED MOM.GIF deuce: YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED

spigot: HOW ABOUT A MUSEUM OF MODERN FARTS?!?!?!?!? WOULD THAT BE FUNNY!!!!! deuce: HHHHHHH deuce: (CHOKING)

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO THINK IT INVOLVES PIE AND/OR YOU GIVING ME PIE

spigot: IT WOULD BE A BUNCH OF TAPE RECORDERS PLAYING FARTS AND ALSO A HISTORY OF FARTS deuce: STILL GOING ON ABOUT THE MUSEUM

spigot: WHERE'S YOUR BATHROOM spigot: WHAT'S YOUR WIFI PASSWORD spigot: CAN YOU VALIDATE MY PARKING TICKET spigot: DO I HAVE TO STAY WITH THE TOUR GROUP OR CAN I SIT ON A BENCH OUTSIDE spigot: MAY I PLEASE GET UP CLOSE TO THE PAINING AND SMOOSH MY ICE CREAM ON IT

pants: CAN'T GET PAST THE NADS IN MONADS

deuce: COCKS ?? pants: I RECKON

spigot: MANAGER'S MONDAY MINUTE !!!!!!!!! DUMPING HOT OATMEAL ON YOUR CHILD!!!!!!

spigot: TIRED OF ALL THE SEXISM AND RAPE JOKES ON THE INTERNET [RANT, TRIGGER WARNING] pants: RAPE JOKES ARE NEVER FUNNY UNLESS WE'RE UNDER THE DOME

atandt: LOW INTEREST RATES IN MY TROUSERS

deuce: TO ME ROBERT BLAKE IS THE BAD GUY FROM THE CRAPPY MOVIE WITH WESLEY SNIPES AND WOODY HARRELSON deuce: AND I DON'T MEAN WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP FOLKS

deuce: KNOW WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT MONIQUE ALEXANDER???? spigot: I SURELY DOBUT YOU FIRST deuce: [CRICKETS] spigot: [CRICKETS] deuce: [WAY WAY LOUDER CRICKETS]

pants: T DEUCE I CAN'T FIND CCH POUNDER IN THE MONSTER MANUAL??? deuce: THAT IS JUST A WEIRD THING TO SAY pants: PLEASE BUY MY LINGERIE CALENDAR

deuce: NOW THAT WAS A MONSTER POO

deuce: T PANTS SERIOUSLY THE GERMANS DID BAD THINGS DURING WWII pants: T DEUCE DID THEY AT LEAST RECYCLE????? deuce: NO THEY DID NOT pants: MONSTERS

spigot: IN THE NAME OF THIS WACKY KANGAROO COURT WE CALL SPACESHIP EARTH!!!!!!... spigot: ...I BAN YOU FROM TELEVISION!!!!!!!! spigot: HURRRR MONTY PYTHON NOISES spigot: THE KNIGHTS WHO "KNEE"D ME IN THE SACK spigot: COME BACK!!! IT'S ONLY spigot: GLK spigot: SWOLLEN

pants: T DEUCE YOUR "MOOD BOARD" IS JUST SHIT SMEARS deuce: (LIFTS FACE, SMEARED WITH POO) WHAT'S A MOOD BOARD

spigot: MOODS ARE LIKE RAINBOWS, IN THAT I'M A COCKSUCKER

deuce: ROOSTER ROOSTER CAN YOU HEAR ME THIS IS HENHOUSE OVER deuce: YOU APPEAR TO BE FADING FAST OVER pants: ARE WE STILL ON THE MOON deuce: COME BACK OVER pants: MOON ???????? pants: OVER

pants: PRICKS AND DICKS: 100% THE SAME pants: HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS BUT THEY'RE HORNY pants: WHAT YOU CALL DINNER I CALL CRUNCH TIME pants: DO MOON ROCKS (ROCKS FROM THE MOON) HAVE DICKS deuce: SOME DO pants: ASKING FOR A (GAY) FRIEND pants: EVEN A STOPPED CLOCK LICKS A MOON ROCK'S DICK TWICE A DAY pants: BARF ON MY THING deuce: CLARIFY WHICH THING: deuce: YOUR BUTTPLUG-SHAPED TIVO REMOTE, deuce: THE ZUCCHINI YOU'RE CURRENTLY CLEANING, deuce: OR THE BIG BLACK DILDO IN THE MEDICINE CABINET pants: STAY OUT OF MY MEDICINE CABINET

pants: T DEUCE MOP TO STALL TWO pants: T DEUCE MOP TO STALL TWO pants: T DEUCE OVER

spigot: if she has time to lean, i'm thinking she has (at least some) time to clean spigot: i call them mopportunities

spigot: WE'VE GOT TO GET MORE AND MORE ASTRONAUTS OF EVERY COLOR AND CREED UP IN SPACE DRINKING THEIR OWN RECYCLED URINE spigot: INSTEAD OF COMING INTO THIS COUNTRY AND DRINKING ALL MY HARD-EARNED URINE deuce: I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW THIS REALLY WORKS

dick: I WAS HERE FOR A FEW MINUTES spigot: T DICK LOVE U deuce: WE NEED MORE DICK deuce: WAIT deuce: OKAY THAT TOO pants: THE REQUEST STANDS

spigot: I NEED MORE DIPPING SAUCE OVER HERE spigot: DIPPING AND DUNKING MY NUTS FIRST INTO THE ZESTY RANCH AND HOURS LATER INTO THE COLD TOILET WATER

deuce: MORE DONGS THAN A SINGLE PERSON CAN BEAR deuce: WAIT, CHECK THAT deuce: I'M GOOD

pants: EYEBROW JUICE pants: FANNYPACK FANNYPACK FANNYPACK pants: NUTS. TO. THAT.

