deuce: LET'S MAKE LOVE UNTIL THE SUN GOES DOWN AND THEN COMES UP AND THEN THE CYCLE REPEATS THREE MORE TIMES pants: K-RAD

pants: CHOW DOWN pants: RIGHT NOW pants: I BEG OF YOU pants: MSNBC INVESTIGATES DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER INVESTIGATING MY BALLS pants: WHY O WHY pants: I CALLED THEM AND I'M ALL HEY MY BALLS BUT THEY'RE ALL HANGING UP deuce: WHAT IS IT ABOUT/AROUND YOUR BALLS THAT NEEDS INVESTIGATING (LIKE I DON'T KNOW) pants: LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW

spigot: EXCUSE ME spigot: BUT deuce: SEE *YOU* KNOW THAT AND *I* KNOW THAT spigot: THAT IS NOT EVEN KEROPPI THAT IS HELLO KITTY

pants: AVENGE NEX

pants: I'LL FIGHT YOU TO DEATH FOR THE LAST PRICK IN THE ROOM pants: A PLAY IN THREE ACTS pants: YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO pants: ATTACH ME TO THE VACUMN CLEANER: I AM MADE FOR THIS SORT OF THING

deuce: THE GUN IS ON THE DESK deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO: deuce: FIRE IT IN THE AIR AND SHOUT "YEE HAW"

spigot: SHOULD I HANG MYSELF IN THE DATA CENTER pants: THAT'S NOT WHAT THE DATA CENTER IS FOR

spigot: you know who'd make a great joker: chester cheetah spigot: he pulls out his saxophone all cool as shit, crowd claps spigot: does a few numbers and then says it ain't easy being cheesy and everyone claps spigot: pulls out a cheeto and makes it look like a tiny penis and waggles it, clapping continues spigot: then he's all: I WAS JOKING spigot: not just spitballing here spigot: i approved it during this conversation and assembled the assets myself spigot: and launched the campaign and we're live

pants: SUCK THE DICK pants: YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO pants: PASS IT ON

spigot: YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO YOUNG / YOU MAKE ME FFFFFFFFORGETTING spigot: CHAIRMAN OF THE ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE???????????? spigot: YOU MAKE ME FFFFFFFFUHHH MILLIONS OF HORRIFIED FACES

deuce: YOU FUCKERS DON'T CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL DO YOU deuce: YOU JUST USE ME FOR MY SEVEN ORIFICES deuce: AND SOMETIMES YOU MAKE NEW ONES

spigot: IF YOU SUCK COCK AND THEN GET PURPLY AIDS BRUISES AT YOUR OWN WEDDING spigot: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK spigot: IF YOU SMEAR AND SMOOSH DOGSHIT ALL OVER YOUR NEW PICKUP TRUCK spigot: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK spigot: IF YOU *HOMPH*

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY I'M A GAS PLANET

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY THIS IS AN EXTRA DUMPING WEEKEND

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY I'M "SMOKING MARIJUANA" "RIGHT NOW" AND "I'M REALLY FUCKING HIGH" deuce: YOU *MIGHT* SAY THAT spigot: MORE LIKE LICK DICK SCAPE AM I RIGHT GANG?

pants: you might say i struggle under low-light conditions effigy: you might say that I am "dishwasher safe"

spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP pants: I SEE YOU spigot: YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT pants: LOOK DOWN

spigot: YOU MUST BE <------THIS------> RETARDED

pants: TOP ME OFF (FILL IT TO THE RIM) deuce: DO NOT OVERFILL pants: WISH YOU HAD deuce: YOU NEED TO EARN IT

spigot: HE PONCH ME IN THE MOUTH AND THEN I CLEAN deuce: APPARENTLY YOU PEOPLE DON'T THINK I'M WORTH OF A SUCKOFF

pants: NOW I'M THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT deuce: YOU PEOPLE ARE NO FUN

deuce: HELLO DOESN'T ANYONE HERE MEEEEE EEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE deuce: THAT'S THE ECHO deuce: YOU PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK I'M TELLING YOU

pants: YOU SAID YOU WERE BEATING OFF deuce: I CAN MULTITASK

net: I VOTED YES FOR WASHING YOUR DONG BEFORE PUTTING IT IN MY FACE BUT DID ANYONE LISTEN?????? deuce: T NET I LISTENED BUT CHOSE NOT TO ACT ON YOUR REQUEST deuce: T NET YOU SEE ??? DEMOCRACY WORKS

