deuce: YE NO spigot: NMAYBE

spigot: I'M A BLUE-CHIP DICKLICKER pants: I'M SIMPLY A BLUE-COLLAR COCKSUCKER

pants: WHAT COLOR IS THE SKY IN YOUR WORLD deuce: BLUE pants: SAME HERE!!! LET’S BE FRIENDS

spigot: I'M NINETEEN AND THEREFORE FIGHT CLUB IS THE GREATEST UNDERGROUND CULT MOVIE EVER!!!!!!! spigot: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BRAZIL AND CLOCKWORK ORANGE AND BLUE VELVET AND THE CROW

dick: THERE ONCE WAS A HERMIT NAMED DEUCE (PLEASE FINISH) deuce: SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING GOOSE deuce: BLUH BLAH DICKS deuce: BLAH BLUH PRICKS dick: PLZ PUT JEWS IN THERE SOMEWHERE

spigot: BLURKLPTH SORRY BLURKLPTH SORRY BLURKLPTH SORRY BLURKLPTH SORRY

: WED JAN 18 2008 : PANTS: WE CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO : PUBLISH ON TIME EVERY DAY : PANTS: WE SHOULD CHECK ALL THE : BATTERIES IN THE SMOKE ALARMS : PANTS: THIS IS A MERRY PICNIC WE ARE : HAVING pants: WE CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO PUBLISH ON TIME EVERY DAY pants: WHAT IF WE NEED TO SLEEP IN, BEAT OFF, PASS OUT, RECOVER THEN BEAT OFF SOME MORE ????????? pants: WHAT IF

deuce: haha who downloaded a Bob Lazar movie pants: what's that deuce: a UFO bullshitter pants: I'd Google it but I honestly forgot how to switch windows so I live here now deuce: well then settle down, I'll make you a cup of hot cocoa deuce: (loud farting sounds off-camera) pants: also a blanket pants: a big strong fireman

deuce: BOBA FETT IS DEFINITELY SUCKING ME OFF THROUGH THE GLORY HOLE deuce: MAYBE IT'S JABBA THE HUT deuce: IT'S HARD TO TELL WHEN ALL YOU HAVE TO FEEL AROUND IN THERE IS YOUR DICK

pants: JUSTIFY MY LOVE (FOR DICK) deuce: POP pants: PONK (pants): PLOP pants: GORT pants: GLUG pants: CLOG deuce: IS THIS BOGGLE

spigot: TO MAKE SOMETHING BOLD I USE THE BOLD TAG deuce: I'VE FOUND THAT ITALIC IS USEFUL TO MAKE THINGS LOOK SLANTY

spigot: THERE IS LIFE IN THIS STALL spigot: CLEARLY

deuce: CALLING IN A BOMB THREAT pants: FAG deuce: I PREFER THE TERM "HOMO"

deuce: WORDS FORM IN MY HEAD AND I TYPE THEM HERE deuce: FOR THAT I APOLOGIZE deuce: USE THE CODE `BONEQUEST2023` AT CHECKOUT FOR 15% OFF ALL FRESH DILDOS

atandt: IS THIS THING ON atandt: WELCOME TO BONEQUEST atandt: BONEQUEST IS ENJOYED BY THOUSANDS OF READERS DAILY atandt: THE FIRST STRIP WAS PUBLISHED ON AUGUST 17, 1998 atandt: THE STRIP FEATURES MYSELF AND OTHER CHARACTERS HAVING ADVENTURES atandt: FOR MORE INFORMATION, WRITE TO ROOT@ BONEQUEST.COM atandt: THIS CONCLUDES OUR BROADCAST atandt: I'LL JUST FONDLE MYSELF IN THIS LEFTOVER PANEL

pants: WE SHALL NEVER SURRENDER deuce: I WOULD SUCK CHURCHILL OFF IF HE WERE A REAL PERSON deuce: WHO SAID THAT NOT ME THAT'S WHO

spigot: art is for fags

pants: please finish jacking me off before you jack off a totally unrelated dick (or series of dicks)

