spigot: POURING WET CEMENT THROUGH THE SKYLIGHT OF THE HAM SHACK

spigot: T DEUCE I SEE A MORNING CONFERENCE TABLE WHERE BRIGHTLY-BEAKED 20SOMETHINGS ARE EXCITEDLY PITCHING THEIR IDEAS FOR CONTENT BUT THEN THE DOOR LOCKS AND THE ROOM FILLS UP WITH WET CEMENT

spigot: HELP HELP WE'RE DROWNING spigot: TEN FEET FROM THE BEACH spigot: OH GOD AN INTERNATIONAL DISASTER spigot: WET SOCKS spigot: CREWMEMBERS RACING AGAINST TIME TO DELIVER FINAL DESSERTS AND COFFEE

spigot: PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR...SPIGOT!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM spigot: SQUIRKS spigot: 2 MY PEEPS deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM

pants: WHAT IN THE spigot: SPRACKENZE ****DICKS**** pants: JA, DA spigot: FAGGOT pants: NEIN NEIN spigot: PUNCH POUND WHAP SLAP LASH FENCEPOST BEATINGS FREEZINGS SHOOTINGS AND COMMUNITIES COMING TOGETHER

spigot: WHAT TOILET CAM

spigot: what do you call a gay parking lot?? spigot: a ***lot*** of dicks to suck on

pants: I JUST NEED YOUR LOCATION WITHIN A 50 MILE RADIUS pants: WHAT pants: OH, NOTHING

pants: HEY :look: THESE TWO IDIOTS deuce: WHAT THE HELL :?: A BUNCH OF FAT SHITS pants: YEAH IT'S BEEN DOING THAT SINCE YESTERDAY deuce: RUDE :hey: BACK I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUNDDON'T LEAVE, FATTIES, LOOK I BROUGHT HAMBURGERS ?????

atandt: I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO SAY WHAT A FINE MOO THIS IS pants: MY XTERM CAUGHT MY FINGERS WHEN I WAS RESIZING IT AND NOW I HURT

spigot: WHAT A GREAT DAY WITH ALL YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I REALLY MEAN THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: F IS FOR FAILURE

pants: SIR I ASKED YOU HOW GAY YOU ARE pants: SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING YOU AS AN APPLICANT pants: GAYNESS: STILL ON THE TABLE pants: SIR THE QUEER ISSUE pants: WAITING HERE FOR YOUR FEEDBACK pants: WHAT A GREAT DAY TO GET HEAD FROM ME pants: NO NEED FOR COMPLICATED PAPERWORK pants: JUST KEEP ME IN THE LOOP

spigot: all these lofts going up spigot: WOW WHAT A GREAT VIEW spigot: nope another loft built up right in front of that spigot: and in front of that spigot: etc etc turtles spigot: right into the marshland so the buildings all start sinking in the same order spigot: and the view is now in the opposite direction

deuce: RAINY DAYS SOMETIMES GET ME DOWN BUT NOT TODAY!!! deuce: TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF THIS WEEK (deuce): I HELPED AN OLD LADY CROSS THE STREET AND IT FELT REALLY GOOD

deuce: I LOVE DICKS PEOPLE spigot: ACCORDING TO JERKCITY MY SPELLING IS EXCELLENT, THEN A LITTLE CARTOON POPS UP ABOUT HOW COOL I AM AND THEN SOMEONE FROM QA COMES OVER TO SUCK MY DICK spigot: WHAT A PRODUCT

spigot: HEY EVERYONE WHAT A SWANK SWINGIN' SCENE THIS IS WITH COCKTAILS AND FANCY TIES spigot: WAIT A MINUTE spigot: HUBRLUBLRHL BJHBLURUBLE THIS IS A GAY PARTY HUBLAUBH spigot: PTH PTHTHTHTH GET OFF ME

spigot: I SAT IN DOGSHIT

spigot: ..............+++++++++++++++ spigot: i put penis on keys (is why so long) all the pluses are from ladies pants: what about the dots spigot: you are under arrest

