pants: WOULD SIR CARE TO WATCH ME BEAT OFF ON CAM OR SHOULD I GET A CAB

spigot: DURRRRRRRRRRR pants: ARE YOU OKAY spigot: DURRRRRRRRRRR pants: SHOULD I HOLD YOUR HAIR spigot: DURRRRRRRRRRR

pants: GLORMPH spigot: FLURMPTH spigot: SHOULD WE HOP ON A QUICK CALL spigot: IF YOU GIVE ME THE DIAL-IN NUMBER I CAN MAKE FART SOUNDS

deuce: NOT GAY pants: ARE YOU TOTALLY SURE (SHOULD WE RUN TESTS) deuce: NOPE deuce: NO WAY pants: THANK GOD (PUTS BATHROBE BACK ON)

spigot: WE SHOULD LAY OUR PENISES SIDE BY SIDE AND CONDUCT AN OSCAR SLUGFEST #OSCARS #STREAMING effigy: ......ARE WE STANDING SHOULDER TO SHOULDER OR FACE TO FACE? pants: CONSIDER SETTING UP SHOP NEAR THE TOILET WITH MUSIC, YOUR LAPTOP, MAGAZINES, OR BOOKS

pants: GOD BLESS THIS MESS (ON MY FACE) pants: LORD JESUS IT DRIPPED ONTO MY SHIRT COLLAR pants: SURE HOPE WE CAN SHOUT IT OUT deuce: CAN WE LET IT ALL OUT THOUGH pants: I COULD DO WITHOUT THAT (KEEPING THE SPURT IN PLAY) deuce: COME ON deuce: I'M TALKING TO YOU deuce: COME ON pants: SIGH ALL RIGHT (UNDRESSING)

pants: THIS COMMITTEE OWES AN APOLOGY TO MICHAEL CORLEONE

pants: WHO LIKES BONERS ???????????? pants: SHOW OF HANDS PEOPLE deuce: I DON'T pants: I SEE deuce: DICKS

spigot: LET'S ALL RALLY AROUND MY DICK AND SHOW SOME SUPPORT spigot: SFX: PARADES AND HORNS spigot: I'M *GOBBLING* DICK spigot: I'M ALSO GARGLING DICK spigot: IT'S LIKE SOME IDIOT ON THE BUS GROPING YOUR PACKAGE

pants: SOME MANNER OF WONDERFUL FANTASTIC AMAZING HOLE spigot: SHOWSTOPPER PEOPLE MY DORK'S CAUGHT IN A WINE BOTTLE

pants: SHOW US YOUR TITS

pants: YOU ALWAYS FEEL GOOD AFTER TAKING A SHOWER, WHY DON'T YOU DO IT MORE OFTEN deuce: I'M TOO LAZY TO EVEN ANSWER THAT QUESTION

pants: WHAT'S THE DIFF BETWEEN SHROVE MONDAY AND SHROVE TUESDAY pants: DO I REALLY HAVE TO BE SHIRTLESS FOR BOTH deuce: ANSWER: EXACTLY ONE DAY pants: SEEMS KINDA UNFAIR

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO INTEGRATE THROUGHOUT YOUR VOLUME deuce: TO CALCULATE YOUR MOMENT OF INERTIA deuce: (AROUND A SPECIFIED AXIS) deuce: SO HOLD STILL pants: UH pants: OKAY pants: HOPING FOR A BLOWJOB deuce: NO TALKING pants: CAN I SMOKE deuce: (PAUSE) deuce: YEAH I SUPPOSE (SHUFFLING SOUNDS DOWN BELOW)

deuce: I RESPECT YOU AS A THING THAT I WISH TO FUCK pants: SO AN OBJECT deuce: SHUSH, THING I WISH TO FUCK

deuce: SHUT UP atandt: BLEAT

spigot: SHUT UP spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP spigot: SHUT YOUR MOUTH spigot: FUCKING SHUT YOUR FAT FAGGOT MOUTH spigot: SERIOUSLY I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP

pants: SHUT UP!!!!!!! pants: UHH WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS pants: NO THAT'S RIGHT: SHUT UP

pants: NOW YOU GOT THE JUICE spigot: T PANTS I WOULD RATHER MAKE AN EFFORT TO DO WITHOUT THE JUICE PLEASE

pants: I AM DYING pants: SLOWLY BUT SURELY deuce: THEN SHUT UP ALREADY AND FEDEX YOUR DICKS TO ME

deuce: PEOPLE SHUT UP AND CONCENTRATE ON THIS KNOB spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: DFDFD spigot: SPIGOT LEAVES

