spigot: THE WORLD IS STILL TALKING ABOUT THE SHITTY FLORIDA CONDO THAT FLOPPED OVER LIKE IT'S 9/11 deuce: IT JUST DID IT TO GET ATTENTION spigot: WE GO LIVE NOW, TO THE DIRT CLUMPS spigot: EVERYONE PLEASE MOVE BACK, SOME OF THESE CLUMPS ARE CLODS

pants: FLORA AND FAUNA AND BONERS AND TRAUMA deuce: IN THAT ORDER

deuce: T SPIGOT J/O IN MY APARTMENT BATHROOM AT 3.35 AM spigot: AS YOU CAN SEE INSTEAD OF FLOWERS I BROUGHT SNICKERS

dick: UH OH FLUFFER UNDERFLOW spigot: COPS / COME AND TRY TO FAG MY MOPS

spigot: BREAKFAST WITH IHOP spigot: A FLUFFY FOUR-STACK OF PIPING HOT GRIDDLECAKES spigot: AND REAL CREAMERY DONGBUTTER spigot: ***SCREECH*** SAY WHAT??????? CGI PENGUINS

spigot: "SLOBBERING AND CRUNCHING LOUDLY" spigot: BOSTON BAKED COCKS AND FLUFFY MASHED NUTS

spigot: i'm a flushable applicator spigot: kindly apply me then flush me spigot: surprise: i am not flushable spigot: hurrrkkk okay one more attempt i guess spigot: blblblblbl gllllkkk

deuce: :NOTES: FLY ME / TO THE MOON AND LET ME PLAY / AMONG THE BALLS 🎵 pants: THOSE AREN'T THE RIGHT LYRICS

spigot: HOIF spigot: FLYING THROUGH THE AIR spigot: URF

deuce: STOP FIBONACCING PLEASE

spigot: JUST HAD MY FOCAL REVIEW spigot: THIS TIME THE FOCUS WAS ON MY FACE spigot: TECHNICAL ACUMEN: EXCELLENT, FAIR, DEVELOPMENT AREA, PRICKS BONKING spigot: THESE BROWSER WARS ARE REALLY HEATING UP FOLKS

atandt: TELL DEUCE WHEN YOU TYPE WITH YOUR BALLS, PLEASE FOCUS ON CLARITY deuce: I'M SORRY I FORGOT I WAS TALKING TO THE NATIONAL SPELLING BEE CHAMPION

pants: FOLIAGE deuce: FOILAGE pants: T DEUCE HAVE YOU TALKED TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT MAGNETO deuce: T PANTS I'M WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME deuce: I'M A LITTLE WORRIED HOW THEY'LL REACT QUITE FRANKLY

spigot: MY FAKE CANCER IS BACK pants: ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY deuce: MOVE THE MOUSE spigot: YOU CAN PUSH A PENIS THROUGH MY REAR END AND OUT MY MOUTH IF YOU FOLD ME LIKE A PIECE OF PAPER deuce: DEMONSTRATING A WORMHOLE WITH A PENCIL AND A PINUP POSTER BUT IT'S A PENIS AND YOUR ALIMENTARY CANAL

spigot: AND NOW THE PURPOSE OF MY 'FOLKS' IF YOU CAN GIVE ME A MOMENT TO LOCK AND LOAD A TWO-ASSET GAG spigot: DOES SERIOUSLY NOBODY CARE THAT BAY AREA RAINWATER STAINS MY PLASTIC BICYCLE PANTS WITH A FRESH, PROCEDURALLY GENERATED POO-DOWN-THE-LEGS PHONG SHADER deuce: PHONG spigot: PLEASE ADDRESS ME AS CALIFORNIA'S POWER GRID BECAUSE I'M HAVING A ROLLING BROWN-OUT pants: PHONG

pants: THERE MIGHT BE A POKEMON IN THIS STALL!!!!! FOLLOW ME EVERYBODY AND TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS YOU DON'T WANT TO SCARE THEM deuce: THEIR VISUAL ACUITY IS BASED ON NON-SHIRTLESSNESS

spigot: HOT TOWN / SUMMER IN THE SHITTER spigot: LICKIN' ON A DICK / FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

spigot: IF SUCH OF A THING IS PERMITTED/POSSIBLE/PLAUSIBLE spigot: PERPENDICULAR spigot: IN THE WINTER / WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN

deuce: GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS GOOD NEWS IS WE'VE FIXED THE SINK AND UPGRADED IT SO THAT IT TWEETS CONSTANTLY AND IS ALSO AMBULATORY AND WILL CLEAN UP MESSES AROUND THE HOUSE; BAD NEWS IS IT DOESN'T WORK AT ALL

net: IN CALIFORNIA, DRUNKS MUST PLAN AHEAD net: TEACHING DRUNKS VALUABLE PLANNING SKILLS IS THE DUTY OF THE STATE deuce: YOU ARE A FONT OF KNOWLEDGE net: SOME STATES TAKE A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT APPROACH, SUCH AS MAKING YOU PLAN WAY AHEAD IF YOU WANT TO DRINK ON SUNDAY deuce: AND BY FONT I MEAN FUCKING FAGGOT SO GET SUCKING SMARTY

spigot: I'M A DELCIOUS BANANA SPLIT WITH CHOCOLATE AND WHIPPED CREAM AND NUTS !!!!!!!!! spigot: PLEASE SAMPLE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: BLUH HUH I'M A MILKSHAKE HURRR DUH

pants: HAVE WE TRIED PUTTING THE FOOD TUBE IN HER CUNT

atandt: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT BESIDES CRICKETS pants: N

spigot: DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!!!!!!! MY BALLS ARE JUST FINE pants: T SPIGOT I THINK WE CAN FOOL HIM INTO DISROBING IF WE CALL THE WHOLE THING "A CONTEST" OR SAY THAT ANTIQUES AND BIRD FOOD ARE THE PRIZE OR WHATEVER

deuce: SEQUESTER: TO RAPE REPEATEDLY deuce: FISTICUFFS: TO INSERT ONE'S FIST INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S FACE/ASS deuce: TRUCULENT: TO BEHAVE LIKE A USELESS WOMAN

spigot: NOW STUFF BOTH DICKS IN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY BAZINGA * 💥 📷 * ✨ 💡 🌠 * 💥 ✨ PAF

pants: FOOPMTPH EJECTED INTO SPACE deuce: SURROUNDED BY FAINT GLINTING PISS CRYSTALS (NOT MY PISS)

pants: I THINK GOD SENT A BONER HERE TO MY FACE FOR A GOOD REASON deuce: SMEAR IT

net: I AM OFFERING TO SHOW YOU MY BALLS

spigot: WHA spigot: OH spigot: FOR A SECOND THERE I THOUGHT I WAS EMPLOYED

deuce: I'M HUMPING YOUR LEG (HAVE BEEN FOR ABOUT HALF AN HOUR) atandt: OW

pants: SO YOU FINALLY CAME CRAWLING BACK deuce: I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID EARLIER ABOUT YOUR PENCHANT FOR UNCOOKED DICKS deuce: AND NUTPLAY deuce: AND YOUR ATTEMPT TO CREATE A ROBOT MONSTROSITY deuce: AND SPIGOT IN GENERAL pants: GET YOUR HAND OFF MY KNEE

pants: NUTS FOR BREAKFAST

spigot: I HAD PORN CATALOGUES FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING!!!!! spigot: NO spigot: PINK CANTALOPE

spigot: HELLO TO THE FUCKING IDIOT PARADE OF COLLEGE STUDENTS !!! WHAT AN EXCITING TIME IN YOUR LIVES TO BE ON THE BRINK OF A NEW CAREER LICKING MY DICK FOREVER spigot: FOREVER spigot: FOREVER

atandt: LOWERCASE MEANS I'LL SUCK FOR FREE deuce: EXCELLENT pants: CHECK IT OUT A WHOLE EXTRA PANEL pants: WE SHOULD RENT IT OUT TO A CHURCH GROUP

deuce: FAT FUCK SYNDROME deuce: THAT'S WHAT I GOT

pants: AN UNKNOWN, UNQUANTIFIABLE AMOUNT OF JACKING OFF deuce: WELL IT'S QUANTIFIABLE BUT IT'S TOO LARGE TO MEASURE PRACTICALLY pants: THEN WE SHOULD SET IT ASIDE FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS WHO MAY HAVE MORE EXACT INSTRUMENTS

pants: WHATEVER THE NOISE IS FOR EATING CHOCOLATE CAKES spigot: I WOULD SAY HOMPTH HURMPTH AND ADD A SMOOSHING IN FOR GOOD MEASURE

