pants: BROADCAST MESSAGE FROM ROOT@JERKCITY deuce: HOLY CHRIST SIR net: OK LET'S ALL TOUCH DICKS pants: WE ALL LICK DICK deuce: JESUS deuce: AT THE SAME TIME OR JUST IN PAIRS net: ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL

pants: are we all god's children pants: can we not first peek into the gloryous hole to observe its contents

pants: ALL I WANT IS YOUR TORSO

spigot: IF I TAKE ALL THE LETTERS IN "JERKCITY" AND MIX THEM UP AND TAKE SOME OUT AND PUT NEW ONES I STILL NEED A SPONGE AND A MAP TO THE TOILET deuce: AND ALL I CAN SPELL IS P-A-I-N

spigot: ALL I CARE ABOUT IS FINISHING MY TINKLE HERE AT THE URINAL pants: I AM PORTING PRODOS TO THE COLLECOVISION

spigot: ALL I CARE ABOUT THESE DAYS IS MAKING SURE THE JERKCITY LOGO IS STILL IN THE SILICON VALLEY OPENING CREDITS

pants: BITE DOWN ON THE DICK pants: I'M ALL I HAVE IN THIS WORLD pants: DON'T LEAVE ME : Welcome back, pants.

pants: GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG pants: THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY pants: NOW BOTH OF YOU GO OUT AND PLAY pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGGH BASEMENT

pants: ALL I KNOW IS I CHOKE MY DONG LIKE IT WAS A NURSE OR A PROSTITUTE

pants: TRY TO BE GOOD TO ONE ANOTHER pants: MAKE LOVE NOT WAR pants: LICK NINE DICKS IN NINE MINUTES pants: HERE'S THE TRICK: SKIP THE DICKS YOU DON'T CARE FOR AND SPEND TIME WITH THE ONES THAT MATTER pants: ALL I LEARNED FROM LIFE I LEARNED FROM PANTS AT JERKCITY

pants: ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM SUCKING COCKS UNDER THE FREEWAY deuce: MURPHY'S LAW OF PIZZA #47: IT HURTS TO TAKE IT UP THE ASS

spigot: ALL I SAID WAS YOUR STUPID CASSEROLE LOOKS LIKE A SCHOOL SHOOTING

spigot: I CAN ONLY TAKE ONE GUEST TO THE NAKATOMI PLAZA CHRISTMAS PARTY

deuce: HEY LOOK AT ME I FELL DOWN AND NOW I'M BEING RAPED deuce: ALL I WANTED WAS MY BRA BACK deuce: MAN YOU WHITE PEOPLE SUCK spigot: HE'S HURTING ME WITH MY OWN PEPPER SPRAY HOLY GOD THE IRONY

atandt: ALL IN FAVOR OF LICKING SAY "I" spigot: I spigot: I atandt: SOMEONE'S STUFFING spigot: I spigot: I AM STRAIGHT OUT OF COMPTON

pants: EARLIER WHEN YOU CAUGHT ME BEATING OFF, THAT WAS JUST A JOKE I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND pants: I WAS PLAYING A PRANK (A PRACTICAL JOKE IF YOU WILL) AND IT WAS ALL IN GOOD FUN pants: FOR THE RECORD I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN pants: I'M SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE deuce: DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP!!!! pants: ARE THESE PLUMPERS FROM THE SUPERMARKET OR DID YOU GROW THEM IN YOUR GARDEN deuce: UNDEFINED

pants: IT'S NOT GAY IF YOU DO IT AT 9600 BAUD (OR HIGHER/LOWER) pants: GREASE MY ARM UP TO MY ELBOW (FOR SOME REASON) pants: WHERE'S SUPERMAN WHEN WE NEED HIM TO BEAT UP THE JAPANESE AND GERMANS pants: IT'S ALL IN THE GAME pants: CHOKING.DLL

