spigot: HAVE FUN BEATING OFF WHILE FREE SPEECH IS UNDER ATTACK

pants: T DEUCE HAVE THEY FOUND YOUR BODY YET deuce: T PANTS NEGATIVE

spigot: I DESPERATELY HAVE TO GO TO THE T-O-I-L-E-T spigot: DID YOU GET MY MAIL RE: TOILET? spigot: TESTING MAIL TO PANTS ONE, TWO ARE YOU SEEING THIS TEXT TEST TEST TEST

spigot: beep boop buttplug delivery spigot: sir your buttplug is here spigot: folks got a sec spigot: ladies and gents have you heard the spigot: GET YOUR RED HOT BUTTPLUGS

spigot: HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT NOTHING IS EVER RIGHT

pants: play with my balls deuce: please place your bag in the bagging area spigot: unknown item in the bagging area deuce: please place your item in the bag deuce: please wait for employee assistance spigot: have you scanned your club card??????

pants: HEY HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD FROM RANDS LATELY BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HEARD A PEEP FROM HIM SINCE I HIT HIM WITH A SHOVEL AND PUT HIM INTO MY CRAWLSPACE

spigot: HAVING A GREAT TIME IN THE GLORYHOLE PLEASE SEND MORE KIM WILDE CD'S spigot: NO TROUBLE OFFICER

spigot: HOBLBOLHB LHABAB HLAHBLHELAHBA spigot: LOOKS LIKE THE VIDEO STORE FUCKED UP AGAIN spigot: HAVING A HARD TIME JERKING TO SCHINDLER'S LIST

pants: HAVING A STROKE (THE GOOD KIND!!!!!) pants: ALSO THE BAD KIND{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{

deuce: +++ deuce: ATH deuce: I'M A HAYES-COMPATIBLE MODEM deuce: INSERT YOUR PENIS INTO ME pants: I’LL NEVER GET FIRED FOR INSERTING MY PENIS INTO YOU

spigot: HAZELNUT TORTE spigot: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO EXPLAIN THE JOKE TO ME WHILE I BEAT OFF WITH MY ATM CARD spigot: WE NEED SOME GOLD BOND MEDICATED POWDER OVER HERE

spigot: BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS HIGH DEFINITION TV?!?!?!?! AND IS IT WORTH THE STEEP PRICE?!?!?!? spigot: WHY DON'T I WRITE AN ARTICLE OR POSTULATE LOUDLY ABOUT IT ON THE BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????? spigot: FOLKS IF YOU LOOK I HAVE A WIRED AND A PC WEEKLY HELPING ME WITH PROS/CONS spigot: SUCK THE DICK YOU FAT OLD MAN deuce: DOWN IN FRONT

.(pants): THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE pants: HDC: YOUR FAT FACE IS TOO CLOSE BACK IT OFF pants: MY CD-ROM DRIVE HAS AN ATTITUDE I SEE

pants: TEACH ME TO PISS WITHOUT SPLATTERING IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE pants: I CAN LEARN

deuce: IF U CN RD THS, U LK TO SCK BG DCKS pants: I CAN READ THAT !!!

pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGH pants: TAKE IT OFF pants: TAKE IT ALL OFF

deuce: I DEFAULT TO BEATING OFF deuce: BEATING OFF MORE (RAISING VOICE) pants: I SAID A WATER SAMPLE YOU IDIOT spigot: CAT DANDER pants: ON A BONG WITH NO NAME

deuce: T SPIGOT ARE YOU NEFERTERI SHEPHERD deuce: ANSWER ME pants: HE DOESN'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT pants: T SPIGOT YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT

deuce: WHO'S OUT THERE spigot: WANGS deuce: PLEASED TO MEET YOU, WANGS spigot: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WANGS

pants: THE GLUE FACTORY pants: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS pants: MY SOURCE IS DRUDGE pants: SELECTING MCDONALDS FROM THE START MENU pants: CHOWING DOWN ON MY OWN FIST INSTEAD pants: OM NOM NOM I EAT IT RAW pants: USING THE MOUSE TO CLICK ON YOUR CUNT pants: IPHONE SYNC IS COMPLETE (OK TO DISCONNECT)

deuce: I EAT SHIT deuce: (REGULARLY, IT IS A PROBLEM)

inebriated crustacean: HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME inebriated crustacean: I'M DRUNK RIGHT NOW, I LIKE TO PINCH STUFF WHILE I WANDER AROUND UNDERWATER BUT THE VERY BEST PART IS (PAY CLOSE ATTENTION AND TAKE NOTES) inebriated crustacean: I EAT THINGS I FIND pants: WELCOME, TALKING DRUNKEN CRUSTACEAN

spigot: THE CLOSEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS IS BEATING OFF !!! spigot: SURELY YOU'RE SUCKING MY DICK MR. FEYNMAN ?!?!??!?!