pants: REJOICE DEATH IS NOT THE END deuce: FOR HENCEFORTH WE SHALL BE PERFECT pants: HENCEFORTH I WIMPER NO MORE, POSTPONE NO MORE, NEED NOTHING deuce: EVERYBODY DANCE NOW pants: YOU WANT TO MAKE FLOWERS TODAY deuce: THIS IS HOW THE WORLD ENDS: slightly gay

deuce: FUCK A DUCK FOR ME

pants: WHAT GOOD SHALL WE DO THIS DAY spigot: WHAT I GOTTA KNOW IS BONEQUEST.COM/PRICKS/

spigot: INSTEAD OF BASHING GAYS ALL THE TIME YOU COULD TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS spigot: FOR INSTANCE MY BALLS ARE BOTH TENDER spigot: *HURF* KICKING

pants: WILL YOU BEAT ME OFF FOR MY BIRTHDAY deuce: YOUR BIRTHDAY ISN'T FOR A LONG TIME (NEVER)

spigot: i have cosmic background radiation poisoning in that i am alive for no great reason deuce: the Universe became transparent so that you might live

hanford: YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU READ TOO MANY EPISODES IN A ROW, YOU'LL GET A HEADACHE pants: CAN WE PLEASE JUST LICK DICK

pants: DONATE MY SKULL TO SCIENCE spigot: A WINTER WANK

deuce: T PANTS SO APPARENTLY I'M A BIG JOKE TO YOU pants: T DEUCE YOU'RE LIKE A FUNNY CLOWN YES pants: T DEUCE MY KEYBOARD IS FUCKED UP (SPACEBAR STICKY FOR SOME ODD REASON)

deuce: FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S THE ELECTROMAGNETIC INTERACTION AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT ANY MORE DEEPLY WITHOUT YOU LEARNING SOME PHYSICS

deuce: FOR THE LAST TIME NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU SPIGOT

deuce: WHAT IN THE WORLD deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST ABOVE WHAT THE deuce: FOR GOODNESS SAKE PLEASE KICK ME pants: IS SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENING OVER THERE

deuce: WHERE IS THE LOVE spigot: T DEUCE HE'S HOLDING THE LOVE BEHIND HIS BACK pants: I DON'T KNOW (CONCEALING SOMETHING BEHIND HIS BACK) deuce: MOTHERFUCKER

pants: BROTHERS SHOULD BE CLOSE DON'T YOU THINK deuce: LEADING YOU DOWN INTO THE BASEMENT, CLOSING THE DOOR AND LOCKING YOU IN

deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE MAKE ME LAUGH spigot: HARDON

rands: HOOOOO NUTTS spigot: T RANDS FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY CHRIST, THERE IS ONLY ONE T IN NUTS

spigot: GIVE US THIS DAY SOME FUCKING HEAD FOR THE LOVE OF THE LORD deuce: (BECAUSE IT ALWAYS INVOLVES ME GIVING HEAD) spigot: AMEN

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM A SURVIVOR pants: IN THAT YOU HAVE ENDURED SOMETHING ABOVE AND BEYOND THE REST OF HUMANITY pants: AND SOMEHOW MADE IT THROUGH ????? OR THAT NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TODAY deuce: I BROKE A NAIL pants: BUT YOU SURVIVED pants: OR IS THIS THE AFTERLIFE deuce: RIGHT

deuce: PISS IS CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL

pants: MAY I HAVE SEVEN OR SO FROSTED CINNAMON ROLLS BEFORE PUTTING ON THE BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF

pants: THIS SAYS FRAPPUCCINO BUT IT IS CLEARLY PISS spigot: DOES NOBODY CARE THAT SOON WE'LL BE FORCED INTO LITTLE TENTS AND CONCENTRATION CAMPS?!?!?! AND ALL OUR BONEQUEST HUMOR WILL BE USED AGAINST US IN A COURT OF COCKS?????? spigot: THE TIME TO BOMB IS NOW BEFORE THEY GET ANYMORE "IDEAS"

net: IF I GET THE WRONG EAR PIERCED AM I FORCED TO BE GAY OR WHAT deuce: "FORCED" IS A STRONG WORD BUT LET'S GO WITH IT FOR NOW