deuce: happy new year, every oneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee deuce: (overly loud 400 Hz middle A sine wave) (garbled talking) (static)

deuce: LET US KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO TO HELP pants: OR MAKE THINGS WORSE

deuce: I DECLARE A BONEQUEST INQUEST deuce: THIS INQUEST IS HEREBY CLOSED

pants: T DEUCE CAN I USE CHAT GPT TO WRITE A BONEQUEST NOVEL (OBVIOUSLY VOLUME 1 OF MANY!!!!!!!!) deuce: NO deuce: YOU MUST TYPE ALL THE STUPID WORDS YOURSELF pants: AND THEN SUDDENLY SUPERMAN BURST INTO THE ROOM WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE deuce: YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR 64K SEGMENTATION LIMIT.

deuce: BLEW A TROLL. BLEW A TROLL. BLEW A TROLL. YOU MADE YOUR SAVING THROW! BLEW A TROLL.

pants: BONEQUEST.COM IS PROUD TO BE THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF BONEQUEST pants: VISIT US ON THE INTERNETS spigot: HOLY HONKS AND BONKS pants: DIPPING THE TIP OF MY PRICK INTO THE HONEY MUSTARD

spigot: GIVE ME A REASON TO PARTICIPATE IN LIFE TODAY pants: NOW OPEN: WWW.BONEQUEST.STORE deuce: SHOPPING FOR BONES pants: CELEBRATE CAPITALISM spigot: :TELEPHONE_RECEIVER: CLONK BA-DONK deuce: SERVER COMMUNICATION ERROR HAS OCCURRED pants: OH NO deuce: MY PAPERS ARE IN ORDER spigot: DONUT COURT IS NOW IN SESSION deuce: [LAW & ORDER THEME PLAYS] spigot: IS EVERYONE OPENING A BOUTIQUE IN NOB HILL spigot: WORRIED YOU'LL END UP IN THE HOSPITAL BEFORE PLACING YOUR ORDER AND PROCEEDING TO CHECKOUT

pants: SHOULD WE TELL THEM ??? atandt: NOT BEFORE TEA pants: FOLKS THIS A DUMB CARTOON atandt: FILLED WITH VIOLENCE AND IMMATURE JOKES pants: BREAKING DOWN THE THIRD WALL atandt: WE ARE WELL AWARE WE'RE CARTOON CHARACTERS pants: HUHHH pants: POSTMODERN HOMOPHOBIA pants: THE SINE QUA NON OF POSTMODERNITY atandt: DOPE, POO atandt: WE CALL THIS OBVIOUS CONSCIOUSNESS atandt: SELF-REFERENTIAL IRONY AND ALL THAT atandt: META-POP HYPERAWARENESS pants: SACKS FULL OF WET SOCKS atandt: SO: POO THEN pants: POO

pants: THE BONERS ARE ON FIRE pants: THE BONERS ARE ON FIRE deuce: FUCKING PUT THEM OUT pants: THE BONERS ARE ON FIRE

pants: T DEUCE PLEASE BAIL ME OUT OF BONER JAIL deuce: BANKRUPT

spigot: WHEN I POKE THE LOOSE FLAP IN HIS CUBE WALL AND PUSH MY FACE THROUGH AND SHOUT "BONER MANIA" SOMETIMES HE DROPS HIS FRESCA

spigot: SERVING SIZE 1 COOKIE spigot: SADDER THAN BABY SHOES NEVER WORN pants: IS THE BONERPLEX A REAL PLACE OR DID I JUST DREAM IT

deuce: LET'S PLAY BONER WARS pants: OKAY deuce: ZWWWWIP ZWWWWWAP WE'RE LIGHT SABRES pants: MINE IS JUST FLOPPY AND NOT MAKING COOL NOISES deuce: DUDE deuce: THAT IS JUST SO SAD pants: I SUSPECT I AM ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FORCE

