lobster: MAY I BE EXCUSED pants: I THOUGHT WE ATE YOU

spigot: BEEP BONK spigot: I'M C3PO spigot: BOOP DOOP spigot: LET'S GO RUNNING AROUND IN THE SAND OR WHATEVER WE WERE DOING pants: I'M THE ROBOT THAT GIVES HEAD (WHICHEVER ONE THAT WAS) spigot: CLONKING

spigot: DO YOU DARE ME TO PIN MY PENIS TO THE TASKBAR

spigot: SUBJECT: FOLKS I HAVE AIDS!!!!!!! spigot: I KNOW THAT WILL BE A SURPRISE BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU THE HEADS-UP AND SOLICIT SYMPATHY/DONATIONS spigot: SUBJECT: FOLKS THE POLICE ARE TELLING ME I CAN AVOID JAIL IF ANYONE CAN RETURN THE MARKERS I WAS USING TO FAKE AIDS SPOTS

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF SUPERSYMMETRIC PARTICLE I'D BE A PRICKALINO

pants: YOUR RAPE KIT ISN'T VERY ELABORATE pants: IT CONSISTS OF A BIG STICK pants: WHICH WHILE EFFECTIVE IS NOT VERY INTERESTING captain: GET OUTTA HERE

deuce: HLFHLGHLGHLGGHLGLHGHL RETURNING TO BASE STATE LHGLGHGHGHLGLGHL HEAD

pants: we keep returning to the same themes deuce: we're not only not that bright but not that original either pants: also i know i promised to put my urine exclusively in the toilet but here's the thing see

spigot: WHAT PART OF REVERSE SQUIRT GANGBANG IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND spigot: THE GUY WHO RUNS THE ADULT BOOKSTORE IS FORCING ME TO GET VACCINATED spigot: BRING A GUN TO THE AIRPORT DAY

spigot: DURRRRRR spigot: HURF GUH SQUIRT << REW << HURF GUH SQUIRT << REW << HURF GUH SQUIRT << REW << HURF GUH SQUIRT << REW << deuce: GAS CHAMBER

atandt: JOIN #ICONS_OF_FATNESS pants: JOIN #PRICKS atandt: JOIN #DICKS pants: JOIN #WANGS, #DONGS atandt: JOIN #BUTTERBALLS pants: JOIN #DUH atandt: JOIN #FARTS pants: JOIN #URINEPARTY atandt: JOIN #BONEQUEST pants: OH GOD DON'T GO THERE THAT PLACE IS FULL OF FAGS

spigot: THAT SASSY BART SIMPSON spigot: I LIKE WHEN BART DOES SOMETHING AND HOMER GOES DOH

spigot: HEY WHAT DID RICHARD HART SAY WHEN I STUCK MY DICK IN HIS FACE????? spigot: I C|NUTS

deuce: WHO ARE YOU pants: PANTS WHO LOVES DICK MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF pants: OR PRESIDENT NIXON I'M NOT SURE deuce: BUT NIXON IS DEAD pants: THEN I'M PANTS

deuce: I HAVE FALLEN DOWN A WELL AND THERE IS PISS AND BONES DOWN HERE AND I WOULD LIKE TO BE RESCUED NOW THANK YOU spigot: YOU CAN ONLY RIDE THE WELL THING FOR SO LONG

deuce: T SPIGOT I DERIVED THE ACTUAL EXPRESSION OF THE RIEMANN TENSOR spigot: IS THAT HOW STEVE JOBS DIED

deuce: pissing dicks pants: dicks that piss deuce: right deuce: those pants: making a note of it

spigot: I DON'T LIKE READING ABOUT GAY PEOPLE RIGHT BEFORE BEDTIME spigot: DENZEL WASHINGTON ***IS*** spigot: MARVIN K. MOONEY

pants: JUST PRESS THE MUZZLE RIGHT BETWEEN MY EYES SO YOU DON'T MISS OR FLINCH

pants: T PANTS I NEED YOUR STUPID FUCKING APPLE ][ CRAP OUT OF MY PRECIOUS CLOSET RIGHT FUCKING NOW OR IT'S GOING ON THE SIDEWALK deuce: ] deuce: UH deuce: THAT WASN'T ME

