spigot: T DEUCE ARE YOU GOING TO DOCUMENT MY NUTS IN YOUR CHRONICLES OF NARNIA deuce: T SPIGOT I THINK THEY HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN PUBLISHED IN THE OTHER C.S. LEWIS BOOKS spigot: FUCK YOU THEN

atandt: IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU COME BACK pants: I'M A VERY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MAN

deuce: THEY'RE IN YOUR FACE LADY deuce: SLAPPING AROUND AND MAKING YOU WISH YOU HADN'T ASKED pants: OH YEAH THAT THING deuce: T PANTS THAT IS THE BEAUTY OF RELATIVITY !!!!!! THEY'RE IN EVERYONE'S FACES !!!!!!

deuce: SO IS IT WRONG TO BEAT OFF deuce: I THINK I'VE ALREADY SAID TOO MUCH pants: I'M-- pants: I'M NOT SURE YOU'VE SAID ANYTHING AT ALL deuce: ?!

spigot: I CAN'T REALLY SAY WHY I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND BUT LET'S LOOK AT THE SITUATION ALPHABETICALLY spigot: A IS FOR FAT, B IS FOR FAT, C IS FOR FAT spigot: FLIPPING THROUGH THESE CARDS IT APPEARS D THROUGH Z IS ALSO FOR FAT pants: I'M BIG-BONED LIKE JUDY BLUME'S BLUBBER OR WHATEVER !!! SOB

pants: i am no longer allowed to ask alexa to play walking on sunshine pants: or any bananarama song pants: also forbidden: ace of bass

atandt: KILL -9 ATANDT spigot: NEED A BIG HORSE DONG HOSING ME AWAY TO THE LAND OF COCAINE AND HOOKERS deuce: HUHHHHHHHHHHH deuce: ZZZZZZZUH

spigot: THAT STALL OVER THERE IS THE FAT PEOPLE STALL (AKA THE BLUBBER BUS)

pants: WELP I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CHOP YOU DOWN (WE NEED WOOD FOR WINTER) deuce: VERY WELL pants: TRY AND HOLD STILL PLEASE deuce: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT pants: ALSO NO TALKING deuce: A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH STILL TALKING A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

deuce: I NEED TO GET SOME SUN BECAUSE I CLEARLY HAVE A VITAMIN D DEFICIENCY deuce: ALSO PROBABLY SCURVY BECAUSE I EAT NOTHING BUT STUPID DICK

spigot: ALSO RE: GOODFELLAS, IF YOU WATCH WITH HEADPHONES YOU CAN HEAR WHAT THE COUPLA-GUYS IN THE KILL-LORRAINE-BRACCO ROOM ARE SAYING spigot: PUT IT IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW spigot: SHHH SHH (WHEN THEY SEE HER) JUST BE QUIET

deuce: DOES THIS DRESS AND DO THESE SHOES MAKE ME LOOK FAT? pants: I THINK IT'S THE FATNESS THAT REALLY DOES IT pants: ALSO THE UGLY spigot: TRY PUTTING THE SHOES UP YOUR ASS AND THE DRESS OVER YOUR HEAD

pants: THEY RAN AND SQUEALED WHEN WE SHOWED THEM OUR DICKS, BALLS deuce: ALSO WHEN WE FUCKED THEM deuce: PRETENDED TO FUCK THEM, ASKED THEM TO FUCK US deuce: AND THEY REFUSED pants: DANCE MOTHERFUCKER

deuce: I WONDER WHY THE ALT.FAN.DEAN-STARK HIERARCHY ALREADY HAS OVER SEVENTY NEWSGROUPS IN IT pants: THAT'S ODD

spigot: WE'RE LIKE ALVIN SIMON AND THEODORE STORING NUTS IN OUR CHEEKS FOR THE WINTER spigot: WHAT'S BROWN AND SITS ON A PIANO BENCH spigot: BEETHOVEN'S FIRST MOVEMENT spigot: WHAT'S BROWN AND IN THE ARMY spigot: GOMER'S PYLE spigot: WHAT'S BROWN AND HIDES FROM NAZIS spigot: THE DIARRHEA OF ANNE FRANK spigot: WHAT'S BROWN AND SITS AT HOME UNEMPLOYED deuce: Oh, dear spigot: YOU AND THEN SOMETHING POO RELATED

