deuce: I INVOKE MY FIFTH AMENDMENT RIGHT TO CHOKE IT DOWN pants: I LOVE YOU SO

spigot: MY FIRST ERECTION EVER

spigot: I HEAR PUMPY HURDY GURDY PIPE ORGANS FROM THE TOILET AREA spigot: DID ANYONE GET MY FLYER ABOUT MY FREE TAROT READINGS IN MY CUBE spigot: HUBLULGUBHLUHBLU spigot: PUBLISHING FICTION AND POLITICAL NON-FICTION HBUHLBULUHLBLU

pants: HOW LUCKY I AM TO GROW OLD WITH MY FRIENDS spigot: MORE LIKE GROW FAT WITH YOUR FAKE FRIENDS deuce: WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD YET spigot: LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY HANG YOURSELF WITH ETHERNET CABLE deuce: WHO EVEN INVITED YOU HERE spigot: YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A CONFERENCE CALL deuce: YOU GODDAMN DUMB DONG spigot: WELCOME TO DUMB DONG WAREHOUSE EMPORIUM deuce: IF YOU GET A CHANCE YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF spigot: WHO WRITES YOUR DIALOG deuce: AMERICAN FARTBAG spigot: STAY AWAY FROM ME :NOTES: pants: :HEART_EYES::HEART_EYES::HEART_EYES: MY FRIENDS :HEART_EYES::HEART_EYES::HEART_EYES:

spigot: HOT BUTTERY COCK WILL BE MY FUCKING SNACK pants: I'M FRIGHTENED spigot: FAT AND WET

pants: I CANNOT LIFT MY GAY HEAD

spigot: ! !! ! ! JEAN-CHARLES ! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! spigot: MY GIRLFRIEND IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS AND YOU HAVE LITTERED THE ENTIRE SPIRAL STAIRCASE WITH BANANA PEELS ! ! ! !! ! spigot: ACTUALLY GOOD WORK TODAY, NVM

pants: LEATHER-COVERED REARVIEW MIRROR ($675) deuce: MY GOD LETS US TEST MORE NUKES THAN YOUR GOD

spigot: WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT MY HAND HAS BEEN ON YOUR LAP FOR TEN MINUTES

spigot: MY HAPPY OPEN MOUTH spigot: I SNACK FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT!!! pants: JUST CALL ME ANAL BOY pants: AND YOU'D SAY OOOHH ANAL BOY spigot: I SNACK AFTER 3PM

spigot: NOBODY IS VISITING MY BLOG deuce: YOUR WHAT spigot: MY HNOTHING spigot: ALSIDG94

spigot: CAN SOMEONE TIVO THE E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY OF ME LICKING DICK deuce: I SAW YOU ON INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO deuce: WHEN YOU TRIED TO BEAT JAMES LIPTON OFF FORCEFULLY deuce: I THOUGHT IT WAS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE spigot: HE WAS ***ASKING*** ABOUT MY ***HOBBIES***

deuce: WHERE IS EVERYBODY IN MY HOUR OF NEED deuce: GHGHLHLGHLGHG deuce: SUCKING, ETC.

spigot: MY HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN AND I HAVE TO RUN IN AND GET MY BOBA FETTS AND MY TIMECARDS pants: DON'T FORGET STATUS REPORTS pants: PRECIOUS STATUS REPORTS deuce: ALSO CHEWBACCA NEEDS SAVING (WORTH A LOT !!!!!!!!!) pants: T DEUCE ONLY IF HE COMES WITH HIS BLASTER (YES I CAN SEE YOUR DOT-T PRIVMSG) deuce: HOLY GOD WE'VE GOT TO HELP SALON ZZZZZZZ

spigot: MY JOB IS NOT TO EDUTAIN, BUT RATHER TO INFOTATE

pants: SIRS deuce: POSSESSION IS 9/10THS OF THE BATTLE (YO JOE) pants: BUT I UH pants: T DEUCE I JUST NEED YOU TO OPERATE THE PUPPET'S ARMS, GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THE HOLE deuce: FUCK YOU THIS IS **MY** LIFE