pants: I'M AN EGG CARTON deuce: I AM WRAPPING YOU CAREFULLY AND DROPPING YOU FROM A TALL BUILDING IN SOME SORT OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SCIENCE EXPERIMENT pants: ALL I KNOW IS WHEN YOU GO TO DIG ME UP IN TEN YEARS YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND ME deuce: SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL

spigot: SOMEBODY BETTER TELL MY NUTS TO SHUT UP spigot: STOP TALKING spigot: SHUT UP NUTS SERIOUSLY PEOPLE ARE LOOKING spigot: I WILL NOT spigot: SHUT UP spigot: NO YOU DO spigot: YOU DO

spigot: AND I'M LIKE "YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT" BUT IT WON'T SHUT UP

spigot: ARE WE REALLY STILL MAKING KEYBOARDS WHERE ONE KEY IS SPECIFICALLY FOR SHUTTING DOWN BY ACCIDENT deuce: THIS IS THEWAY OF THE WORLD deuce: SAY SOMETHINGDIPSHIT spigot: WEIGH INWITH YOUR TWO GODDAMN CENTS deuce: SOUND OFFIN THE COMMENTS spigot: CAST YOUR VOTE***NOW**** deuce: DO YOU***LITERALLY***SUCK DICKS spigot: ARE YOU APETER PUFFER pants: I DON'TUSE COMPUTERS

spigot: SHYNESS IS NICE spigot: AND / SHYNESS CAN STOP YOU spigot: FROM LICKING ALL THE DICKS IN LIFE / YOU'D LIKE TO spigot: BAM BAM SIR IN THE NEXT STALL ARE YOU CATCHING MY DRIFT deuce: FURRRRRP spigot: BIGMOUTH IS STRIKING AGAIN spigot: IF IT'S NOT LOVE spigot: THEN IT'S THE DONG / THE DONG / THE DONG / THE DONG

spigot: CAN I INTEREST YOU GENTLEMEN IN SOME SICK BEATS: spigot: NVM DEAD BATT

pants: FISH CANNOT CARRY GUNS deuce: THAT'S DEBATABLE !!!!!!!!!! pants: I'LL BE TROFF AND YOU BE NROFF AND WE'LL BOTH BE FAGS deuce: I WILL NOT BE A PART OF YOUR SICK LITTLE GAMES !!! pants: T DEUCE TROFF OR NROFF PICK ONE (ODDLY PERSISTANT) deuce: BLHABLHLABHALBHALBLHBALBHL PISSING AND SHITTING HIMSELF FROM THE STRESS

: MISSING SINCE AUGUST 17 2003 : HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FAG

spigot: TRYING TO CRITIQUE THIS CHARDONNAY HERE spigot: IS PEE THE SAME THING AS PISS

spigot: I'LL JUST HAVE TO CHOKE IT SIDEWAYS/EDGEWISE I SUPPOSE spigot: H spigot: U spigot: G spigot: A spigot: K spigot: L spigot: G spigot: U deuce: BRAVO

deuce: SUDDEN INFANT DIARRHEA SYNDROME spigot: ASKING YOU POLITELY TO LOOK FOR WORMSIGN

spigot: I AM TRYING TO BREATHE OVER HERE spigot: FOR THE LOVE OF FATNESS

spigot: _PACKAGE FOR MISTER FACE_ dick: THPETHIAL DELIVERY

: (theme music plays) deuce: I'M A HOLE deuce: WAITING TO BE FILLED deuce: BUT WITH WHAT ?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? deuce: SIGN MY GUESTBOOK AND TELL ME pants: CAN THE CHATTER AND HELP ME DIG THIS TUNNEL WILL YA pants: IF THE HACKS CATCH US IT'S THE HOLE FOR SURE pants: HELP ME I HAVE BEEN CRAMMED AND JAMMED INTO A PRISON BREAK FLICK

atandt: WHERE DO I SIGN UP? deuce: FOR DICKS ?? atandt: NO deuce: FOR DICKS THEN atandt: NO deuce: LET'S KISS (OPEN MOUTHED) atandt: OK YES atandt: YOU WORE ME DOWN deuce: WHOO

spigot: LEARN TO SPOT THE SIGNS OF GROOMING LIKE THIS MOVE WHERE I YANK YOUR SKIRT UP OVER YOUR HEAD

spigot: I'M GOING TO VISUALLY INSPECT MY BALLS FOR SIGNS OF VERBAL ABUSE deuce: THERE'S A CREASE deuce: AND A TUCK deuce: WOW THESE BALLS SURE HAVE BEEN YELLED AT SOMETHING AWFUL

