spigot: YOU CAN TRANS IF YOU WANT TO spigot: YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR DICKS BEHIND spigot: MEN WITHOUT DICKS

deuce: SOMEONE HAS BEEN SMOKING POT pants: I RECKON I LIKE DICK

spigot: AGE/SEX/COP OR NOT

spigot: THALES :SWEAT_DROPS: THERVITH :SWEAT_DROPS: THUPPORT :SWEAT_DROPS: spigot: MORE LIKE SERVICE MERCHANDYKES spigot: FROM THE DIRECTOR OF MORBIUS pants: FREE R. KELLY

pants: THE SPICE MUST FLOW deuce: WE GOTTA GET YOU A SALT LICK

pants: MY COW NAME IS BUTTERBALLS deuce: hail and well met, Butterballs pants: salt lick plz pants: open range would be good pants: source of water pants: oh you know what would be great is a big ol' bell around my neck pants: that's pretty much about it (barney fife sniff) pants: whadda ya gonna do

spigot: FOLKS BEFORE EARTH THERE WAS MARS, THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE TEEMING WITH CENTURIES OF DIVERSE CULTURES AND CIVILIZATIONS!!!!!! spigot: AND THEY BLEW IT spigot: SO SAVE THOSE CANS!!!!!!!!!

deuce: T SPIGOT IF YOU DO DRUGS YOU ARE AIDING TERRORISTS (OR SOMETHING) spigot: ALSO IF I DON'T PAY FOR COMMERCIALS I'M AN ENABLER FOR DICKS TO GO UNLICKED spigot: IN THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF THE SAM GOODY spigot: AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS............ SPIDER-MAN

atandt: WHAT WE NEED IS ONE MORE DICK I THINK deuce: T ATANDT I HAVE FIVE ON ORDER atandt: ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING HERE deuce: YES deuce: WE'RE TALKING ABOUT DICKS RIGHT

spigot: WHADDYA MEAN BONEQUEST AND BALLQUEST ARE HAPPENING ON THE SAME DAY spigot: OPERATOR spigot: HELLO

pants: BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. DO I LOOK CUTE IN THIS TOP? deuce: meh pants: what about this one (1980s movie montage where we try on hats in front of a mirror, beat each other off) pants: what about this one (same hat, can't fool you)

dick: I SPY WITH MY SAME SEX EYE SOME SAME SEX SEX WITH A SAME SEX GUY

spigot: :NOTES: IF YOU'RE FOND OF SAND DUNES / AND BIG LONG DONGS spigot: :NOTES: QUAINT LITTLE PENISES / STUCK IN BONGS

deuce: MAN SANDRA BERNHARD IS FUCKING DISGUSTING pants: YES SHE IS A FREAKISH WHOREBAG THING deuce: DISGUSTING deuce: HEY GREAT YOU'RE PREGNANT GET THE FUCK OFF MY SCREEN pants: SHE WOULD LOOK NORMAL EXCEPT FOR HER FACE AND BODY deuce: PRETTY MUCH IF YOU REPLACED EVERYTHING WITH SOMETHING ELSE THEN SHE WOULD BE AWESOME deuce: (ALSO DARK SPRAY PAINT IS REQUIRED) pants: NOT SO KEEN ON THE SPRAY PAINT (UNLESS WE USE GOLD) deuce: T PANTS GOLD IS GOOD (RE: LOVE DELUXE)

:look: THIS FATTY 🤠 pants: AND SO I WAKE IN THE MORNING AND I STEP OUTSIDE pants: AND I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND I GET REAL HIGH pants: AND I SCREAM FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS pants: ^BE MY SANDWICH DADDY^

pants: SANS FANNYPACK WOULD MAKE A GOOD PORNO NAME FOR ME spigot: OR A QUALITY FONT pants: WHEN IS MY BONER COMING TO BLU-RAY spigot: IT'S spigot: AL / REA / DY / HERE pants: [ORCHESTRA SWELLS]

deuce: SANTA CLAUS IS HUMPING MY GOWN pants: HE'S HUMPING WHAT'S UNDER IT ANYWAY

deuce: SATURDAYS ARE FOR JERKING deuce: ALSO CLAMPING, HAMMERING AND SQUEEZING deuce: CARRY ON

spigot: CLANG CLANG CLANG WENT THE TROLLEY spigot: DING DING DING WENT THE BELL deuce: THE POWERFUL USE OF CADENCE IS STAGGERING BUT THE CONTENT SOMEWHAT FALLS SHORT ARTISTICALLY spigot: SAUSALITO