deuce: I JUST FOUND OUT SAM ELLIOTT WILL BE NARRATING MY LIFE STORY pants: GROSS

pants: NOBODY USE MY LIPSTICK WHILE I'M GONE spigot: ABSOTIVELY POSITOOTLY

spigot: WAVING spigot: I DON'T WANT MY LOVE FOR YOU TO GET IN THE WAY OF MY COCKS FOR YOU

deuce: T PANTS I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO DELIVER THE NEWS IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES deuce: BUT BEFORE WE GO ON I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING I MUST TELL YOU: deuce: YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET IT pants: YOUR LOVING????? deuce: NEVER EVER GONNA GET IT pants: I MEAN SURELY AT SOME POINT IN TIME I WILL HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET IT pants: THERE’S GOT TO BE AN UPPER BOUND OR A TIME OUT AT WHICH POINT IT SHOULD BE AVAILABLE deuce: MMMM BOP (NOPE)

net: T PANTS WHO WILL BE LUCKY PIERRE pants: T NET I TEND TO ARRIVE BLINDFOLDED WHEN I ATTEND THESE EVENTS pants: T NET I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THERE WILL BE CORN AND DOG RACING pants: OKAY COCKFIGHTING pants: SLAPFIGHTING LIKE GIRLS

net: I WRAPPED MY MOM'S PRESENT (COOKBOOK) AND YOUR PRESENT (BUTTPLUG) EXACTLY THE SAME AND NOW I CAN'T TELL THEM APART !!!!!! ZANY HIJINKS ENSUE deuce: SOME SERIOUS EXPLAINING TO BE MADE TO THE DEUCE (YOUR MOTHER'S CONFUSION WILL PALE IN COMPARISON)

pants: RUNNING FROM MY MOUTH IS ALWAYS FOOLISH pants: WHERE WAS I pants: AH YES

deuce: QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER pants: MY NEW BIG RED TRUCK THAT NEEDS SOME REAR END WORK spigot: I SAY IF IT'S EVEN REMOTELY OR SLIGHTLY BROWN, FLUSH IT DOWN

deuce: T ATANDT CAN I TAKE PICTURES OF YOU WITH MY NEW DIGITAL CAMERA atandt: NO deuce: T ATANDT FUCK YOU atandt: YOU WILL HAVE TO BUY THE MAGAZINE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

pants: MACANUDOS

pants: T DEUCE WOULD YOU LIKE A TEXT WITH A SELFIE OF ME IN MY NEW HOODIE deuce: I WOULD deuce: NOT!!!!! deuce: ACTUALLY I WOULD pants: WAITING FOR THE OTHER NOT TO DROP

deuce: HOW COME I HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED TO JERK OFF TO MY NEW PORN ?!?!?!? A DILEMMA (ALSO AN ANALEMA)

net: HAS ANYONE SEEN MY NUTS spigot: NOT UP CLOSE

pants: CALLING THE PROSTITUTE BEFORE BREAKFAST BUT AFTER COFFEE pants: AND NO I'M NOT GONNA BRUSH MY TEETH FOR A WHORE pants: FRANKLY, YOU STUPID COCKSUCKERS ARE LUCKY I'M WEARING OLD SPICE

pants: DO I NEED TO BRING MY OWN ASHTRAY dick: TAKING A NUMBER deuce: WHAT (YES) dick: MY MY pants: PUTT PUTT PUTT PUTT PUTT HERE COMES MY FACE

dick: I'M GOING TO STAGE MY OWN BREXIT, WHO'S IN pants: WILL THERE BE MATZO

pants: SHOULD I SPURT INTO MY OWN EYE AND COMPLAIN THAT "SOMEONE" SPURTED IN MY EYE deuce: THAT'LL LEARN 'EM pants: ALSO: DOES THAT MAKE ME GAY IF IT HAPPENS OR IF I THINK ABOUT IT deuce: CLASSIFIED

spigot: BARELY BARELY BARELY SQUINTING AT THE SCREEN AND COVERING MY EYES AS I OPEN MY PERFORMANCE REVIEW spigot: GLIMPSED "MEETS EXPECTATIONS" / CLOSED REVIEW FOREVER

deuce: I HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF THE BENDS deuce: MEANING I'LL BEND OVER FOR ANYONE pants: NOW YOU KNOW MY POSITION ON MONOGAMY

deuce: UNDERWEAR IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING POO OUT OF YOUR PANTS pants: SAY AGAIN ???? deuce: NOTHING pants: I HEARD PANTS!!! deuce: NO pants: AND POO AND UNDERWEAR!!! deuce: HOW ARE YOU HEARING MY PRIVATE THOUGHTS pants: WE ARE LIKE THE DREAMER WHO DREAMS AND THEN LIVES INSIDE THE DREAM deuce: THE ANCIENT PHRASE

pants: MY PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD IS TO TRACK URINE AROUND

pants: HOW CAN RAPE BE AGGRAVATED ANYWAY pants: OH pants: PLEASE PRODUCE MY REGGAE ALBUM

