deuce: FIVE TWINKS, PLEASE pants: CAN A TWINK BE DEMOTED IF THEY ARE TOO OLD OR THEY BREAK TWINK LAWS deuce: THERE IS A COMPLICATED SYSTEM OF DEMERITS AND TRACKING pants: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN TWINKS AGE OUT deuce: THEY TURN INTO A COCCOON AND TRANSFORM THEMSELVES BACK TO A TWINK pants: THAT IS GOD'S WORK ON DISPLAY RIGHT THERE deuce: I SLEPT LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT SO TIME TO BEAT OFF

spigot: SOMETIMES IT'S NICE TO JUST LICK DICK WITHOUT BEING SEXUALIZED

spigot: AS LONG AS THERE'S A PIZZA IN MY TUMMY AND A GUN IN MY MOUTH

pants: WHAT THAT MAN DID IS UNFORGIVABLE spigot: I MEAN THIS IN THE NICEST POSSIBLE WAY, CAN YOU SUCK MY DICK QUIETER pants: DO YOU STILL WANT ME TO HUM THE NATIONAL ANTHEM spigot: AND NOW YOU'RE KINDA TALKIN' OVER FRASIER

deuce: MY BONER HAS DIED deuce: GOING TO NEED A VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT FROM EACH OF YOU

spigot: IS ANYONE GOING TO TELL FLORIDA THERE'S MORE THAN JUST PORN HUB spigot: THERE'S ALSO PORN HUB GAY

effigy: ...UPDATING MY GRINDR PROFILE, SHOULD I PUT "SHITTING" AS MY NUMBER ONE HOBBY, OR KEEP IT AT NUMBER TWO..? spigot: AT LEAST SAY YOU RATED POOS FOR ROTTEN.COM

pants: I'M 10,000 YEARS OLD AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT LDAP IS deuce: I DO NOT KNOW THE DETAILS BUT I KNOW VAGUELY WHAT IT IS pants: IT FILLS MY CHEST WITH DREAD pants: AND ALIEN EGGS deuce: AUTHENTICATE YOUR MAN BOOBS pants: DENIED

spigot: MGM JUST OPTIONED MY UNTITLED DICKLICKING COMEDY spigot: HOBBY TRAINS DON'T SEEM SO "STUPID" NOW DO THEY

spigot: :LION: spigot: :TIGER: spigot: :BEAR: spigot: :MOUSE: spigot: :FOX: spigot: :DOG: spigot: :UNICORN: spigot: :COW: spigot: WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO LONG-PRESS EMOJIS TO SELECT THE RACE OF THE ANIMAL

spigot: I'M DETECTIVE SHERLOCK HOLMES PUFFING A PIPE IN A FOGGY, RAIN-SOAKED CITYSCAPE spigot: NOW I'M A DUSTY FRONTIER COWBOY IN THE WILD WEST DESTINED FOR A SHOOTOUT AT HIGH NOON spigot: SURPRISE: I'M A KNIGHT ON A QUEST TO SLAY DRAGONS WITH MINIMAL COMPLEXITY spigot: THANKS FOR A HOLODECK WITH EXACTLY THREE SETTINGS

spigot: SHOULD I SIT ON A BEESWAX CANDLE OR AN HEIRLOOM TOMATO ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

pants: YEAH THIS WEEK WE'RE ACTUALLY NOT GONNA RUN YOUR POLITICAL CARTOON WHERE A FAT CAT WITH DOLLAR SIGN EYEBALLS BLOWS CIGAR SMOKE AT A BUNCH OF SHEEP WEARING CLOWN WIGS AND HONKING HORNS AT THE CIRCUS ON A SINKING SHIP spigot: WHAT IF THE SHIP IS NAMED S.S. THE GOVERNMENT

pants: BURGERS COOKED IN PISS

spigot: AS OF TODAY I'VE WATCHED THE SUPERMAN TRAILER ZERO TIMES

pants: WHY DID TODAY'S BONEQUEST GET TAGGED WITH #LOU-REED pants: NEVERMIND I DON'T CARE pants: STAMPS OUT CIGAR pants: DEPRESSED J. JONAH JAMESON DOESN'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT IF YOU GET PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN OR NOT, NOTHING MATTERS