pants: GODEL, ESCHER, BONER atandt: REVERSE THAT ORDER pants: STRIKE THAT / REVERSE IT atandt: ALWAYS BEGIN WITH BONER pants: CARPE DIPSHIT

spigot: TURNS OUT ALL THEY CAN DO IS BEAT THEMSELVES OFF deuce: ALWAYS BET ON BLACK deuce: WAIT WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT??? deuce: NOT WESLEY SNIPES IN PASSENGER 57??!?!? OKAY

spigot: ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE THE DONG spigot: RELATIVELY DARK DURING/AFTER THE DONG spigot: WISHING THERE WERE AN INSTEAD-OF-THE DONG

deuce: WATCH ME DRINK THISBEER, FUCKFACE

deuce: DO YOU THINK I'LL EVER LOVE AGAIN deuce: NOW THAT MY POO HAS DUMPED ME effigy: THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE POOS IN THE SEA :: OF MANY PEOPLE POOING IN THE SEA :: TO: THE WORLD'S OCEANS COMPLETELY FILLED WITH POO spigot: FADE TO BLACK spigot: I NEED A ZERO-DAY HUG :RAINBOW:

net: WELL THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE WHORES IN THE SEA net: OR IS IT MORE FISH AT THE STRIP CLUB

pants: LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKING FAGGOTS pants: WORD UP SHITHEADS ozone: ANYONE WANT TO GO OUT FOR DICK OR DID YOU ALL GET DICK EARLIER WITHOUT ME pants: THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR DICK ozone: I WANT LEMON

spigot: t lady are you saying I should roll snake eyes spigot: are you signaling the waiter you're ready for fresh ground pepper spigot: stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself

spigot: AM I A TOP spigot: SORRY WRONG WIN spigot: THEN TAKE ME FOR A SPIN!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WRONG WIN

pants: AM I A LIGHT THAT TRAVELS INTO SPACE [Y/N] pants: PRESS ENTER FOR A DEFAULT OF Y: deuce: Q pants: *** YOU ARE QUEER ***

pants: HUG ME WHILE I POO deuce: WILL YOU (WE) BE ON THE TOILET OR WHAT pants: AT THE ARBY'S deuce: ARE YOU GOING TO GET SHIT ON ME IS WHAT I'M ASKING AND/OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SMELL THE SHIT pants: NO, YOU WILL NOT BE SHIT ON; ALL YOU WILL SMELL IS ARBY'S pants: THIS PRESS CONFERENCE IS OVER

pants: COULD I GET SOME SERVICE HERE pants: AM I INVISIBLE pants: HELLOOOOO spigot: THE POINT IS NOT THAT AIDS IS A GAY DISEASE THE POINT IS PUSH THE DICK INTO MY FACE

deuce: I GOT MY AMAZON ECHO !!!! THROWING IT IN THE TRASH WITHOUT OPENING THE BOX

pants: I WAS NEVER HERE deuce: IT WAS ALL AN AMBIEN DREAM

pants: RUB IT deuce: RAISE UNCLEARREFERENTERROR ('AMBIGUOUS TARGET') pants: OK STOP RUBBING IT HURTS

deuce: HEAD? spigot: BEFORE AND AFTER EVERY MEAL

pants: LET'S ALL DEGRADE THE OBJECT

spigot: I HAVE THE SQUIRTS AND STILL NO GARLIC BREAD

pants: PLEASE HELP ME TO BECOME A BETTER AMERICAN pants: PLEASE HELP ME TO BECOME A BETTER AMERICAN pants: WHATEVER IT TAKES