deuce: my kerfuffle has turned into an imbroglio deuce: also my relapse has turned into a prolapse pants: jack off heaven

pants: GIVE ME MY SOUL BACK dick: IT'S RATHER STICKY AT THIS POINT HOPE YOU DON'T MIND

deuce: 148.5 MAKING A FALSE POLICE REPORT deuce: 653M OBSCENE PHONE CALLS deuce: 647F INTOXICATION deuce: 246 SHOOTING AT A DWELLING deuce: 12031 CARRYING A LOADED FIREARM

spigot: JERKICTY IS SHAREWARE PEOPLE spigot: LET'S ALL SHOW OUR SUPPORT BY SENDING ME $5.00 spigot: WHO KEEPS PUTTING MY FUCKING SWEATER IN THE TOILET

deuce: MY SWEET JESUS I'M SURROUNDED BY FAGS pants: AND THEN HIS FACE MORPHED INTO A FATTER FACE AND I THREW UP spigot: DO YOU EVEN HAVE MY ICQ NUMBER/CODE

pants: HARD TO EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WITH NUTS IN MY MOUTH

deuce: YOUR JUDGE, JURY AND COCKSUCKER pants: WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE, MY ALIBI

pants: I AM PANTS FROM JERKCITY pants: PERHAPS YOU'VE SEEN MY FACE ON TV pants: OR HEARD MY VOICE ON RADIO

deuce: CAN WE JUST AGREE THAT MY WANG IS NOT A CARPET deuce: DON'T WIPE YOUR DIRTY FEET ON IT deuce: THANKS pants: I'VE GOT TO WIPE THEM SOMEWHERE deuce: I'M SAYING USE AN ACTUAL CARPET, NOT MY WANG (WHICH IS, AGAIN, NOT, I REPEAT NOT, A CARPET) deuce: IT'S NOT A RUG EITHER TO BE CLEAR pants: STILL THOUGH pants: WHY CAN'T WE JUST AGREE THAT IT IS WIPEABLE deuce: I'M NOT ARGUING THAT IT'S NOT WIPEABLE deuce: I'M SAYING IT'S NOT INTENDED FOR THAT PURPOSE deuce: AND REQUESTING EMPHATICALLY THAT YOU STOP USING IT FOR THAT PURPOSE deuce: PLEASE RATE, REVIEW AND SUBSCRIBE! TO _MY WANG IS NOT A CARPET, NOR IS IT A RUG FOR THAT MATTER_

spigot: OKAY NOW LET'S SEE WHO THIS "GHOST" REALLY IS spigot: [YANKING THE MASK] spigot: [STILL YANKING] spigot: [MMM URF COME ON NOW] spigot: TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING MASK YOU DUMB QUEER

spigot: MYSTERIOUS SHINY MONOLITH FOUND IN MY GODDAMN UNDERPANTS

spigot: CALLING THE IT GUY OVER AND ASKING HIM TO BLOCK LIVE JASMIN POPUPS pants: MYSTERY CLONKINGS AND BONKINGS COMING FROM MY SPEAKERS, VOWING NEVER TO BE FOOLED AGAIN, PROMPTLY BEING FOOLED AGAIN

pants: I'M THAT MYSTERY CORE FILE SITTING AROUND LIKE A PILE OF SHIT NOBODY WILL CLEAN UP

pants: WHERE _N_ IS THE NUMBER OF HARD PLASTIC DICKS IN MY MOUTH

spigot: N ARE FOR NUTS

deuce: @SPIGOT WANNA LICK DICK spigot: @DEUCE N BUT PLEASE RT

spigot: LET'S JUST SAY READING YOUR BLOG HELPS ME NADD OFF TO SLEEP

spigot: SORRY FOR THE SPAM, BUT: spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS deuce: I'M POSTING TO NEWS.ADMIN.NET-ABUSE.MISC ABOUT THIS

net: DID SOMEBODY SAY NET deuce: NO dick: NOPE

spigot: T PANTS HOW CAN THEY AFFORD TO JUST GIVE 3D SMILIES AWAY LIKE THAT (IN PACKS EVEN) pants: T SPIGOT NAFTA

spigot: WHY DON'T YOU STAND NAKED IN FRONT OF A MIRROR AND APPLAUD YOURSELF FOR FIFTEEN/TWENTY MINUTES

spigot: HOLY CHRIST JUST DONGS EVERYWHERE AND SO SUDDENLY -- POKING AND WHAPPING ME -- IT'S LIKE I'M RUNNING BACKWARDS NAKED THROUGH A CORNFIELD