spigot: SMOOSH IT ALL INTO MY MOUTH PLEASE spigot: NO AIR

pants: ADVENTURES IN COCKSUCKING!!!!!!! pants: (DICKLICKING) pants: HLGAHULGHUALG pants: GHLAGHULAHGLG pants: BLGUGHLAUGLAG pants: LALGUHLAHGLGG pants: AND DONE deuce: NATURE IS HEALING

pants: DO I HAVE TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT deuce: POSSIBLE spigot: FOLKS I'M ALL LINED UP TO NOT CARE ABOUT EITHER ONE OF YOU

spigot: NUGGGGGGGGG spigot: I GET MEAGAN'S LAW AND COLE SLAW ALL MIXED UP

deuce: ALSO WHO ATE MY CUPCAKES pants: IT'S OKAY EVERYBODY I KNOW HOW TO TALK HIM DOWN FROM THIS ONE pants: HUGALUGLUAG LUAGLUAG LUAGLUA GLUAGLUAG

: SPIGOT THE BEAR : NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LOST LUGGAGE spigot: HI TO ALL MY ONLINE DONGS spigot: SIR YOU'RE REALLY HURTING ME NOW

deuce: SEX ME UP pants: HOW WILL YOU GET SEXXED BACK DOWN deuce: UNCLEAR deuce: IT WILL REQUIRE EXTENSIVE EXPERIMENTATION pants: WHAT IF YOU GET STUCK IN SEX UP POSITION

spigot: I CAN LICK DICK ALL NIGHT *OR* I CAN DRINK THIS MUCH WATER :PINCHING_HAND: AND LICK DICK ALL NIGHT INTO THE MORNING deuce: TRULY A HOBSON'S CHOICE

pants: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW AND THAT'S ALL OF MY FINGERS

pants: t deuce it's not gay if you're trying to help a friend deuce: it's not gay at all if he asks deuce: or indirectly suggests deuce: or winks pants: also not gay if you're simply trying to make the wiener cleaner deuce: or ... ???????? deuce: just helping your fellow man deuce: also that's gross pants: all of this is terrible pants: let's start over pants: I LICK DICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: definitely worse deuce: but more honest??? pants: somewhat

spigot: FUCKING ALL OF YOU WITH HOT POKERS !!!!! EXCEPT EACH OTHER!!!!! PROMPTING GAY RUMORS AMONGST THE PRESS deuce: INDEED deuce: THAT IS THE PARADOX deuce: BEFORE WE DISAPPEAR IN A PUFF OF LOGIC CAN WE SUCK EACH OTHER OFF

spigot: ALL ON TOP OF ME LIKE THAT pants: JUST COVERING ME

deuce: drinking snakebites, eating turkey & pastrami sandwiches, and sucking dick deuce: and I'm all out of dicks to suck

deuce: I'M HERE TO FUCK BITCHES AND SUCK DICKS deuce: AND I'M ALL OUT OF TIME TO EXPLAIN

pants: I SPURTED ALL OVER MY OWN DUMB FACE spigot: {{{{{{ HUGS TO PANTS }}}}}}}

spigot: SMOOSH IT ALL OVER MY FACE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD spigot: HOLY GOD MY PANTS ARE FILLING UP WITH MY OWN CRAP spigot: I CAN BARELY MOVE, STUFFED IN THESE BLOATED FOAMY PANTS HURRRRRBLE HERE COMES A BURST OF URINE

deuce: GOD JUST SMILES UPON ME deuce: OR IS THAT PISSING ALL OVER MY FACE AND HANDS deuce: I LOVE YOU YOU KNOW

pants: HURF UGH pants: TAKING IT pants: JUST LOOK AT THE MESS YOU MADE spigot: ALL OVER MY NEW DRESS AND SHOES AND MEMBERS-ONLY JACKET

spigot: I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING HOW YOU'RE UNDER MY DESK SLOBBERING ALL OVER MY NUTS WHILE I TRY TO FIX MY PRECOMPILED HEADER PROBLEM