spigot: HERE TO BE GAY / THE AMERICAN WAY spigot: (SUNG IN SMITHS-LIKE VOICE) pants: A RICH MAN VOICE pants: I WISH TO INSPECT YOUR APPARATUS spigot: (SHOUTS DOWN HALL) HE WANTS TO INSPECT THE APPARATUS pants: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP

deuce: I AM RINGING THE CHURCH BELL WHICH MEANS THE MEMBERS OF THE BLACK SEAL MUST MEET AT MY HOUSE AT MIDNIGHT TO STOCK UP ON AMMUNITION, CANDY BARS pants: IF I DON'T TAKE MY SHARE OF AMMUNITION CAN I HAVE DOUBLE CANDY BARS deuce: YOU ARE HEREBY EVICTED FROM THE BLACK SEAL

pants: IF I CHOP OFF MY OWN DICK AND EAT IT AM I CANNIBAL

pants: AMPLE PARKING IN THE REAR spigot: A TWELVE-INCH SINGLE deuce: WITH A B SIDE, IF YOU WILL

spigot: DO AMSTERDAM WHORES TAKE MARLBORO MONEY pants: DAS EIST NOT BIG FAT U.S. DOLLAR VOT IS *BONK* *BONK* *BONK* pants: CREEEEEEEEEEAK pants: SPIGOT, COME IN HERE A SEC

deuce: I sure don't lick dick pants: then who deuce: maybe it was (runs suddenly out of the room) pants: i assume you're going to find out who (sips tea with pinkie extended) deuce: It's an action item I fully intend to functionalize pants: well then

pants: SING A SONG OF PEDOBEAR pants: BACK AWAY FROM THE COCK SLOWLY pants: SUCKING DICK IN A CRANBERRY BOG

pants: ANOTHER WORLD pants: ANOTHER TIME pants: IN AN AGE OF WONDER AND PROMISCUOUS HOMOSEXUAL SEX

ozone: THERE IS AN ALARMING QUANTITY OF STAINLESS IN MY LEG

pants: WHAT THE spigot: GET OFF MY PHONE LINE pants: MY FACE spigot: SIGH spigot: BEING A FAG IS AN ALL-DAY AFFAIR

deuce: GHALGHALUGHLAHGLAG spigot: WILL YOU PLEASE FUCKING SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO WATCH ALL NEW MURPHY BURPHY spigot: HURFY DURFY MURFY SOMETHING deuce: YOU'RE CONFUSING ME spigot: I THINK I HAVE BRAIN CANCER OR WHATEVER

pants: WHAT AN AMAZING SERIES OF JACKOFFS deuce: ACCUMULATING INSHIT CISTERNS pants: PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE deuce: TIMELESS JACKOFFS III pants: STANDING AT ATTENTION, SALUTING deuce: THAT'S MYFULL LEGAL NAME

spigot: AN AMAZON *********ORIGINAL********* spigot: LEMON POPPYSEED ----->MUFFINS<-----

pants: PANTS AND SPIGOT AND DEUCE RUNNING IN AND OUT OF WALGREENS AFTER FILLING GARBAGE BAGS WITH APLETS AND COTLETS AS SECURITY LOOKS ON deuce: I DON'T KNOW WHAT EITHER OF THOSE THINGS ARE pants: (STAGE WHISPER) YOU'RE DOING GREAT HONEY

spigot: EVERYONE BE QUIET I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY !!! spigot: ASFLKJDAS :FLSD :FSD:LIF :(W#UR) ( pants: I HEAR AND/OR OBEY

pants: JUST LET ME SUCK YOUR COCK deuce: NO pants: SIR deuce: I JUST WANT TO KISS pants: GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH YOU BEING A MAN AND ALL