ozone: VM_EXECUTION_STATE_ON pants: OH NO YOU DON'T ozone: SUNOS SS 5.8 GENERIC_108528-13 SUN4U SPARC pants: QUIT IT ozone: UFS: [ID 845546 KERN.NOTICE] NOTICE: ALLOC: /: FILE SYSTEM FULL pants: I WON'T GO WITHOUT A FIGHT

pants: LAXATIVE ABUSE

spigot: HAVING A SHAQ ATTACK OVER HERE PEOPLE spigot: NO WAIT spigot: A MAC ATTACK deuce: T SPIGOT PLEASE TAKE YOUR "ATTACKS" ELSEWHERE SINCE YOU'RE CLEARLY JUST LOOKING FOR ATTENTION

spigot: LET ME JERK OFF ALREADY deuce: GOD CHRIST IN HEAVEN I SPILLED MY SEED ON THE FLOOR deuce: I MISSED THE FUCKING THING ALTOGETHER deuce: FUCKING FUCK spigot: I DON'T LIKE TO WASTE MY SEED I WANT KIDS deuce: I'D BETTER JOIN A CHURCH AND DO MY PART TO HELP WITH OVERPOPULATION deuce: PLUS I'D RATHER JERK OFF INTO A WOMAN pants: I STORE SEED IN MY CHEEKS FOR WINTER pants: SLURP deuce: EXTRA SEED FOR ME SCORE pants: WE'RE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE deuce: WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT TODAY

deuce: MAN, WHAT AN IDIOT spigot: I'LL SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: WHERES MY `GODDAMN` BQ STRIP spigot: WHAT ARE YOU DOING STEPBROTHER spigot: OH YOU'RE AVA DEVINE

deuce: WHOO pants: I CAN FEEL YOU deuce: I'M IN YOU deuce: SO I'M NOT SURPRISED YOU CAN pants: DOWN THE HATCH

bung: AWFUL QUIET IN HERE bung: WHAT ARE YOU KIDS UP TO deuce: GALHAGLHALGH

spigot: I'M A 45-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO'S ANGERED BY SPAM!!! WHAT CAN I DO??? spigot: I'M A USELESS HOUSEWIFE WHO'D LIKE TO GET A WEB PAGE!!! WHAT CAN I DO??? spigot: I'M A GRAD STUDENT WHO'D LIKE TO BRING EMAIL TO THIRD-WORLD CULTURES. WHAT CAN I DO??? spigot: DO THESE PEOPLE EXIST

deuce: I have to pee deuce: what do I do what do I do spigot: i'm worried if the buy now button isn't a .swf people won't know to click on it

deuce: PEOPLE OF EARTH HELLO pants: WHAT DO WE WANT pants: DICK pants: WHEN DO WE WANT IT pants: MOUTH deuce: T PANTS SOMEHOW THAT CHANT HAS LOST SOME OF ITS APPEAL

spigot: SHE'S ALL "WHAT DO YOU DO" spigot: AND I'M ALL "JERKCITY, BABY" spigot: THEN I HUMPED HER FACE FOR HALF AN HOUR

pants: T DEUCE WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A DEAD FAGGOT deuce: UNINTERESTING deuce: I MEAN I'M NOT A FAGGOT pants: WHAT DO YOU SEE ON THE OTHER SIDE

deuce: WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A PRETTY GIRL SAYS SHE'S VERSATILE

spigot: SAID NO ONE ******EVER****** spigot: NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WAIT WHAT DOES THAT ADD UP TO spigot: SURELY THE EXTRA EXCLAMATION POINTS LEND MORE NEGATIVE POTENTIAL ENERGY TO THE "NOT" spigot: I'M TRYING TO UNTANGLE MY HEADPHONES spigot: KNOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: PRESS DEBIT OR CREDIT

pants: what say you and me trade horses deuce: what does that even mean pants: it's what the script says

spigot: WHAT DREAMS MAY COME spigot: AND GOD BLESS GRANDMA spigot: AND GOD BLESS GRANDPA spigot: AND HURRRRRRK AND GLLLLK AND BLOWJOBS