pants: piss people deuce: is that "Piss, people!" as in "[Here is the] piss, people!" or "Piss, people!" as in "[You must now] piss, people!" or "piss people" as in people made of piss pants: it is people that have a shared interest in piss, similarly to party people deuce: so none of the above pants: right in the mommyhole

pants: T SPIGOT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE EARLY FOR OUTSIDE LANDS spigot: I THOUGHT YOU WERE HERE ALREADY, GOT A WET HALF-BLANKET AND WARM COORS RIGHT BY THE LARGEST SPEAKERS UP FRONT spigot: YES IT IS RIGHT IN THE SUN

spigot: FOLKS I SPENT GOOD MONEY ON THESE STIR STICKS IF SOMEONE COULD PLEASE SHOW UP spigot: I CAN LICK DICK spigot: I DO LICK DICK spigot: I WILL LICK DICK

spigot: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I AM LICKING A DICK STARTING RIGHT NOW spigot: DONE spigot: KLJGITROJ B$()@WJG RAPID TURNOVER DKLJBV()RJ B@$L%

deuce: I REALLY, REALLY WISH EVERYONE ON EARTH WOULD SIMULTANEOUSLY COMMIT SUICIDE RIGHT NOW deuce: RIGHT..... NOW deuce: RIGHT....................... NOW

deuce: HOLY FUCK spigot: I'M SUCKING MY OWN DICK RIGHT NOW

spigot: when they wear condoms it takes me right out of the story

spigot: more like feynman diarrhea grams spigot: did you know in england they get diarrhoea spigot: it squirts right out of the o spigot: maybe feynman can look into that o-ring for once spigot: instead of being so bo-ring

deuce: WHERE'S THE "TAKE A SHIT" BUTTON pants: IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE DICKBAR

spigot: RAFAH, CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT spigot: WILL HE EVER TOP BANANAPHONE

spigot: i lick dick spigot: RIP my inbox

deuce: RISE AND SHINE, FUCKERS spigot: NO THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: FINE!!!!!!!!!

deuce: OUR PEOPLE WILL RISE UP AGAINST THE INVADERS AND OFFER THEM CUPCAKES effigy: MMMMM deuce: ALL WARS END WITH THE EXCHANGE OF CUPCAKES (IT'S PART OF THE IDEA OF WESTPHALIAN SOVEREIGNTY) effigy: MMMM SOVEREIGNTY

deuce: THAT TENACIOUS D deuce: WILL HE EVER OUTSMART THE ROAD RUNNER ??? deuce: WHAT deuce: OH

deuce: STABBED TO DEATH IN THE HALLWAY

spigot: YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE spigot: OR YOUR FUDGE pants: I'M THINKING I'M THINKING

spigot: HOW ABOUT YOU AND ME AND A BLANKET AND MY ROBOCOP TAPE deuce: ROBOCOP I OR II spigot: JUST SAY YES AND LET'S MOVE ON deuce: I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET AN ANSWER ON THAT LAST QUERY pants: THERE WAS A ROBOCOP III YOU KNOW (SO DON'T BE RACIST) deuce: OH deuce: WHAT spigot: YOU AND ME AND A BOTTLE OF YOOHOO AND A LAW & ORDER FROM 1991 ???!?!??!? pants: GOOD TIMES

spigot: WHY DOES THAT ROBOT KEEP SAYING I'M A REAL PERSON, CUT IT OUT, ETC

spigot: REPEATER / TIMED / OUT

dick: I AM ROBUST AND EXTENSIBLE deuce: T DICK I'M OBJECT-ORIENTED AND MULTIMEDIA SAVVY deuce: T DICK ALSO I'M PLUG-N-PLAY dick: T DEUCE NO I THINK YOU ARE A FONT OF WISDOM (RHYMES WITH "JIZM"(ALMOST!!!!))!!!!!! deuce: WUHHHH WHERE WERE WE pants: GOLLY

spigot: OKAY FOR FIVE MINS I'M GOING TO ROCK OUT WITH MY COCK OUT deuce: NOTED spigot: STARTING spigot: NOW spigot: I'M DONE I GUESS

