uncredited caveman: AHGLBLAGUHLHBA LUHALBGALUGHLBHAG ALGH BLAG HALG BNAG LIHAGL BLGIUHLABGG uncredited caveman: BLOGOSPHERE uncredited caveman: LAGIHALGNBALIGYHALHALI ALGIH KAGY HLAHL HAG HLAUGHU LAHLG HLAGH LUG AG HULAHGUL HULAGHULAHGLAG

deuce: CUT TO US SITTING ALONE, NOT SAYING ANYTHING, SLOWLY DYING INSIDE deuce: YOU CAN'T SEE THE DYING INSIDE BUT IT'S IMPLIED BY THE CINEMATOGRAPHY

spigot: FOR WANT OF A BEATOFF THE DOPE WAS LOST pants: SLOWLY FILLING UP HER MOUTH WITH PISS

pants: HELLO pants: I AM BEING SLOWLY ROTATED spigot: IF ANYONE CAN HEAR ME pants: MAXIMUM OCCUPANCY REACHED spigot: MY FEET AREN'T EVEN TOUCHING THE GROUND I DON'T THINK

spigot: YOU'RE CORDIALLY INVITED... spigot: (OPEN CARD) spigot: TO SUCK COCK pants: WHAT WILL I WEAR

pants: WITH VANGELIS DEAD WHO WILL MAKE THE SOUNDTRACK FOR EITHER OF THE COMPETING BONEQUEST DOCUMENTARIES???????????? deuce: THERE ARE THREE pants: I ONLY KNOW OF _A LIFETIME OF HLUGAHLUGAULAG_ AND _WHATEVER HAPPENED TO RANDS?_ deuce: THERE'S ALSO _SLURPING AND DROOLING AND HURRRR: THE TRUE STORY OF BONEQUEST_ pants: ONE OF THOSE IS A CHEAP KNOCKOFF BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH ONE

spigot: TRYING TO ADMIRE MY OWN HARDON spigot: I THOUGHT A DINGUS WAS A SMALL PADDLE BOAT

.(deuce): I'M THINKING DICKS spigot: I'M THINKING FALAFEL WITH FAGS AND A LARGE SPRITE spigot: SMALL SPRITE

spigot: TELL DIR "OPEN" spigot: FOR FILE = 1 TO NUMFILES OF LIST OF CONTAINER OF FOLDER "DUH" spigot: I NEED A SNICKERS deuce: HUG YO BALLS

deuce: OTISBERG

spigot: {{{{ SMART }}}}} THERMOSTATS spigot: I'M BORED / TURN THE TV ON / WIPE MY KNOBS spigot: {{{{{ SMART }}}}} TV spigot: HERE'S YOU BEATING OFF ON THURSDAY (ALL SCREENS THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE)

pants: MY SOFT WHITE UNDERBELLY IS SMEARED WITH FILTH

deuce: I WANT OUT pants: I CANNOT LET YOU OUT deuce: YOU DO NOT OWN ME pants: ACTUALLY I DO (READ THE FINE PRINT OF THE LETTER YOU JUST SIGNED) deuce: I CANNOT (IT IS SMEARED WITH YOUR SHIT)

pants: sound off effigy: mmm deuce: mmm yeah pants: ooh boy pants: christ mmmmm deuce: smearing

: pants (left); spigot the motherfuckin' bear (right) pants: I WILL BE THE SERIAL RAPIST AND YOU WILL BE THE JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRL AND THE REST OF YOU SMILE AND TAKE PICTURES spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE FARTS BUT NOT FOR THE INSPIRIATIONAL MESSAGE I INTENDED FOR THEM TO DELIVER

deuce: :-O pants: I WANT TO RIP YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND PISS ON YOUR TITS deuce: :-|

pants: PRINTING AN 24X18 PICTURE OF MYSELF, FRAMING IT, SIGNING IT WITH A SILVER PEN, WRAPPING IT, MERRY CHRISTMAS pants: SMILING, THUMBS UP spigot: PLAY WITH IT AND BEND IT

spigot: THE THOMPSON TWINS SALAD SET??? THE THOMPSON TONGS IN THE SHAPE OF THE GUY AND WHAT'S HER NAME???? AND THE BLACK GUY'S THE PEPPER GRINDER??????? SMOKE DOPE WITH ME PEOPLE I'M MAKING MONEY FA$T!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: THIS IS DEUCE AIRLINES 142, DECLARING PAN PAN PAN, WE HAVE SMOKE IN THE COCKPIT AND DIARRHEA IN MY SHORTS deuce: SAN FRANCISCO TOWER, THIS IS DEUCE AIRLINES 142, NOW DECLARING AN EMERGENCY, MY SHORTS HAVE BREACHED I REPEAT MY SHORTS HAVE BREACHED deuce: WE HAVE DIARRHEA IN THE COCKPIT