deuce: HI deuce: WHAT ARE YOU WEARING YOU SEXY THING deuce: AND DON'T TRY TO PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE NOT GODDAMN SEXY pants: MOSTLY TUNA

deuce: YOU SHOULD BE GLAD I DIDN'T TAKE A DUMP IN YOUR MOUTH

hanford: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SHOWING UP TO WORK DRUNK pants: A LITTLE STONED TOO hanford: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE pants: I MISTOOK A BUICK FOR A COMPETING MALE PROSTITUTE AND THERE WAS A FIGHT hanford: HAVE YOU BEEN UP ALL NIGHT TOO THEN pants: YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY

deuce: IS IT JUST ME OR IS MISS PIGGY HOT pants: I'M MORE OF A BUGS BUNNY IN A DRESS MAN

spigot: WHERE CAN I LEARN MORE ABOUT JERKCITY spigot: THE LIBRARY? deuce: T SPIGOT YOU SHUT UP spigot: ?????????????

pants: YOU PROMISED THAT I WOULD GO FOR A RIDE IN YOUR AIRPLANE spigot: LOOK AT ALL THAT JIZZ pants: INSTEAD YOU TOOK ME INTO YOUR BASEMENT AND FORCED ME TO GIVE HEAD spigot: ALL OVER MY NEW MERVYNS SHIRT

deuce: LET'S TALK ABOUT DICKS NOW (BECAUSE WE NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT) atandt: YOU START deuce: MMM DICK atandt: I AGREE atandt: THAT WASN'T MUCH OF A DISCUSSION deuce: IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU'RE BEREFT OF LBHALBHGLBHALBHG deuce: HOLY GOD THERE THEY ARE deuce: GLHBLHGBLHAG BLHGBLGH BLHGBLGHB deuce: THE DICKS, THE DICKS

pants: I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE SUCKING deuce: A SAFE, NON-DANGEROUS, NON-GAY OBJECT deuce: A POPSICLE, SAY pants: MMM

deuce: THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS BALLS IS REALLY GIVING ME A WORKOUT

spigot: T DEUCE PLEASE PUT ON SOME PORN SO I CAN BEAT OFF!!!!!!!!!! deuce: T SPIGOT LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH NEEDS

spigot: YOU WENT THERE (POINTING ON THE FLOOR WHERE YOU WENT) spigot: I SEE YOU ALSO WENT THERE AND THERE AND THERE spigot: REALLY SEEING WHAT YOU DID THERE AND CONFIRMING THAT WHAT YOU SAID IS WHERE YOU WENT spigot: THE EXTRA MILE AND SUCH spigot: AND SO FORTH AND WHAT NOT AND ETCETERA AT THE END OF THE DAY spigot: CONNECTING THE DOTS WITH MY DUCKS IN A ROW spigot: BLAM BLAM DONGS spigot: FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

spigot: TIME FOR MY 10AM PINT OF ICE CREAM FOLLOWED BY MY 10:30 PINT AND THEN I THINK I'M DUE FOR A PINT AT 11 effigy: TOTES BULK UP BRO spigot: CHRIST JESUS I'M LATE FOR MY 11:30 PINT effigy: FOCUS!

deuce: WANT TO LICK DICK ???? spigot: [SILENCE] deuce: YOU WILL SUBMIT *BEEP!*

deuce: DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT pants: YOU DUMPY BROAD deuce: SPEAK ENGLISH

spigot: GET OUT deuce: MAKE ME KOREA BOY : SPIGOT JABS YOU IN THE EYE WITH A CHOPSTICK deuce: OW MY CHEEK YOU WIN THIS ROUND KOREA BOY : SPIGOT JABS HIMSELF IN THE EYE deuce: BUT THIS IS NOT OUR LAST BATTLE GHLAGHALHGLAG

deuce: DONGS pants: YOU'D THINK SO HUH pants: BUT I CHECKED pants: AND NONE ARE TO BE FOUND pants: O UNTIMELY DEATH

spigot: OKAY IF YOU DON'T SUCK MY WANG IN THE TOILET I'M JUST GOING TO SAY YOU RAPED ME spigot: AND YES YOU'LL BE FIRED

deuce: YOU'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I'M THE HOTSTEPPER pants: FOUR INCHES OF SNOW