net: I AM ENCOURAGING AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE TO KILL THEMSELVES deuce: I MEAN IT ONLY MAKES SENSE: MORE FOOD FOR US

deuce: GLAGHLAGHLAGHLHGLAHGLAHG spigot: IS THAT THE SOUND OF YOU POURING ALL YOUR BEER DOWN THE TOILET AND SHAVING AND PUTTING ON A SMART SHIRT AND GOING TO CHURCH AND GETTING YOUR ACT TOGETHER??!?!??!??!! deuce: ALGHALHGLAHGLAHGLAHLGHAGHL (MORE FORCEFUL NOW) spigot: ARE GREENSLEEVES AND GREENPEACE THE SAME THING

deuce: MMMMMMMMMMMMMM DICKS pants: MMMMMMMM MMMMMMM MORE DICKS deuce: AGHAGLHA pants: SEZ YOU deuce: GAHGLAHGLAG HALGHLAG HAL MORE FORCEFUL NOW pants: GLUAH GLAHGLAH GLUAH GLAHLGAHGG FEELING THE FORCE

deuce: DICKS, ETC spigot: I WISH COMPUTERS COULD BRING US CLOSER TOGETHER deuce: T SPIGOT DO YOU MEAN CLOSER LIKE TOUCHING DICKS deuce: OR WHAT spigot: YOU SAID THERE WAS WATER ON THE MOON AND INSTEAD IT'S JUST MORE GODDAMN COCKSUCKING

pants: I'M A JIZZMOP pants: USE ME FOR MY INTENDED FUNCTION deuce: I WOULD PREFER A PISSMOP RIGHT NOW deuce: A PISSMOP WOULD BE MORE IMMEDIATELY USEFUL TO ME pants: MAGICALLY I TRANSFORM MYSELF INTO WHATEVER IT IS THAT MAKES YOU MOST HAPPY

deuce: OKAY deuce: SO I TOOK A PICTURE OF MY ASSHOLE WITH MY NEW CAMERA deuce: STRANGELY ENOUGH I DID NOT LIKE WHAT I SAW deuce: (NOTHING IN IT) spigot: T DEUCE NOT LISTENING (spigot): MORE INFO PLEASE

spigot: EVERYBODY INTO MY FACE deuce: WON'T FIT pants: YEE HAW spigot: COME ON YOU GUYS spigot: LESS IS NOT MORE, MORE IS MORE deuce: HLBALHBAHLALHABHHABLAHBBHAL pants: GHLAHGLUAHLGAG

spigot: FOLKS GOT A NEW THING CALLED THE APPLE WATCH spigot: MORE LIKE WATCH ME ***LICK THIS DICK*** spigot: NO APPLE DID NOT "PAY" ME TO SAY THAT

deuce: JUST THE WAY WE ARE pants: NO deuce: A LOVE STORY pants: MORE LIKE A MOUTH STORY BECAUSE I DON'T SEE THE LOVE UNLESS YOU CALL "SPURT" LOVE pants: T DEUCE ARE YOU FOOD (SERIOUSLY DROOLING)

deuce: I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THIS SITUATION pants: NUGGGGGGGGH pants: GARK GARK GARK GARK GARK pants: LOOK AT THE FLOWERS deuce: THAT'S MORE LIKE IT

pants: IT FEELS MORE LIKE LAUGH-IN spigot: SOCK IT TO MY NUTS (HARD)

pants: MY MOUTH IS BORED (spigot): WHY CAN'T MY ASS BE MORE LIKE MY MOUTH EXCEPT FOR THE TALKING

pants: work the program (the program is my dick/balls combo) deuce: your package, as it were deuce: so to speak deuce: so-called pants: to be fair it's more of a gift bag

spigot: HE SAYS YOUR DONG FLOPPED OUT LAST NIGHT spigot: HE SAYS IT SANG TO HIM deuce: IT WAS MORE OF A HUM

net: HOW ABOUT IF WE ALL MORE OR LESS JUST PISS ON EACH OTHER deuce: I WOULD RECOMMEND A SERIES OF SLUICES AND AQUEDUCTS TO FACILIATE OUR PISS PARTIES IN THE FUTURE net: CONSULTING THE PHOENICIANS, WHO INVENTED IRRIGATION (net): WRITING THE CITY COUNCIL REGARDING A PISS DISTRIBUTION SYSTEM deuce: T NET YOU'RE THINKING OF THE PISSIGOTHS

deuce: ARE YOU STILL AWAKE RE: 0.5 MG XANAX pants: T DEUCE MORE OR LESS OR MORE OR LESS deuce: COME HERE AND LET ME MOLEST YOU deuce: DON'T TELL ANY ADULTS OR I'LL KILL YOU AND YOUR PARENTS pants: NP