deuce: BONERS AND BONGS spigot: AND IT TOOK PEPPERIDGE FARM TO PUT THEM TOGETHER

atandt: BONERS POKE deuce: HOPE FLOATS deuce: T ATANDT BUT YOUR PUPPET SHOW HAS BEEN BANNED IN FORTY SIX STATES atandt: T DEUCE YOU'RE BEGINNING TO SEE THE 'WHOLE PICTURE' IT APPEARS deuce: I BELIEVE IN A HOLISTIC VIEW

atandt: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BONG pants: THE WHAT ??? THE WHO ??? I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS PARTICULAR DEVICE BEFORE IN MY LIFE (SO HELP ME GOD, SO SAYETH THE FLOCK) atandt: WE SHOULD HAVE A FRANK DISCUSSION ABOUT DRUG ABUSE pants: (BONG NOISES) atandt: HOW DOES 3PM SOUND pants: I HAVE (BONG NOISES) AN APPOINTMENT FOR MY NAILS, HOW ABOUT 4:40 (MORE BONG NOISES)

atandt: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE PREVIOUSLY SCHEDULED BONGATHON ALREADY IN PROGRESS

atandt: PERHAPS BONGHITS WILL FIX THESE ... UHH atandt: UHH -- WHO WROTE THIS CRAP pants: I'VE GOT A GAG WE COULD USE INSTEAD ABOUT SUCKING OFF AQUAMAN (UNDERWATER)

spigot: BONJOUR spigot: I'M PIERRE THE FRENCH DICKLICKER!!!!!!!!! spigot: WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT

pants: SACRE BLEU pants: THE LANDLORD, SHE IS HERE FOR ZE RENT spigot: I WILL STUFF MY FAT ASS INTO THE VENT, WHILE YOU STALL HIM WITH YOUR FEMININE WILES pants: JEAN-CHARLES, WHAT SHOULD WE DO!? spigot: I AM STUCK!! GET PIERRE TO SHOVE MY LEGS INTO ZE CRAWLSPACE spigot: MY BULBOUS NOSE, IT IS PUSHED HARD INTO THE FIREWOOD spigot: I DRIVE A LE CAR, HOW ABOUT YOU pants: JEAN-CHARLES, YOU ARE IN TROUBLE AGAIN spigot: THERE WILL BE NO CROISSANTS DUE TO YOUR BUMBLING, CLOUSEAU-ESQUE ANTICS

spigot: T PANTS DID YOU EVER FIND OUT WHO ATE ALL THE COOKIES IN THE COOKIE DRAWER. spigot: *BONK* WITH THE SHOVEL AND *FLUMP* INTO THE HOLE SO THERE'S REALLY NO WAY WE CAN EVER KNOW FOR SURE

pants: SQUIRT deuce: IT BURNS, ETC. pants: BONK ME deuce: I BONK THEE pants: BOTH EYES deuce: POOR YOU (BONK)

pants: I, DICKLICKER pants: SOME KIND OF GAY BONUS TRACK pants: MOAR pants: BECAUSE MOAR pants: MY SUNNY SIDE UP pants: BEWARE OF MANCUNT pants: POKE, CHOKE

deuce: THAT'S IT, I'M GETTIN' A BOOB JOB

spigot: A BOOK CLUB BUT WE SHOOT THE BOOKS deuce: DO WE HAVE TO BUY OUR OWN AMMUNITION pants: OR OUR OWN BOOKS

deuce: WELP SOMEONE'S BEEN DIPPING INTO THE ANGELS OF DEBAUCHERY SERIES spigot: F-FOR A BOOK REPORT

spigot: HUFFING AND PUFFING DON'T DRIVE AWAY spigot: COME BACK BOOKMOBILE spigot: I THINK WE'VE ALL LEARNED SOMETHING ABOUT BOOKS TODAY

pants: BLOWJOBS AT A SURPRISINGLY LOW COST

pants: I JUST WANT TO SEE THE MISSILES HIT THE BUILDINGS IN COLOR THIS TIME deuce: WHATEVER AS LONG AS THE PRICE OF GAS GOES DOWN AND DIRTY PEOPLE DIE pants: LIBYA IS NEXT, THEN MICHIGAN pants: BOOM BAM BAM BAM NAPALM