pants: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP pants: MMMM YEAH THAT'S IT MMMM DON'T STOP HUHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT NNNNNNNNNUGH DUH YEAH

deuce: I'm a sex goddess pants: praying at your altar deuce: you're doing it wrong pants: i know pants: that's my kink

spigot: spigot: DING DING DING DING spigot: FOUR ALARM FIRE IN YOUR MOUTH spigot: HERE COMES THE PRICK SHAPED FIREMAN TO SQUIRT EVERYTHING OUT spigot: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST OPEN YOUR MOUTH spigot: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY spigot: YOU'RE FIRED [test pattern]

deuce: BE VERY QUIET deuce: THE DICKS ARE AFOOT pants: I AM HUSHED deuce: FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US ALL pants: I'M SUCKING AS SILENTLY AS I CAN

spigot: I THOUGHT A GENDER REVEAL WAS JUST PULLING MY PANTS DOWN

pants: MY BONER IS STANDING AT ATTENTION pants: THEREFORE YOU SHOULD SALUTE IT pants: OFFICER ON DECK deuce: HERE WE GO AGAIN

spigot: I CAN'T KEEP UP pants: YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING pants: YOU'RE JUST LYING THERE LIKE YOU GAVE UP

spigot: you're just mad the new dr who is a trap

deuce: SPIGOT THE BEAR, YOU LOOK LOVELY IN THIS LIGHT deuce: HOLD THE FUCK STILL YOU'RE MAKING IT BEND spigot: NUTS spigot: IF SOMEONE COULD PLUG THE END OF THIS KEYBOARD CABLE INTO AN EXTENSION CABLE INTO THE CUBE IN BUILDING 21, I COULD VIEW PORN FROM THE BUSHES deuce: IF ANYTHING BREAKS OFF IN YOU I'M GOING TO BE VERY PUT OUT

deuce: you're my disposable urinal pants: I am neither leakproof nor hygienic deuce: don't care

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY MY DICK IS FUN-SIZED deuce: IT'S NOT SO MUCH FUN AS IT IS FUNNY pants: NO LET'S GO WITH FUN-SIZED (HOPPING ON A QUICK CALL)

pants: WATCH ME SUCK IT pants: AHEM YOU'RE NOT WATCHING deuce: I'M BUSY DOING MY HAIR pants: BUT THAT CAN TAKE HOURS deuce: SQUIRRRP

spigot: IS THIS FREQUENCY IN USE????????????????????????????????????????? deuce: YOU'RE OVERMODULATED YOU NEED TO BACK OFF THE MIC spigot: FOLKS I'M VISUALLY IMPAIRED (OVER) deuce: OKAY NOW YOU'RE TOO QUIET YOU NEED TO GET CLOSER spigot: JALGYIA9HL SFKAFYAH ILSFKAFSIYHLKASF deuce: WHY DON'T YOU GO TO A SIDE BAND

spigot: I PUBLISH SHORT STORIES ON THE WEB AND HERE'S A LINK TO EMAIL ME spigot: IF SOMEONE CAN HELP ME GET A PERL/JAVA THING GOING I CAN BUILD A CHAT FORUM spigot: YOU'RE REALLY STABBING ME IN THE FACE AND GROIN WITH THAT BALLPOINT PEN

spigot: THIS PINK TRIANGLE ON MY ARM COST WELL OVER $100 spigot: SO THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS FUCKING LOOK AT IT AND TELL ME HOW QUEER I AM spigot: FINE I'LL JUST SEND MYSELF MAIL spigot: MAILX SPIGOT YOU'RE THE GAYEST spigot: BIFF -> YOU HAVE MAIL spigot: MAILX spigot: SPIGOT -> YOU'RE THE GAYEST spigot: IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME

pants: CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE pants: DREAMS ARE FOR THOSE WHO LICK DICK pants: YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY

: NAME SPIGOT : VOICE #2: WHAT SHOULD WE DO : VOICE #1: YOU'VE GOT TO BEAT THAT BEAR OFF! TAKE THIS STICK spigot: WHAT DOES THIS DO?!?!?!!? spigot: OW

spigot: NOW I'M BEATING OFF AT BREUNER'S AND IN 10 OR SO MINS I'LL BE BEATING OFF AT MMM CARPETS

pants: SOME MANNER OF HORRIBLE MACHINE THAT SUCKS ALL THE DICKS spigot: GRAND OPENING!!! CASTRO BLOW 'N' GO spigot: IT STARTS FROM WITHIN pants: GLORYHOLES THAT GIVE 404 ERRORS pants: TAKING JOBS FROM AMERICANS LIKE ME spigot: TUBS/TROUGHS/SPECIAL-PURPOSE BENCHES!!!!!! ADMISSION $15

spigot: HOT TOWN / SUMMER IN THE CITY / $18.95 FOR A BOOK OF JERKCITY

deuce: t pants this is your new home pants: it's beautiful spigot: i like the skylight

pants: THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING FRY'S ELECTRONICS pants: SEE BACK FOR RETURN POLICY pants: YOUR BEST BUYS ARE ALWAYS AT FRY'S! pants: NUGGGGGGGGH pants: ANAL

pants: THESE GUYS TRULY HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST AS THEIR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY

pants: ANYWAY IF I HAVE NO FREE WILL THEN I MIGHT AS WELL JUST SUCK ALL THE DICKS AT ONCE IS WHAT I'M SAYING deuce: AND BEGIN pants: YOUR BIRD-LIKE DICK deuce: IN THAT IT HAS A BEAK OR THAT IT MAKES BUK BUK BUK SOUNDS (BOTH TRUE) uncredited caveman: GAHHHHHHHHHHHH NUGGGGGGGGH GAAAAH HUNNGH NUGGGH HUHHHHHHH

pants: I WOULD LIKE TO BE DRAGGED BEHIND YOUR BUMPER deuce: I LIKE YOUR CAN-DO ATTITUDE

pants: TO OPT OUT OF THE SIMULATION, PRESS ONE pants: FOR SPANISH PRESS TWO pants: OR PRESS # FOR THE OPERATOR deuce: $ pants: WELCOME TO MOVIEFONE deuce: Q spigot: GURK GOLP DOING MORE WITH LESS

spigot: OKAY SIR!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THANKS FOR YOUR FAT MOUTHY WORDS AND OPINION spigot: [TRASH]

deuce: WISHING FOR DICK deuce: T PANTS THIS IS YOUR CUE

spigot: TOUNGING WNAGS pants: HUG-AH-LUG-AH

: IN [redacted] WE TRUST : e pluribus [redacted] spigot: SPLORK SPLOP YOUR FACE spigot: SPLUT PTHH YOUR FACE

atandt: [B atandt: [A atandt: [A spigot: GET YOUR FACE OFF THE KEYBOARD

spigot: BONER (NOUN): WHAT POKES INTO YOUR FACE AND HEAD spigot: THAT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I SMOOSHED MY OWN POO ALL OVER A PROSTITUTE deuce: AM I THAT PROSTITUTE

pants: I LOVE YOU deuce: IN YOUR OWN WAY

spigot: SPIGOT APPEARS IN A POOFY CLOUD OF GAY FATNESS spigot: PUT YOUR FACE IN MY LAP WHILE I EAT MY POTATOES

: mmm yeah oooh boy duh your face will catch my spurt net: I COULD STILL MAKE IT TO THE STORE TO LEGALLY BUY ALCHOHOL deuce: Y deuce: OR YOU COULD COME OVER HERE AND BOTH STROKE AND SUCK ME (AS PER OUR CONTRACT)

deuce: I DON'T THINK THAT YOU PEOPLE ARE TAKING ME SERIOUSLY (GHLAGHLAGHLGA) pants: (HAUGHAULGAHLGAG) WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT HULAGHAULGHALG

pants: HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR FATNESS LATELY deuce: YOU CAN'T BE REFERRING TO ME !!!!!!!!!!!! pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU AGAIN (SQUINTING, TRYING TO MAKE YOU OUT) deuce: I DON'T KNOW EITHER deuce: JUST CARRY ON LIKE I'M NOT HERE GLHGULHGULHGULHGULHG pants: THAT WILL BE DIFFICULT DUE TO THE HUAHGUAHGUAG

spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP spigot: BAM BAM BAM BAM WAKE UP IN STALL 2 spigot: I'M YOUR FRIEND IN THE DIAMOND BUSINESS spigot: OKAY SLIPPING MY BUSINESS CARD UNDER THE DOOR SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW ME spigot: PLEASE LET GO OF MY PANT LEG spigot: HOLY spigot: *BONK*