spigot: LOOK AT YOU !!!! YOUR FACE IS A TOTAL DISGRACE... spigot: ...TO MY BALLS !!!! WELL UP PERISCOPE I GUESS spigot: TIME TO FLIP OVER TO THE TV !!!! LET'S SEE WHAT'S ON !!!! spigot: MUST SEE TV spigot: GAYS ON SKATES spigot: FAT GUY TALKING spigot: BABYLON 5 spigot: TWO FAT GUYS TALKING spigot: GAYS ON ICE deuce: YOU'VE BEEN SMOKING DOPE AGAIN spigot: GOLDEN GIRLS

spigot: t deuce may i speak with you spigot: i'm going to put my face right here just slightly above this paper plate full of dogshit spigot: and i ask that you please do n deuce: SMOOSH spigot: nvm deuce: here to help spigot: some kinds of help are the kinds of help we all could do withou deuce: SMOOSH spigot: k

pants: IS THIS GRAND THEFT AUTO OR ANIMAL CROSSING ???? EITHER WAY I CONFUSE IT WITH MANHUNT AND TRY TO SLOWLY STRANGLE YOU WITH A BAG pants: MY MINIGAME OF "SMOOSH THE PEOPLE I THINK ARE PROSTITUTES THEN DRIVE AWAY" SOON BECOMES "RUN FROM THE POLICE" AND MAN ALIVE I CAN DO THAT FOR HOURS pants: TOO MUCH COFFEE (A LITTLE DIZZY, A LITTLE TIRED)

atandt: T DEUCE YOU WILL BE MY SMOOTH BUDDY deuce: T ATANDT I'M IGNORING THAT deuce: I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT A SMOOTH BUDDY IS deuce: BUT IT'S PRETTY CLEAR IT CAN'T BE GOOD atandt: WEAR THIS

pants: LIKE CRAZY pants: WITH THE POKING AND THE CHOKING AND THE HEY WAIT A MINUTE pants: WHAT'S WITH THE SMOOTH FONTS pants: WHAT THE FUCK SON pants: HULALAHLUGHLAG SUCKING THEM ALL ANYWAY HUALGHLUAHLAG

hanford: YOU'RE ON pants: RICH CHOCOLATE pants: CREAMY CARAMEL pants: SMOOTH NOUGAT pants: CAT HAIR pants: DOES BEETLE BAILEY HAVE DAYS LIKE THESE pants: STRANGE DAYS INDEED pants: MY FACE IS STUCK LIKE THIS pants: PISSING ON A MOP, WALKING AWAY pants: BIG FAGGOTY DICK III DELAYED DUE TO RAIN pants: RED BULL, BONGWATER pants: AND CUT I'LL BE OUTSIDE SMOKING hanford: YOU DON'T SAY CUT I SAY CUT

deuce: GALGHAGHAGLBHGLUBHGLBUAHBUAHBHLGDBHDLHLUDBHBLGUBLBUGHB GHLGHBG deuce: NOTICE HOW IT TRANSFORMED SUBTLY spigot: I WILL LICK IT spigot: BUT I WILL NOT LIKE IT deuce: LIAR spigot: BLUGHGHGHLUGH I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON

pants: SYMANTEC SHOULD HAVE NEVER HALTED ITS DISCOUNT PROGRAM WITH THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION pants: THAT REALLY ACTIVATED MY ALMONDS pants: PLEASE STAND BY WHILE I RECEIVE AN URGENT NOTIFICATION FROM THE SHORT MESSAGING SERVICE BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BOOP :text: IF YOU'RE STUCK IN A TOILET pants: ASLK;DJF

deuce: <SNAP BACK> OH THIS IS FACEBOOK NOT VIDEOBOX

spigot: SOMEONE TAKE THE SONG-WRITING QUILL OUT OF MADONNA'S HAND AND GIVE HER AN INSIDE-OUT BRASSIERE AND SHOVE HER BACK IN THE DICKLICKING ROOM ALREADY!!!!!!!!! I MEAN WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE

pants: GLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLK pants: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN THIS PANEL