pants: OH OH OH CHECK THIS OUT: pants: BAHHHHHHHH (NANNY GOAT) pants: ISN'T THAT COOL

deuce: I JUST CHANGED MY BEDSHEETS!!!! TIME FOR A FUCKING NAP

spigot: if i'm not licking dick i'm napping between dicks

spigot: DO YOU KNOW WHAT NASA STANDS FOR ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: NEED ANOTHER SEVEN PENISES IN MY MOUTH

spigot: I'D LIKE TO SEE NASA/HUBBLE'S PHOTOS OF THE JERKCITY GALAXY pants: DROPPING MY DICK LIKE THE MIC pants: THOMP pants: SQUEEEEE

pants: HISSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSS (NATIONAL ANTHEM) GOOD MORNING CHANNEL 41 VIEWERS

spigot: ALL NPR TALKS ABOUT IS WEIRD WARRING CULTURES THROWING DIRT CLODS AT ONE ANOTHER!!!!!! LITTLE OR NOTHING TO DO WITH BRITNEY'S HOME PHONE / WHETHER SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND / HER LAUNDRY HAMPER

spigot: I GET NERVOUS SOMETIMES THAT I'M GOING TO CHOKE AND THROW UP IN THE CAB deuce: I UNDERSTAND THAT deuce: IT'S A NATURAL REACTION TO SUCKING DICK spigot: THIS ISN'T THE WAY TO MY HOUSE

deuce: THE BEST PART ABOUT UNIX IS THAT SPELLED BACKWARD IT READS "NAZI"

spigot: TONIGHT'S TOPIC: NAZI GERMANY pants: WAS HITLER RIGHT OR JUST GOOD-LOOKING

pants: HULAGHULAH pants: LUAHLAHULHALAG pants: AHG&LAH pants: SPIT SPIT SPIT HOLD ON OKAY GO pants: HULAGHULAH pants: GLUAHGLU pants: HULAHHULAG pants: NINE DEAD NURSES

spigot: T PANTS I'M SORRY I WAS STANDING ON THE HOSE THAT KEPT JERKCITY UP AND RUNNING spigot: I WILL THEREFORE BE RETURNING YOUR TICKETS TO CATS AND YOUR "AMATEUR LOADS OF FUN VOLUME 4" TAPE spigot: ARCING URINE NEAR AND FAR

: Meanwhile, back in Jerkcity... pants: I NEED TO KNOW IF YOU ARE MINT OR NEAR MINT spigot: I HAVE HOLES POKED IN ME RENDERING ME USELESS TO COLLECTORS

pants: MY BALLS IN A ZOO pants: FEED THEM PEANUTS pants: TURN THE PLASTIC KEY IN THE HOLE, HEAR A STORY ABOUT THEIR NATIVE LAND spigot: THEY'RE NEARLY EXTINCT SO YOU'D BETTER PUSH THEM IN YOUR FACE

spigot: WHENEVER I GLANCE AT MY DONG IT IS NEARLY NOON spigot: MAKE THAT 6:30

pants: I NEED A HUG deuce: I WILL GIVE YOU ONE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE

atandt: MARRY ME spigot: ALSO PLEASE VISIT JERKCITY (NEED HITS)

pants: need know info deuce: no info available pants: need know tho

deuce: UNABLE TO MAKE PAYROLL DUE TO SVB FAILURE pants: BEEP pants: BEEP pants: BEEP pants: IS THAT THE GAY ALARM OR THE LOW BATTERY ALARM FOR THE GAY ALARM pants: :ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT: NEED KNOW INFO :ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT:

spigot: WHY WOULD I RUN GIMP WHEN I'VE GOT BANNERMANIA RIGHT HERE spigot: T PANTS NEED S/N

deuce: CAN WE LICK OR WHAT deuce: THEN CAN WE START PLEASE pants: I THINK SO YES deuce: I AM NOT TRYING TO BE PUSHY I JUST NEED SOMETHING LICKED, NEED TO LICK

spigot: NEED TO TAKE A SHIT spigot: NOT SURE IF I SHOULD DO IT ON THAT ONE LADY'S DESK spigot: OR THAT OTHER LADY'S FACE spigot: ASKING LADY 1 TO PUT HER FACE ON LADY 2'S DESK spigot: WELL NOW I DON'T HAVE TO SHIT ANYMORE spigot: WAIT HERE GOES spigot: SIGH!!!!! WHERE DID LADY 1 GO spigot: I CAN'T BE TAKING TWO SHITS, ONE OVER HERE AND WAY OVER THERE

