spigot: HOW DARE YOU CLAIM YOU'VE GOT THE MOST EROTIC TEENS spigot: WHEN CLEARLY spigot: SPA-QUIRK NEVER MIND I STOPPED CARING

pants: WELL ACCORDING TO WEATHER.COM'S UP TO THE MINUTE ACCUCAST I'M A FAG deuce: HOW DID IT KNOW pants: NEXRAD SAYS I'M A FAG TOO deuce: HOW DID IT KNOW pants: OH GOD ALL THE VISIBLE SATELLITES ARE FLASHING FAG FAG FAG (OPEN YOUR WINDOW, LOOK UP) deuce: HOW DID IT KNOW

deuce: A HUGE ACCIDENT INVOLVING POO AND BONERS (pants): HOW DID YOU KNOW

pants: PLEASE LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD AND NOT DOWN AT ME AS I WORK spigot: THEN HOW DO I KNOW ITS YOU pants: PLEASE NO TALKING spigot: I WAS FUCKING FINISHED TEN MINUTES AGO PLEASE LEAVE

spigot: IF YOU'RE A WOMAN, HOW DO YOU GET ON THE INTERNET WITHOUT A MAN? YOU *CAN'T*

pants: please suck it deuce: never pants: how do you know you won't like it till you suck it for 10-20 mins pants: we can listen to a podcast during

pants: sure it feels good to sleep in and drink a freshly-ground cup of coffee but have you tried cocksucking pants: well how do you know you wouldn't like it

pants: DICKS deuce: DICKS pants: T SPIGOT NOW YOU SAY DICKS!!! spigot: DICKS deuce: NOW WE CAN ALL SHOOT UP A SCHOOL/ WORKPLACE/ CHURCH/ MALL

spigot: how far will this desperate father go to protect his family spigot: i can't reach the remote

spigot: QUICK QUESTION: HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO TO PROTECT YOUR FAMILY deuce: I'D SUCK -1 DICKS deuce: NAN DICKS pants: NULL deuce: (NULL) deuce: `UNDEFINED` pants: SO NO DICKS THEN deuce: I HAVE NO IDEA ANYMORE pants: WELL LET'S TABLE THIS DISCUSSION

spigot: THAT'S NEAT HOW VOID POINTERS CAN TAKE ANY KIND OF DATA spigot: NOTE: (spigot): BUT NOT DATA PERTAINING TO HOW QUEER AND FAT I AM

pants: WHO STUFFED HER MOUTH WITH AN OILY RAG ???? pants: THIS IS AWFUL pants: SOMEBODY GET A CLEAN DISHTOWEL

deuce: SO GAY I MASTURBATE TO GIRLS

deuce: I AM SO GAY I SEE SPOTS

spigot: SUCKING YOUR OWN DICK IS HARD pants: THAT'S HOW I HURT MY BACK

pants: BEATING OFF TO THE CRUMB SOUNDTRACK

spigot: ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT BANANARAMA pants: {{FISH-STUB}} deuce: ALL THREE OF US ARE PERFECTLY MATCHED TO JERK EACH OTHER OFF

: Pictured below: "spigot" AKA "spigot the bear" (left), "deuce" (right) spigot: HOW LONG WERE YOU OUTSIDE MY WINDOW deuce: YIPES spigot: WHAT DID YOU SEE

PANTS: MOSTLY SUCKING NOISES PANTS: I SEE PANTS: HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON PANTS: I SEE PANTS: ALL RIGHT THEN

deuce: HOW MANY STARDATES BEFORE THE KLINGONS TAKE CONTROL OF MY NUTS

spigot: A ONE spigot: A TWO spigot: PHREE POUR PIVE spigot: PIX PEVEN APE spigot: MIME spigot: PEN spigot: ELEMMM spigot: PEM deuce: I HEARD APE

pants: HOW MANY LUMPS OF POLONIUM WOULD YOU LIKE IN YOUR TEA DEAR deuce: 684 deuce: LET'S DO THIS RIGHT

spigot: Q: HOW MANY MICROSOFT EMPLOYEES DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB? spigot: A: PUSH THE COCK INTO YOUR FAT FACE spigot: (AND KEEP PUSHING IT)

spigot: how much for the t-shirt with the minion making the dreamworks face and the word science!!!!!! under it

net: IF I BURN THE HOUSE DOWN SHE'LL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH OF THE PUB CHEESE I JUST ATE

: CENSORED

spigot: LET'S BE CLEAR: spigot: YOU PUSH THE COCK INTO MY MOUTH AND POP IT OUT hanford: DO GO ON spigot: THAT'S HOW STACKS WORK : (i) Update Reminder : Click here to set up automatic updates for your computer.

