deuce: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING pants: UH pants: (DROPS DICK) pants: NOTHING deuce: IS THAT WET SACK FILLED WITH SEVERED PENISES

spigot: I NEED PENIS REDUCTION SURGERY!!! IT'S CAUGHT IN THE CAR DOOR AND FLAPPING AROUND ON THE FREEWAY

deuce: OH NO THE SPRINKLERS TURNED ON deuce: THEY CAUGHT ME

spigot: X spigot: HI deuce: CAUGHT YOU spigot: X MARKS THE BALLS

atandt: I, CONVERTED INTO A SATELLITE pants: I NAMED THE ORIGINAL ACT "CAVE PAINTING" atandt: O ENDLESS VOID BALGABGBAG pants: O COLD DARK NO-THING-NESS HLUAGHBLAGULHALGBAG atandt: I MISS NEW JERSEY pants: JEAN CHARLES THE CLAMPING FROG WON'T LET GO QUICKLY GET THE ANGRIER CLAMPIER FROG AND HURRY

pants: EATING IT pants: SMEARING IT pants: DRAWING THE WORDS "HELP DEUCE IS RAPING ME" IN IT ON THE WALL deuce: GHLAGHLAUHGLAG

spigot: to protect and to squirt spigot: fine i will download pbs nova: thai cave rescue (2018) but it's going in the trash if anyone has their shirt off

spigot: HAPPY SHORT PENIS SATURDAY spigot: IT'S POSSIBLE I MADE THAT UP

spigot: EXCEPT THAT YOUR PHONE PINGED A CELL TOWER IN THE DICKLICKNG DISTRICT

atandt: I WOULD LIKE THE WORLD TO KNOW I DID NOT TYPE THIS: atandt: "I LOVE BIG BLACK COCK IN MY PINK ASS" atandt: I SUSPECT KOREAN INVOLVEMENT

spigot: WHY DOES TWITTERKEEP WORKING WITH CHINATO CENSOR OUR SHEN YUN POSTS spigot: EVEN THE TWO T'S IN THE WORD TWITTER LOOK LIKE TWO KICK DANCERS SHEN-YUNING THEIR WAY THROUGH THE WORD TWITTER spigot: FOLKS IT'S A SHOW ABOUTHOW CHINA SEIZED CONTROLOF HONG KONG AND IT'S CALLED SHEN ***YOINK*** !!!! spigot: FSST :DASH: spigot: I'VE BEENPOISONED

deuce: ZZZ deuce: SNORK deuce: )(*ASGY(*OUSDGS(*&TNR IUE(*&BIGBSGHGD (&$HBOHGOSD uncredited woman: A(&DG&IBS *STFG (ISFYN()SHDF)SD) USFSUY)FSDFPIHWO#RBL#T : CENSORED

pants: I AM A CEO (COCKSUCKER SOMETHING SOMETHING) deuce: THE ACRONYM CLEARLY COULDN'T STAND FOR THAT

spigot: IT'S DICKLICKING MONTH AT YOUR NORTHERN CALIFORNIA MAZDA DEALER spigot: CERTIFIED PRE-OWNED COCKS IN YOUR FACE AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT spigot: SOMEWHERE ON STEVENS CREEK BLVD

spigot: I'M FAG SINATRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: IT'S YOUR WORLD spigot: CHAIRMAN OF THE STALL pants: WE'RE JUST HULAGHUALHGULAHULGHALG LIVING IN IT

spigot: THE QUEERS WERE JUST HERE spigot: THIS SEAT IS STILL WARM spigot: I'M GOING TO DRAW A CHALK OUTLINE AROUND WHERE THE TOILET PAPER WAS PUSHED OUT OF THE GLORYHOLE

spigot: FAGS? deuce: SEVERAL spigot: GROSS!!!!

deuce: SOME SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM pants: EH I DON'T KNOW deuce: SOME UNSPECIFIED AMOUNT pants: I GUESS deuce: MAYBE A LOT, MAYBE TOO LITTLE TO BE WORTH IT, WHO KNOWS pants: FROM A SCALE OF 1 (DID NOT GET SEX) TO 5 (SEXY SEX) HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM deuce: I JUST SAID THE AMOUNT IS UNSPECIFIED SO I CAN'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION deuce: WHY DON'T YOU PAY ATTENTION pants: I'LL ASK AGAIN LATER deuce: SLEEPY

deuce: CAT VOMIT: FOUND, CHANCE ESTIMATED AT 25% deuce: CAT VOMIT: STEPPED IN BEFORE FOUND, CHANCE NOT ESTIMATED deuce: GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS

spigot: DO YOU EVER PISS IN YOUR FAT MOUTH spigot: AND THEN GO BLUGHLBUHLGUHBLUHGLU I'M A FOUNTAIN deuce: NO I USE WATER FOR THAT spigot: TRY PISS FOR A REFRESHING CHANGE OF PACE

deuce: LET'S JERK OFF IN UNISON AND PUSH THE EARTH INTO A DIFFERENT ORBIT (THUS CHANGING THE SEASONS) spigot: NO deuce: FAGGOT

pants: t deuce a nice cool breeze is blowing up my skirt deuce: that's because you're a trollop pants: and because butterfly wings flapped somewhere deuce: chaos theory explains why you're a harlot

: Chapter 21: : "Hurray!" chirped Pants as he tumbled out of the laundry hamper and ran to the door. "The whores are here!" For whatever reason, Pants was particularly excited about their impending arrival and had been trying not to hyperventilate when the knock to the door finally came. : Spigot barely looked up from his big sandwich in progress to acknowledge their presence: "Hello whores!" : The women entered the room nervously at first, squinting to make out the dirty apartment's features. When they spotted the bong sitting on the coffee table, they started to feel more at ease. These guys might be freaks but at least they probably weren't cops. pants: HURRAY THE WHORES ARE HERE spigot: HELLO WHORES pants: THE FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: DO THE FUCKING DISHES AND BE QUIET ABOUT IT spigot: FOLLOWING THAT WE NEED THE GARAGE CLEANED OUT pants: WILL YOU TAKE AN OUT OF STATE CHECK spigot: I HAVE AN ATM CARD AND A PIN NUMBER

pants: COCKS pants: COCKS, COCKS pants: COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS atandt: FUCKING SHUT UP pants: MY LAST CHECK BOUNCED

pants: LEARNING ABOUT BONERS pants: CHAPTER ONE "THEY GO IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH" spigot: THE END deuce: SIR NO WAIT

deuce: ROTATUHUHHHHH

spigot: I'M A CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE spigot: SQUIRT ME WITH FLUID AND LIGHT ME spigot: FOOMP URF GAY

deuce: TOUCH MY DICK spigot: WILL IT CHARGE MY SUIT UP TO 100

private jim: TODAY I BECOME A MAN sparky: BOOF BZZZP POP DOP atandt: I SEE MARTIN SHEEN IN THE ROLE OF SPARKY spigot: VIVID'S FATTEST FACES

deuce: HELP I'M BEING CHASED BY THOSE ROBOTS FROM INTERSTELLAR

deuce: T SPIGOT I HAVE AN ITCHY SPOT ON MY BACK atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: T ATANDT I HAVE AN ITCHY SPOT UP MY ASS deuce: CLEARLY I'M ESCALATING atandt: TO BE CONTINUED

atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: HI ATANDT atandt: HI deuce: DO YOU WANT TO LICK MY MASSIVELY SMALL PRICK atandt: I'M ATANDT deuce: HI ATANDT

pants: I'M EIGHT BIT CLEAN pants: T DEUCE TURN ME OVER AND CHECK FOR YOURSELF) deuce: T PANTS I WILL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT

pants: CHECK IT OUT: YOU HAVE CANCER ............. NOW

pants: CHECK IT OUT MY BONER IS BECOMING SELF-AWARE (MAKING YOU LOOK) deuce: IT LOOKS LIKE A CURLY LITTLE PIG TAIL pants: YANK IT

spigot: LICK MY DICK AND GET 10% CASH BACK spigot: AT PARTICIPATING DICKLICKERIES

pants: OW deuce: AWW YEAH pants: PRICK TAKES FACE deuce: HUMPING ME pants: HUMPING YOU deuce: CHECK MATE

pants: IF WE SMOKE FOUR BOWLS WILL IT BE 7PM AGAIN pants: HMM pants: CHECK MY MATH deuce: GO GO GO

spigot: HHHHHHHOOOAAARK OKAY THEN spigot: URMPH HURMPH JESUS AND JOSEPH spigot: SON OF A pants: COCKS

deuce: hated it pants: check this shit out (beats off)

deuce: T PANTS I NEED TO CHECK YOUR PITOT TUBE pants: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT pants: OH RIGHT WHAT YOU AMERICANS CALL A "GLORIOUS HOLE" (LOOSELY TRANSLATED)

effigy: :WHITE_CHECK_MARK: PASSPORT effigy: :WHITE_CHECK_MARK: VISA effigy: :WHITE_CHECK_MARK: PLANE TICKET pants: MY UNVAXXED LOAD ??? effigy: GROSS