deuce: MY SOLAR OBSERVATIONS FOR DECEMBER 1999 deuce: 1. IT'S BRIGHT deuce: 2. I CAN SEE MY OWN DICK IN THE MIRROR deuce: 3. MY NEIGHBOR'S DOGSHIT TASTES TANGY deuce: 4. I AM TOTALLY INCAPABLE OF GETTING AN ERECTION

spigot: EVEN AN AUTISTIC CLOCK IS RIGHT TWICE A DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK DONK spigot: DONK DONK DONK pants: EVERYBODY NEEDS TO GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND SUCK THEIR OWN DICK FOR A WHILE

deuce: CAN I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION deuce: GHGHGHGHG THAT IS ALL deuce: NO FRATERNIZING WITH THE STAFF

pants: I HAVE AN EASTER SONNET TO SHARE pants: AHEM: pants: BIG ONES

pants: PARKER GET ME PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN DOIN' IT WITH SOME KIND OF LIZARD GUY OR MAYBE A GUY WITH CRAZY METAL ARMS pants: AND DON'T COME BACK INTO THIS BUILDING UNTIL YOU'VE GOT PICTURES OF MAYBE SPIDER-MAN 69-ING WITH ANOTHER GUY WEARING AN ANIMAL OR INSECT THEMED COSTUME pants: DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME PARKER I KNOW SPIDERS AREN'T INSECTS NOW GO OUT THERE AND GET ME PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN BLOWING MAYBE A CLONE OF HIMSELF

spigot: FOLKS IT'S 2017 AND WE GOT EVIL ANGELS, ELEGANT ANGELS AND EVASIVE ANGELS (NOT SURE HOW MANY ANGELS WE NEED IN PORN) spigot: THINKIN' WE NEED LESS ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK ANGELS AND MORE ENTERPRISING ANGELS FOR WORKGROUPS spigot: MADAME YOU LOOK LIKE AN ELDERLY ANGEL COMBINED WITH AN EMPHYSEMA ANGEL

deuce: AT FIRST NORAD THOUGHT IT WAS AN EMP OVER SAN FRANCISCO AND WENT TO HIGH ALERT BUT THEN JUST REALIZED IT'S DEUCE SPANKING IT BUT GOOD

pants: I'M DARTH VADER pants: I BLEW A DUDE^H^H^H ^H^H^H UP AN ENTIRE PLANET

pants: WHAT THE HELL MAN pants: TURN THOSE LIGHTS OUT pants: SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING

deuce: LET'S BE HONEST FOLKS deuce: DOES ANYBODY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS PRISM DEAL deuce: IS IT JUST AN EXCUSE FOR CHINESE FOOD OR WHAT

deuce: ARE YOU TALKING TO MY NUTS deuce: IF SO PLEASE WHISPER deuce: (THEY ARE SENSITIVE)

deuce: SPOCK IS HALF-VULCAN deuce: AND DEFEATED DARTH VADER deuce: ON BABYLON 5 deuce: (AN HAIKU)

spigot: HOW WOULD THAT EVEN BE POSSIBLE ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I CALL ****BULLSHIT**** spigot: UM, SKEPTIC HERE spigot: hand on hip spigot: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO spigot: cheesecake girlfriend spigot: i told carson i'd uri his geller spigot: not invited back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! honestly that was a lie spigot: M I N D B L O W N

pants: I WOULD LIKE SOME DICK PLEASE pants: NOT A LOT pants: JUST A DAB

deuce: ALL YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD JUST DO PORN AND DIE

atandt: HEY EVERYBODY I GOT A HAIRCUT

pants: HTTP://TWITTER.COM/DEUCEATJERKCITY pants: YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO pants: PANTS OUT

pants: MY FACE spigot: ALL OF OUR FACES, I SUGGEST TO YOU deuce: I SUBMIT THAT SPIGOT HAS AN IMPORTANT BUT SUBTLE POINT

spigot: I SURE HOPE MY QUEERNESS GOES AWAY BEFORE TOMORROW spigot: I'VE GOT AN IMPORTANT JOB INTERVIEW spigot: AT THE BATH HOUSE