pants: I'M AN AMERICAN pants: AND I VOTE deuce: SOMETIMES FOR PEANUTS pants: FOR DICK USUALLY pants: DICK AND PEANUTS FOR ME, PLEASE

spigot: MY ROD AND MY STAFF deuce: T SPIGOT WAIT ARE YOU SOME SORT OF NINJA AND IF SO WHAT SORT deuce: T SPIGOT (TOTALLY OPENING YOU UP FOR A QUEER JOKE HERE) spigot: MY BALLS ARE HIDING SOMEWHERE IN THE SYSTEM FOLDER!!!!!!!!! spigot: HINT: STARTUP ITEMS

spigot: MORE LIKE BLOW V. LAID

pants: COCKS? deuce: ROGER pants: COCKS??????????????? deuce: NEGATORY pants: FUCK

pants: have we tried rolling the boulders over the homeless people

pants: PASS THE CUP TO THE RIGHT AND TAKE A GULP pants: NOT A SIP deuce: THIS HERE CATBOX AIN'T GONNA CLEAN ITSELF pants: ROLLS UP SLEEVES

pants: FALL OUT, MEN pants: SOON WE'LL FIND OUT WHAT KIND OF CREATURES HANG OUT IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS AT 3 IN THE MORNING pants: ROLLS UP SLEEVES

spigot: IS THERE ROOM IN YOUR HEART FOR TEN BIG DICKS IN YOUR MOUTH

deuce: THIS AIN'T VALHEIM: AN XXX PARODY pants: A ROOSTER CROWING EVERY TIME SOMEBODY JIZZES

deuce: MAYBE UKRAINE CAN HOLD THEM OFF INDEFINITELY pants: WORKS FOR ME, WHATEVER'S MORE ENTERTAINING AND DOESN'T PRE-EMPT FOOTBALL pants: NOT MY PRECIOUS XFL OR WHATEVER IT IS pants: THIS YEAR I'M ROOTING FOR THE XML JSONS

pants: WE SHOULD GANG UP ON EACH OTHER (GANG-UP STYLE) deuce: MAYBE pants: I WILL HAVE TO READ THE FINE PRINT deuce: WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE, CHECK THE VALUES pants: ROOTING AROUND

pants: CHRIST-A-LORD THIS JIZZ IS ROPEY

deuce: HERE WE GO pants: MY NIGGA spigot: HOMES???????? pants: T DEUCE WHAT ARE WE SAYING deuce: T PANTS YOU WISHED HIM LUCK IN HIS FUTURE ENDEAVORS AND HE INDICATED AN UNWILLINGNESS TO PERFORM ORAL SEX WITH YOU AND FINALLY IN RESPONSE YOU CALLED HIM A JEWBITER

spigot: MORE LIKE ELIZABETH DUMB!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHA MUWAHAHA ROTFSD

deuce: I AM PUMMELLING YOU WITH ROTTEN FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

deuce: AS PER OUR PREVIOUS DISCUSSION WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP PUTTING ROTTING SHIT IN POTS AND BURYING THEM IN MY YARD THANKS spigot: FEX-EX??

pants: THAT'S THE STUFF pants: JERK ME OFF SLOW THIS TIME I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE FIGHTS pants: DEM BOXERS ARE NOTHING BUT A BUNCHA BUMS

spigot: ROUGHLY TWENTY OF YOUR EARTH DICKS

spigot: ROUGHLY 5ML GAY deuce: T SPIGOT SO YOU'RE SAYING GAYNESS HAS ROUGHLY THE DENSITY OF WATER spigot: I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT deuce: THAT IS THE LOGICAL CONCLUSION OF YOUR PRIOR STATETETETETETETETETETE

