deuce: I SAID COCKS pants: I HEAR YOU BROTHER deuce: OH YES pants: BRING IT ON deuce: COCKS I SAY pants: HALLELUJAH

deuce: JESUS LOVES ME / THIS I KNOW deuce: FOR THE BIBLE / GLAGHLAHGGHLH H HL HLAGH LAHG LHAGLH deuce: DIABETES IS COOL BECAUSE YOU CAN SMOKE CRACK AND GET AWAY WITH IT

spigot: MORE LIKE FROGGY WENT A-SUCKIN pants: SEXUALLY MANHANDLED deuce: APPROPRIATELY SHAKEN pants: NEVER STIRRED deuce: SHAKEN LIKE A BAD BABY deuce: OR A GOOD BABY WITH BAD PARENTS

pants: AND SO JESUS CAME OUT OF THE CAVE AND SAID "IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY" pants: GHALUGHLUAGH spigot: BUALBGULABGLUAG deuce: HLUAGHULALGAG

spigot: FOR THE LOVE OF PRICKS pants: T SPIGOT HOW DID YOU GET BACK IN deuce: T PANTS I THOUGHT WE BANNED HIM spigot: I DOVE INTO THE TOILET LIKE TRAINSPOTTING pants: AND HERE YOU ARE spigot: T PANTS AND BONKED MY HEAD AND WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND ENDED UP HERE pants: WELCOME

spigot: I SAY AGAIN: PEOPLESOFT deuce: MAKING SWEET SWEET LOVE TO THE CAMERA deuce: DUMPING deuce: NOW I AM TOTALLY GAY spigot: JAMMING MY THUMBS IN MY EYES AND OEDIPUS REXING MYSELF OUT THE DOOR AND HOPEFULLY TO THE BUS STOP

pants: AHLUGHAGLUALUGHG pants: BAGLBHALGBLUAGHLBG pants: HALGHALGHLAGHLUAG pants: LAGHALUGHALUGGAG pants: FHALGHLUAGHLUAG pants: BLKBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB pants: AHEM pants: THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN WILL SEE YOU NOW (RIGHT THIS WAY)

spigot: FRESHLY BAKED DONGS!!!!!!! deuce: YAY spigot: I REJECT YOUR GAY ANTHEMS AND ALL THEY STAND FOR spigot: I'M TURNING INTO SOMEONE I DON'T LIKE VERY MUCH deuce: IN WHAT WAY AND HOW CAN I HELP STRETCH YOU OUT

deuce: EVERYONE SUCK ON IT deuce: AND I MEAN NOW PEOPLE

pants: OH GOD IT'S EATING ME pants: DANGLING ME BY MY LEG PRECARIOUSLY OVER HIS MOUTH AND JAWS pants: OH WHY AM I NOT DYING

pants: SLAP WHAP pants: AND THEN, WHEN I WAS FIVE pants: NOW IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE A 2,000 YEAR OLD MAN IS THAT RIGHT spigot: FIRST THEY CAME FOR THE USELESS SACKS OF SHIT AND I SAID NOTHING pants: DO YOU HAVE JASON BOURNE IN CUSTODY

ozone: AND I SAY UNTO YOU: ASS RAPE net: I SEE YOUR ASS RAPE AND RAISE A YOU A MOUTH RAPE AND A COCK-AND-BALL TORTURE ozone: I SEE YOUR PILE OF RAPE AND RAISE YOU SOME DIAPER PLAY net: I FOLD ozone: I TAKE YOUR RAPE HURRRR deuce: OKAY EVERYBODY OUT OF THE POOL

pants: DICKS (AND I WANT THEM NOW)

pants: DOORKNOBS, TOILET SEATS

pants: TELL SPIGOT YOU DID NOT FIND MY GAY PORN QUITE A BIT OF IT IS BULKED UP IN MY COLON AND MY DESK DRAWERS HERE AND MY TRUNK AND ALSO DAD'S VAN

pants: AND NOW TO PUNCH MYSELF IN THE COCK AND STUFF MYSELF IN THE DUMBWAITER

deuce: FUCK POLIO

atandt: NOW FOR [REDACTED] spigot: OUR FIRST GUEST HAS HAD A [REDACTED] FOR THREE WEEKS deuce: BACK TO THE [REDACTED] PORTION OF OUR PROGRAM