pants: SAVE ME A SEAT pants: BY WHICH I MEAN A TOILET SEAT!!!! A SEAT ON THE TOILET GHLAHLUAGHAG pants: LOVELY ACOUSTICS IN HERE

spigot: S9-23 spigot: 90GU3WQ]3WG spigot: HELP SMURSHING

spigot: SAVING PRIVATE DICKLICKER spigot: WARNING CONTAINS GRAPHIC SCENES OF DICKLICKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: (COCKSUCKING) spigot: OKAY MEN LET'S ALL HURMPH BURMPH LORD GOD WE'RE NOT EVEN OUT OF THE BOAT spigot: BHLRUHBLURHLUBHRLGBUHRLUBHLHRG ARE YOU RYAN NO OKAY BHRLBURHLGUHLRUBH

deuce: FOLKS GOD IS TELLING ME TO JERK OFF AGAIN (IN ORDER TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE) pants: DON'T JUST STAND THERE THEN pants: TO THE BATCAVE

deuce: my level 7 cuddle elf strikes your desalinization plant ... saving throw!!!

deuce: MY TESTICLES pants: I'LL LET GO WHEN YOU SAY I'M PRETTY

spigot: MY LUMBERING AUTISTIC SON DID A BUNCH OF WEIRD HORRIBLE THINGS ?????????? W H A T

pants: VEERAPPAN IS DEAD atandt: SAY IT AIN'T SO pants: AN UNKNOWN STATE OF MOUSTACHE atandt: THIS TIME FOR SURE atandt: VEERAPPAN WE HARDLY KNEW YE pants: AND WE CAN PUT REAGAN'S FACE ON THE OTHER SIDE

deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU pants: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

spigot: SAY NO TO ALCOHOL AND HOMOS

pants: GALHLAGHLAHG SUCK IT pants: SUCK IT PLEASE deuce: SAY PLEASE (REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU ALREADY SAID PLEASE) pants: PLEASE (GOING WITH THE FLOW)

pants: THE MEN'S ROOM

spigot: SAY WHAT NOW spigot: SAY AGAIN spigot: NOBODY GIVES A SHIT spigot: ***THINK*** SHEEPLE spigot: BOOM MICS LOWERING INTO FRAME

spigot: I WASN'T GOING TO LICK DICK, THEN I REALIZED I HAVE TO BE FLEXIBLE

pants: HI pants: I AM SAYING HI TO YOU OVER THE INTERNET deuce: I AM SAYING I ALREADY TOOK A DUMP IN YOUR MOUTH pants: HI deuce: HI pants: HEY WHAT'S UP pants: I'M PANTS FROM JERKCITY

pants: SCANNING FOR `BOYS` pants: SCAN COMPLETE: NO `BOYS` FOUND pants: TOTAL NUMBER OF `BOYS` : 0

pants: AM I HARD deuce: SCANNING ... deuce: SCANNING ... deuce: PENIS NOT FOUND deuce: ASSERTION FAILED: PENIS deuce: PLEASE REBOOT THE SYSTEM.

deuce: RARRRR pants: EEEEEKKKK SCARY

pants: BLINK BLINK spigot: WHAT ABOUT THE SEPARATION OF DICKS AND PRICKS????? spigot: WHAT ABOUT THE SEPARATION OF BLURKS AND BLORKS?????? spigot: WHAT ABOUT THE SEPARATION OF DONGS AND BONGS??????? spigot: I AM SCARED TO BREAK THE GLASS

pants: cannibalize your own dong deuce: scarfing it down

pants: ALL RIGHT WE'LL DO THE DAMN LOT COUNT spigot: I AM COOPERATING

pants: DICKS deuce: DICKS pants: T SPIGOT NOW YOU SAY DICKS!!! spigot: DICKS deuce: NOW WE CAN ALL SHOOT UP A SCHOOL/WORKPLACE/CHURCH/MALL

spigot: UM, I DO NOT REMEMBER EATING THE LAST BITE OF PIZZA SO IT IS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I AM NOT SITTING ON IT!!!!!!!!! IT DID NOT WALK AWAY!!!!!!!! spigot: WHOOPS!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS THIS MORNING'S EMPTY BOX spigot: NOT THIS EVENING'S DOUBLE-BOX WITH BREADSTICKS POUCH / DIPPING SAUCES deuce: IT IS SCHRODINGER'S PIZZA AND IS NEITHER IN YOUR APARTMENT NOR OUT OF IT AND YET BOTH AT THE SAME TIME