pants: SUCKING DICK IN THE SHADOW OF HEROD'S MASSACRE OF THE INNOCENTS

: DEUCE RAISES HIS HAND deuce: I HAVE A QUESTION spigot: ***BUSTY** AMATEURS WITH TINY TITTIES

spigot: GOD WILL GUIDE pants: HE HAS LEFT THIS PLACE pants: THE CHOICE (DRAMATIC PAUSE) (TOILET SOUNDS) IS YOURS pants: OR I COULD JUST EAT ON THIS SANDWICH FOR A WHILE LONGER

deuce: I WANT YOUR FULL AND UNDIVIDED ATTENTION deuce: WHOEVER STOLE MY BRA SHOULD REALLY RETURN IT RIGHT ABOUT NOW

deuce: HOW COME YOU ARE CHEWING ON IT BUT THE AMOUNT LEFT TO GO KEEPS INCREASING ??? pants: I AM A PRO

pants: god has a plan for all us pants: even you pants: he is merciful and bi deuce: no spoilers!!!

deuce: SO WHY CAN'T YOU SHUFFLE CARDS (atandt): CONSTIPATION deuce: THAT TOTALLY SUCKS DUDE atandt: I LEAK WHEN I SHUFFLE deuce: IS IT MOSTLY AIR OR MOSTLY LIQUID atandt: BUT NOTHING BIG COMES OUT

pants: AHLGHUALGHLAG pants: YEAH pants: I LIKES IT pants: GRUNT DUH MOOO HUFF HUFF HUFF pants: TEABAG ALL GNOMES pants: MAKE A MAN OUT OF ME pants: GO ON

deuce: PA RUM PA PUM PUM / CUM IN MY BUM spigot: AND THEN HE DIED AND THOSE ARE HIS LAST WORDS spigot: DEUCE LOVED TO RHYME spigot: WHETHER IT BE DICKS WITH PRICKS OR DONGS WITH TONGS OR BEERS WITH QUEERS spigot: DEUCE LOVED TO LICK DICK spigot: LIGHTS DIM, WHAT ABOUT LOVE, SLIDE SHOW : DEUCE : 1998-2015

pants: T DEUCE YOU WANT MY BODY pants: MMMMMM deuce: T PANTS I MAY pants: MY GYPSY GIRL

pants: OOF OW pants: BONK BONK BONK BONK pants: PLEASE SIR deuce: STOP SQUIRMING

deuce: LET'S ALL MOVE TO JERKCITY atandt: PACKING deuce: FAG TRAP atandt: STILL PACKING pants: ALSO PACKING

atandt: I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT atandt: FROM TODAY ON, MY BALLS ARE NO LONGER PUBLIC DOMAIN atandt: THERE WILL BE A SMALL LICENSING FEE pants: ZZZZ

net: COCKS? net: WHY DO THEY CALL YOU PANTS? net: I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU WEAR ANY pants: ZZZ

pants: ZZZ SNORK WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT DICKS

pants: HULAGHULAHGLUAHGLUAHGLAHLUAHLAHULHALAG OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE NINE DEAD NURSES WILL SURELY GET ME AN AUDIENCE WITH ANN RULE HAGBAUBAGLHJAG

deuce: I LIKE DICK pants: YOU SURE DO

pants: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I AM ONE BAD RABBIT pants: ALL SUSPECTS ARE INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY pants: I VOTE DICKS

pants: I WANT A WATER SAMPLE (HOLD STILL) deuce: THAT HURTS (MY FEELINGS)

pants: I WILL WRECK YOU SEXUALLY deuce: I WOULD LIKE THAT

pants: I WOULD LIKE TO FIGHT WETNESS pants: BEFORE IT STARTS

deuce: I'M A TOILET pants: I MUST USE YOU deuce: PLEASE FLUSH AFTERWARDS

pants: DICKS!!!!!!!! LUAHGLUAHUGLAUHGLHAGLUAHALGHLGHL OW OW OW HLKAGHULAHGLAHGLHAGLHLAHLUGAG OW OW HULAGUHLAGHULUHALGHULAHUGA OW OW NOT LEARNING LUGHLAHGLUAHGLUAHLGG

pants: AT THIS POINT WE'VE TESTED YOU FOR STRESS AND NOW WE'RE JUST TRYING TO SEE WHAT YOU'LL EAT spigot: (STAGE WHISPERING) HE'S EATING OTHELLO PIECES pants: THE COCONUT ALMOND NUTBUTTERS WERE NOT EVEN OPENED spigot: COCONUT ALMOND NUTBUTTERS READS LIKE STRIKE ONE, STRIKE TWO, STRIKE THREE