pants: I SAT ON A BENCH OUTSIDE AND NOW MY BOTTOM IS WET spigot: WAS IT REALLY A BENCH OR WERE YOU IN THE FOUNTAIN LOOKING FOR COINS pants: THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER

deuce: COCKS? pants: OKAY pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRR pants: BUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH pants: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM pants: AND REST

deuce: LOOK I'M JUST GOING TO COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT deuce: DICKS ARE GROSS deuce: HLUGAULHGAULHGAULAHGAULHGLHUGALUHGAUHULGALUHGAUHLHGAUL

deuce: And deuce: SEAN CONNERY deuce: As Professor Henry Jones

pants: HGLAHGLUAHLGHAULGHUG pants: BGHAHLGAUHGULAHGULAH pants: LAGHUAGLAHUGLAHLUHUG

pants: HLAGHUALGHLAGAGAG pants: ROLLING UP MY SLEEVES, TAKING THEM ON TEN AT A TIME pants: GHLAGHULAGHLAHGLUAG

deuce: HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW pants: ABOUT THE SAME

deuce: BHABHLBALHAB spigot: ANOTHER DAY

spigot: IF I CLICK ANOTHER LIGHT-BROWN-HAIRED GIRL PIC WHICH YIELDS A DOPEY COW-EYED RIOT GRRRL STARING OFF INTO SPACE I'M GOING TO LICK MY OWN DICK spigot: GURF BLURF CHOKING MYSELF DOWN spigot: LIFE'S RICH PAGEANT

spigot: OH BOY spigot: THE POLKA-DOT DOOR, THE POLKA-DOT DOOR spigot: LET'S PEEK THROUGH TO THE POLKA-DOT DOOR spigot: FOR SONGS AND STORIES AND SO MUCH MORE spigot: DOOT DA DOOT BA DOOT DOOT spigot: THROUGH THE POLKA DOT DOOR spigot: HI I'M DON AND WELCOME TO THE POLKA DOT DOOR spigot: HUHHHH HUBRHLULU STAGEFRIGHT spigot: HURRRRRRR HURRRRRRRR TRYING TO BREATHE spigot: BLUHH HUHHHHH THE POLKA-DOTS ARE ALL OVER ME NOW spigot: HURRRRRRRRR SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING

spigot: HITLER WAS WRONG TO MURDER ALL THOSE JEWS AND SO WAS I

pants: BEAT ME OFF AT AN EARLY-AFTERNOON SHOWING OF THE PEANUTS MOVIE pants: BE SUBTLE ABOUT IT

spigot: WILL YOU JUST FUCKING LOOK DOWN AND SEE THE FLAMING BAG OF DOG SHIT AND STEP ON IT

pants: EXPOSITORY BLATHER pants: THESE DICKS AND THOSE DICKS AND THAT DICK OVER THERE pants: THE CONTENTS OF ALL OF OUR FANNYPACKS, COMBINED

spigot: BLAHBLHABLHAB CAN'T SHUT UP ABOUT CURLY BRACES spigot: I TRIED INDENTING THEM BUT IT JUST WOULDN'T WORK spigot: THEN IT CAME OVER AND PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE AND THAT SEEMED TO WORK JUST FINE

deuce: I WILL POP YOUR TITS AND PUNCH YOU IN THE CUNT

pants: AND THEN THERE WERE FOUR DICKS IN MY FACE AND THAT'S WHEN I SURRENDERED

deuce: AND THE / HOOOOME / OF THE / BRAAAAVE pants: STATIC spigot: SO. MUCH. THIS.

spigot: PLEASE PLACE ME ON MASTURBATIVE LEAVE deuce: I BROKE MY WANG SO I'LL NEED DISABILITY TOO

spigot: THEN I BEAT OFF AND WENT TO BED

spigot: okay hitting STOP and then rewinding a few milliseconds purely by feel and then a big ker-chonk with both PLAY and the orange RECORD spigot: MOM SHUT **UP** I AM RECORDING THE KTEH PLEDGE BREAKS spigot: fucking BITCH

deuce: HEY EVERYBODY WHAT'S UP

deuce: CAN I CHEW YOU UP AND THEN SWALLOW YOU AND THEN DIGEST YOU AND THEN POOP YOU OUT AND THEN REASSEMBLE YOU (TOOTHPICKS, PAPER CLIPS, SPIT) AND THEN REPEAT deuce: OR IS THAT TOO 1997 pants: YEAH THINKING YAHOO HOME PAGE deuce: LOTS OF TABLES