deuce: COULD YOU PLEASE ELABORATE deuce: AND BY THAT I MEAN SUCK ON MY NUTS UNTIL YOU TURN PURPLE pants: SORT OF PURPLISH AND BLUEISH BUT HEY WHAT DO I KNOW deuce: ALSO BLUE WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE

deuce: GET UP pants: NO

spigot: :NOTES: HOT BLOODED :NOTES: :NOTES: LOOK AT MY DICK :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: IT'S GONNA SQUIRT YOU UP :NOTES::NOTES: WITH STRAWBERRY QUIK :NOTES: pants: YOU SHOULD GETTHAT LOOKED AT spigot: I LITERALLYJUST TOLD YOUTO DO THAT

atandt: ALL GAY HERE deuce: SHUT UP

spigot: YOUR FACE IN THE DOG SHIT FOREVER pants: THE MOUTH IS NOT A TOY, PEOPLE

spigot: ARE WE NOT ROLLING spigot: OKAY NEVERMIND spigot: FORGET ABOUT IT

pants: I CAN'T BLOG IF YOU TURN ME INSIDE OUT net: I'M NOT HERE pants: ALSO I ASK THAT YOU MOLEST ME MORE EFFICIENTLY (BEFORE THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN) net: THIS IS NOT HAPPENING pants: SAY WILL YOU TAKE A CHECK net: NOT HERE, NOT HAPPENING

pants: MY TURN pants: HURFF DUH BLURFFF pants: OKAY WHO'S NEXT

pants: ooh ooh / baby baby pants: can i take the bag off my head now pants: i swear to god i won't tell anybody where your fortress of solitude is

spigot: I MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHERE I COULD CHOKE DOWN A 12 OZ DONG AT THE CORNER POKERY pants: BUT I DON'T MISS THE PART WHERE YOU WACK MY NUTS WITH A STICK FOR FORTY MINUTE STRETCHES

spigot: if a dog dies, does it go to heaven pants: yes spigot: so if my childhood dog dies we will be reunited, is that correct pants: yes spigot: will i have to clean up 40 years of dog shit all over heaven spigot: surprise, this is a crank call spigot: clonk ba-donk spigot: donk bonk donk ba-donk hello oh donk ba-donk spigot: cause i'm not really good with warm plastic bags spigot: what i'd do is pretend i was the gate keeper and just hand people scoops like they're disneyland janitors and say it's a 30 day trial period spigot: how we doin' on time

spigot: BY MY CALCULATIONS THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN A SECOND JIZZER spigot: THESE ARCS AND SPURTS AND LINES INDICATE TWO SEPARATE AND DISTINCT DIRECTIONS pants: FORWARD pants: AND BACK pants: FORWARD pants: AND BACK pants: FORWARD pants: AND HULAGHLAHUGLUA BACK spigot: BAGHLAGHULAG

spigot: YOU COULD POKE THE JOINT INTO THE BURRITO AND LIGHT IT AND MAKE A BURRITO BONG LIKE THE MEXICANS FROM THE DAYS OF THE PILGRIMS

atandt: BOTH OF YOU AT THE SAME TIME atandt: I THINK THERE'S A PRIVATE JIZZ PARTY GOING ON spigot: MORE LIKE A BONEQUEST JIZZ FESTIVAL spigot: PROUD TO SPONSOR TODAY'S THREE PANELS

spigot: IF YOU TAKE FOUR LUMPY, BUCKEYED POTATOES AND CARELESSLY JAM THUMBTACKS IN THEM LIKE OVERSIZED FUCKED-UP TEETH YOU HAVE THE CAST OF STRANGER THINGS spigot: AND THAT'S JUST WINONA RYDER

spigot: FOUR MORE PRICKS spigot: FOUR MORE PRICKS spigot: FOUR MORE PRICKS spigot: FOUR MORE HURMPH spigot: PANK YOU

pants: LET ME CLIMB ON TOP AND I'LL EXPLORE THE PEAK deuce: OH GOD spigot: DOES FARTING MAKE YOU AUTOMATICALLY GAY BECAUSE I HAD ABOUT FOUR POTATOES

deuce: WHAT DO YOU MEAN KIND OF pants: WELL I'M SUCKING 4 RIGHT NOW deuce: I SEE pants: I CAN FIT YOU IN FOR A QUICK LUNCHTIME pants: HNLAUGH LUHGKLUBLAUG HLAUHGLUAHLGA GHLASHGLAHGLG OKAY NEVERMIND deuce: FAG