spigot: MY HANDS THEY ARE SLIPPERY I CANNOT HOLD ON TO ZE LADDER spigot: PRICKS POKING ME ALL OVER THE FACE spigot: OH JEAN-CHARLES HOW DID YOU AND THE MONKEY GET BLASTED INTO OUTER SPACE

dick: JUST LIKE A FUCKIN' SODA POP I'M SPOUTIN' ALL OVER THE PLACE dick: GOD DAMN dick: AND BY "ALL OVER THE PLACE" I PRETTY MUCH MEAN YOUR PIMPLY FACE

spigot: THAT LAST JERK FELT HURRIED pants: YOU'RE NOT REALLY A DOCTOR spigot: PLEASE STAY SEATED pants: I CAN'T AFFORD THIS PROCEDURE spigot: PLEASE RUB YOUR BALLS ALL OVER THE WEBCAM LIKE WE DISCUSSED pants: THIS MAKES ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE

spigot: SPLURK SPLORK ALL OVER YOUR FACE spigot: HAKUNA MATADA BITCH

spigot: bbbbbbbbb shitting a b just as hard as shitting a p deuce: but a B is easier than a P deuce: ..................... OR IS IT ?!?!?!? spigot: a B would hurt then not hurt then hurt, at least with a b you get the hurt over with early deuce: well the b (or p or P) can get stuck spigot: don't get me started on the Y deuce: ANALYZING THE SHAPE WITH COMPUTER MODELING SOFTWARE deuce: SEEING HOW IT WOULD PASS THROUGH A COLORECTAL AREA spigot: the T deuce: J, K, X, Z: all pain letters spigot: give a lowercase i any day deuce: does the dot break off or no deuce: $ is like a fucking anchor deuce: IT'LL GET PURCHASE IN THERE AND JUST NEVER COME OUT deuce: this is one of our stranger conversations (and that's saying something) spigot: saving as pdf

spigot: PLEASE PATH THE HUGE MOUTH pants: CAN'T I JUST JOIN THE JERKCITY FACEBOOK GROUP AND LEAVE IT AT THAT pants: ALL RIGHT FINE pants: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH HUGE GAY MOUTH

spigot: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG:ALL SET TO ENTER THE QUEER TIER:HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG: :HOT_DOG:

spigot: ALL SET TO ENTER THE QUEER TIER ?️

spigot: I'M SING spigot: IN' IN THE STALLS spigot: JUST SING spigot: IN' IN THE STALLS spigot: WHAT A GLO spigot: RIOUS FEELING pants: WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING BETWEEN VERSES spigot: JUST ME / AND MY BALLS pants: GROSS pants: WE'RE ALL UNDERCOVER COPS ???? FANTASTIC !!! HUGALUGAG

spigot: IT'S LIKE WORKING WITH DAVID LETTERMAN deuce: HURRRRRRRRR spigot: ALL SMOOSHY

deuce: M4_DEFINE(`M4_FOR',`M4_IFELSE(`$#', 0, ``$0'', `M4_PUSHDEF(`$1', `$2')M4__FOR(`$1', `$2', `$3',`$4')M4_POPDEF(`$1')')')M4_DEFINE(`M4__FOR',`$4`'M4_IFELSE(M4_DEFN(`$1'), `$3', , `M4_DEFINE(`$1', M4_INCR(M4_DEFN(`$1')))M4__FOR(`$1', `$2',`$3', `$4')')') deuce: ALL THAT FOR A FOR LOOP pants: I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE deuce: T PANTS M4 IS PRIMARILY A RECURSIVE LANGUAGE YOU SEE SIR pants: AND I BRING YOU THIS MOEBIUS STRIP OF DICK GOBBLE GOGGLE HULAG HULAGAGHLAG MMMM DUHH HERE THEY COME BLBLBLBL (BONG NOISES)