spigot: SILENCE WHILE I TAKE THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK spigot: HURRRRRRRNG ALMOST spigot: SPLOOSH spigot: NEXT SHOW: 3:30PM

spigot: SILENT NUTS spigot: HOLY NUTS

spigot: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PLEASE WELCOME THE BAY AREA'S GREATEST IMPROV TROUPES!!!!!!!!! SILICON CRACKERS spigot: YOU PEOPLE DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW HOW MANY ENGINEERS IT TAKES TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB spigot: WHO THREW THAT

deuce: T SPIGOT LET'S GO TO THE SILICON VALLEY LINUX USERS GROUP MEETING AND JERK EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY (THEREBY GETTING KICKED OUT) spigot: OR ASKED TO SPEAK

spigot: IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY YOU CAN HEAR GIGGLING AND LAUGHING AND GENERAL HOLIDAY MERRIMENT COMING FROM MY TROUSERS spigot: CLOSELY = PUSH YOUR FACE AND EARS INTO MY TROUSERS

spigot: SIMILARLY I DON'T GIVE A SHIT

deuce: SIMON DIDN'T SAY MASTURBATE TO PREGGERS BUT I'M DOING JUST THAT NEVERTHELESS

spigot: IF I HAVE FIVE DONGS AND MY FRIEND DEUCE ASKS FOR TWO DONGS... spigot: ...HOW MANY DONGS DO I HAVE LEFT?!?!? spigot: ANSWER: FIVE deuce: YOU SELFISH PRICK

pants: ARE YOU MY CHILD PROCESS

spigot: when cj cregg did the jackal she diminished the office of the presidency, and there is simply nothing more to be said about it spigot: fucking big bird

deuce: DROWNING IN IT (PALMOLIVE) spigot: THAT'S CLEVER

pants: HOLD MY HAND WHILE I POO deuce: BUT YOU'RE SIMULTANEOUSLY JERKING OFF

spigot: DEAR STEVE CASE!! I HAVE BEEN AN AOL MEMBER FOR THREE DAYS!!! BUT MY SOUTH PARK SOUNDS ARE BROKEN/DON'T PLAY spigot: STALKING THE DOG SHIT AND REALLY KEEPING AN EYE ON IT / FACE IN IT pants: MY LAVA LAMP TOLD ME TO SHOOT THE NEIGHBORS (AND TO SMOKE POT, SIT AROUND) deuce: BETTER DO THE ONE THING FIRST OR YOU'LL NEVER GET AROUND TO IT pants: THE UNIVERSE EXPLODED

pants: GAY WIENERS / GAY WIENERS pants: SING WITH ME pants: BELCH deuce: NOT REALLY SINGING, MUTTERING WITH BOREDOM

: Jerkcity 2018 Annual Report will be delayed this year due to rain. pants: SING WITH ME deuce: WHAT ARE WE SINGING deuce: WIENERS AND BALLS / WIENERS AND BALLS pants: MY ORIGINAL PREMISE WAS FAULTY: NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR US SING

spigot: T DEUCE PLINK PLONK BOING ZOING SING WITH ME deuce: T SPIGOT YEE HAW LINE DANCING

spigot: NIGHT AND DAY spigot: I'M LICKING DICK spigot: WHETHER FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR spigot: OR spigot: UNDER A PRICK pants: CAN I HAVE CHANGE FOR THE BUS

spigot: DUH LA LA SINGING AND PRANCING spigot: AIDS SYMPTOMS????????? spigot: HOMPH HOMPH NOW I'M JUST DYING

atandt: ARE YOU EXPERIENCED atandt: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN EXPERIENCED atandt: WELL I HAVE atandt: I KNOW I KNOW YOU'LL PROBABLY SCREAM AND CRY atandt: THAT YOUR LITTLE WORLD WON'T LET YOU GO atandt: BUT WHO IN YOUR MEASLY LITTLE WORLD atandt: ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE TO THAT YOU'RE NOT MADE OUT OF GOLD atandt: AND CAN'T BE SOLD atandt: SO atandt: UH atandt: ARE YOU EXPERIENCED

pants: SINGLE DONG THEORY deuce: EXCELLENT

pants: MILLIONS OF DICKS MAKING THEIR WAY THROUGH THIS WEARY WORLD spigot: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SINGLE FILE PLEASE