atandt: YOU JUST CRASHED MY TERMINAL atandt: ALSO I'M JIZZY deuce: WHAT ELSE IS FUCKING NEW atandt: ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU AND I'M FILING A BUG REPORT deuce: GO FUCK YOURSELF

deuce: THAT LOOKS LIKE A PENIS SIR

deuce: GOD IS MADE OF DEUCE'S SHITS deuce: AND ALSO PLASTIC deuce: OH AND SOME FRITOS deuce: APOLOGIES TO ALL MY RELIGIOUS FRIENDS BUT deuce: WWWWWWWWWWWW WASTED

spigot: IF GOD WANTED :POINT_RIGHT: :POINT_RIGHT: MEN :POINT_LEFT: :POINT_LEFT: spigot: TO SUCK :POINT_RIGHT: :POINT_RIGHT: DICKS :POINT_LEFT: :POINT_LEFT: spigot: HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN THEM :POINT_RIGHT: :POINT_RIGHT: MOUTHS AND DICKS :POINT_LEFT: :POINT_LEFT:

: Suddenly... pants: YOU ARE COVERED IN WHITE PAINT, DOG SHIT pants: WHAT HAPPENED deuce: I WAS CAUGHT BETWEEN THE HEADLIGHTS AND DID THE WRONG THING

spigot: WHAT HAPPENS TO A DICK UNLICKED?!?!?! deuce: IT IS A SINGULARITY IN SPACETIME WHERE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS DO NOT APPLY

spigot: WHAT HAPPENS TO A DICK UNLICKED?!?!?! pants: DOES SUCH A THING EXIST?!?!?!??!?!?!

spigot: WHAT HAPPENS TO A DICK UNLICKED?!?!?! spigot: DOES IT PUSH AND POKE AND CHOKE AND JOKE spigot: DOES IT WHEEZE AND SNEEZE AND SQUEEZE BENEATH THE AMBER SYCAMORE TREES deuce: *OR DOES IT EXPLODE*

pants: are all cowboys gay or just the ones i see in movies, on tv, riding horses, mending fences deuce: it is possible that there exists a non-gay cowboy but science has yet to discover one pants: pffft what does science know

pants: WHAT HAVE WE DONE deuce: ONLY WHAT WAS NECESSARY TO SURVIVE

pants: ARE THOSE PEOPLE DEAD

deuce: THERE IS ONLY A TOILET AND YOUR FACE pants: WHAT HE SAID

spigot: WHAT HOPE HAVE WE NOW OF LICKING DONGS pants: DON'T GIVE UP pants: BARELY EVEN LOOKING AWAY FROM THE CURRENT DICK

spigot: I SUCK ROYAL DICKS spigot: WHAT HURTS THE MOST spigot: ARE THE DICKS spigot: I'M ART LINKLETTER

spigot: FOLKS IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT WHAT I DID LAST SUMMER deuce: NO IT'S THAT I *STILL* DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

spigot: YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY TO TRANS HATERS spigot: ***** PUNCH ***** MEN HAVE DICKS DEAL WITH IT

pants: I LOVE COCK BUT I ALSO HATE WHAT THE WHITE MAN HAS DONE TO MY PEOPLE

pants: WHAT IF FAGS LICK DICK WITHOUT THE PROPER LICENSES deuce: CHEMICAL WEAPONS ATTACK

spigot: WILL YOU LICK MY DICK spigot: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THERE WERE NO HIDDEN FEES

spigot: WHAT IF WE DROP....... spigot: AN ATOMIC........ spigot: DONG?!?!?!?! pants: I WILL PRESS THE BUTTON

pants: WHAT IF I JUST GET BORED AND STOP BREATHING atandt: MIND THE GAP

deuce: STOP TOUCHING MY DICK pants: OKAY pants: SORRY deuce: OKAY NOW START AGAIN pants: OKAY