spigot: IT'S A BIRD spigot: IT'S A WHEELCHAIR spigot: WHO PUSHED MR. REEVE OFF THE SPACE NEEDLE

dick: HA HA REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU GUYS TOOK ME OUT IN THE WOODS ON A SNIPE HUNT ??? AND WE RAN AROUND LOOKING FOR SNIPES AND THEN YOU SAID YOU CAUGHT ONE AND I SAID LET ME SEE IT AND YOU ALL SURPRISED ME WITH RAPE pants: OH GOD I LEFT THE SNIPE IN THE BASEMENT !!! I FORGOT TO FEED IT TODAY !!! DICK, COME DOWN HERE WITH ME AND OH CRAP THE LIGHTS DON'T WORK OH WELL FOLLOW ME CLOSELY pants: DOWN WE GO

spigot: PLAY THE SNL CLOSING THEME AS EVERYONE BEATS OFF AT EACH OTHER

atandt: I'M A SNOWBALL pants: T DEUCE I SAW HIM FIRST deuce: T PANTS I GOT DIBS

spigot: snoot boops but with a dong

spigot: OF DONGS AND BONGS HOW CAN ONE MAN LICK DICK?!?! spigot: HELLO????? spigot: I AM THE SNOW NINJA deuce: GHGHGH pants: YOUR HONOR THE CONTRACT BETWEEN THIS 'UN AND ME THAT IS I THAT IS ME deuce: OBJECTION spigot: FOX PRESENTS WHEN COMMERCIALS ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WAIT A MINUTE spigot: THESE ARE JUST spigot: STOPPING VCR deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH SIMPLY CUDDLING INSTEAD OF HORRIBLE ANAL RAPE deuce: MY CONTRACTIONS ARE NOW ONE MINUTE APART pants: OUT OF SPACE

pants: LET'S MAKE A SNUFF FILM deuce: COOL

deuce: I FEEL SO ALONE deuce: TALK TO ME spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP spigot: I'LL BET SIOUXSIE SIOUX HAS NEVER EVEN USED CODEWARRIOR

atandt: WHO IS UP FOR SOME ASSHOPPING deuce: BUH atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: SO AM I

deuce: MY TITS ARE ALL-AMERICAN pants: WEIRD: SO ARE MY BALLS deuce: LIES pants: NO CHECK IT OUT: GO ON deuce: ALL LIES pants: GET ON IN THERE pants: G'ON deuce: I KNOW I'M RIGHT I DON'T NEED TO PROVE IT pants: G'ON

pants: SO ANYWAY THERE I WAS IN THE CONGO, LICKING SILVERBACK GORILLA DICK atandt: ISN'T THIS JUST A REGULAR ASS PARADE pants: THIS FEELS LIKE AN EXTRA FANCY PARADE atandt: I WAS SO BORED I WENT INTO THE LIVING ROOM FOR DJFISTY COMEDY atandt: IT WAS LIKE WATCHING CATS PLAY POOL

pants: SO CAN I HAVE IT LIKE THAT deuce: YES YOU CAN

pants: IT'S COLD THIS MORNING pants: BUT NOT TOO COLD FOR BEATING OFF (DISCO BALL LOWERS FROM CEILING, MUSIC PLAYS)

deuce: HOLD ME deuce: I AM SO COLD deuce: INSIDE deuce: MY SOUL IS COLD deuce: SO COLD

pants: THIS IS SO COOL pants: OH GOD IMPALED ON A FENCE

deuce: JERK COMPLETE spigot: NO WONDER I WAS SO DEPRESSED FOR FIVE MINUTES

deuce: MY VAGINA IS DRY deuce: WAIT I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA

deuce: NO POOPS SO FAR

deuce: TOUCH MY DICK deuce: I SAID TOUCH IT deuce: WHY AREN'T YOU TOUCHING IT

deuce: why did you deadname my balls pants: ahem deadname is my slave name deuce: weird, it's my porn name

bung: IT HURTS deuce: I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE bung: MY CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM HAS FAILED deuce: I'M FUCKING YOUR ASS

pants: SO GAY atandt: SOOOO GAY pants: SOOOOOOOOOO GAY atandt: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GAY pants: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GAY atandt: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