pants: BALLS ARE ALL THAT WE HAVE TO GIVE pants: FILL MY ASS WITH DIRT pants: LEAVES, ROCKS

spigot: TAKING MY LAST 1/2 ADDERALL AND BUYING ALL THE BREAD AT WHOLE FOODS pants: SPENDING 90 MINUTES PICKING OUT THE BEST LOAF (EVERYBODY IN THE STORE STANDING AROUND YOU IN A SEMI-CIRCLE, STARING) spigot: NOW JUST SITTING IN THE AISLE ORGANIZING WHEATS, WHITES, WHOLE GRAINS spigot: I DO SO WORK HERE

pants: NUGGH CHRIST pants: HURRRRRRGH I MUST HAVE MORE HHURRRR pants: MUST EAT ALL THE COOKIES AND CHIPS deuce: LEAVE NO WITNESSES

pants: GETTING ALL THE FARTS OUT NOW BEFORE MY NEXT ZOOM MEETING

pants: SOYLENT GREEN IS ALGAE, PASTE, SOY AND TOFU deuce: SO NO PEOPLE IS THAT RIGHT pants: THAT IS CORRECT deuce: SO WHAT'S THE HUBBUB ABOUT pants: DUNNO - I THINK IT WAS A MARKETING PLOY

pants: DONGS????????????????? WAY WAY WAY TOO EXCITED pants: FONZIE WITH OCD pants: TAKING UPSKIRT PIX OF THE BRIDE AT THE ALTAR (REALLY DIFFICULT TO GET UNDER ALL THE LAYERS OF GOWN)

pants: I'M THE GROPEMASTER pants: GRAB TWIST YANK TUG PULL I'VE GOT ALL THE MOVES

atandt: OK NOW GANDALF IS BLOWING A MOTH deuce: DUDE THAT'S EDWARD SCISSORHANDS YOU'RE WATCHING NOT LORD OF THE RINGS atandt: THEN WHAT'S WITH ALL THE ORCS AND SHIT deuce: UH THE DIRECTOR'S CUT

spigot: FOLKS I MADE A MARSHMALLOW CASSEROLE AND IT'S JUST SITTING THERE spigot: SOMEONE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT ALL THE PROBLEMS

spigot: TAKE THE GAY TRAIN spigot: ONLY IF YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH ALL THE QUEER PROTOCOLS spigot: LEFT POCKET RIGHT POCKET BLUE HANKY BROWN HANKY IT'S ALL SO COMPLICATED

spigot: AT FIRST I LIKED THE COCK-AND-BALLS GUN, THEN I LIKED THE PEW PEW LASER GUN deuce: ALL THE SAME GUN

pants: HOLD STILL pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGH pants: SHUT DOWN ALL THE TRASH COMPACTORS ON THE DETENTION LEVEL

spigot: FLOOSH FLUSH ECHO DRIP BLUH TEN THOUSAND PRICKS IN A ROW ALL THE WAY TO JERKCITY deuce: 100% RECYCLED DOGSHIT

pants: FATSOS LIKE MYSELF DO NOT ENJOY THE HEAT deuce: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM pants: THEREFORE WE MELT, BLOAT UP, EXPLODE deuce: I LIKE DICK pants: JUST A BAD IDEA ALL THE WAY AROUND

spigot: IF YOU TILT THE PAC-MAN MUG BACK AND FORTH HE CHASES GHOSTS spigot: CAN WE AFFORD NOT TO SUPPORT CLONING PROSTITUTES spigot: BUG NO. 490834 I CLICK "GO BACK IN TIME" AND I GET STUCK IN RENAISSANCE (HOPE YOU SEE THIS) uncredited caveman: ATOUK ZUG-ZUG SPIGOT

pants: I DIG JIZZ PEOPLE pants: T DEUCE ALL THE WAY DEEP BABY deuce: T PANTS HOW DEEP deuce: OKAY YOU NEED TO SIMMER DOWN pants: I DO NOT THINK SO ABLAHLABAL GAABLHABLA