bung: NOW ALL OF MY MEN ARE UNDER ONE ROOF deuce: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT SIR deuce: OH spigot: I'M A LOOSE NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: T PANTS THE EVIL COMPUTER JUST TURNED THE OLD WOMAN INTO AN EVIL ROBOT pants: T DEUCE BY TOUCHING HER OR USING SPACE RAYS pants: T DEUCE I PREFER THE SPACE RAYS METHOD pants: T DEUCE THE OTHER ONE GETS YOU TIME IN LOCKUP (OR LOCKDOWN, YOUR CHOICE) deuce: T PANTS AT THE VERY LEAST IT GETS YOU SMEARED WITH POO THAT'S FOR SURE

deuce: OKAY SILENCE ON THE SET deuce: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR deuce: TAKE ONE deuce: I'M THE MERRY CHRISTMAS FAGGOT deuce: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH I LIKE DICK deuce: JINGLE BALLS JINGLE BALLS deuce: JINGLE ALL THE WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW deuce: CUT

spigot: WHAT'S THE MATTER THERE, CHOPSTICKS?!?!?!? spigot: PREEZ I DROWN!!!!! spigot: CHONG BONG DONG?!?!? SAY WHAT?!?!? FONG LONG DUH???? spigot: SHOVE

spigot: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE DICK LICKING pants: [B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B

pants: I WAS MAKING A TOY FOR THE BIRDS

deuce: UM deuce: ERR deuce: THAT'S HAND SANITIZER NOT BONER LUBE spigot: I KNOW WHAT IT IS AND IT BURNS

spigot: GARLIC BAGELS WITH GARLIC BUTTER!!! deuce: I THOUGHT YOU SAID GARLIC BALLS spigot: IT'S NOT ABOUT LICKING DICK IT'S ABOUT LICKING DICK UNDER OATH

pants: it's like cocaine for the nose spigot: it's like an enema for the behind

deuce: THE SILENT BEATOFF TRAIN pants: AND THE PARTICULARLY NOISY BEATOFF TRAIN

pants: WHAT KIND OF ASPY ARE YOU deuce: AN ASPIE WITH AN UNBEATOFF DICK

pants: SHUT THE DOOR pants: ALSO MOVE THE MOUSE pants: THEN SHUT THE DOOR pants: NO WITH YOU OUTSIDE pants: YOU ARE JUST pants: OKAY FINE pants: WHAT KIND OF GOD

spigot: WELL LADY I WOULD LIKE TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION ABOUT JERKCITY BY WAY OF FORCE-FEEDING YOU MY DICK LIKE A HOSE pants: A GREEN HARDEN HOSE I HOPE spigot: T PANTS WHAT KIND OF HOSE IS REALLY NONE OF YOUR CONCERN pants: T SPIGOT I AM THAT LADY

pants: What kind of man gets so drunk in Las Vegas that he wakes up with a hangover??? I would say a rugged, handsome man with a big dick

pants: WHAT KIND OF PIE ARE WE TALKING ABOUT spigot: MORE LIKE WONDER HOW THIS MOVIE GOT MADE

spigot: MY UNIVERSAL REMOTE TURNS OFF TELEVISIONS!!!!! spigot: WHAT KIND OF SAUCE WOULD YOU LIKE WITH YOUR MCNUGGETS spigot: I SAID WHAT K spigot: SIR WHAT KIND OF SAUCE WOULD YOU LI spigot: MY HEADPHONES ARE BROKEN

pants: I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE <- WHAT MY DONG THINKS WHEN I CHOKE IT

pants: SOMETHING WONDERFUL

pants: what order should i watch black mirror in??? spigot: just please stop calling me

deuce: DO YOU THINK WE'LL EVER LIVE IN PEACE WITH THE MARTIANS pants: BETTER DEAD THAN RED

spigot: FOLKS I THINK WE KNOW WHAT PUERTO RICO NEEDS RIGHT NOW, AND THAT IS THE AMATEUR RADIO COMMUNITY

spigot: I THINK WHAT REAGAN MEANT WAS TO TEAR DOWN THIS WALL AND PUT UP A STALL pants: I'M A SKEP-CHICK

deuce: HURRAY PEOPLE IT'S BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY spigot: T DEUCE I BROUGHT A BONG INSTEAD