deuce: (SQUEAKY, SHEEPISH) deuce: SO WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT US MOVING IN TOGETHER deuce: MAYBE WE COULD PLAY TUGBOAT GAMES spigot: WE SHOULD POST A PIC OF US IN THE TUB ON TUMBLR!!!! WITH SUDS spigot: GREETINGS FROM JERKC-- BONEQUEST *BEEP!* deuce: SO GAY IT HURTS deuce: SERIOUSLY IT HURTS spigot: LIKE WE'RE SIBLINGS AND MOM TOOK IT deuce: TOTALLY INNOCENT BUT YET NAKED AND WET AND SOAPY

spigot: IF YOU'RE SO GREAT THEN WHERE'S A LINK TO YOUR NUDES

pants: HUHHHHHHHHHH pants: I JERKED OFF SO HARD FOR SO LONG THAT I HURT MY NECK pants: AND SO IT GOES

deuce: WHY AM I SO HARD RIGHT NOW deuce: UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE

spigot: WHY ARE FORKS SO HEAVY OH RIGHT I'M OLD spigot: WHO PRINTS THIS SHIT SO SMALL OH RIGHT I'M DYING spigot: SOMEONE SHOULD MAKE THE FLOOR NOT ON MY FACE ALL THE TIME OKAY I GET IT

deuce: I'M SO HIGH I CAN SEE GOD deuce: AND HE DOES NOT APPROVE

pants: AND A ONE AND A TWO AND A : PANTS SAYS, "HI FAGS" : SPIGOT HEARS, "MURF BURF"

spigot: I AM SO GAY RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER COME DOWN spigot: WELL OFF TO THE TOILET spigot: I SAID *OFF TO THE TOILET*

pants: AM TOLD THE NUN-RAPING SCENE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AROUSING pants: WHY DID THEY MAKE IT SO HOT THEN

pants: SO ANYWAY I LIKE DICK AND THAT'S THAT pants: I THINK YOU KNOW ALL YOU NEED KNOW ABOUT ME deuce: FINE pants: I DIDN'T WANT TO GO INTO THIS BUT HERE IT IS deuce: YOU GET SO HUFFY WHEN IT COMES TO THE DICKS

pants: I AM MAKING YOU A POOL (SQUATTING, THRUSTING) pants: COULD ONE OF YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A BOOST SO I CAN BETTER STALK FIONA APPLE atandt: T PANTS YOU CAN'T SQUAT AND THRUST AT THE SAME TIME pants: T ATANDT ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

deuce: I'M NOT HEARING A YES ????? SO IT'S A YES deuce: SLAMS GAVEL DOWN deuce: HOLY JESUS JUST SAY YES (COCKS GUN)

deuce: I WOULD LIKE NOT TO BE TARPITTED pants: I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE (ON YOU) pants: SO MANY FAT BLACK DICKS pants: SO LITTLE TIME

spigot: THANKS FOR ALL THE MORNINGS OF NOTHING EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE MY FUCKING BONER spigot: IF WE WIN THE LOTTERY, WE'RE SPLITTING IT AND SAYING GOODBYE spigot: SO LONG FATTY

spigot: IF POINTS WERE AWARDED FOR DICKLICKING I WOULD HAVE SO MANY POINTS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: LOVE ME, LOVE MY DONG deuce: NO PROMISES deuce: YOUR DONG HAS WRONGED ME SO MANY TIMES (deuce): (QUIETLY) SO MANY TIMES

pants: PISSGATE spigot: WHERE IS THAT POSITIONED AMONG THE AND GATES, NOT GATES, OR GATES, NOT-OR GATES, XAND GATES, NAND GATES AND AYN RAND GATES pants: UNCLEAR (CLOUDY) spigot: MUST HAVE A CLEAN DICKLICKING RECORD spigot: SO MANY WAYS TO READ THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: SUCKING SO MUCH DICK MY WATCH THINKS I RAN A 5K

deuce: SO MUCH DICK deuce: DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE IT, JUST LET IT GO BY deuce: OTHERWISE IT WILL DESTROY OUR CIVILIZATION

spigot: TRYING TO HIDE OPEN WINDOWS OF PORN ACROSS FIVE MONITORS spigot: HURF HUH DON'T COME IN spigot: TAPING PAPER spigot: BE RIGHT THERE URF GONK

spigot: T DEUCE REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED UP IN ONLINE WEBZINE FORMAT deuce: I DON'T GET IT spigot: WEB = WORLD WIDE WEB, ZINE = MAGAZINE spigot: FORMAT = FORMAT THE INTERNET SO NOBODY CAN USE IT