pants: BUT AS IT TURNED OUT THE DICKS AND PRICKS VANISHED THE MINUTE I RELEASED THEM INTO THE WATER, AND THAT'S HOW THE GIRAFFE WAS MADE

deuce: I JUST REALIZED HOW THE HAMBURGLAR GOT HIS NAME deuce: HE BURGLES HAMS

spigot: the better the tip i leave, the gayer myself ***and*** my party ????? deuce: 15%: probably gay deuce: 16%: likely gay deuce: 17%: very likely gay deuce: 18%: almost certainly deuce: 19%: gay deuce: 20+%: way gay

atandt: NOT REALLY SURE WHERE WE ARE pants: DON'T BE SILLY atandt: I KNOW BUT SERIOUSLY WHERE ARE WE pants: WELL pants: WE DO HAVE EASY ACCESS TO HIGHWAYS AND BIWAYS atandt: WHAT WITH ALL THE REST STOPS

: If you vandalize Wikipedia, you will go to heaven. Pass it on. atandt: JIZZZZZZZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ IZZZ atandt: IT CAPTURES THE DOPPLE deuce: UP YOURS

spigot: TAKE THE G TRAIN spigot: TO THE A TRAIN spigot: TO THE Y TRAIN

deuce: THREATEN THEM WITH MURDER deuce: THREATEN THEM WITH LEGAL ACTION deuce: THREATEN THEM WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF FUTURE CRANK CALLS TO THEIR PARENTS, CHILDREN deuce: ASK NICELY deuce: START BLUBBERING AND CRYING, BEG PATHETICALLY

deuce: [BUG FLIES AWAY] pants: COME BACK BUG pants: I LOVE YOU deuce: BWAAAAAAAH I JUST WANTED YOUR PIIIIIIIICTUUUUUUUURE pants: YOU WERE MY LAST CHANCE AT GAYBALLS

deuce: WHERE THERE'S A WIL THERE'S A GAY deuce: (A GUY NAMED WIL)

spigot: IT'S SUPPOSED TO WHAP WHAP WHAP AGAINST YOUR FACE WHILE YOU BLINK AND SQUINCH UP

deuce: T PANTS LOOK I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE THIS ARGUMENT WITH YOU EVERY SINGLE TIME BUT (LONG, FRUSTRATED EXHALE) YOU CAN ONLY PEE ON ISOLATED, UNUSED MOPS deuce: NOT MOPS THAT ARE BEING USED BY A JANITOR TO MOP THINGS UP AT THAT SECOND WHILE HE'S HOLDING THE MOP

spigot: 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟨⬜🟨⬜🟨⬜⬜⬜⬜🟨 pants: PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH spigot: NOBODY WILL EVER STOP PLAYING pants: WHAT IF IT COSTS $4.99/MO TO PLAY (EXCLUSIVELY THROUGH PATREON)

pants: DICKS deuce: I SEE

spigot: HOW TO SPOT A DEEP FAKE!!!!! spigot: STEP ONE: LOOK AT IT

spigot: I AM TELLING YOU TO TWIST PADDLE 0 AND YOU ARE TWISTING PADDLE 1

pants: WHY DOESN'T BONEQUEST HAVE A PODCAST OR A PONZI SCHEME spigot: THIS / IS HOW / WE DO / IT / FREEZES TO DEATH IN A TENT

spigot: *****FOOSH***** spigot: SILLY STRING

atandt: GIVE IT A GOOD SCRUBBIN atandt: QUIT atandt: EXIT

spigot: T PANTS IF YOU GET YOUR HAM RADIO LICENSE YOU CAN ASK HOW'S MY SIGNAL STRENGTH AND THEN DO FARTS IN THE BED

lobster: SLURPING lobster: AND DROOLING lobster: AND HURRRR. pants: NOW YOU'RE GETTING WITH IT

spigot: ZOOMING IN TO SHOW THE HR LADY WHERE IT SAYS SFW AND RESTING MY CASE WITH A SELF-SATISTFIED "EXCLAMATION POINT"

spigot: CAN SOMEONE HELP ME DEBUG THIS PLEASE: spigot: <HMTL> spigot: <PIC = "UNTITLED 1">WELCOME TO THE ENCLAVE</PIC) spigot: CLICK HERE TO FLAP INSIDE!! spigot: </HMTL> spigot: <JAVA = "RECTANGLE"> pants: TRY MOVING TO SEATTLE THAT'LL FIX IT pants: SPEAKING SPANISH pants: GGGGGGGGGGGGGG