spigot: ENJOY THESE TITS FROM THE 20TH FUCKING CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: BOOM BOMB *SMASH* BURN KA-BLAM spigot: AND THESE 20 MISSILES

spigot: SANJAY DUTT HEADS BACK TO JAIL spigot: DOO DAH / DOO DAH spigot: (LIGHTS CIGAR) IT'S GOTTA BE BOOM BOOM BOOM, JOKE JOKE JOKE (STAMPS OUT CIGAR)

pants: I'M CONFUSED ABOUT SEX deuce: I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT pants: HELP ME OUT HERE deuce: IT'S AN ENTICING SUBJECT pants: ALL I NEED IS A BOOST TO GET THROUGH THE WINDOW deuce: ARE YOU A COP pants: I WILL BE YOUR GREEN GARDEN HOSE (USE ME TO WATER PLANTS AND WHAT NOT) pants: NO SIR I AM NOT deuce: GHLUAGLAHG

pants: GONNA NEED A BOOSTER SEAT FOR THIS GLORY HOLE pants: CAN'T QUITE REACH

pants: LET'S GET LOOSE/FUNKY deuce: BOOT deuce: I HAVE COMMITTED A CRIME AGAINST MAN AND GOD pants: LIE DOWN ON THE COLD BATHROOM FLOOR WITH ME OW OW OWO WOW OW OWO OW OWOW QUIT IT WOSUK ^B(&GDSVBON O NL EWOKS

spigot: YOUR NEW NAME IS BOOZY MCTYPO deuce: THOUGHT SO

pants: ADDING "ALSO, COCKS" IS BORERLINE VANDALISM IMO

spigot: T PANTS I ALSO HAVE A BUG WHERE ATANDT IS BORING (REPRODUCEABLE) atandt: HEY FUCK YOU

deuce: I'M A PROLAPSED CATHOLIC

spigot: GIVE ME TEN BJ'S IN A ROW OR I WON'T DOWNLOAD SEASON 2 OF BOSCH: LEGACY

spigot: fap or trap effigy: ...both?

net: T DEUCE I'M PRODDING YOU WITH A BACKDOOR/SUBSEVEN TROJAN HORSE deuce: T NET COULD YOU MOVE IT AROUND MORE BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING IN MY CAVERNOUS ASS net: THAT'S STEALTH, BABY deuce: NO IT'S THAT I'M WELL USED net: NOW THAT I'VE BOTH ARMS AND A TOASTER OVEN UP THERE I REALIZE THAT'S THE CASE deuce: I DO NOT LIE ABOUT SUCH THINGS EXCEPT WHEN I FEEL LIKE LYING WHICH IS MOST OF THE TIME

deuce: BAD KITTY pants: KISS BOTH ENDS deuce: I'M FULL pants: GEICO PEPSI

spigot: T ATANDT I SAW YOU AT THE DISCO atandt: I GUESS THE NEW YEAR MEANS I CAN START TYPING WITH BOTH HANDS

pants: COCKS, FAGS deuce: BOTH OF THOSE ARE HORRIBLE pants: I KNOW

spigot: FOLKS WE NEED A SHORT FAT CAMEL TYPE DEAL WITH RINKY-DINK CHOPSTICK LEGS AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOING ON INSIDE 📯 pants: WHICH SIDE DO I FUCK deuce: BE SERIOUS deuce: BOTH SIDES

pants: i swing both ways but only one way at a time (due to the laws of physics, the laws of santa clara county) deuce: one-way valve spigot: ****nutscrape**** rt if you agree

spigot: MY BONER WON'T LET ME SLEEP spigot: I'M GOING TO SEDATE IT WITH ALCOHOL spigot: WELL TURNS OUT THE BOTTLES OF WINE AND MY JARS OF URINE IN THE GARAGE LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE spigot: BOY THAT STAYS WITH YOU