pants: I BLEW THE TROLL pants: I BLEW THE THIEF pants: BUT TRY AS I MIGHT I CAN'T BLOW A GRUE

deuce: T PANTS WHAT DOES CUNNILINGUS MEAN pants: I THINK IT IS A DINOSAUR (IT MEANS "TERRIBLE LIZARD") deuce: HOLY CRAP

deuce: Q: WHY IS JERKCITY SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT deuce: A: I DON'T KNOW deuce: END INTERVIEW

deuce: OKAY PEOPLE I JUST SAT AND WATCHED ALL THE WAY THROUGH SPICEWORLD net: THAT MAKES YOU AN OFFICIAL SPICE GIRL BRINGING THE TOTAL UP TO SEVEN

deuce: TODAY I BROUGHT NEW LIFE TO THIS WORLD deuce: I JUST JIZZED ON AN OLD SHIRT pants: SCORE deuce: FOR ITS BIRTHDAY I THREW IT IN THE TRASH: THAT'S ONE LESS SHIRT IN THIS WORLD

deuce: I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS deuce: AND SOME WORSE NEWS deuce: THE BAD NEWS IS YOU ONLY HAVE SIX WEEKS TO LIVE pants: OH NO pants: WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN THAT ??? deuce: I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU SINCE LAST MONDAY deuce: HOLY GOD SQUIRTY DIARRHEA

deuce: T AYN I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT A NOVEL WHERE A CHARACTER HAS A 200 PAGE MONOLOGUE ISN'T A NOVEL YOU'VE GOT THERE IT'S A STEAMING PILE OF SHIT spigot: ATLAS SUCKED

pants: DEAR DOCTOR DONG pants: MY FACE IS DRENCHED WITH SEED pants: PLEASE HELP

spigot: HI HOW ARE YOU I AM FINE I SAW BARBIE AND IT WAS FUNNY AND GOOD I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A NICE HALLOWEEN MY FAVORITE CANDY BARS ARE TWIX SNICKERS AND REESES BUT NOT STARBURST BECAUSE THEY HURT MY MOUTH

pants: THIS IS AN OPEN LETTER TO FAT SOCCER MOMS pants: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE EXPRESSION pants: "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT" pants: TRY TO STOP BLOCKING PROGRESS AND SIT DOWN ON THE CURB FOR A WHILE pants: I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR OFFSPRING TO STEAL MY WALLET

spigot: ??? SAN / FRAN / CISCO spigot: ??? OPEN YOUR GOLDEN / GURK

deuce: HOT STUFF COMIN' THROUGH pants: SOUP ??? OR JUST DICKS hanford: CUT hanford: THE LINE IS "DICKS ?????? OR JUST SOUP AGAIN"

spigot: poking a corn dog through the hole and pulling out just the stick spigot: an unforgettable luncheon

pants: I AM NOT A PLEASURE UNIT pants: BREAK BREAK pants: I'M SUCH AN UNHOLY MESS OF A GIRL

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT AN UNLICKED DICK IN THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF MY PANTS !!! deuce: UHUHUHUH pants: * spigot: SOMEONE GET ON THE HORN TO C|NET deuce: HOLY pants: OH BOY deuce: T PANTS SNAP TO IT PRIVATE DICKLICKER pants: I'M ALL OVER THIS STAND BACK EVERYBODY HUGA GLUAG LAUG LAGUAL : TO BE CONTINUED !!!