: INIT: SINGLE USER MODE ozone: BALLS???????????????? deuce: T OZONE INDEED pants: I VOTE BALLS

pants: IN THE BEGINNING pants: THE LORD MADE THE EARTH pants: THE HEAVENS THE HILLS AND THE SEAS pants: THEN HE CREATED THE SUN AND THE STARS pants: AND HIS ROTTEN SON SIR FAGSALOT CAME DOWN HERE TO SUCK COCK deuce: THE END pants: SO WE STUCK HIM UP ON A POST OR SOMETHING pants: ACTUALLY HE ALREADY CAME BACK ONCE pants: BUT WE BURNED HIM UP AT WACO (THAT'LL TEACH HIM)

spigot: SIR I AM NOT AN ASHTRAY spigot: OOF URF OKAY MAYBE I AM deuce: ATTITUDE

pants: COCKS ??? atandt: DICKS !!! pants: WHAT ??? NO !!! COCKS atandt: SIR I MUST INSIST: DICKS pants: NO NO I PROTEST: COCKS atandt: DICKS OVER COCKS pants: COCKS INSTEAD OF DICKS??? OUTRAGOUS atandt: MY GOOD MAN pants: COME WITH ME atandt: MY GOD MAN

spigot: YOU ALL GO ON AHEAD, THE PRIVATE AND I ARE GOING TO JERK OFF spigot: AREN'T WE PRIVATE pants: SIR YES SIR

deuce: WINDOWS NT PEOPLE spigot: THAT STANDS FOR NICE TITS deuce: WRONG-O spigot: YOU SPELLED "YES SIR" INCORRECTLY deuce: YES SIR

pants: SIR YOUR TONGUE IS MUCH TOO MUCH TOO MUCH TOO CLOSE deuce: AHHHHHHH pants: SIR YOUR TONGUE IS MUCH TOO MUCH TOO MUCH TOO CLOSE deuce: AHHHHHHH pants: SIR YOUR TONGUE IS MUCH TOO MUCH TOO MUCH TOO CLOSE deuce: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pants: CAN WE PLEASE WANG deuce: NO pants: I BEG OF YOU deuce: NEGATIVE pants: THEN LET ME SPURT UP THE NEIGHBORS deuce: WELL OKAY

spigot: SISSIFYMYTINYCAGEDPRICK.COM WOULD LIKE TO SEND YOU NOTIFICATIONS. spigot: IF I'M SUPPOSED TO STAY AWAKE ANY LATER THAN THIS THESE DAYS I NEED A NEW DEALER pants: YOU MEAN LIKE AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH DEALER OR A ROUND TABLE PIZZA DEALER spigot: I GUESS I MEAN MY LOCAL COMIC BOOK DEALER pants: HE’S SAYING WHAT WE’RE ALL THINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: T PANTS THE _ENTERPRISE_ JUST WATCHED HER SISTER SHIP _YAMATO_ EXPLODE pants: T DEUCE ACTIVATE PHOTON TORPEDOES spigot: DO YOU DARE ME TO CRANK CALL THE NEUTRAL ZONE

spigot: RELATIVELY CERTAIN I HAVE NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE deuce: WELL THEN SIT BACK !!!!!!!!!! AND GLABGLBAHLHBLGAH GBLBAGHLHBGALH GHGABLHAGLBH HELP HALBGBLH GABLGAHBLG HBLHG

pants: FUCK YES pants: LOST IN THE WOODS AGAIN pants: I'LL JUST SIT UP AND PUCKER

pants: S-S-S-SPIGOT'S GARAGE CODE ???? OH BOY pants: STRAIGHT TO HOME DEPOT TO BUY A GREEN GARDEN HOSE AND A TARP pants: HLAHGLU HALUAG SPIT DUH SPIT SPIT WHAT THE HELL HAULGHL AUGHLUAHLHLA HLAG SOME KIND OF UNLICKABLE DICK HLAGHLAHLHLUAG SO MUCH FOR THAT GAHULGUAHLAG

pants: BELL pants: BIV pants: DEVOE

deuce: T PANTS I'M KILLING YOU, MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT YOU, THEN KILLING MYSELF pants: T DEUCE MAKE EPISODES 4, 5 AND 6 FIRST AND THEN GO BACK TO DO 1, 2, 3

spigot: MY PRICK SAW ITS SHADOW TODAY!!!! SIX MORE WEEKS OF COCKSUCKING deuce: (LONG, DEEP, ANNOYED EXHALE) HEAVEN ISN'T REAL pants: YES IT IS pants: IT'S THE FEW SECONDS BETWEEN NO OXYGEN TO THE BRAIN AND NOTHINGNESS deuce: WHEN THE BUGS CRAWL IN AND TAKE OVER