spigot: FOLKS, GONNA START THE DRINKING EARLY SO I CAN GET A HEAD START ON MY AFTERNOON NAP

pants: ARE YOU SURE MAGIC BUTTHOLE INSURANCE IS A GOOD IDEA deuce: IT'S NOT INSURANCE IT'S A GUARANTEE pants: JUST FILL IT WITH ROOT BEER AND GET ON WITH IT deuce: A MAGIC BUTTHOLE FLOAT pants: ADD SOME ICED CREAM deuce: HEADCRABS

spigot: FATHER OF SLAINSIX YEAR OLD SPEAKS OUT spigot: BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEYHOWARD STERN'S PENIS spigot: IF YOU VACCINATEAN AUTISTIC CHILDIT PUTS HIM OR HERIN A SPECIAL SECRETVIDEO GAME MODE

deuce: I'M HEADWARD BOUND net: I'M DIRTY net: SOMEONE CLEAN ME deuce: WE ARE ONE net: PROBABLY A GOOD HOSING OFF WOULD DO deuce: MY HOSE IS EMPTY

pants: @DAPHEKNEE TREE LIMBS THAT TOUCH OR FALL ON POWER LINES CAN CAUSE ELECTRICAL OUTAGES, PROPERTY DAMAGE, FIRES AND PERSONAL INJURY pants: @DAPHEKNEE TREE PRUNING IS NOT ONLY IMPORTANT IT'S NECESSARY pants: @DAPHEKNEE ARBORISTS RECOMMEND THAT TREES BE PRUNED FOR THEIR HEALTH, SAFETY AND LONGEVITY

deuce: I HAD A DREAM THAT YOU HAD A GAY DREAM pants: WHOA pants: WHAT IS A GAY DREAM IN A NON-GAY DREAM IF NOT A GAY DREAM pants: I MEAN ANY NUMBER OF GAY BITS MAKE ALL FIELDS GAY pants: THIS IS WHY WE ALL SHOULD BE ISOLATED AND NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE pants: I'M CELEBRATING WITH HEALTHY EATING CHOICES AND WATER FROM THE SINK

pants: T SPIGOT HEAR ME OUT I'M JUST SAYIN' JUST SPITBALLIN' pants: BUT WHAT IF WE DID pants: WAIT FOR IT pants: SO CLOSE pants: IMPROV OVER ZOOM

spigot: MICROWAVE PUMPKIN BARS pants: ARE WE PLAYING MATCH GAME pants: BECAUSE IF WE ARE I NEED TO BE EXCUSED pants: THIS IS ALL TOO MUCH pants: MY HEART

spigot: JOHN GLENN BEGINS PRACTICE COUNTDOWN spigot: THREE spigot: HURFMBPH deuce: HEART ATTACK spigot: DRIBBLING

deuce: THE TERM "HEARTBURN" IS A MISNOMER deuce: IT'S ACTUALLY YOUR HEART DROWNING

deuce: I'M IN THE HEARTLAND pants: I SMOKE THE DIE FASTER BRAND deuce: WE SHALL MEET JESUS TOGETHER

deuce: I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE A HEART TO HEART ABOUT YOUR PACKAGE (ADDRESSED TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR)

deuce: CAN I GO TO HEAVEN NOW pants: ALMOST deuce: ABOUT HALFWAY UP OR WHAT DO YOU THINK pants: JUST PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING

pants: T DEUCE I GOT VERY GAY LAST NIGHT pants: T DEUCE I AM RECOVERING NICELY (IN-N-OUT, BONGHITS) deuce: T PANTS ARE YOU INTO HEAVY PETTING pants: T DEUCE I WILL LET YOU GO TO FIFTH BASE AND NO FURTHER

spigot: WHY ARE THE BACKGROUNDS WHITE THIS WEEK pants: THEY'RE AT THE DRY CLEANERS pants: SOMEBODY SPILLED RED WINE ALL OVER THE FIELD spigot: DID THEY FIND OUT WHO SPILLED THE BONGWATER pants: SHUT UP RIGHT NOW spigot: I ALSO KNOW YOU LET THE CRAB BACKSTAGE lobster: I DRANK TOO MUCH

pants: T DEUCE ALL THE PROSTITUTES YOU KILLED ARE GOING TO GREET YOU IN HELL deuce: T PANTS WHATEVER !!!!!!!!!!!