spigot: T PANTS CAN YOU HELP ME DEVELOP A SCI-FI WESTERN THAT TAKES PLACE ENTIRELY IN YOUR MOUTH (WITH MY PRICK)

spigot: IF I WANTED TO LEARN ABOUT SCIENCE AND MEDICINE I'D ORDER A PROSTITUTE

pants: TSK TSK TSK

net: HELP ME I'M BIG AND FAT deuce: SCOOPING AND SHOVELING net: SMOOTHING AND CARESSING deuce: PACKING AND LEAVING

pants: IT IS AS IF THE MACHINE DOES NOT HAVE AN OFF STATE pants: IT IS LIKE THOSE LIGHTSWITCHES IN PEOPLE'S HOUSES WITH THE SCOTCH TAPE OR PERHAPS MASKING TAPE COVERING IT pants: LORD GOD DON'T FLIP THIS ONE OR THE MICROWAVE AND STEREO GO DOWN

atandt: HMM atandt: WORKS FOR ME net: PANTS IS COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS CHAIR AGAIN net: EH, WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE atandt: BRIGHT IN HERE atandt: IT'S GOT THAT PURPLE VOLCANO THING GOING ON atandt: MAYBE WE COULD GET CURTAINS net: ON AND ON ABOUT THE CHAIR atandt: HE DOES THAT atandt: SO THE VOLCANO THING THEN net: PENCIL IT IN atandt: CHECK net: CHINESE FOR LUNCH

effigy: STOP CASTING POROSITY

deuce: SPIGOT SUCKS COCK spigot: THAT'S GOING IN THE SCRAPBOOK

deuce: I'M A MONARCH BUTTERFLY deuce: FUCK MY BROWN ASS deuce: WAIT DO BUTTERFLIES HAVE BUTTHOLES??? PROBABLY deuce: DO GIRL BUTTERFLIES HAVE BUTTHOLES??? DOUBTFUL deuce: MY UNDERWEAR IS SCRATCH AND SNIFF

spigot: MY SCRATCH DISKS ARE FULL spigot: OW

pants: ME SO SCREAMY SHOUT deuce: PARSING ... deuce: PARSING ... deuce: PARSE ERROR pants: HTTPS://GOOGLE.COM/SEARCH?Q="ME+SO+SCREAMY+SHOUT"

pants: THE MATRIX SCREENSAVER IS TELLING ME IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT I AM A QUEER COCKSUCKER !!! REALLY HOPING I CAN GET AALIYAH'S ROLE

deuce: TELL SPIGOT MAMA I'M IN LOVE WITH A GANGSTA spigot: T DEUCE SCRUB WITH HOT SOAPY WATER UNTIL YOU'RE GAY

spigot: THAT BEHAVIOR IS UNWELCOME SIR pants: IS IT ME AND MY HEAD OR ME AND MY BODY spigot: OOF URF SIR pants: IT SAYS HERE YOU RENTED "SCRUBBING CHUMS"..... AND RETURNED IT LATE ??? pants: IT IS AS IF YOU ARE NOT AHERING TO THE POLICY SET FORTH BY THE TILE IS NICE AND COOL IN HERE A STARK CONTRAST TO THE HUHHHHHH spigot: BISCOTTI

spigot: I'M A SEA CUCUMBER deuce: I'M A SEA CUCUMBER RAPER spigot: THEN I'M NO LONGER A SEA CUCUMBER deuce: YOU WIN THIS ROUND

spigot: RICHARD DAWKINS SAYS I'M RELATED TO SEA SQUIRTS !!!!!!! spigot: I GUESS I KNEW THAT deuce: SFX: PARADES AND HORNS

pants: I HAVE A SEA URCHIN UP ME deuce: IF YOU TRY TO REMOVE IT YOU WILL DIE

spigot: WHY DON'T YOU LICK MY DICK SEAMLESSLY ACROSS ALL DEVICES

net: I'M GOING TO HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I TURN GAY deuce: I ASSURE YOU WHEN YOU PASS OUT YOU WILL MAGICALLY TURN GAY net: HUHHHHHHHHHHH WHERE ARE THESE BRUISES FROMMMMM net: ALSO THE SEMEN deuce: SEARING BLINDING PAIN

pants: SEASON'S GREETINGS FUCKHEADS : Sally -- : Ran out of time this afternoon, please publish the standard-issue Jerkcity Holidays crapfest. : Thanks doll! : --Editor : : Not a creature was stirring. They were all in shock from the unstoppable series of blowjobs, one after another.