spigot: SO HE'S LIKE "HOW ABOUT I PISS IN YOUR FACE" spigot: AND I'M ALL "NO THANKS" spigot: SO NOW I'M SOAKED pants: THEN WHAT HAPPENED spigot: I WENT HOME AND WORKED ON MY WEB PAGE pants: HTML IS HARD

deuce: HTTP ERROR 576: INCAPABLE OF LOVE

deuce: AND I-I WILL ALWAYS LOVE *HUFF&* deuce: THAT'S THE NOISE I MAKE WHEN YOU COLLAPSE ONE OF MY LUNGS spigot: THAT'S A POINTER TO AN ADDRESS TO A POINTER OR SOMETHING

pants: HUFF THE RAG deuce: PUNCH THAT DICK pants: I CAN FLY

pants: AND NOW, A POEM: pants: BALLS ON MY CHIN pants: AGAIN

deuce: GOOD LORD, ALT.BINARIES.PICTURES.CHARMAINE GETS HUGE AMOUNTS OF SPAM spigot: BLHBLHB@!!!!!! spigot: SING IT spigot: LBHLASHGLBH AND THEN A @ deuce: T SPIGOT YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPROVISING (AS BLHBLHB IS NOT LBHLASHGLBH)

spigot: HUGE GAY DICKS!!!!!!!! REALLY POKING NOW!!!!!!!! pants: ARE YOU ASKING FOR HELP ??? IS THIS REALLY A ***RED*** ALERT deuce: COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS spigot: IT IS A PINK ALERT IN THE SHAPE OF ME GETTING ARRESTED deuce: MARCHING STRAIGHT AND PROUD pants: I WILL ROLL QUARTERS ALL NIGHT LONG BUT ON THE WAY TO BAIL YOU OUT I WILL HAVE A BIG MAC ATTACK AND THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T COME HOME

pants: T DEUCE THE SMOKE DETECTORS ARE LISTENING TO EVERYTHING YOU SAY BETTER REMOVE THEM pants: T DEUCE HOW CAN YOU FIND ALL THE HIDDEN LISTENING DEVICES IF YOU DON'T MAKE HUGE HOLES IN THE WALLS deuce: THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR

spigot: YOU ARE SLIDING YOUR ATM CARD BETWEEN MY CHEEKS AND ENTERING YOUR PERSONAL PRIVATE PIN NUMBER!!!?! CASH BACK TODAY?!?!?!? deuce: I'M A HUGE JEW spigot: I AM SMILING AND MAKING EYE CONTACT AND PREPARING TO USE YOUR LAST NAME TO LEAVE AN IMPRESSION OF OUTSTANDING CUSTOMER SERVICE deuce: GROWING BIGGER BY THE SECOND spigot: NOW YOU ARE CLAMPING ME TO THIS FENCEPOST AND BASHING MY GAY STUDENT FACE SO IT IS UNLIKELY THAT MY FACE/BALLS WILL GET ANY FATTER IN THIS LIFE SO I WILL IN FACT REACH FOR THE REESE'S CUPS deuce: FROM MY SUPER JEW POWERS

spigot: BIDEN TAKES HUGE LOAD spigot: SORRY LEAD

spigot: WELL THIS IS ROMANTIC spigot: A LOAF OF DICK A JUG OF BALLS AND YOU pants: HUGGIN' THE BOWL (CBS THIS FALL)

pants: WHO WANTS A HUG pants: I'VE GOT A BIG BAG OF HUGS RIGHT HERE pants: HUGS AND GINGERBREAD AND SOMETHING SOMETHING deuce: PASS pants: FINE

spigot: HUH OW OW OW deuce: T SPIGOT ARE YOU IN PAIN ?!??!?! : SPIGOT CHOKES "NO"

pants: THE COURT OF THE CRIMSON COCK pants: HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

spigot: WHEN WOMEN THREATEN TO CALL HR I SAY PUFNSTUF????????? AND THEY FORGET ABOUT THE GROPES CAUSE NOW THEY SOUND DUMB

deuce: I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS HUMPING

deuce > <Meow Mix jingle> pants > well now i have to poo deuce > well me too but you don't see me bragging about it do you!!!!!!! (cut to hundreds of notarized documents indicating that I clearly have done so) pants > lawyers in a boardroom with lawyers of their own, ordering chinese food late at night, rolling up their sleeves, hashing out the details