pants: COCK, BARFED ON deuce: PANTS, CROTCHLESS pants: CHAPS, ASSLESS deuce: NO THEY ARE VERY ASSFUL (THEY'RE WORKING AGAINST TYPE) spigot: JESUS CHRIST I THOUGHT IT WAS THE COPS OR A SWAT TEAM BANGING ON OUR FRONT DOOR BUT IT WAS THE STOUFFER'S LASAGNA CUSTOMER SUCCESS SQUAD ASKING IF I NEEDED MORE PARMESAN spigot: IT'LL BE HERE IN 4-6 WEEKS

pants: IF I SUBSTITUTE PISS FOR WATER IN A CAKE RECIPE DOES THAT MAKE IT A PISS CAKE deuce: I THINK YOU'RE BEING VERY CIS HET HERE pants: I'M A CISSY HET TERF WITH A HEART OF BI deuce: SQUINTING deuce: CHECKS OUT :CHECKERED_FLAG:

deuce: WELCOME TO (checks phone) SAN JOSE effigy: IS THAT THE ROSICRUCIAN MUSEUM??? deuce: WHO GIVES A SHIT

spigot: CHEERS TO PRICKS !!!!!! spigot: JEERS TO LOCKS/DEADBOLTS

deuce: T PANTS DO YOU LIKE ME pants: T DEUCE TONS deuce: T PANTS THEN WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU MAKE ME CHEESE BREAD pants: T DEUCE IS CHEESE BREAD THE ONE WHERE UH pants: WHERE UH pants: YOU KNOW

pants: MULTI-PASS

spigot: LIKE A FOOT OR SO pants: THEY ARE TOASTERS AND THEY FLY spigot: ROUGHLY TWO BARLEYCORNS IN DIAMETER pants: IN THE BATHROOM??? BUT THAT'S WHERE I POO AND PEE!!! GROSS!!! spigot: AT LEAST HALF A HECTARE pants: AT FIRST I WAS EXCITED ABOUT THE “CHEESECAKE PIX” BUT THEY WERE JUST NUDES

pants: PISS JUG / HGLUAHLGUHAGLUG spigot: KEEP IT DOWN deuce: CHEESE IT! HERE COME THE COPS

pants: I'M A CHEETAH GIRL deuce: GET CRACKIN' CHEETAHGIRL, THERE'SYARDWORK TO DO

pants: A LITTLE PINCH spigot: A SLIGHT PRICK pants: A BRIEF POKE

spigot: I WON'T GO ASTRAY spigot: BECAUSE I AM GAY spigot: HEY HEY HAY WAY GAY spigot: HUB BUB BUB LUB BLUB spigot: MY NAME IS SADE

spigot: TOO DAZED WITH DICKS TO BOOKMARK THE BABYLON 5 FAQ spigot: PROBLEMS spigot: TALKING TO YOU ONLINE FOLKS pants: SORRY WAS BUSY STUFFING MY FACE WITH CARROTS STICKS AND CELERY spigot: AND pants: AND CAKE pants: AND A HOSTESS PIE (CHERRY) spigot: WE ALL LICK DICKS DON'T WE deuce: MORE OR LESS

spigot: AND A ONE spigot: AND A TWO AND A spigot: MAKIN' YOUR WAY / IN THE WORLD TODAY spigot: TAKES EVERYTHING YOU GGGGGGGGGGGGG OW spigot: SON OF A spigot: JESUS CRAP AND CHRIST AND COCKS spigot: TAKIN' A BREAK / FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES spigot: SURE WOULD HELP A LUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LORD GOD ALMIGHTY

spigot: HOW'S MY BEIGE WINDBREAKER spigot: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M HUSTLING STARS AT A BUS STATION spigot: I'M ZIPPING IT UP TO HERE AND THAT'S FINAL effigy: SIR, THIS JACKET IS FOR `MEMBERS ONLY` spigot: IF I PUSH ALL 4 ROOKS UP MY REAR END I'LL BE CHESS KING

pants: urrrrk chest pains pants: no wait these are the usual sunday night chest pains pants: hi guys deuce: in the bottom

deuce: hurrrk chest pains pants: clutching my heart, falling to my knees, sucking people off while i'm down there

deuce: IF YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A HEART ATTACK SHOULD YOU FLAP YOUR ARMS REALLY VIGOROUSLY AND MAKE BIRD SOUNDS deuce: ASKING FOR A FRIEND pants: ARE YOU CHEST PAINS

deuce: SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU ARE WHEELED INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM

pants: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP deuce: CHEW THAT CUD YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD pants: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP

pants: SHOW ME CHEWBACCA'S DICK pants: SORRY WAIT THAT'S NOT RIGHT pants: COMPUTER, SHOW ME CHEWBACCA'S DICK deuce: LET ME TRY deuce: COMPUTER, SHOW ME THE DICK OF CHEWBACCA deuce: COMPUTER, SHOW ME CHEWY'S DICK deuce: NOPE ISN'T WORKING pants: THIS FUCKING SUCKS I WANT TO SEE WOOKIE DICK pants: YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF BOLSHEVIKS deuce: ONLY MENSHEVIKS HERE

deuce: CAN'T HELP BUT THINK IT'S TIME FOR CHICKEN FRIES pants: WHY NOT FROG FRIES deuce: BECAUSE 1. THAT'S GROSS AND 2. THOSE DON'T EXIST pants: FAIR POINT

pants: LET'S GO TO 7-11 FOR CHOCO-TACOS AND SLURPEES AND 25 CENT COMIC BOOKS (MARVEL NOT DC) deuce: :CHICKEN: :FRIES: pants: BUK BUK pants: BUK pants: EXCUSE ME BUT I'M DOWN WITH THE CLOWN TILL I’M DEAD IN THE GROUND deuce: SO NOTED

pants: I HAVE A COLD IN MY BALLS pants: SOMEBODY GET THEM SOME CHICKEN SOUP

pants: NO HIPPIE CHICKS pants: ALSO NO FAT CHICKS pants: NO CRUNCHY GRANOLA CHICKS EITHER pants: MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST DRAFT A BLANKET RULE ON THIS ONE deuce: HOISTED ON MY OWN RETARD [SIC]

spigot: FOLKS DID YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THAT SODA IS ESSENTIALLY PURE SUGAR AND LEADS TO CHILDHOOD OBESITY AND DIABETES AND DEPRESSION AND DICKLICKING ON THE MICHAEL'S CRAFTS CRAFTING CRUISE

spigot: "I WANTED IT TO LOOK LIKE A CHILDREN'S BOOK" SAID EVERY UNTALENTED 20SOMETHING ANIMATOR ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH

spigot: I AM LATE FOR MY 2:00 AM BONGHIT spigot: THAT BONG IS GOING TO BE STEAMED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: SPEAKING OF ORDERING CHINESE FOOD spigot: BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP spigot: FONG DONG NUMBER TWO!!! spigot: CHONG BONG THREE AND FOUR!!!! spigot: LICKY DICKY AND CHOPPY STICKY!!!!! pants: HGLBHGLBURHLBHLRUB spigot: SAY WHAT pants: HALGHALUGHALUBHALUGH spigot: WELL WHAT NUMBER IS THIS

spigot: SPLUT, SPLOSH, SPLORP spigot: THESE CHINESE FRENCH FRIES TASTE LIKE TOFU spigot: THE EXPONENTIAL GROWTH OF MY NATURAL LOG

spigot: I'LL BE PERFORMING THE CHINESE LINKING RINGS AT TH-- spigot: ACTUALLY HANG ON spigot: DONK BONK OKAY I FORGOT HOW THEY LINK spigot: SERIOUSLY I COULD LINK THEM IF YOU COULD PLEASE GET OFF ME

deuce: ANYONE NOT PRESENTLY A HO FOR THE DEUCE CAN NOW CONSIDER THEMSELVES ONE spigot: I'M ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS AHOY spigot: OKAY I'M WHITE spigot: I MEAN I'M A ZEBRA STOP HITTING

spigot: I SNACK AFTER 3PM spigot: CHOCOLATE AND BATHING SUITS AND GETTING GROPED

spigot: WE'VE REALLY GOTTEN OFF THE ORIGINAL TOPIC OF WHO FORGED VOICE MAIL FROM ME TO THE WHOLE COMPANY TRYING TO SELL CHOCOLATE EASTER DICKS deuce: NONCHALANT

pants: T DEUCE FROM THE BOOK OF WANG PSALM 41 pants: O THE WANGS / THEY MAKE MY DIZZY / O SO DIZZY / I'LL SIGN ANYTHING WHEN I'M IN THIS STATE / O THE WANGS / THEY MAKE US DIZZY/ YES RATHER DIZZY / QUITE DIZZY IN FACT pants: O THE WANGS / AND ON AND ON / I SHOULD SLEEP SOON / YES THE WANGS THE WANGS WANGS WANGS WANGS / DIZZY AND SO FORTH deuce: THIS CHURCH FUCKING SUCKS