pants: WHATCHA DOIN spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP

deuce: AN URGENT RUNNY SHIT INTERRUPTED ME pants: AND THEN THE SQUIRTING BEGAN deuce: INDEED IT WAS SQUIRTING AND BURNING, NO QUESTION pants: THREE WIVES SIX SHRINKS AND I STILL LOVE WHORES

spigot: the pants and melinda gates foundation

atandt: WELCOME TO JERKCITY atandt: PLEASE, NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY atandt: AND WE HOPE YOU ENJOY THE SHOW pants: SOAPING DIE FUCKERS ONTO THE BATHROOM WALL

spigot: FAGGED OUT deuce: AND WHAT A POO IT WAS

pants: ANTICIPATORY DROOLING AND WHAT HAVE YOU

spigot: DICKLICKERY AND WHATEVER ELSE GOES ON AT THE OPERA

pants: A WHAT pants: GET A ROPE

pants: VICODIN pants: BONGHITS pants: CHOCOLATE MILK pants: AND YES pants: I DO WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT

deuce: HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL AND YET DISGUSTINGLY HOMOSEXUAL

pants: BONK BONK BONK I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FLY deuce: PHYSICS SAYS I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO EXIST AND YET I DO

spigot: I SPLASHED EAU DE PARFUME ON MY NUTS AND YOU SAID NOTHING spigot: WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER spigot: STILL IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HEAR A THANK YOU

pants: HAVE YOU GOT AN ERECTION, BOY ????? spigot: CUT pants: BOY HAVE ***YOU*** GOT AN ERECTION !!!! spigot: CUT spigot: THE LINE IS: " HAVE YOU A VALEDICTION, BOY-O " pants: HAS THAT BOY GOT AN ERECTION OR ****WHAT*** ??!?! spigot: CUT pants: BOY-O-BOY DO I LIKE BOYS' ERECTIONS spigot: CUT

pants: punch pants: pow pants: crawlspace pants: barrel pants: desert

pants: i literally wanted to see what i looked like sad pants: also the elevator down took a long time pants: no i'm fine to chat

pants: MAYBE SOMEDAY WE CAN USE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TO HAVE KEVIN COSTNER RE-DO THE VOICE OVER FOR _WINGS OF DESIRE_ INSTEAD OF THAT DREARY GERMAN

spigot: DEAR ANNABEL CHONG spigot: I NOTICED IN YOUR GANG BANG VIDEO HOW COMPLETELY USELESS AND UNWATCHABLE YOU ARE spigot: NOT TO MENTION HOW DISINTERESTING AND DICK-LIMPENING

deuce: THE SUN'LL COME OUT deuce: TOMORROW deuce: BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLHUBB HURRRF MUP DUP DANG

deuce: I AM DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT TO DRINK ANOTHER BEER deuce: ANNNNNNNNOTHER deuce: YES FOLKS I WAS JUST TESTING THE KEY REPEAT RATE

deuce: OKAY ALL YOU FUCKERS WHO ARE POSTING THE DREW FUCKING BARRYMORE PICTURES TO THE BLACKGIRL GROUPS CAN CUT IT THE FUCK OUT

pants: BUILDING ELABORATE LEGO MINDSTORM PROJECTS AND EATING THEM

deuce: WHY IS THE NTSB INVESTIGATING MY BONER pants: 289 DEAD AND ANOTHER 79 ON THE GROUND

pants: why did the marines in aliens ask if it was "another bug hunt" have they dealt with bugs before deuce: the implication is clearly yes

pants: AND A ONE AND A TWO AND HLGAHGLAHGLHALGUHHHGUALHLUAG pants: WILL YOU TRIM MY EYEBROWS ?!?!? WILL YOU HOLD MY HAND WHILE/WHILST I PRICK IT, ENJOY IT ?!?!?!?!?! WILL YOU USE THE BLOW DRYER ON MY UNDERBELLY ?!?!?!?!?!?! COULD I HAVE ANOTHER COOKIE :!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

spigot: HERE'S DORKY spigot: PLEASE CALL ME MR. FAT spigot: LATER DIPSHITS

deuce: HELP THE INTERNET LEAKED OUT OF MY MACHINE AND ALL OVER THE FLOOR deuce: OH WAIT deuce: THAT'S PISS deuce: NEVER MIND deuce: BUT THIS BRINGS UP ANOTHER ISSUE