pants: SPIGOT THE BEAR / ROAMS EVERYWHERE / HE'S YOUR FRIEND / MY FRIEND / SPIGOT THE BEAR spigot: THAT'S ME!!!!!!! :: POKES HEAD THROUGH CARTOON CIRCLE, WINKS, GIVES THUMBS-UP

spigot: WILL MY SPRITELY ATTITUDE COUNT FOR SOMETHING?????????? deuce: WHERE'S MY COFFEE LIKE I ASKED YOU TEN MINUTES AGO deuce: DO YOUR FUCKING JOB OR WHAM !!!!!! spigot: BLOGS

dick: NOT A ONE OF YOU HAS EVEN ASKED ME A BOUT MY NEW KLEAN KANTEEN spigot: HOW DID YOU SETTLE ON THE KLEAN KANTEEN AND NOT JUST ANY OL' RANDOM TIN CAN FROM THE BASKET AT SALVATION ARMY (LOOK DOWN AT YOUR FEET UNDER THE VCRS) spigot: ANSWER ME YOU FUCKING GOON spigot: T DICK HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS CAN I EXPRESS INTEREST IN YOUR FUCKING PISS JUG

deuce: GO GET YOUR FUCKIN' SHINEBOX pants: OK BRB

pants: YOUR 2023 GOOGLE TIMELINE HIGHLIGHTS: CITIES VISITED pants: WALGREENS

deuce: YOU ARE GO FOR POO deuce: DO NOT ENGAGE HOSTILES, THE POO IS YOUR HIGHEST PRIORITY deuce: ALL OTHER PRIORITIES RESCINDED.

pants: BIIIIIIIG BONGHIT THEN EXHALE pants: WAIT PATIENTLY pants: SEE GOD pants: GREET HIM, ASK HIM ABOUT THE PLATYPUS pants: WRITE ANSWER DOWN THIS TIME

deuce: SHOW ME YOUR INVENTION : PANTS WETS HIMSELF deuce: REFUND : PANTS WETS YOU deuce: MOP

spigot: FOLKS YOUR LICKING DICK NAME IS YOUR FIRST NAME PLUS YOUR LAST NAME

atandt: I ASKED FOR A BLOWJOB NOT YOUR LIFE STORY deuce: BUT I WAS TRYING TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION WITH AN ANECDOTE

deuce: I HAVE REVIEWED YOUR LIFE'S WORK AND FOUND IT [ ] SATISFACTORY [ ] WANTING [ ] UNACCEPTABLE

pants: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD KNOW (DOOT DOOT) pants: HOW TO EAT SHIT: AN ESSAY pants: CHAPTER ONE: SHIT EATING pants: HAULGHA LHF08YF CHOMP HORBFHLF BALGBAG deuce: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S 326 PAGES OF THAT pants: AND $49.95 pants: EVEN AT SUPER CROWN !!! deuce: WELL IT **IS** THE DEFINITIVE REFERENCE

pants: T DEUCE IF YOUR MOUTH WAS A CUNT I’D FUCK IT pants: HEY YOU KNOW WHAT deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO GO HOME NOW

dick: WE PISSED ALL OVER YOUR NEW JERKCITY TODAY dick: HA HA dick: HA HA dick: HA dick: SMELLS LIKE PISS NOW

pants: HAHA deuce: HAHA pants: SO BY MY CALCULATIONS THAT'S HAHAHAHA deuce: HA'S DON'T FOLLOW YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN LAWS OF ADDITION

pants: EARLIER TODAY I EXPERIENCED A TIGHTNESS IN MY CHEST THAT BECAME A PAIN AND THEN I TOOK A HUGE DUMP AND FELT BETTER pants: IS THIS FOR A CLASS OR JUST BEING GAY WITH PISS pants: DON'T WRITE THAT DOWN

atandt: I THINK WE SHOULD ALL CRADLE MY BALLS CAREFULLY atandt: ARE YOU PEOPLE LISTENING atandt: ARE YOU THE POPE atandt: I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY atandt: YOUR POPENESS

spigot: YOU LIKE YOUR PORN MORE THAN YOU LIKE ME

deuce: YOU ARE FODDER FOR THE BEATING deuce: THAT IS WHY GOD MADE YOU deuce: THAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE deuce: TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END OF PUNCHES AND KICKS