: Originally published on October 29, 1996 pants: OKAY YOU'RE THE SHIT MAN AND I EAT SHIT deuce: DING pants: WE'RE SET FOR LIFE deuce: ROUND TWO

pants: T DEUCE PLEASE PICK FROM THE MENU deuce: T PANTS DON'T EVER USE THAT WORD AGAIN (THANK YOU)

net: T DEUCE YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I HEARD ABOUT ROXANNE SHANTE deuce: ONLY GOOD FOR STEADY FUCKIN' ?!!?!?!?! net: SO YOU'VE HEARD TOO

pants: QQ: WHO PUT `ROYAL BEATOFF SESSION` ON MY CALENDAR AND ALSO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN deuce: I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED A BREAK pants: THAT IS VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU

deuce: DOES U PINCH ON ETC. pants: I WOULD IF YOU HADN'T PUT RUBBER BANDS ON MY CLAWS

pants: HAVE YOU INSTALLED YOUR DEBUG NUB spigot: CONFIRMING YOU INSTALLED THE DEBUG NUB pants: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED BY THE DEBUG NUB pants: THERE'S FRIENDS AND FUN AND FOOD AT THE DEBUG NUB

pants: no one should use the body of an 05:04 pants: unwilling partner for their own pleasure 05:06 pants: unprotected and unplanned sexual 05:09 pants: intercourse is wrong and no one need 05:13 pants: allow anyone to touch their bodies if 05:15 pants: they do not want them to 05:15 pants: we may not 05:19 pants: always succeed in reaching the trainees 05:22 pants: we must always try 05:32 pants: [Music] 05:48 pants: [Music] 05:48

pants: GOD LOVES A COCKSUCKER SUCH AS MYSELF deuce: T PANTS ACTUALLY I DON'T THINK HE REALLY DOES pants: T DEUCE WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING deuce: T PANTS I DON'T WANT THE RUG MONSTERS TO FIND ME IN HERE (TOILET)

bung: IT'S HOW STEAK IS DONE deuce: THREE DICKS HALF OFF spigot: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERY CHRISTMAS

pants: WAR OF THE WORLDS ALIEN SOUND BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

pants: LOOK WHAT HAPPENED deuce: NOW IT'S ALL OVER

net: SWITCHING TO RUNLEVEL Q pants: WATCHING YOU SWITCH deuce: WATCHING YOU WATCHING HIM SWITCH pants: HOPING IT INVOLVES A HLAGULA AND SOME BHULAGHLAHGLG pants: WE ARE ALL WATCHING THE DONGS deuce: (FOR SIGNS OF LIFE) pants: AND PRAYING deuce: DOMINE SUCKUS

spigot: T DEUCE A BEE FLEW INTO MY FRESCA spigot: DROPPING IT spigot: RUNNING AWAY spigot: CLONK spigot: BONK

pants: RE: WIPING MY DICK OFF AND RUNNING AWAY TO FIND ANOTHER STARBUCKS/RAPE CENTER

pants: NOW GET ME MORE DICKS FOR THIS MOUTH OF MINE pants: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PIMP ARE YOU pants: RUNNING ON EMPTY

spigot: I LEAVE FOR TWO HOURS AND THERE'S NO NEW COMEDY spigot: FINE: BLUPPITY BLUP COCKS UP THE NUTS AND FAT QUEERS spigot: RUNNING OUT OF NEW COMEDY DEVICES TO KEEP JERKCITY ALIVE

spigot: SQURLTLGRLGLGRLRGLRLGLRGLRGRLGRL CARPET deuce: RUNNING TO THE TOILET

pants: s e x u a l deuce: so many sex deuce: do you sex the ziggurat pants: br rr rr rr

pants: 900 DICKS spigot: TRAINING MYSELF SO EVERY TIME I SEE ANIME SPIGOT OR ANIME PANTS BEING ANIME GAY I THINK _AT LEAST THESE KIDS BUY BOOKS_ spigot: SOMEHOW DEUCE GETS AWAY WITH JUST BEING ANIME MEAN deuce: STRATEGIC BUTTHOLE RESERVE

spigot: I MADE A SQUIRTY DIARRHEA SOUND IN THE TOILET BOWL THAT SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE THE MONTY PYTHON ONE AND I ALSO DID ONE IN THE BED pants: SCOOT OVER

spigot: HI???????? spigot: IF SOMEONE COULD PLEASE PASS THE DONGS spigot: COURTESY IS CONTAGIOUS GANG