deuce: "SECOND BASE" IS WHEN YOU TALK TO A WOMAN AND SHE DOESN'T LAUGH dick: IT'S WHEN SHE STOPS MOVIN'

deuce: OH YEAH deuce: I'LL BE THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN PRESCHOOL deuce: WAIT deuce: SECOND PRETTIEST

spigot: I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING COOL ABOUT PUNCHING A FLORIST

pants: THE SECRET CACHE OF DICKS spigot: WHAT IN THE pants: BURIED BY A PIRATE (NO DOUBT) spigot: WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ALL THESE DONGS spigot: HAVE YOU SEEN THESE THINGS

deuce: LET'S TALK IN ESPERANTO NOW: deuce: WOULXD YOUX LIKXE TO SUCXK MYX DIXKCKX deuce: IT'S CODE YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND IT

pants: YOU ARE ALL ARE PROBABLY ASLEEP pants: MY SECRET QUEERNESS STARTS AT NIGHT pants: BUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pants: COME TO MY SECRET URINE PARTY pants: I'VE GOT A KIDDIE POOL IN THE LIVING ROOM AND PLENTY OF ADULT UNDERGARMENTS pants: PLUS A BUCKET deuce: COCKS

spigot: HOMPTH CRUNCH SUDDENLY PAUSES TO HEAR IF ANYONE IS COMING CRUNCH HOMPTH CRUNCH

dick: WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?!?!? deuce: T DICK FROM WOMEN'S TUMMIES (THAT'S WHY I TURNED GAY)

pants: SEE ALSO: SPELL TO TRANSFORM TEETH INTO MARSHMALLOWS

ozone: SEE FOR YOURSELF ozone: CLOSER ozone: CLOSER deuce: APTHTHGHBHHFFFF YOU TRICKED ME

spigot: SEE ME PLEASE ABOUT YELLOW URINE CRYSTALS ON/IN SINK

spigot: CAN WE THINK OF A BETTER NAME FOR MAN THAN 'HOMO' spigot: HOMO ERECTUS spigot: SEE THIS IS WHY EVERYTHING IS FAKE

spigot: HAS AMERICA LEARNED :POINT-RIGHT: :POINT-RIGHT: ANYTHING :POINT-LEFT: :POINT-LEFT: ABOUT FORCING KIDS TO GO TO SCHOOL ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: WHY CAN'T THERE BE MORE SHOOTINGS AT WHOLE FOODS spigot: I HATE THAT PLACE

deuce: BRAWWWK pants: YOU SHOULD GIVE HIM SOME SEEDS OR A PEANUT deuce: HE'LL JUST CRAP THEM OUT EVENTUALLY (MY STUDIES SHOW)

deuce: I SEEM TO HAVE TAKEN PILLS WHICH GOT ME HIGH effigy: LUCKY

pants: GUARDS pants: SEIZE HIM deuce: I REGRET NOTHING

.(spigot): SHIT!!! THIS GIRL IN FRONT OF ME JUST ASKED A QUESTION AND SHE NEEDS A RESPONSE AND I WASN'T LISTENING spigot: YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE I SUCK DICK!!!! spigot: I'VE BEEN A CLOSET FAG AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER!!! I TAKE VIAGRA JUST TO GET IT UP WITH YOU!!! I'M ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY AND I THINK MY WHOLE LIFE IS FALLING APART!!! spigot: I'M JUGGLING SO MANY HUGE COCKS AND DUMB GIRLS LIKE YOURSELF I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT ALL YOUR NAMES ARE HALF THE TIME spigot: EACH DAY IS LIKE A 1960'S SEX COMEDY, A FRENCH FARCE IN WHICH I KEEP ALL OF YOU AWAY FROM EACH OTHER AND IN THE DARK ABOUT WHO I REALLY AM spigot: I HAVE SERIOUS PROBLEMS. I'M AN OUT OF CONTROL SEX ADDICT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN DEBT AND I THINK I HAVE AIDS .(spigot): AND NOW, BACK TO MY THOUGHTS

spigot: CORPORATIONS BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAY MARRIAGE YAY pants: I'M A SELF-HATING FAG IN THAT I LISTEN TO MICHAEL SAVAGE AND READ PLAYBOY FOR THE ARTICLES