deuce: 9.72E+09 BYTES deuce: THAT'S A LOT OF PORN pants: IT HAD TO USE THE E !!!!!!! OH GOD pants: THAT MEANS HIGHER THAN 999 deuce: NO E IS SIMPLY THE SQUARE ROOT OF PI SHOVED UP MY ASS pants: DOES IT HURT UP THERE pants: WITH THE - BEING SO POINTY AND ALL deuce: THE RADICAL SIGN IS REALLY QUITE FRANKLY UNCOMFORTABLE deuce: BUT WE ALL HAVE OUR CROSSES TO BEAR pants: I HAVE MUCH TO LEARN

pants: I'M PRETTY deuce: NO YOU'RE NOT

spigot: I'M SO PROFOUNDLY EMBARRASSED FOR OUR SOLAR SYSTEM

spigot: HERE'S DORKY spigot: PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN QUEER spigot: LIVING ON DICK deuce: WUH

pants: HTTPS://WWW.GOOGLE.COM/SEARCH?Q="SUCH+IS+THE+WIND+BLOWN+LIFE+OF+A+SAILOR" deuce: I'M SO SICK OF YOUR SELF-INDULGENT SHIT deuce: I MEAN GOOD MORNING deuce: "ALEXA, GIVE ME SOME JERKOFF INSTRUCTION."

deuce: WANGITUDINAL (IT'S LIKE LONGITUDINAL BUT DIFFERENT)

pants: SORRY I BEAT OFF ALL OVER YOUR JPEGS

spigot: SON OF A deuce: DICKS

deuce: WHY AM I SO TIRED TODAY spigot: YOU LICKED TWO DICKS BEFORE YOU LICKED TWO DICKS, AND THEN YOU LICKED TWO DICKS AGAIN spigot: OBJECTION YOUR HONOR spigot: GAVEL GAVEL GAVEL THE WITNESS WILL LICK DICKS

spigot: T DEUCE SO TRUE OR FALSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE GAY TOGETHER deuce: T SPIGOT UH deuce: T SPIGOT LET ME GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT

deuce: GAHGLAGHLGHALGH DON'T HIT ME spigot: WHORRRRRPTLKGHJ spigot: I AM SO SORRY deuce: GAHGLAGHLGHALG

pants: I'M COLD* : *CONTINUED FROM LAST ISSUE pants: TURN UP THE HEAT atandt: SHUT UP atandt: I MEAN YEAH IT'S COLD pants: SO COLD

pants: (BOOMING GOD VOICE) THOU SHALT NOT WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS (ESPECIALLY GREEN MUPPETS) deuce: BUT KERMIT IS SO FUCKABLE pants: JUST DON'T WORSHIP THEM (BOOMING HEARD THROUGHOUT THE LAND) deuce: BY FUCKABLE I MEAN YOU CAN REALLY SLIDE IT IN AND THE FABRIC WILL TEAR AND THERE'S NOT MUCH HE CAN DO ABOUT IT pants: YUP (STILL GOD VOICE)

pants: TIRED pants: SO VERY VERY TIRED pants: BARELY ABLE TO HEIL HITLER

spigot: WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME BEING FAT WAS SO GREAT

: An All-New Episode of Spigot the Bear starts right now! spigot: INSTALLATION ON "BALLS" CANNOT CONTINUE UNTIL THERE ARE PRICKS IN MY FACE!!!!!!! spigot: SO WORK WITH ME GANG

spigot: SURPRISE I HAVE A DICK 3 spigot: SO YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM 1 OR 2

spigot: THANKS FOR EMPOWERING ME TO SIT AND SOAK IN THIS PUDDLE OF FUCKHEADS

spigot: SOAKED WITH PISS IN JERKCITY pants: LEVEL ?? PANTS

spigot: SOAKED WITH PISS IN BONEQUEST

pants: THERE WAS NO HOME FOR THE TERROR BIRD pants: URINE SOAKED, FLAVORED OR OTHERWISE INFUSED deuce: I HAVE DISTILLED MY URINE INTO ITS FINEST COMPONENTS deuce: AMMONIA AND TEARS

pants: *SOB* ALL THOSE SMOOTH DEAD BOYS spigot: AND BURNING MAN REFUGEES

spigot: yeah i'm sober spigot: s.ucking spigot: o.n spigot: b.ig spigot: er.ections

spigot: I'M NOT GETTING ANY JIZZIER spigot: OR FATTER OR MORE UNPLEASANT spigot: SCRATCH THAT I JUST TOOK A DUMP DOWN MY PANT LEG INTO MY TUBE SOCKS pants: SOCCER PRACTICE