spigot: DO U DARE ME TO SUCK MY OWN DICK spigot: I KINDA NEEDA YES/NO

deuce: YOU ARE CLEARLY A CZECH spigot: EMAIL ME IF YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY CRAZY NEW WEB COMIC CALLED BOUNCED CZECHS!!!!!!! spigot: TURNS OUT THE PARAGUAN SUBMILITARY ARE ALL FURRY RACCOON-LIKE CREATURES spigot: WITH OFFBEAT PERSONALITIES!!!!! spigot: BUT DON'T LET THEIR CUTENESS FOOL YOU!!!! spigot: TOON IN EACH MONDAY!!!!!!!!! spigot: THEN MY HEAD IN THE CUISINART pants: LEGGO MY PRICKO

pants: bow down and worship me deuce: death first pants: would sir care to be dumped in a pit with others deuce: sure

pants: ALL THIS CAN BE YOURS pants: IF YOU pants: BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME

pants: WOW A BOX OF COAT HANGERS spigot: T PANTS SERIOUSLY CONCERNED ABOUT CLONING HUMANS BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO BE GAY WITH MYSELF AND THEN THROW MYSELF AWAY IN DISGUST pants: THIS IS A HAPPY BIRTHDAY spigot: T PANTS GET OUT OF MY CLOSET

deuce: DOES PANTS STILL WORK AT JERKCITY deuce: HELLO deuce: WHERE DID YOU PEOPLE GO

spigot: HEY LOOK EVERYONE I'M ITALIAN spigot: MMM THAT'S A GOOD PIZZA PIE spigot: MY RED AND WHITE STRIPED SHIRT SURE FITS NICE spigot: I LIKE BOYS spigot: HOLY GOD MY WEINER JUST GOT FAT LIKE A SALAMI WHEN I SAID THAT spigot: I'D BETTER SHUT UP spigot: I'M GIOVANNI THE ITALIAN PEDOPHILE spigot: SHHHHHHHHHH spigot: CALZONES WILL KEEP MY MIND OFF BOYS spigot: I'M GOING TO SPURT OFF RIGHT HERE IN MY TIGHT PANTS spigot: THAT'S AMORE

spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS spigot: BOYS

effigy: APPARENTLY THE GROUP "BOYS II MEN" IS NOT A DELIVERY SERVCE

spigot: brachs jelly nougats deuce: nope deuce: I would like it stated for the record and posterity that _nougat_ looks like it's spelled wrong but it is not deuce: thank u for ur attention (now fuck me more in the ass)

spigot: OFER pants: FOR THE LOVE OF spigot: WOULD JUST LIKE TO LET ALL KNOW I'M HAPPY TO BE ABOARD THE TEAMS!!!!!! FROM JAPAN AND HAPPY WITH YOU!!!!!!!!! FOR ALL!!!!!!! pants: I'M THE REASON GLORY HOLES HAVE SAFETY RELEASES AND TOLL-FREE NUMBERS FOR REFUNDS spigot: BRACKAHAWK DOWN (SAY ALOUD SLOWLY LIKE DRUNKEN JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN) pants: I WILL WALK TEN PACES AWAY FROM YOU AND ELEVEN TOWARDS YOU

spigot: [NBC MELODY] spigot: [SEINFELD CORK POPPINGS] spigot: [SOMBER SNL PIANO TWINKLINGS SIGNIFYING THE END OF ANOTHER 90 MINUTES] deuce: [SPORADIC GUNFIRE]

spigot: YOU MIGHT SAY ALL THIS SARIN GAS IS MAKING ME VIETNUMB deuce: BANG THUMP THUMP pants: AND THEN THEY ALL LICKED DICK IN A MERRY PATCH OF CLOVER THE END !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: SO WHAT DO YOU THINK CAN WE GET BRAD PITT AS "DEUCE"

pants: PEDIR-LHE PENIS net: UM PENIS E' DENTRO DE MIM pants: NO'S SOMOS BLOQUEADOS DE ALGUM MODO net: EU OUC,O PASSOS pants: FILIAIS QUE RACHAM NA DISTA^NCIA net: NENHUM HOMEM E' URINATING EM E.U.