deuce: HOW MANY PANTS pants: I CONTAIN MULTITUDES deuce: YOU'RE TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN deuce: WELL TEN TURTLES, AN ATLAS, TWENTY MORE TURTLES, ANOTHER ATLAS, BUT AFTER THAT IT'S ALL TURTLES deuce: OKAY WITH A FEW MORE RANDOM ATLASES pants: SISYPHUS IS INVOLVED SOMEWHERE pants: WHAT WAS HIS CRIME ANYWAY

spigot: THE BANG BUS TO BURNING MAN pants: THERE GROWS THE GRASS

pants: PLEASE TO BE SUCKING THE DICK (IN THIS COUNTRY) pants: YOUR COUNTRY HAS ALL THE WONDERFUL, COLORFUL DICKS pants: I AM HAPPY TO BE HERE

spigot: CONCERNED ABOUT ALL THESE HACKERS !!?!!?!! IS MY CREDIT SAFE ??? WHO'S PEEKING AT MY PRIVACY ?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!???! OH GOD I CAN'T BREATHE SIR YOU ARE CHOKING ME

spigot: OH GOD I'M A USELESS OLD WHORE spigot: MAYBE I CAN STUFF ALL THESE PILLS IN MY MOUTH AND DIE spigot: BLHALBURHG* @$UO:N (&AUR>B(^%

pants: ALL THIS CAN BE YOURS IF YOU BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME pants: MY DONG IS DEPRESSED !!!!!! CHEER IT UP SOMEHOW deuce: FICTION WITH A ****BITE**** pants: JUST A NOSH

pants: ALL THIS SUCKING AND FUCKING IS MAKING ME REALLY HUNGRY FOR BEEF spigot: WANTS PIE spigot: WANTS MCDONALDS spigot: CAN'T BREATHE

net: FOLKS I'M SORRY I ATE ALL THOSE BALLS net: I DIDN'T MEAN FOR ALL THOSE INNOCENT FAMOUS PEOPLE TO GET BLAMED

spigot: ALL THOSE IN FAVOR?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!? spigot: HURMPH spigot: THE DONGS HAVE IT

spigot: HOIF OOF OW spigot: JERKCITY'S THREE-PRONG STRATEGY

deuce: NOW MAKE NO MISTAKE deuce: THIS WILL HURT VERY BADLY

spigot: GAY ALL UP OVER INSIDE AROUND AND BELOW THE MOUTH spigot: T PANTS THOSE ARE PREPOSITIONS

pants: ONE CAN OF SPIDERS A DAY IS ALL WE ASK

pants: all who doubt me must suck cock spigot: doo dah / doo dah

deuce: EVERYBODY MEET ON JERKCITY IN FIVE MINUTES spigot: INSTEAD OF "SOYLENT" GREEN IT SHOULD BE "SOILED" BECAUSE I JUST TOOK A BIG FAT DUMP RIGHT HERE IN MY BEIGE LOAFERS EVERYONE pants: I'M ALL WRAPPED UP IN A DIAPER RIGHT NOW BUT OKAY pants: IF YOU DON'T MIND MY BUFFOONISH APPEARANCE I'LL BE THERE spigot: CC: EGG MCMUFFIN

spigot: THAT'S FUNNY THE WAY YOU COMBINED THE BORG WITH MONTY PYTHON AND CREATED A CROSS-CONCEPT JOKE pants: NOW LET'S DO THE SKETCH WHERE I'M THE GUY WITH MY DICK IN YOUR DUMB FACE AND YOU CAN'T GET AWAY AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS CRY

pants: THEY HURT deuce: BLOCK THEM WITH TIN FOIL deuce: DOESN'T REALLY HELP BUT IT MAKES YOU FEEL MORE SECURE pants: OKAY OW OW OW