deuce: FOLKS, THESE SELF-SUCKING DICKS AREN'T JUST GOING TO SUCK THEMSELVES deuce: WAIT (READING DOCUMENTATION, CONTRACTS, PRODUCTION NOTES, LEGAL MEMORANDA) deuce: NOPE WE'RE GOOD SORRY FOR THE FALSE ALARM

pants: LOOK WHAT I CAN DO (FALLS OFF KITCHEN COUNTER TRYING TO SUCK OWN DICK) deuce: AWESOME BLOSSOM

deuce: I ATE TORTILLA CHIPS LAST NIGHT SO I SCRAPED THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH, PLEASE SEND HELP

pants: IF YOU COULD JUST GIVE ME AN ENEMA AND SEND ME HOME THAT WOULD BE GREAT: GRAHAM CRACKERS, CLEANSING RITUALS deuce: WELL ALL RIGHTY THEN

spigot: I'D LIKE TO THANK CDNOW FOR SENDING ME MAIL ABOUT THE STUFF I ORDERED IN 1997

spigot: WHAT'S THIS ABOUT DICKS NOW spigot: SORRY THOUGHT YOU SAID DICKS

pants: EXPLODES deuce: SOMEONE'S GOT A SERIOUS ATTITUDE PROBLEM deuce: AND THIS TIME IT'S NOT ME

deuce: IF I UPGRADED JERKCITY TO 3.0 WOULD YOU REGISTER THE SHAREWARE FEE OF $5 spigot: I ALREADY REGISTERED AND THERE ARE STILL SERIOUS BUGS deuce: SHIT spigot: CAN I TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AND COME OVER deuce: OKAY BRING EXTRA BANANAS

deuce: OKAY I HAVE A SERIOUS DILEMMA HERE pants: HEAVENS deuce: I AM STILL AWAKE deuce: AND YET I HAVE NO MORE ALCOHOL TO DRINK pants: MY MOUTH NEVER CLOSES deuce: YES YES deuce: "UNE CARTE POSTALE DE JERKCITY VOUS ATTEND" deuce: FUCKING ENGLISH pants: A DRUNKBOT TO LOGIN AT 2AM AND 6AM deuce: 01:50, 05:50 pants: CAN I HAVE THAT IN SWATCH TIME PLZ deuce: IN ALL SERIOUSNESS I AM OUT OF ALCOHOL pants: THIS CANNOT BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS deuce: I THOUGHT I HAD BEERS LEFT pants: USE FTP TO GET SOME FROM BACK EAST deuce: THERE WILL BE SOME SIGNAL DEGRADATION pants: HOW ABOUT A BLOWJOB THEN deuce: DON'T BE GAY pants: B-BUT

atandt: T PANTS IS DEUCE DRINKING pants: WELL DUH deuce: HIC

deuce: SERIOUS INTEREST IN MY SHITS spigot: IS THERE BUZZ YOU CAN USE TO LEVERAGE deuce: BETTER SHIT MORE pants: DEUCE SHIT KEYCHAIN [ADD TO BASKET] deuce: SHIT MERCH

spigot: OKAY PEOPLE SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH THE POLLS pants: I THINK I'M GOING TO THROW UP spigot: YOU WERE ALL SUPPOSED TO VOTE FOR ME pants: BAHAHRAHRHARRAHRHAR spigot: WE'LL JUST PAUSE THE JERKCITY WHILE PANTS CLEANS HIMSELF UP

pants: tell me I'm big deuce: it was tiny pants: can you at least please pretend that my wiener inspires fear deuce: I could barely see it pants: maybe dial nine and one and one and hover your thumb over the call button while maintaining serious serious eye contact deuce: are you even a dude

spigot: IS THERE SERIOUSLY NO PORN STAR NAMED SANDY HOOK

pants: WHAT IS DOCTOR WHO'S FIRST NAME (SERIOUSLY) spigot: I WILL TELL YOU FOR A 54 DOLLAR PLEDGE

deuce: GLGLGLG pants: IS TODAY CUPCAKE DAY

spigot: DO YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME PUTTING GLITTER ON HOT DOGS

atandt: I'M SERIOUSLY JUGGLING MY BALLS HERE FOLKS atandt: HOOP HOOP HOOP OK ONE HAND NOW HOP HOP HOP HOP OK HOP HOLY atandt: CHRIST THAT FUCKING HURT atandt: I'D RECOMMEND NOT JUGGLING ONE'S BALLS atandt: THAT WAS LIKE AESOP'S FABLE FOR FAGGOTS

spigot: SERIOUS ABOUT ALL THE CANDY