pants: MY PRECIOUS FIELD NOTES BRAND NOTEPAD AND MY DELICATE LITTLE INK PEN (BRAND UNSPECIFIED)

deuce: LET'S GET DOWN TO BRASS TACKS: I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU MAKE THE BRASS TACKS POKE THE SOLES OF MY FEET (IT HURTS) deuce: I SUSPECT YOU KNOW THIS SO I'M REALLY NOT PLEASED WITH THIS BEHAVIOR deuce: IT'S AS IF YOU'RE TRYING TO CAUSE ME PAIN [STRAPPED DOWN IN A GOURNEY, IMMOBLE]

pants: THIS UNLICKED DICK IS DEDICATED TO THE BRAVE MUJAHIDEEN FIGHTERS OF AFGHANISTAN pants: HALGUHALUGHUALGHLHULAGAG pants: GHLAUHGLAHLAUGHAG pants: BGAULGHBLAHGLHAGLAG

atandt: WELCOME TO THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF BOWEL CLEANSING atandt: LET ME FIRE UP THIS ANAL SCRUBBER atandt: GOTTA GO pants: BUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GAY

spigot: STUFF ME WITH DICK AND THEN APOLOGIZE atandt: I AM ALL CLEAN NOW atandt: WELCOME TO THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF BOWEL CLEANSING atandt: THE PARTY IS OVER

spigot: DEMOTED OR PROMOTED TO BREAD GUY FOR THE WHOLE COMMUNITY spigot: :BELL: NNGG DING DING :BREAD: :CROISSANT: :BAGUETTE_BREAD: spigot: SOMEONE IS STUFFING ECLAIRS IN OUR EXHAUST PIPE

pants: MULTIPLE REDUNDANT BREADSTICKS

spigot: BREAK FOR FARTS spigot: BREAK FOR FARTS, BREAK BREAK spigot: BREAK FOR FARTS spigot: BREAK BR PLLLLLBBBB spigot: BREAK FOR SHITS

spigot: I APPEAR TO BE CHOKING DOWN DONGS FOR BREAKFAST

spigot: I'M EATING A BREAKFAST BURRITO pants: I'M WATCHING YOU EAT THE BREAKFAST BURRITO deuce: BUT IT IS NOT BREAKFAST spigot: MY MOM WAS ALL "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THE CAR" AND I WAS LIKE FUCK YOU HITLER deuce: YOU'VE CONFUSED ME WITH THAT ONE -- I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING BREAKFAST BURRITOS NOT BREAKFAST ANGST

deuce: BREAKING: MANGO TASTES LIKE SHIT

deuce: IMPORTANT NEWSFLASH deuce: BREAKING NEWS deuce: TAKING PILLS MAKES YOU HIGH

pants: want to watch me piss on a mop y/n deuce: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (breaking y key)

effigy: MY PENIS HAS ERROR BARS

deuce: BREAST CANCER AWARENESZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ deuce: KILLS INSOMNIA DEAD

spigot: ALSO THEY ARE MY "BREASTS" NOT MELONS OR JUGS

deuce: BREATHING deuce: SLOWLY deuce: AS deuce: TO deuce: NOT deuce: ATTRACT deuce: THE deuce: PIRANHA

pants: OKAY I NEED YOU TO PISS AND PISS AND PISS UNTIL MY MOUTH IS FULL AND OVERFLOWING (IT'S OKAY, I'LL BE BREATHING THROUGH MY NOSE) deuce: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

pants: HELLO WORLD brian peppers: I KISS YOU pants: HELLO SAILOR brian peppers: HUHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY NAMED A HOLIDAY AFTER ME brian peppers: HUHHHHHH SOILED

spigot: it would be funny if i licked dick as a joke (like to lick a dick and then go lol) spigot: or if i licked dick by accident spigot: or if i were bribed or coerced in a manner clearly outside the definitive boundaries of state law, however contentious or debatable