pants: BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME deuce: WHAT IF I (RESPECTFULLY) REFUSE

spigot: T PANTS WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN FINGERS AND HANDS AND ARMS AND SOMETIMES WHOLE PEOPLE FIND THEIR WAY INTO YOUR STALL AND YOU SUCK THEM ALL OFF pants: HMM pants: I'M CERTAINLY NO EXPERT WHEN IT COMES TO MATTERS OF THE HEART

spigot: IF ALL YOU'RE GOING TO DO IS TELL ME TO STROKE IT THIS CALL IS OVER

deuce: PEOPLE deuce: CAN WE CONCENTRATE FOR A MINUTE HERE deuce: I NEED ALL YOUR PSYCHIC ENERGY TO GET THROUGH THIS HERE JERK pants: THE FORCE IS STRONG IN THIS ONE

deuce: FOLKS ON THIS COMPANY ALL-HANDS MEETING I'D LIKE TO DECLARE MY LOVE FOR DICK pants: AND PRICK????? deuce: DON'T BE RIDICULOUS pants: I WENT TOO FAR AGAIN

deuce: HOW ABOUT SOME FRUIT PUNCH pants: MY BONER (RISING SLOWLY ON THE HORIZON) deuce: US BEING GAY ALONE = BAD, US BEING GAY IN PUBLIC = FINE pants: YEAH KINDA deuce: SORT OF pants: THIS, READ ALOUD IN COURTROOM

deuce: FOLKS THESE ATTACKS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ISLAM deuce: LADY I SAID *SIP* THE SEMEN DON'T GARGLE IT

pants: BUH pants: ACHOO pants: ALLERGIC TO COCK pants: ACHOO pants: ACHOO pants: BALGHUALHGLUAG pants: ACHOO pants: ACHOO

pants: ACHOO pants: I'M ALLERGIC TO NUTS deuce: BOY I'LL SAY

spigot: CLICK HERE TO OPT OUT OF CHOPPING YOUR DICK OFF spigot: GUESS I SHOULDA READ THAT

deuce: NOOOOOOOOOOOOORTH KOREA spigot: ALMOND ROCA / EN LA BOCA

spigot: T DEUCE I WILL TALK YOU THROUGH IT spigot: LICK spigot: DICK spigot: PRICK spigot: BONG deuce: GLAGLAG spigot: DONG : SPIGOT HAS BEEN SENDING MESSAGES TO YOU TOO RAPIDLY, AND IS NOW BEING IGNORED.

spigot: WELL HERE I AM ALONE IN THE TOILET spigot: THAT SURE IS A BIG HOLE IN THE WALL spigot: WHAT THE spigot: SOMEONE JUST PUSHED THEIR FAT PURPLE WANG THROUGH THE OPENING spigot: TO BE CONTINUED

spigot: YOU'VE ALL BEEN IDLE FOR OVER HALF AN HOUR spigot: THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABUHHHHHH spigot: HHHGBLGBLGBLGH ALONE WITH MY OWN DICK spigot: PUNCHITY BONERS

deuce: FINALLY ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS GAHLGAHLGAHLGAHLGAHG OH GOD THEY'RE AWFUL THOUGHTS GALHGALHGAHLGAHWLGA

deuce: FINALLY, ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS deuce: HURRRRRRR FAT HUHHHHHHH DIARRHEA MUST BEATOFF deuce: AND REPEAT

spigot: YOU ARE SERIOUSLY HUMPING MY FACE ALONG A Z AXIS

pants: I LOVE DICK A LOT (NOT "ALOT" BUT RATHER "A LOT") deuce: GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT DICKLOVING

pants: EVERYBODY DANCE NOW spigot: ARE WE STILL SAYING "NUGGG" WITH A LOG OF G'S AND THEN 'ANAL' spigot: I KNOW I AM pants: I SAY "DICKS" ALOUD A LOT