deuce: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH spigot: IT'S COMPLETELY UNLICKED OVER THERE !!! pants: I TOOK AN OATH TO ROAM NEAR AND FAR, LICKING DICKS deuce: WHAT THE CHRIST spigot: JUST KIDDING IT WAS MY DICK THE WHOLE TIME AND WE'RE ALL OKAY pants: HLUALAHGLAHLHAG

spigot: T PANTS GUESS WHO COULDN'T POSSIBLY GIVE TWO SHITS THAT "HIS WEBSITES" ARE DOWN AND HAS TWO THUMBS AND IS ALSO THIS GUY spigot: WAIT I SCREWED THAT ONE UP deuce: I HAVE AN UNQUENCHABLE THIRST FOR ____ deuce: T SPIGOT WHAT PART OF VISCERA.BONERS.COM BEING DOWN IS NOT SINKING IN spigot: I'LL TAKE MY ANSWER NEVER

spigot: I AM COUNTING ON AN X WITH OUR PISS THIS SATURDAY !!!!!!!!!! BRING PROTRACTOR deuce: IF WE CROSS BEAMS WE WILL DIE spigot: THEN I GUESS WE SHOULD BOTH USE THE FORCE???? READING FAQ

deuce: THIS AIN'T MINECRAFT!!!!!!!!!! deuce: AN XXX PARODY

spigot: THERE'S A WHITE MOMMAS ***6*** ??????? deuce: ALSO AN ANAL ACROBATS 9 spigot: HAVE THEY CLEANED UP THEIR ACT AT ALL spigot: FOLKS THERE'S MORE TO ANAL ACROBATS THAN JUST THE READER

deuce: T PANTS CAN'T YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OF YOUR OWN (PILLS, HEART CONDITIONS, FAT PAINS, ANAL FISSURES, KINDLE PAPERWHITES) pants: T DEUCE NEVER

deuce: FRY'S SPOOKTACULAR SALE-A-BRATION spigot: NOT EVEN A REFERENCE TO MY LUCKY REWARDS CARD CAN TOP THAT

spigot: ANAL MILFS / ANAL MILFS (SPIDERMAN THEME)

spigot: FOLKS THERE'S A FRUIT MONSTER IN THE LIVING ROOM pants: AND HE'S MAD pants: IF ONLY WE'D FIXED GLOBAL WARMING IN TIME deuce: YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO ANGER IT MORE BY LABELLING IT spigot: SO CAN SOMEONE INSIDE GOOGLE CHANGE ALL REFERENCES FROM GLOBAL WARMING TO ANAL WARMING (USING BBEDIT OR MS WORD)

spigot: CLEARLY NONE OF YOU FULLY UNDERSTAND HOW SKILLED I AM IN THE ART OF DONG FU deuce: T SPIGOT I THINK I DO

deuce: UBUBUBUBUB spigot: IS THIS MCDONALDS deuce: IN A WORD YES spigot: I'LL HAVE A JIZZY MCSPURT AND A LARGE PRICK deuce: THAT'S BURGER KING

deuce: T ATANDT PLEASE SHUT UP AND GET OUT deuce: T ATANDT AND AFTER THAT FUCK OFF spigot: T ATANDT TAKE THE PAMPERS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND PLACE THEM BACK AROUND YOUR ASS AND LEGS pants: HUHHHHHHHHH SLEEPING IN A PILE OF DIRT atandt: THORRY atandt: THOMETIMETH I GET CONFUTHED

pants: THERE WAS THIS ONE DICK THAT JUST WOULDN'T STAY LICKED atandt: YOU DON'T SAY

spigot: MY PROGRAM WON'T COMPILE AND ALSO I WENT BLIND LOOKING AT THE ECLIPSE

spigot: THINKING MAYBE HOUSE OF CARDS WITH NO ROBIN WRIGHT BUT KEVIN SPACEY IN A DRESS AND ALSO TEN JAMES FRANCOS

atandt: ONE DAY I'M ALL 'HUGHGUGHUHGHGL DICKS' AND ANOTHER DAY I'M JUST "HUHGLUG DICKS" atandt: I CAN'T ACCOUNT FOR THE DISCREPANCY pants: T ATANDT IT HAPPENS