pants: HEIL ME LIKE HITLER

deuce: I AM BEING HELD UNDERWATER OOOOOO pants: I WILL SAVE YOU deuce: ........... deuce: DROWNED

dick: I AM WOMAN / SEE ME GROW

pants: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT pants: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT pants: DAMN STRAIGHT pants: HELL YES pants: I CONCUR pants: INDEED pants: SIR YES SIR pants: ALL RIGHT THEN

atandt: HELLO ?? YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER atandt: HELLO ?? PLEASE HOLD FOR THE CASTING DIRECTOR atandt: HELLO ?? YES THIS IS JERKCITY atandt: WHY YES OUR REFRIGERATOR IS RUNNING atandt: WHAT atandt: GRR atandt: HELLO ?? I'M SORRY HE'S OUT OF THE OFFICE RIGHT NOW atandt: I'LL TELL HIM YOU CALLED THANKS atandt: HELLO ?? LET ME TRANSFER YOU TO THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT atandt: PLEASE HOLD pants: WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING PHONES atandt: WE'RE SHORT OF HELP THIS SEASON AND-- pants: I DON'T REALLY CARE YOU KNOW

deuce: YOU GAVE ME THE CLAP effigy: THAT WAS YOUR MOTHER

: ULDA : |ERE pants: pants: HELLO pants: OKAY (pants): YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

spigot: HELLO ONLINE FRIENDS!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! !! spigot: I JUST WANTED TO INTRODUCE MYSELF I'VE BEEN LURKING FOR ABOUT spigot: A MONTH NOW AND I ALSO LIKE TO SUCK DICK LIKE A spigot: DUMB FAGGOT!!!!! OKAY BYE!!!! spigot {{{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}}}

deuce: I TOTALLY SEE WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO DO THERE (WEARING MY HELMET, SMOKING MY PIPE, TWIRLING AN UMBRELLA) pants: (UNICYCLE, OVERALLS, ONE MAN BAND)

spigot: HELP / I NEED SOMEBODY spigot: HELP / NOT JUST ANYBODY spigot: BAM BAM BAM SIR IN THE NEXT STALL I AM ASKING FOR HELP spigot: I AM REACHING MY HAND UNDER THE PARTITION FOR COINS/TOKENS

deuce: :FORTUNE_COOKIE: TODAY YOU WILL GET _GANG RAPED_ spigot: DID YOU MEAN _GROUP HUGGED_ deuce: IT'S A SPECIAL HUG

spigot: IF ONLY I HAD A HAMMER AND A MAP TO MOTEL 6 spigot: THUMP THUMP THUMP spigot: LET ME OUT OF HERE PEOPLE !!! IT'S THE WEEKEND SO I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BE HERE UNTIL MONDAY deuce: T SPIGOT I'M ON MY WAY

spigot: I SAID PLEASE PASS THE BONG AND HELP ME SMOKE IT pants: OH YOU

spigot: OKAY I NEED TO REGISTER ANOTHER DOMAIN AGAIN (HELP ME EVERYONE) atandt: GAYBAR.COM bung: BUSSTATION.COM bung: MENSROOM.EDU atandt: BUSTICKETS4INTERNETBOYS.COM spigot: I'M SENSING A LITTLE JUDGEMENT FROM YOU PEOPLE

deuce: SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU OPEN THAT FAT MARRIED MOUTH OF YOURS ONCE MORE I'LL FUCK YOU DEAD

pants: making a thanksgiving turkey, tracing fingers onto construction paper pants: sucking my own dick pants: never cutting the turkey out, never hanging it on the wall, just working my own hog pants: the turkey needs a little eye and a little smiling mouth??????? too bad giving head to myself deuce: did you mean your weird, meaty hands with their little stubby fingers pants: the very same (smiling, practically beaming) pants: so happy you noticed pants: help me put on this tie

spigot: HOW TO TRICK HER INTO LOCKING HERSELF OUT OF THE HOUSE SO I CAN BEAT OFF spigot: HONEY LOOK!!!!!!!! spigot: PUNCH CLINK

spigot: CAN WE HELP HUMANS JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY ON A SIDEWALK

spigot: DO I HAVE TO DRAW A MAP TO MY LAP

spigot: WHAT IF THE CAUSE OF THE BIG PLANE CRASH WAS ME FARTING?!?!?!?!? spigot: I AM HELPING MYSELF TO MORE SAUSAGE REGARDLESS

pants: THE OXFORD DONG deuce: YOUR INPUT IS APPRECIATED, HEN pants: NOW YOU'RE GETTING WITH IT