deuce: I HAVE NOT GOTTEN AN ERECTION IN SIX YEARS dick: LUCKY YOU

spigot: :notes: ya lick sixteen dicks / and whaddya get spigot: honorable mention????? spigot: a certificate of participation ???? spigot: a teachable moment ???????? deuce: a trip to Hell (Romans 1)

spigot: WHAT ARE ALL THESE MOTORIZED SKATEBOARDS DOING AT A JEWISH KINDERGARTEN ?? spigot: HAVEN'T THERE BEEN ENOUGH SHUL SCOOTINGS

deuce: LOVE ME TENDER pants: HOLD STILL THEN spigot: MAY I PLAY pants: SKIP AND DANCE WITH US spigot: PRANCING AS FAST AS I CAN

spigot: I'M LEAVING spigot: FORGOT MY PURSE

spigot: LOOK OVER THERE!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: SLAM spigot: FORGOT MY PURSE!!!!!!! spigot: SLAM

spigot: SLAM THE CAR DOOR ON MY BONER SO I WON'T BE GAY deuce: JERKING

bung: T DEUCE SLAP MY COCK PLEASE deuce: IF I'M A COCK THEN EAT ME FI deuce: CASE UP THE NUTS ) CHEW IT ;; ESAC bung: YOU ARE A TRUE FUCKING FAGGOT

deuce: GRAB YOUR ANKLES PEOPLE IT'S THE DEUCE spigot: T DEUCE CAN I HAVE AN ALLOWANCE deuce: BYE FAGGOT

hanford: HERE WE GO PEOPLE hanford: QUIET ON THE SET deuce: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM pants: I'M HOPING FOR THE SLASHDOT EFFECT ON MY MOUTH, FACE pants: PLEASE RESTRAIN ME HAUGLHALGHALHGLUAHLA ALL AT ONCE deuce: POUNDING/POKING hanford: CUT

pants: bugs down inside my wiener deuce: wiener bugs - I know those pants: should we die fighting them or just give up deuce: quietly exit pants: slide down the firepole

pants: DO YOU HAVE A SLIDE RULE deuce: YES !!!! A ROUND ONE BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE COOLEST deuce: LOGARITHMS ARE HARD pants: I DON'T HAVE ONE MYSELF BUT I HEAR THEY REALLY DRESS UP THE PANTS/BELT AREA

deuce: I AM THE BIGGEST SLIDERS FAN EVER atandt: JESUS GOD I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE INTELLIGENT AGENT TECHNOLOGY IN OFFICE 2000 pants: DANCING PAPER CLIPS CHASING ME, FORCED TO RECANT MY EARLIER TESTIMONY atandt: CLICK BEEP BOOP 1 MEG OF 2.6 GIGS INSTALL BEEP BEEP CLICK DELETE deuce: NO I MEANT TO TYPE COCKS

spigot: PROUD TO SAY I JUST CALLED SOMEONE A DUMB DONG (EDITED) deuce: YOU'RE A SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE DONG deuce: I WOULDN'T CALL YOU "DUMB" deuce: OKAY RENTING AND WATCHING "DETERRENCE" WITH KEVIN POLLAK FOR NO GOOD REASON AT ALL

spigot: AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DARES SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM?

deuce: I'M DICKWORTHY dick: GUESS AGAIN, PRINCESS

deuce: I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD deuce: MAYBE I SHOULD STOP DRINKING SCHNAPPS AT LUNCH

pants: WHOSE PISS BUCKET IS THIS (SLOSHING, SPLASHING) deuce: T PANTS THAT'S ANOTHER PHOTO OF A FLOWER pants: DROPS BUCKET

deuce: my dong rates 21 gigaflops deuce: insert slot P into tab V deuce: if you continuously integrate my balls, I will continuously deploy on your face

deuce: WHAT ARE YOU WEARING pants: A DRESS deuce: FUCK YES

spigot: SPLURK SPLORK PLOP ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND DRESS YOU STUPID BITCH spigot: HURF HRBRGRBLHRGLPFTH deuce: SLOW DOWN YOU'LL WASTE IT ALL

deuce: I could sure go for some jerk off instruction right now (because I never learned how) pants: Does it come in a bottle or is it a fountain drink deuce: sorry I only respond to the pronouns _fuck_ and _you_ spigot: as long as that instruction shows me what I'm supposed to do with my hands spigot: um SLOW DOWN lady

spigot: i think wifi is slow today cause of all the toilet paper and wet wipes