spigot: COMING UP NEXT: ANOTHER POETRY BOOK BY JEWEL spigot: UNICORNS spigot: UNICORNS spigot: UNICORNS spigot: THE END

atandt: RRRRRRRRRAWRDA DDDDDDDDDDDDD RERRRRRRRRRRRRR pants: IT'S LIKE GRAND THEFT AUTO BUT WITH ZOMBIES (NEEDS MORE SAVE SLOTS) (pants): B-BUT DOWNLOADING FOOD IS A CRIME atandt: QWQAQWQWQQQQQ QQQQQQQQQQQQQQ QQQQQQQQQQ QQQQQQQQQ atandt: AFAFA AAAAAAAAAAAAAF AF AF AFAFAFA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AFAFAFAF 8888888888888888888888888 pants: MAYBE BY 2013 WE'LL GET TO SEE THE INSIDE OF THAT GODDAMN BARN

pants: POOP deuce: SHOW ME deuce: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR UNSUBSTANTIATED CLAIMS OF POOP deuce: I REQUIRE PROOF pants: CUPPED IN HANDS deuce: IS THIS THE REAL STUFF OR ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR TRICKS pants: TASTE IT deuce: NEEDS MORE BUTTER

spigot: CLICK HERE TO BEGIN TARZAN'S INTERACTIVE ADVENTURE!!!!! spigot: CMD-W spigot: ANOTHER POP UP WINDOW?????? spigot: CLICK HERE TO DO LAUNDRY AND MAKE POTSTICKERS WITH MULAN!!!!! spigot: ALT+F4

spigot: DO YOU LIKE CHEX PARTY MIX W/PRETZELS deuce: I TOOK ANOTHER RUNNY SHIT (2/2 TODAY)

pants: t deuce also we should drive around with the top down listening to erasure deuce: fine but only after my fattening (pizza arrived)

deuce: DO YOU THINK IF I HELD MY NEIGHBORS DOWN AND FILLED THEM WITH PISS THEY WOULD QUIET DOWN spigot: I AM THAT PISS

pants: A GUMP WITH A TALL BANK

deuce: T PANTS I'M A DIPHTHONG pants: T DEUCE YOU MEAN A WARTHOG pants: HUMP atandt: HONK deuce: HURF pants: THE THREE H'S deuce: HUHHHHHHHHHHHH (EXHALE) pants: FOUR H'S pants: I LIED ABOUT THE CANCER

deuce: THEY'VE BEEN MANUFACTURING ANTIMATTER FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW spigot: WHEN PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ANTIMATTER ARE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME I CANCEL THEM OUT deuce: WANGSAGLHGAHLGAHLGA YOU WILL HAVE TO SHOW RESPECT TO GET YOUR DICKS SIR spigot: DON'T BE DISSING MY LOW TOLERANCE FOR LEARNING, SCIENCE spigot: HURGLE DURGLE IT'S THE ECONOMY STUPID URF BURF WHATEVER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

spigot: ANY 1 STROKIN' IT???? deuce: HOLY JESUS spigot: ARE YOU CLINT BLACK OR GARTH BROOKS??????? deuce: I'M PATTI LABELLE I KEEP TELLING YOU deuce: YOU PEOPLE AREN'T LISTENING TO ME

spigot: HAVE YOU MADE ANY EFFORT WHATSOEVER TOWARD ELIMINATING SINGLE-USE BUTTPLUGS AND REDUCING YOUR CARBON ASSPRINT

bung: ANY FAGS AROUND spigot: MY HAND IS UP

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK!!! spigot: PRINCE??????? spigot: IT'S ME BUDDY spigot: HOW YA DOIN' spigot: LAYIN' DOWN ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR spigot: I HEAR THAT!!!!! spigot: READY TO "MOVE ON" AS THEY SAY spigot: BEEN THERE!!!!! spigot: QUICK QUESTION spigot: RE: TWITTER spigot: ANY FINAL THOUGHTS TWEET-WISE spigot: ANY TWEET IDEAS, FINAL TWEETS spigot: GONNA HOLD THIS TABLET NEAR YOUR HANDS spigot: YOU TYPE WHAT MAKES SENSE spigot: WHATEVER FEELS RIGHT spigot: MAYBE A SHOUT OUT TO A LONG-SUFFERING ASSISTANT??? spigot: JOKING!!!! spigot: UNLESS YOU WANT TO spigot: PRINCE spigot: PRINCE, BUDDY spigot: PRINCE spigot: WHEW!!! THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD

spigot: T DEUCE IN ASIAN CULTURES IT'S CONSIDERED A SIGN OF RESPECT TO DRIVE TO SF AND HAND ME THE BONG THAT FELL OUT THE WINDOW spigot: AND THEN DRIVE BACK WITHOUT ASKING FOR A BEVERAGE spigot: OR ANY FORM OF CONVERSATION

pants: YOU EVER SMOKE SO MUCH POT deuce: WHAT pants: WHAT deuce: WHAT THE WHAT pants: WHAT deuce: YOU SAID IT NOT ME pants: WHAT pants: OKAY pants: YOU EVER SMOKE SO MUCH POT