deuce: ADULTERATE ME deuce: WAIT, DON'T DO THAT deuce: I JUST LOOKED UP WHAT THAT WORD MEANS deuce: I THOUGHT IT MEANT SOMETHING ELSE deuce: SOMETHING BETTER pants: MMM LET ME TRY

deuce: COULD WE PLEASE HAVE LESS ANAL SEX deuce: THANK YOU spigot: NOT FOLLOWING pants: YOU LOST ME THERE CHIEF

pants: AH, BUTTHOLES IN SPRINGTIME

spigot: KISSING JESSICA STEIN spigot: HEY HEY GIRLS AND RELATIONSHIPS AND FIGURING OUT WE'RE ALL A LITTLE GAY spigot: COMMUNIST PROPAGANDA spigot: I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL / I KISSED A GIRL spigot: MORE LEONARDO DICAPRIO IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WE DON'T HAVE TO SMOKE POT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME

pants: WHAT THE FUCK ARE PANDORA'S BALLS deuce: I DON'T KNOW BUT DON'T OPEN THEM deuce: OH CRAP TOO LATE ALL THE EVILS OF THE WORLD SPREAD ALL OVER MY FACE spigot: [A : He's all spurty spigot: [A[A deuce: SHUT UP : Spurty Frog

spigot: POUND POUND POUND POUND POUND POUND

pants: I'M STARTING TO THINK THE PISS OLYMPICS ISN'T A REAL THING deuce: IT'S STILL ONLY IN THE PLANNING STAGES pants: WHAT THE HELL AM I TRAINING FOR THEN

spigot: HOW COME WHEN I SUCK DICK IT SOUNDS LIKE A DOT MATRIX PRINTER

deuce: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE deuce: IF I CONCATENATE THE IDENTITY MATRIX NOTHING HAPPENS deuce: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

deuce: JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU HOMOS spigot: EVIDENTLY NOTHING IF YOU READ AND ABSORB THE SCROLLBACK

spigot: HOMPH HOMPH ANGELS IN THE OUTFIELD HOMPH HOMPH LION KING

spigot: HMM spigot: FAT PANTS <CHECK> spigot: GUN <CHECK> spigot: FOLLOW ME FOR FREE HEAD FLAG <CHECK> spigot: QUARTER FOR THAT PHONE IN THAT BAD NEIGHBORHOOD <CHECK>

spigot: IS A CROWDFUND LIKE A BLOWBANG pants: I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE

spigot: OKAY PEOPLE WE ALL HAVE A SERIOUS CRISIS pants: LAY IT ON US BABY spigot: WINGS AND ELLEN ARE ON AT THE SAME TIME pants: SHIT pants: WHAT TO DO

pants: I LIKE DICKS TOO MUCH TO STOOP TO THAT SORT OF BEHAVIOR pants: WAIT WAIT pants: WELL ALL IF I'M GOING TO DO THAT I'M GOING TO NEED A SOLDERING IRON

pants: WELL I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH MY NEW FRIEND RACHEL MADDOW ON MSNBC BYE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: L8R pants: NOT LAWRENCE O'DONNELL THOUGH HE'S A HUGE GRABBY GUS pants: I'M ROCK HARD AND READY TO PARTY pants: GOT ANY BLOW (SNIFF) pants: WHAT I MEAN IS THAT YOU BLOW ME pants: DON'T BE SHY, FORM A LINE TO THE RIGHT pants: WHAT WE REALLY NEED ARE DEEPER MUSTARD JARS THAT I CAN DIP MY DICK ALL THE WAY INTO

pants: $LOCAL[0][0] = "BONERS" pants: PERL IS WEIRD deuce: WHAT WITH THE BONERS pants: CAN'T GET ENOUGH (SERIOUSLY) deuce: FAG TRAP :pants EMBRACES THE FAG TRAP :deuce THROWS UP

spigot: WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY WOULD BE TO REGISTER JERKCITY.COM spigot: CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT!!!!!!!!!!