spigot: FIVE MORE HOLE ALBUMS?!?!!?!? GREAT!!!!!! spigot: DEAR SIR IN CHARGE!!!!!! IT ONLY MAKES SENSE TO EXTRACT ALBUMS FROM PEOPLE WHO CAN DELIVER A RETURN ON THE INVESTMENT!!!!! LOVE, ABRAHAM LINCOLN deuce: IS THERE ANYTHING HE DOESN'T KNOW spigot: FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN ........ BREWS AGO!!!! [GUITAR MUSIC, GIRLS]

spigot: DOES ANYBODY EVEN SEE THESE GREY THINGS deuce: THE FLAPPY BATTY THINGS ATTACKING YOU ???? deuce: NO spigot: HOMPTH

pants: WELP ANOTHER SUNDAY WHERE I BUY FRESH BAKED BREAD FROM THE FARMER’S MARKET AND EAT HALF THE LOAF ON THE DRIVE HOME spigot: TRY MY PATENTED FOUR-LOAF SUPERSYSTEM

pants: NOW WE ARE 14 deuce: MY DICK SOLVES CRIMES

spigot: HURRRRRRRR A DESK FULL OF PILLS AND KLEENEX AND PEACH-SCENTED LOTION spigot: EVERYTHING MAKES ME SICK!!!! spigot: I'M EITHER FRAIL AND BIRDLIKE OR FAT IN A RAIDERS JACKET

pants: printing an 24x18 picture of myself, framing it, signing it with a silver pen, wrapping it, merry christmas pants: smiling, thumbs up

spigot: EC{E{CE{{EC{E{{CE{{CE{ FRASH PRUGIN {E[C{E[CE[CE[CE[

spigot: I'M GAY DUE TO A FREAK TRANSPORTER ACCIDENT

spigot: I'M NOT COMFORTABLE IN THIS HABITAT pants: T SPIGOT I WANTED TO SPEND MORE TIME FREAKING OUT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WITH A GUN

pants: LET US REMIND OURSELVES THAT WE ARE IN GOD'S PRESENCE

atandt: FREE TIME ON YOUR HANDS? THINK DICK

pants: LET'S PRAY TO JESUS CHRIST FOR DICK deuce: SURELY OUR LORD AND SAVIOR WILL BRING US DICK (FOR FREE) deuce: BECAUSE PAYING FOR DICK MAKES US SAD pants: AND JESUS WANTS US TO BE HAPPY pants: THEREFORE: FREE DICK OR ELSE WE WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS deuce: HEY THE SMOOTH FONTS ARE GONE

spigot: I'M ON TOP OF THE DONKEY NOW spigot: COCKS AND NUTS AND BALLS AND DICKS spigot: SPLASH MY JIZZ ON STUPID CHICKS spigot: LET'S SING A SONG A BONERS, A SONG A QUEERS spigot: JERKING / JERKING spigot: ALL FALL DOWN spigot: GETTING DOWN OFF THE DONKEY

spigot: WAIT WAIT WAIT spigot: YOU'RE TELLING ME THESE ARE ***FREE*** DOWNLOADS AND I CAN JUST CLICK HERE TO GET THEM spigot: OKAY ONE MORE TIME

deuce: T SPIGOT ARE YOU JULIA CHANEL OR NO spigot: T DEUCE PLEASE RESTART YOUR MACINTOSH

spigot: I JUST TOLD SOME STUPID MARKETING WHORE SHE WAS A HOT LITTLE FILLIE!!!!! spigot: AND SHE MADE ONE OF THOSE "MAD, OUTRAGED" FACES spigot: THEN I PULLED HER BLOUSE UP OVER HER HEAD AND SQUEEZED HER TITTIES RIGHT THROUGH HER BRA!!!!!! spigot: WELL BACK TO LOOKING AT PORN spigot: FREE KEVIN !!! spigot: I PLEAD GUILTY spigot: NEVER MIND !!! deuce: GGGG

deuce: TOGETHER pants: FOREVER deuce: UNTIL DEATH DO US PAR [[[TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED BY MURDER-SUICIDE]]] pants: WISH ME LUCK (PUSHES OWN FACE INTO TOILET, FLUSHES) deuce: (LAST DYING BREATH) FREE MARS.