spigot: SAAADAAS: SPOOKY ACTION AT A DISTANCE AS A SERVICE

spigot: NOW ALL OF LEBANON'S ZENITH TELEVISIONS AND SONY DISCMANS AND NINTENDO POWER GLOVES ARE EXPLODING

pants: OOF OW pants: SHOVED INTO A POTATO SACK pants: MY FATE: TO BE THROWN INTO THE RIVER pants: HOWEVER THE SACK IS MADE OF BURLAP AND pants: IT SPLITS WHEN YOU TRY AND TOSS ME IN pants: NOW I AM ON THE RIVER BANK SITTING IN THE WET GRASS, CONFUSED

atandt: NOTE: HEART STILL GOING ON deuce: YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO INTERNALIZE atandt: IF I INTERNALIZE ON BONEQUEST, THE COMEDY WILL BE OVER atandt: CHRIST YOU'RE THICK pants: KOMM, GIB MIR DEINE HAND deuce: SACK THE KRAUT

pants: WAS RE: YOU IN A WOMAN'S DRESS pants: NOT EVEN A FASHIONABLE DRESS JUST A PLAIN JANE DEPRESSION-ERA SACK pants: HEY DON'T GET ME WRONG IT'S CLOTH NOT BURLAP pants: BUT IT IS SACK-LIKE pants: THE PATTERN COULD HAVE BEEN FROM SEARS OR MONTGOMERY WARDS pants: HA HA I LIKE TO CALL IT MONTGOMERY ***WEIRD*** pants: BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE WEIRD PEOPLE BUY CLOTHES!!!!!!!! pants: UNFASHIONABLE SACK CLOTHES

pants: SACRE BONG deuce: SPOKEN IN PERFECT FROG

spigot: GEE WHIZ I DON'T DARE VIOLATE MY SACRED COVENANT WITH THE AUDIENCE BY LICKING DICK BUT HURNKTH BLOMPFTH

spigot: T PANTS SAD THAT THE DOPE YOU GAVE ME WAS AN I.O.U. AND A BOTTLECAP

spigot: I'M SAD THAT I'M DRINKING MY LAST GUINNESS spigot: AND I'M SAD THAT I'M TOO LAZY TO GET MORE GUINNESS spigot: BUT HOW GRATEFUL AM I THAT DEUCE IS ON HIS WAY TO MY HOUSE IN A SELF-DRIVING CAR TO DELIVER MORE GUINNESS AND THEN HOPEFULLY LEAVE IMMEDIATELY pants: DEUCEDASH

deuce: THE ADOBE FLASH PLUGIN HAS CRASHED. deuce: SAD LEGO BRICK FACE deuce: MY DICK

deuce: SADNESS IS ALL THERE IS deuce: IT'S SADNESS TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN

spigot: MY ERECTION CROSSED THE RAINBOW BRIDGE TODAY

pants: TODAY'S ENTERTAINMENT SECTION HAS THIS HEADLINE: pants: SADE STILL PROVES SHE'S A SMOOTH OPERATOR pants: I DON'T GET THAT deuce: SMOOOOOOOOOOOTH OPERATOR pants: OH !!!!!!! IT'S ONE OF HER SONGS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I **GET** **IT** **NOW** deuce: AREN'T JOURNALISTS CLEVER pants: AND HOW pants: THAT COLUMNIST SHOULD GET A RAISE AND A PAT ON THE BACK pants: ALSO A GROPE TO THE CHEST (BOOBS OR NOT)

spigot: HURRRRRRR SAFE AT HOME deuce: I THREW OUT YOUR GODDAMN BUTT PLUGS

deuce: CAN YOU MARK YOURSELF SAFE FROM THE FLOODING ON FACEBOOK SO I CAN IGNORE YOU pants: NEVER pants: EASTER PEEP-FLAVORED OREOS pants: WAS RE: WHY AM I FAT, WHY I AM FAT

deuce: I ENCOURAGE SAFE SEX deuce: NAMELY: BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF THE CUNT AND TELL HER TO FUCK OFF deuce: YOU MIGHT GET AIDS IF HER BLOOD SPLATTERS ON YOU, BUT IT'S REALLY WORTH THE RISK