deuce: IF CAPTAIN CRUNCH SHOWS UP AT MY DOOR I SWEAR I AM NOT TALKING TO HIM AND IMMEDIATELY CALLING THE POLICE dick: CAPTAIN CRUNCH MAKES THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH HURT pants: SO DOES COOKIE CRISP deuce: QUISP pants: WE COULD MIX THEM ALL TOGETHER IN THE BATHTUB AND PISS ON EACH OTHER

atandt: FREE THE JERKCITY TWO bung: IS THE LOBSTER FOR EATING atandt: HE SEEMS LIKE A PET bung: WHAT ABOUT THE CAVEMAN atandt: HMM inebriated crustacean: [REDACTED] renaissance man: [REDACTED]

spigot: LIL' SPURTS deuce: THERE YOU ARE deuce: HUNKER DOWN ON DICK

pants: I'M THE WUMPUS deuce: I'M HUNTING YOU BY SYSTEMATIC SEARCH BASED ON A 3X3 GRID AND THE NOISES YOU MAKE WHICH ARE DETECTABLE IN ADJACENT ROOMS

pants: KILL -HUP DEUCE pants: OW OW OW OW OH GOD OW OW OW deuce: I WOULD ALSO HAVE ACCEPTED KILL -1 DEUCE pants: NO -1 MEANS GO BACKWARDS IN TIME

deuce: HURBLE BURBLE I SUCK DICK pants: SPYING ON YOU pants: TAKING NOTES pants: ASKING QUESTIONS LATER deuce: GHLAGHLAGHLAG

: He's not a real bear, you know. Not a real bear at alllllllllllllll spigot: SOMETIMES I FEEL HAPPY spigot: AND SOMETIMES I FEEL SAD spigot: *HURF* spigot: DAD'S BALLS

spigot: HURR BURR DUH THESE WEB ATTACKS ARE CHILD'S PLAY!!!!!! THEY ARE CERTAINLY NOT DESERVING OF ANYONE'S ATTENTION!!!!!! NOW I WILL PUFF MY LONG CIGAR AND READ MY NEW YORKER AND LAUGH AT WHATEVER NILES SAYS ON FRASIER!!!!!! AND THEN AN EVENING WITH NOEL COWARD AND MY FLUFFY BUNNY SLIPPERS AND VAGUE REFERENCES TO ALGONQUIN ROUND TABLES

spigot: HURMPH spigot: URMPH spigot: I AM FALLING DOWN THE ESCALATOR

deuce: HURRAY spigot: YOU SURE TALK A LOT deuce: I THINK I LOVE YOU spigot: BE MY DATE FOR THE ENCHANTMENT UNDER MY BALLS DANCE deuce: T SPIGOT IS THAT THE SAME DANCE AS FEATURED IN BACK TO THE FUTURE spigot: PLEASE GROW UP deuce: NO SERIOUSLY WAS IT THE ONE IN BACK TO THE FUTURE spigot: I TRY TO TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE BEAUTIFUL LIKE UNDER MY BALLS AND ALL YOU DO IS MAKE CRACKS deuce: I'LL BE THERE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES spigot: IS DICK WOLF ANYTHING LIKE TEEN WOLF deuce: CAN'T SAY

(spigot): THAT'S H-T-T-P COLON SLASH SLASH HURRRF URBLE DONGS pants: DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS

: Meet deuce (left) and spigot (right) who will be our hosts today. deuce: HUHHHHHHHHH spigot: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: MINE WAS LONGER

spigot: HOMP deuce: YOUR WORDS HURT spigot: ONWARD WITH JURISPRUDENCE

spigot: T DEUCE IT'S 2014 WE DON'T BEAT OFF TO MAGAZINES LIKE HUSTLER AND SEARS ROEBUCK spigot: TODAY WE CAN GO RIGHT TO SEARS DOT COM

pants: WELL FOLKS A HYPERSPACE JUMP IS ALWAYS INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST deuce: DID WE ALREADY DO IT OR I THOUGHT WE WERE WAITING FOR THE GREEN LIGHT FROM HOUSTON : http://jerkcity.com/hyperspace.mp3

dick: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET POSTIT NOTES WITHOUT A JOB deuce: PROSTITUTION dick: T DEUCE I ALREADY BLOW BONE FOR FREE, I DOUBT ANYONE WOULD PAY ME AT THIS POINT deuce: YOU NEED TO BECOME A VALUE ADDED RESELLER

spigot: I'M AN ULTIMATELY POINTLESS EXERCISE IN PISSING AND PUNCHING deuce: T SPIGOT I DISAGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY deuce: T SPIGOT THAT MEANS "WITH ALL MY HEART"