net: ALHAGHJLGFAJ;DAFGJL;DFAGKHJL;DFGALHJKASDFHJKLADFKHJLASDF net: HEAR MY WORDS deuce: I HEARD NOISE AND PERHAPS SOME SUCKERY deuce: HENCE THE J'S ?!?!?!?!?! net: AND THE SEMICOLONS deuce: HLAHGLAG

spigot: THERE'S A WOMAN IN THE LOBBY WHO SAYS YOU OWE HER AND HER FRIEND $600 EACH pants: CAN I DOUBLE DOWN spigot: (WHISPERING) ONE OF THEM LOOKS LIKE A SIR pants: WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA spigot: S-SOMEONE MIGHT BE SLIPPIN' JIMMYING YOU pants: OKAY SO pants: THEY MAY HAVE A BUSINESS CASE ABOUT WHY I OWE THEM A PAYMENT

spigot: PULLING THE BRIDE ASIDE ON HER SPECIAL DAY AND DISCREETLY SHOWING HER THE DOG SHIT I NEARLY STEPPED IN spigot: DON'T WANT TO CAUSE ANY DRAMA spigot: MAYBE JUST GIVE THIS DOG SHIT TO THE GROOM BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO THROW IT AWAY MYSELF

pants: MICHAEL J FOX RETURNING TO SPIN CITY ?!?!? BRITNEY AND JUSTIN STILL GOING STRONG ?!?!?!? MICHAEL JORDAN MAKING A COMEBACK ?!?!!? pants: FOLKS THIS IS THE CHURCH OF JERKCITY pants: THE DSM-IV SAYS SO RIGHT HERE AND HERE AND HERE

spigot: I WOULD PREFER YOU NOT SQUEEZE AND GROPE WHAT YOU DESCRIBE AS MY "DOODLE DONG" pants: THIS BONG IS FILTHY !!! WE'LL NEED RUBBING ALCOHOL AND RICE spigot: MY NUTS HAVE FEELINGS TOO AND ESPECIALLY WITH THE KICKING, ETC pants: THE RICE IS TO TRAP THE REPUBLICAN GUARD HERE AND ABROAD spigot: I'M UNDER ARREST JUST BECAUSE FOR NO REASON pants: I CAN SEE YOUR BUNKER BUSTER (DRINKING THE RUBBING ALCOHOL)

deuce: I'M IN HYPOGLYCEMIC SHOCK spigot: HERE ARE SOME FUCKING PILLS FOR YOUR LIMP-ASS DICK

spigot: T DEUCE WHAT DID YOU GET ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY deuce: T SPIGOT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY I HAVE GOTTEN YOU: NOTHING deuce: T SPIGOT WHICH IS ACTUALLY A POSITIVE THING SINCE USUALLY I GET YOU: A PUNCH TO THE TITS deuce: AND BY THAT I MEAN ASSAULT AND BATTERY ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND spigot: HONKING IT

pants: OZONE AND / THE PIG (TO THE TUNE OF "BRIDAL CHORUS" BETTER KNOWN AS "HERE COMES THE BRIDE") hanford: YOU BE QUIET, OZONE AND THE PIG GOT PUSHED BACK TO 2016 pants: BHGLAUHGLUAH GAHGLUAG IT'S LIKE CALCUTTA IN HERE HLAGHLUAHGLUAHG pants: I'VE GOT WISDOM THAT I WANT TO PASS ON hanford: GET OUT FROM UNDER THE SINK WE'VE GOT REHEARSAL

spigot: HERE COMES THE COCKBOT spigot: I NEED A FRESCA AND A MOUNTAIN DEW AND A SHASTA spigot: BYE COCKBOT

pants: HERE COMES THE HOTSTEPPER pants: COCKS ??? deuce: THERE HE IS !!!!!!!! deuce: PEOPLE OF THE WORLD deuce: PANTS IN THE MOTHERFUCKIN' HOUSE : PANTS BELCHES UP SPERM deuce: CUT pants: SORRY

spigot: SO I HEAR HUGH GRANT HAD AN AFFAIR WITH HUGH DOWNS deuce: HERE COMES THE COCKBOT deuce: LOOK AT ME I'M QUEER deuce: BYE COCKBOT spigot: COME BACK

deuce: ARE WE ALL HERE FOR THE DURATION GENTLEMEN spigot: CLASS HURGLE : PUBLIC HURBLE

pants: BALLS FOR THE FACE PLEASE deuce: HERE FOR YOU

pants: HERE HE COMES pants: DANGLE deuce: GLARG deuce: SUDDENLY THIS PLAN IS GOING SOUTH

pants: THERE WAS A CHAP HIS NAME WAS BERT HE ATE THE BUTTONS OFF HIS SHIRT deuce: OKAY PEOPLE HERE I AM