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF FLOWER I'D BE A BIG FAT ANGRY COCK spigot: AND I WOULD BE THE HUGLURHLUGHRLUH BIRD

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF MOUSE I'D BE A TIT MOUSE

pants: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF TREE I'D BE A FUCKING FAGGOT

pants: UP AGAINST THE WALL pants: YOU AND YOU AND YOU pants: NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE, SMOKING IS A DIRTY HABIT pants: READY pants: AIM pants: WHAT IS IT NOW

pants: PISSING 33% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 66% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 99% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 99% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 99% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 99% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 99% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 99% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 99% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 99% COMPLETE pants: PISSING 99% COMPLETE deuce: SOME LEAKED

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY NEUROTRANSMITTER I'D BE ACETYLCHOLINE pants: I SUCK DICK IN THE BATHROOM

pants: WHILE THE DICKS GIGGLE THE COCKS TICK deuce: SOME OF THE DICKS ARE NOT TICKLISH SO THEY DO NOT GIGGLE pants: WHAT DO THEY DO deuce: THEY JUST LOOK QUIZZICALLY AT YOU pants: AWWWW spigot: I AM NOT FOLLOWING ANY OF THIS spigot: SEALING MY EPISODE GUIDE IN A MYLAR BAG

deuce: SOILING MYSELF deuce: NOT THINKING ANY OF THIS IS FUNNY deuce: PARTICULARLY THE PART ABOUT THE RAPE

deuce: WHO WANTS TO LICK MYD ICK : DEUCE CONVENIENTLY IGNORES HIS TYPO deuce: ANYONE

spigot: ANY SECOND NOW MY ASHTRAY WITH CORK KNOCKER IS GOING TO SHOW UP

deuce: WHOLLY GAY AND SINGING A SONG pants: PRETTY MUCH YES pants: COCKS FOR THE SOUL PLEASE pants: I'LL TAKE ANY THAT AREN'T TOO DINGED UP pants: THOSE THAT ARE, WELL, I'M HAPPY FOR THEM BUT THEY DON'T MAKE THE FINAL CUT pants: OH OKAY WHAT THE HELL HURRRRRR MMPPPFTTHHTHH STUFFING MYSELF WITH COCKS

pants: ANYWAY: DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY COCK deuce: GROSS pants: I DIDN'T HEAR NO

deuce: DOES ANYONE WANT TO CHECK INTO MY NET YET ??? TAKING CALLSIGNS ALPHA THROUGH ZULU ??? ZERO CHECKINS SO FAR BUT THERE'S STILL PLENTY OF TIME BEFORE THE BUFFALO SUPER NITWIT NET AT 8:30 deuce: WHY DOES **BLEEP**ING ANYONE PARTICIPATE IN THIS **BLEEP**TY **BLEEP**ING HOBBY ANYMORE ANYWAY

spigot: ANYONE HERE BEATING IT!!!!!!!!!!????? deuce: NO deuce: T SPIGOT YES spigot: ATE TOO MANY MASHED POTATOES spigot: NEED SOMEONE TO COME DOWN TO FAGTOWN AND HUG ME / HOLD ME

spigot: T DEUCE IS THERE ANYONE IN THE MARVEL OR DC UNIVERSE WHO CAN GET SOFT ON DEMAND deuce: THAT'S ONLY AVAILABLE IN EARTH-636

atandt: I LIKE THE BEFRIENDING AND DRUGGING PART atandt: BUT atandt: I'LL HAVE TO PASS ON THE RANSACKING AND STEALING spigot: IS THAT ANYTHING LIKE COCKSUCKING

spigot: WOMEN ARE NUMBER ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THEY CAN DO ANYTHING MEN CAN DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: LET'S HEAR IT FOR PROSTITUTES AND HUMILIATING JIZZ VIDEOS