pants: ALL TOGETHER NOW pants: HUGAOLGULAGALUGALUG pants: ALGUALGUALGUALGUAGU pants: ALGUALGUALGUALGUALGUALGUALG spigot: CAN WE START AGAIN spigot: ALGUAALGUALGUALGUALGUALGUALALGUALGUALGUALGUALGUALGUAL spigot: SORRY ON YOUR COUNT spigot: ONE spigot: ALGUALGUALGUALGUALGUALG spigot: OKAY SORRY pants: OFFSIDES

pants: HERE'S WHAT I THINK BLGHLABGLHG NEVER EVER SHUTS UP deuce: LHGLAHGLAHGLAHGLAG HLAGHGHLGHAL STILL NOT HEARING COMMITMENT GALGHLAGHALGH pants: ALHGLBAGHABG MY OWN VOICE IS SO SWEET ALUHGAGHBLAGYHLAG I KNOW WHAT'S BEST ALGUHABL GHUALGBLAG deuce: LGHAGLHALHG LHAGLHALG HALGHALGHALGH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF AHGLAGHHLAG HALGHALGH LAGHALGH

deuce: BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS spigot: CHOKE ON A COCK YOU STUPID SHIT spigot: OVER

pants: THAT CHOKING PROBLEM IS BACK (WHERE I CHOKE)

deuce: GGLHALGHALG pants: ARE YOU CHOKING???? LICK THIS DICK FOR YES AND THOSE FOUR DICKS FOR NO

spigot: HOW CAN I MAKE MY FONT 80 COLS pants: BEEP deuce: BHLALHABHLBHLABHLBA spigot: CHOKING ME

spigot: LET'S ALL SET OUR PHASERS ON "BORING" deuce: YOU COCKSUCKING LIBERAL

spigot: FRESHLY BAKED DONGS!!!!!!! deuce: HURRAY FOR US spigot: CHOKING QUEUE

pants: GAKKKK pants: YOUR HANDS ARE TIGHT AROUND MY FAT NECK deuce: CHOKING AND TEACHING ALL AT THE SAME TIME pants: GAKKKK MOSTLY CHOKING pants: IT IS MOSTLY ALL CHOKING deuce: SO BE IT

pants: IN LONDON THEY'RE CALLED HAEMERROIDES deuce: WHATEVER PAEDOPHILE pants: CHOMO

pants: T DEUCE I AM FAT GETTING FATTER BUT NOT AT MY FATTEST YET deuce: YOU'VE GOT A GOOD 10-15 MINUTES LEFT pants: EATING BAGELS AS FAST AS I CAN

spigot: CHOO CHOO HERE COMES THE COCK spigot: OH NO THE BRIDGE IS OUT spigot: WHERE WILL THE COCK GO spigot: OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH spigot: WAKE UP AND CHOKE IT DOWN

deuce: [REDACTED] [REDACTED] HOLES [REDACTED] deuce: IT'S YOUR HOLE deuce: YOU PICK

: It was only much later that we realized John Wayne was not a very convenient signpost, even with all the excellent navigational aids available in Heaven. spigot: CAN WE DECAPITATE THE WHALES OR IS THAT JUST CHOPPING THEM IN HALF spigot: NOT SURE WHERE THE HEAD IS

spigot: CHOPPING UP COKE WITH MY LUCKY REWARDS CARD AND SNORTING IT UP WITH MY BONUS FAMILY MINUTES

deuce: GLAHGLAHGLAGHLAGHLAGHLA DICKS spigot: IF I AM HEARING YOU RIGHT....... spigot: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW

pants: CHOWN ME pants: ANY OWNER WILL DO pants: CHMOD ME pants: 777 SO ALL CAN SAMPLE MY TALENTS, MY WARES pants: AND SO FORTH

pants: HEY I'M CHRIS HARDWICK deuce: I'M ANOTHER GUY ENTIRELY

pants: CHRIST IS LORD pants: DON'T COPY THAT FLOPPY pants: SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO GET THE JAWS OF LIFE FROM THE TRUCK

pants: THIS IS NOT A DRILL pants: STAND DOWN MEN pants: HALGHALHGLAG

pants: `GET STARTED: BUILD AN APP ON TWITTER` pants: OW OW THE CORNERS OF MY MOUTH ARE RIPPING pants: `THE PHONE NUMBER IS ALREADY ASSOCIATED WITH ANOTHER TWITTER ACCOUNT.` pants: OH CHRIST JESUS

deuce: CHRIST ON A CRUTCH I'M FAT pants: S A M E