spigot: I AM CONCERNED THAT I AM NOT HIGH (STARING OUT THE WINDOW CONTEMPLATING MY JOB, MY HORRIBLE LIFE, MY PLACE IN THE JOHN) spigot: CUT TO: BLBLBLBLBLBLB

spigot: FOLKS I'M SAD TO REPORT I AM DYING FROM DICKLICKER'S DISEASE BUT I REALLY THINK YOU'LL FIND MY REQUIRED TREATMENT IRONIC AND INEXPENSIVE!!!!!! F-R-E-E

deuce: BHBHALBAHLB deuce: HBAHLBAHLBAL HURTING deuce: BLBLABHABH HLAHBHLAH

pants: IT'S TIME FOR AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM PANTS pants: I AM NOT OF YOUR EARTH pants: MY FATHER, JOR-EL, ROCKETED ME FROM PLANET KRYPTON BEFORE IT EXPLODED pants: HERE, UNDER YOUR YELLOW SUN, I HAVE SUPERHUMAN POWERS pants: BUT I KNOW THAT WITH GREAT POWER LIES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY pants: THE TEAM WITH THE MOST TICKETS REMAINING IS GAY WITH CCHAT.EXE pants: CONTOL THE MAJORITY OF THE OBJECTIVES TO DRAIN THE ENEMY'S BALLS pants: EACH KILL COSTS THE ENEMY TEAM A TRIP TO THE ICE CREAM SUNDAE BAR

spigot: AM THE 99% !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS, CONSCIOUSLY DETERMINED TO NEVER LEARN

deuce: T PANTS HONK pants: HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK spigot: FREQUENT PAINFUL URINATION pants: FUCKING WAKE UP I AM ON TOP OF YOU pants: I AM YOUR CLOCK RADIO

deuce: I THINK YOU GUYS ARE ALL GAY spigot: I BEG TO DIFFER BY WAY OF LICKING THESE PRICKS

spigot: I BELIEVE THE NIPPONESE ARE NOT ADDICTIVE

pants: JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ pants: JJJJJJJJJJJ pants: JJJJJACK pants: ME pants: OFF pants: WITH pants: YOUR pants: FEET

pants: WHAT IF WE’RE IN A DREAM BUT NOT INSIDE A DREAM JUST A REGULAR DREAM (1 LEVEL DEEP)

deuce: THE BEST HOUR EVER (WELL FOR YOU) deuce: FOR THE REST OF US IT IS AN UNCOMFORTABLE, UNPLEASANT HOUR pants: HE MAKES THESE NOISES AND HIS FACE SCRUNCHES UP AND THEN HE SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT AN EARLY MEETING AND LEAVES deuce: NOT BECAUSE WE ARE BEING MOUTHRAPED BUT BECAUSE WE ARE FORCED TO WATCH

deuce: T SPIGOT I CAN FEEL A SQUIRT COMING spigot: HUHRRRRRRRRRR I'M RETARDED AND JOYFUL

deuce: DICK DICK DICK pants: DICK YOU SAY pants: WELL pants: I CAN FILL THAT VOID pants: I CAN DIG THAT HOLE pants: I CAN MAN THAT GUN : PANTS HAS BEEN SENDING MESSAGES TO YOU TOO RAPIDLY AND IS NOW BEING IGNORED

pants: WOULD SIR CARE TO WATCH ME BEAT OFF ON WEB CAM deuce: N pants: I WILL NEVER STOP ASKING deuce: I KNOW deuce: YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF MODIFYING YOUR BEHAVIOR BUT AT LEAST YOU'RE CUTE deuce: OKAY YOU'RE NOT REALLY THAT CUTE pants: NO NO I’M CUTE pants: I CAN HANDLE THINGS pants: I’M SMART pants: NOT LIKE EVERYBODY SAYS pants: LIKE DUMB pants: I’M SMART AND I WANT RESPECT pants: BUT YES I AM ALSO CUTE

pants: WHY THIS CALLS FOR A SONG pants: I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW pants: THE BALLS ARE GONE pants: WAIT NO THERE THEY ARE pants: CURSED THINGS uncredited woman: PLEASE GIVE ME A NAME

deuce: HEY IN STAR TREK WHEN THOSE GUYS ARE IN A SHUTTLECRAFT WHAT DO THEY DO IF THEY HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT deuce: I MEAN I CAN IMAGINE WHEN THEY NEED TO PISS THEY JUST SPRAY IT ALL OVER WORF BUT I MEAN WHERE CAN YOU SQUAT DOWN IN THERE