spigot: WAKE UP spigot: NEED YOU TO GET A JOB SO YOU CAN KEEP MY FACE FILLED WITH DICK spigot: COULDN'T HELP NOTICING MY NUTS RIGHT THERE IN YOUR FUCKING FACE

pants: i'm a small bash script deuce: I'm invoking you because you have a bangpath and are executable pants: also i'm needlessly brief and i have no error handling deuce: chmod +x pants

atandt: YOU DON'T BRING ME FLOWERS atandt: YOU DON'T SING ME LOVE SONGS spigot: FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS atandt: CRACKLIN' ROSIE spigot: AMERICA atandt: SONG SUNG BLUE spigot: UH spigot: HELLO AGAIN atandt: GIRL, YOU'LL BE A WOMAN SOON spigot: SWEET CAROLINE atandt: KENTUCKY WOMAN spigot: UH spigot: UH CRAP atandt: YOU HAVE FAILED spigot: I KNOW atandt: BE GAY WITH ME

spigot: FOLKS I INVENTED NEITHER THE N-WORD NOR WEIRD AL deuce: I THOUGHT I'D BLAME YOU ANYWAY

deuce: THE NATTERING NABOBS OF THE NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS

atandt: I GET NERVOUS WHEN GERMAN LEADERS QUIETLY GATHER ON THE CHANCELLORY deuce: I LIKED THE NEVERENDING STORY TOO spigot: HAVING NEVER STUDIED HISTORY OR POLITICS I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT OR WHAT A CHANCELLORY IS atandt: I LIKE PIE spigot: NOW WE'RE STARTING TO COMMUNICATE

pants: NETSPLIT ????????? deuce: I SEE YOU pants: HELP I AM OVER HERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE NET deuce: TIME DILATED, REDSHIFTED pants: HELP HELP I AM TRAPPED OR STUCK OR SOMETHING AND ALL I CAN DO IS MOVE MY MOUTH/LIPS deuce: STOP WAVING YOUR ARMS

spigot: OH MY GOD MY HEAD IN THE FISHTANK IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF NETCENTER VISITORS

deuce: NO CARL GUSTAV AGAINST INFANTRY

deuce: MY DONG deuce: A NETFLIX ORIGINAL

uncredited woman: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT'S LIKE NETFLIX BUT FOR DICKS uncredited woman: WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT I WANT TO RENT DICKS ON THE INTERNET WITH NO LATE FEES uncredited woman: AS I RETURN EACH USED DICK THE NEXT IS AUTOMATICALLY SELECTED FROM THE DICK QUEUE uncredited woman: OVER TIME THE SERVICE WILL LEARN MY DICK PREFERENCES AND WITH THE HELP OF ITS ADVANCED DICK ALGORITHM IT WILL SELECT NEW DICKS I MIGHT LIKE uncredited woman: WITTY 1980S MYSTERY DICKS uncredited woman: HISTORICAL DICKS FEATURING A STRONG MALE LEAD uncredited woman: DARK FIGHT-THE-SYSTEM SCI FI DICKS uncredited woman: GRITTY DRAMATIC DICKS uncredited woman: PERHAPS SOME SORT OF DICK RENTAL KIOSK COULD ALSO BE EMPLOYED uncredited woman: PLEASE ADVISE deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU uncredited woman: SO MANY THINGS

deuce: I WRITE 'NET WITH AN APOSTROPHE spigot: I CALL THEM CYBERTOONZ pants: I HAVE THE RUNS

spigot: IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST spigot: HURF spigot: FORCIBLY JERKED

spigot: SHOULD I ACTUALLY GO TO WORK TODAY OR GO EAT CREPES UNTIL 5PM spigot: IF WE'RE ALL REAL QUIET WE CAN HEAR PANTS THROWING UP spigot: HURRBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB HORK HURLUP spigot: NEVER AGAIN spigot: HURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLUR COCKS HONK

spigot: HURRBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB HORK HURLUP spigot: NEVER AGAIN spigot: HURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLUR COCKS HONK

spigot: WELPS I'M LOGGIN OUT AND NEVER COMING BACK BECAUSE I JUST GOT MAIL SAYING SOMEONE HAS AN E-CRUSH ON ME!!!!! spigot: LATER ***LOSERS***

pants: OKAY BUT I’M NEW AT THIS AND I’VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE pants: LET’S USE STALL #2 pants: IT’S SOMEWHAT CLEANER AND THERE’S NO SPIDERS